WTF: The “Licki Brush” for grooming your cats.

Apparently there’s a group of folks out there in the world who aren’t happy with using traditional pet grooming brushes on their cats. They want something more akin to what a mother cat would use. So someone has invented a tongue-brush you hold in your mouth so you can lick your cat.

No, I'm not fucking kidding.

No, I’m not fucking kidding.

I’m not sure I see the point in this. It doesn’t seem to me that a cat would get more out of this experience than they would from a traditional brush or even just your bare hand. If anything they’d probably be annoyed because now you’re breathing all over them through your nose, which most cats don’t really appreciate. It looks awkward as hell to use and I was pretty sure this had to be a joke, but their website claims they’ll be launching a Kickstarter to raise funding for it soon.

I can’t imagine this will be a big seller, but at least they can take comfort in knowing that they have at least one potential customer out there:

Yeesh. I love my cats, but I have my limits.

Pssst! Hey buddy! Wanna buy some Tide? Top quality detergent cheap!

The face of black market laundry detergent: Patrick Costanzo.

I’m rarely surprised by things people are willing to steal, but I have to admit that I was taken aback by learning that there is apparently a black market for laundry detergent. Specifically, for the Tide brand as thieves are making off with it by the, literal, cartload.

GRIME WAVE – WWW.THEDAILY.COM

Tide has become a form of currency on the streets. The retail price is steadily high — roughly $10 to $20 a bottle — and it’s a staple in households across socioeconomic classes.

Tide can go for $5 to $10 a bottle on the black market, authorities say. Enterprising laundry soap peddlers even resell bottles to stores.

“There’s no serial numbers and it’s impossible to track,” said Detective Larry Patterson of the Somerset, Ky., Police Department, where authorities have seen a huge spike in Tide theft. “It’s the item to steal.”

Seriously. I am just flabbergasted by that. I mean, I could maybe understand it if you were strapped for cash and were stealing it to do your own laundry with, but to resell on the black market? From the sounds of it the crooks are only going after Tide and none of the alternatives mainly because Tide is the most popular and recognized brand. There’s even a company developing some sort of anti-theft alarm system for bottles of Tide that’s being tested in CVS stores. Did you get that? AN ALARM SYSTEM FOR LAUNDRY DETERGENT!

“These are criminals coming into the store to steal thousands of dollars of merchandise,” said Detective Harrison Sprague of the Prince George’s County, Md., Police Department, where Tide is known as “liquid gold” among officers.

He and other law enforcement officials across the country say Tide theft is connected to the drug trade. In fact, a recent drug sting turned up more Tide that cocaine.

“We sent in an informant to buy drugs. The dealer said, ‘I don’t have drugs, but I could sell you 15 bottles of Tide,’ ” Sprague told The Daily. “Upstairs in the drug dealer’s bedroom was about 14 bottles of Tide laundry soap. We think [users] are trading it for drugs.”

Police in Gresham, Ore., said most Tide theft is perpetrated by “users feeding their habit.”

I had to double check to see that this wasn’t a parody story in The Onion. Especially after reading this:

“They’ll do it right in front of a cop car — buying heroin or methamphetamine with Tide,” said Detective Rick Blake of the Gresham Police Department. “We would see people walking down the road with six, seven bottles of Tide. They were so blatant about it.”

But it’s no joke. That mugshot back at the top of this entry? That’s Patrick Costanzo who was busted for stealing $6,300 worth of Tide powder (video at the link). He’s no first timer either. Police say Patrick hit the same Walmart some 28 times to steal Tide and a bunch of other crap. He’s also not alone. That store reports thefts of Tide totaling over $25,000!

Just when you think life can’t get any stranger you find out folks are buying their illegal drugs with stolen laundry soap. I’m still trying to understand how this works out well for the drug dealer. I can only assume he must be able to resell the Tide for more than what the drugs were worth and yet still less than what it goes for in the store (otherwise why would you buy it from him?). I’m not sure if that says more about the price of Tide or the price of drugs.

Bizarre music video of the moment: Duck Sauce’s Big Bad Wolf.

It takes a lot to surprise me these days and this video surprised the shit out of me. The song itself is not particularly interesting, but the music video will have you wondering just what particular brand of drugs they were taking when they made it.

NOTE: This is probably Not Safe For Work because it technically has depictions of nudity and sex acts in it. Technically. Kinda. You’ll have to watch it to understand it, but remember: WHAT HAS BEEN SEEN CANNOT BE UNSEEN!

Now here’s the really weird part: This video has inspired a new photo meme similar to planking. Naturally, it’s called Big Bad Wolfing. Being fad conscious people I’m sure you’ll all want to get in on it.

SEB Mailbag: Dear Unintelligent Mean Illegitimate child.

I got a refreshing change in the SEB Mailbag the other day. In place of the usual poorly worded, barely coherent ranting I usually find there was a bit of fan mail that contained a Question of Utmost Importance! This is such an unusual occurrence that I thought I should go ahead and answer it here.

So here it is:

Hi SEB, I’m here to be a pointless distraction.

I’ve been a fan of your blog for a while, as I’ve always enjoyed the well-worded approach of telling people to go fuck themselves. I’m not just sending this to shower you with praise, however.

Being a person of reasonable knowledge of things happening on the internet, you’re probably aware of the sudden and unexpected fanbase of the newest “My Little Pony” show. This being sort of an interesting topic nowadays, and because I’ve got nothing better to do, I thought I’d ask you what your opinion was on the whole thing. I noticed you didn’t mention it on your blog, so you probably don’t feel too strongly about it, but I figured I’d ask anyways. That is all.

– Your pointlessly inquisitive reader,
kripto

Hiya Kripto! I’m always happy to be showered with praise as I was a middle child growing up and was starved of attention. Which probably explains why I’ve been blogging for so long. If someone gives me the slightest bit of attention I can’t help but soak it up as much as I can.

Anyway, yes! I am very aware of the huge fan base the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic show has garnered outside of its target demographic of young girls and tweens. I am also completely baffled by it.

You see, I’m old enough to remember when the original MLP toys were introduced some 30 years ago in 1981 when I was a mere 14-years-old. Like most toy companies back then, the first thing Hasbro did was hire someone to turn it into a 30 minute advertisement cartoon series. Well, that’s not entirely true. They started with prime-time specials in ’84 and ’85, had a feature length film in ’86 (voiced by relatively big name stars like Danny DeVito no less!), and that was followed by the 30 minute ads TV series that same year. As I recall, the toy line was a huge success for Hasbro and the commercials were near impossible to escape if you were watching anything remotely kid-oriented.

Here’s an example from 1986:

I almost went into diabetic shock watching that clip. Also, why the hell are there so many people uploading vintage 1980 toy commercials to YouTube? This was just one of a ridiculous number of 80’s toy ads I was able to find, many of which were for My Little Pony.

Anyway, the original cartoon series wasn’t quite as successful as the toys and was canceled in 1987 after two seasons. There was an attempt to revive the series in 1992 with My Little Pony Tales, but it didn’t catch on and died a mercifully quick death. Sometime in the 2000’s they revived the toy line and did a number of direct-to-video animated shows that I have no idea how successful they were. You can read all about the original series and the toys over at TV Tropes if you really want to know more about it. I’ve managed to remain blissfully unaware of most of MLP’s history since the 80’s faded from view, but apparently someone couldn’t let sleeping dogs stay dead (or however the hell the expression goes) and decided it was time to revive its rotting corpse once more in October of 2010.

According to the folks at TV Tropes, it was Lauren Faust who took on the challenge of bringing it back. In the past she’s worked on other cartoon series such as The Powerpuff Girls and Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends. This probably goes a long way to explaining why the show has attracted fans outside of its target audience as both of those shows tended to do the same. It probably doesn’t hurt that the show’s creators interact with fans on the Internet and often make references to things the fan base has come up with in the show itself.

I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point after the debut of Cartoon Network there was a trend toward making cartoons that adults could watch with their kids without feeling like they were losing IQ points in the process. Many of which were good enough that some adults watched them regardless of whether their kids were fans. I know a lot of adults who are huge fans of Spongebob Squarepants and the aforementioned The Powerpuff Girls.  I have been quite fond of shows such as Courage the Cowardly Dog and Invader Zim in the past and today I’m a huge fan of Adventure Time and The Amazing Adventures of Gumball. It seems that the folks behind MLP:FiM have taken that same approach with the revival.

Again, from the folks at TV Tropes:

 The first season was helmed by Lauren Faust, a highly accomplished, Emmy Award-nominated animator — for example, she was the writer and director of The Powerpuff Girls and Foster’s Home for Imaginary FriendsFriendship is Magic is her attempt to rescue the genre of girls’ cartoons by presenting a clever show with a strong and diverse cast of female characters who aren’t pre-occupied with fashion and boys. Her goal was to create an intelligent show for girls that boys and grown-ups could also watch without wanting to shoot themselves. By all accounts, she has done an admirable job of reaching that goal. Following the end of the first season, Faust stepped down as the show’s executive producer, but she will continue to work with the show as a consulting producer through production of the second season.

The show proved an overnight sensation on the internet, and even before the first season was over, it had spawned image macros and countless forum threads full of speculation and discussion; it also led to lots of males having existential crises about enjoying a “girl’s cartoon” so much. It also provides one of the best examples of Troper Critical Mass in action: one season of a show ostensibly for little girls contains hundreds upon hundreds of tropes, a Characters page, fanfics, and legitimate fanbases for every character under the sun.

So, after all of that, let’s get to your question of what I think about all of this: Personally, I’m deeply amused by it.

OK, I am a fan of at least this one pony.

I’ve not watched the new show myself for two reasons. First, I’m still deeply scarred by the endless 80’s commercials and the horrible original show. I don’t recall why I ever saw the original show, but somewhere along the way I was exposed to it and it’s probably a huge factor in why I’m so cynical today. It was exactly the kind of mindless pablum put together by a committee that had no other goal than to maximize toy sales without spawning any kind of controversy that might negatively impact the brand that I think is partially responsible for most of the FOX News fans of today. To be fair, shows like He-Man and the Masters of the Universe and Transformers were pretty much the same except aimed at boys.

The second reason is because I don’t want to risk becoming a fan. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great that someone took one of the worst shows aimed at young girls in the 80’s and turned it into something that’s not only intelligent, but has garnered a following well beyond the group it was created for. Nor is it a concern over it being a challenge to my masculinity — I’ve been known to paint my toenails on occasion. I’m just worried my head would explode from trying to reconcile my deep cynicism over the original show with how good the new one is.

However, the fact that it’s blown up into a huge meme is what I’m deeply amused by. There’s a certain amount of incongruity with, say, seeing a MLP image macro applied to a discussion thread on Fark or some other forum that I find funny. The fact that it’s gotten big enough to get a shout out from no less than Stephen Colbert is also highly amusing. Overall I’m supportive of the meme for no reason other than I appreciate the non-conformity of it and the general weirdness it promotes. Plus it has generated a lot of fun sub-memes such as the unofficial character known as “Derpy Hooves”.

If you’d like to read more about the spread of the meme you’ll find the MLP:FiM entry at Know Your Meme right up your alley.

This is one, of many, reasons I am against the death penalty.

I would love for someone to explain to me why the man on the left was executed while the man on the right had his sentenced changed to life in prison. There was all manner of reason for doubt about Troy Davis’ guilt and little to no doubt on Samuel Crowe’s, yet the black man was put to death and the white man will be living out his years behind bars. This makes no sense.

If I’m to be completely honest, I’d have little problem with the State of Georgia, or any other state, putting Samuel Crowe to death given both the nature of his crime and the fairly solid evidence that he’s guilty of it. It’s clear, however, that we cannot trust the government to apply capital punishment in a non-biased and logical fashion based on solid evidence. Capital punishment is disproportionately applied to minorities with blacks in particular being executed at a rate several times higher than whites for similar crimes. This is the ultimate punishment requiring the ultimate in both fairness and certainty before being applied to anyone. If that isn’t possible then it shouldn’t be used at all. There are other reasons not to use it as well, but this is definitely a big one.

Drug store puts up sign asking folks not to try on condoms before buying them.

A thread over on Reddit shows a sign that one drug store felt was necessary to curtail some inappropriate shopping habits:

Seriously, who the fuck does this?

In the comments at least one person suggested that the reality is probably that someone got caught trying to steal condoms by opening a package and stuffing the contents in their pockets who then lied and said they wanted to try one on. I really hope that’s the case, because the thought that there are people out there shameless enough to try a condom on in the middle of a store before buying it is more than I can wrap my head around, if you’ll pardon the pun.

I’ve been around long enough that I wouldn’t be surprised if someone were actually doing a test fitting before purchase, but I don’t understand the thought process that allows one to think this is a perfectly acceptable thing to do. Then again, I don’t understand the thought process behind the act of taking a picture of your junk and sending it across the Internet to strangers you barely know which seems to be all the rage among young people and certain Congresscritters either. Admittedly I don’t have a body most folks would want to see naked in the first place, but once that pic is out there it’s out there forever where it can come back to bite you in the ass someday.

via I was about to try one on until I saw this attention sign… : WTF.

Dumbass kid throws rocks at your car. What would Jesus do?

A good question.

Probably not what this Bishop decided to do:

Atlanta police spokeswoman Officer Kim Jones told FOX 5 News on Saturday that they had arrested Bishop Alex Williams after allegedly firing a shot for a .38 revolver into the hip of a 13-year-old boy. Police said the unidentified boy threw a rock through the back windshield of William’s vehicle which was the alleged motivation for the shooting.

Accroding to members of the church, Williams is the head of the Mechanicsville Church of God in Christ located in the 700 block of McDaniel Street in southwest Atlanta. That’s where the shooting happened just after 7:15 p.m. Saturday. A woman at the scene who declined to appear on-camera told FOX 5 News that she was affiliated with the church and said Williams along with his church had been targets of directed attacks. She said they have been the victim of numerous incidents of vandalism and arson. Atlanta police could not confirm those incidents Saturday.

via Atlanta Bishop Arrested for Shooting 13-Year-Old Boy.

Now I suppose it’s possible the Bishop felt threatened given that the church has been having some trouble with people in the neighborhood, but then why stop and confront the kid at all? Call the police and let them shoot him in the hip sort it out.

But if you’re going to take it into your own hands then remember what Jesus said about turning the other cheek. Which, of course, means you should let the kid smash out your windshield to show him how wrong he is. Or something.

That whole turn-the-other-cheek thing always seemed kinda stupid to me.

And now for something completely different from Finland.

There’s too much serious shit happening in the world right now and I don’t feel like talking about it, so here’s something from the What the Fuck department:

The little, white, mutant man! He haunts my dreams! He want’s to swallow my soul!!!

Arizona’s Birther bill goes from stupid to batshit crazy.

Pic of hurr dog.

The average Arizonian legislator. *NotMeantToBeAFactualStatement.

The whole birth certificate horse has been beaten beyond death into a pulpy pile of unrecognizable gore, but that doesn’t mean the Republicans are going to stop whacking at it anytime soon. Over in Arizona they just passed what they’re calling the Birther Bill, which is pretty stupid to begin with, but they’re cranking up the crazy with a novel exemption:

Apparently, requiring presidential candidates to provide a long-form birth certificate before allowing their names on the ballot in Arizona — despite it already being a federal requirement to run for president — was a bit too much for a few GOP lawmakers. So they made some amendments: if you can’t find your birth certificate, and you have a penis, a document describing your lack of foreskin will suffice.

A circumcision certificate — a document given to the parents of a male Jewish child after his foreskin is snipped off during a circumcision ceremony — is not a legal document but if you have one, under the amended bill, it’s apparently enough to prove you’re a U.S. citizen and your name can be permitted on the ballot in Arizona.

via Arizona’s Senate-Approved Birther Bill Could Force Presidential Candidates to Provide Documentation Describing What Their Penis Looks Like to Get on Ballot – Phoenix News – Valley Fever.

What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck?? Do they really think circumcision is a America-only phenomena that no one else in the world partakes in? How is that supposed to be proof of American citizenship? Every observant Jew in the world, and a good number of Christians and Muslims as well, just became eligible for the Presidential ballot in Arizona regardless of where they were actually born.

You really have to wonder what’s in the drinking water of that state to make people so moronic.

 

The Buddy System Urinal.

Bathrooms can be dangerous places. That’s why experts recommend that you should always use the Buddy System when venturing into one. Hence: The Buddy System Urinal. Using this new bathroom innovation ensures that you’ll always be within reach of friend to lend a hand:

It can be dangerous to go alone.

Seriously, that’s a real set of urinals in one of the bathrooms at my place of employment. I have never seen anyone use the middle two urinals. Ever. They are spotlessly clean. Every time I see them I am left to ponder why they thought that would be a good arrangement. This post is the only logical thing I could come up with.