Man sees Virgin Mary in a very phallic lump of ice.

Jesus’ mom has decided to make an appearance in a lump of ice under the hitch of some yokel’s mobile home. As is par for the course when this happens a lot of very credulous people are making a big deal out of it:

“This is unbelievable,” the 24-year-old Gonzalez says. “This is something you see on the news (happening somewhere else).

“It’s a blessing. It could just be a sign from the Father above.”

There was no argument from the people who have come to view Mary.

Gonzalez said about 50 people came by Wednesday night, and more were coming this morning. Some, he knew. Some, he didn’t.

Candles and flowers have been left by those paying respects. Others have hung rosary beads around Mary. Many gently touched her.

“If you touch snow, your hands get wet,” Gonzalez said this morning. “But if you touch this, it’s like dry ice.”

“I can’t explain it,” one man said after spending several minutes pointing a video camera at the roughly foot-high statue.

Carmen Rosa, who also lives in Northgate, had much to say.

She spoke in Spanish as Gonzalez translated, “This is a message from God, to let us know there’s a chance for us to change our lives. …

“It’s a truly great blessing for it to appear here near us.”

As always you can click the pic to embiggen a bit. Looks more like a sex toy to me, but that could just be a personal bias. Not sure how a poorly sculpted image of the Virgin Mary comes across as a message from God to change our lives. Perhaps he’s threatening to turn us all into vaguely human shaped lumps of ice? I guess salt is too expensive these days.

Virgin Mary appears on cookie sheet. True Believers™ spazz out yet again.

Either the Virgin Mary is getting lazy or her artistic skills have gone downhill immensely as the picture to the right shows that her latest appearance on a random object leaves a helluva lot to the imagination. That doesn’t matter to the True Believers™ though as they have started coming out of the woodwork to pray, cry, and make amazingly silly comments to a friggin’ cookie sheet:

Guadalupe Rodriguez, a Pugh Elementary School cafeteria worker, discovered the possible miracle on Ash Wednesday, while scrubbing away the last crumbs from the pizza lunch.

By Friday, a steady stream of people were filing through the southeast Houston front yard of Sylvia Calderon, a PTA member who took in the sheet pan after school leaders decided they couldn’t accommodate the curious crowds.

At dawn, one woman arrived at Calderon’s home in the Denver Harbor neighborhood asking to see the Virgin’s image before her 8-year-old son had surgery. That afternoon another woman came for a blessing bearing a picture of her grandson, who has cerebral palsy.

Scientists call this phenomenon religious pareidolia, when the eye sees religious images in objects such as tree trunks and grilled cheese sandwiches.

Believers say it’s a miracle.

“It was beautiful,” said Angie Bentancur, who left the picture of her grandson beside the sheet pan Friday afternoon.

Yeah there’s nothing more beautiful than stained cookware. Here’s the part that really cracks me up, though, Ms. Rodriguez admits that she had to really look hard to see the Virgin Mary when she first made her “miraculous” discovery:

It was with the last pan, pulled from the cold rinse, that the Virgin appeared, Rodriguez, 59, said.

“I started looking at it, and started looking at it, until I realized it was the Virgin,” she said.

Next time try squinting. That worked well for the Virgin Fence Post.

For believers, there is no doubt about Rodriguez’s discovery. It is a message from God. The find created a logistical problem for school officials. When they got home Wednesday, many pupils who had seen the sheet pan told their parents, many of whom returned to school to see for themselves. Pacay propped up the pan near the lunch line.

The crowds grew to include neighbors, and soon district officials, including Houston Independent School District Superintendent Abelardo Saavedra, who agreed the tray had to go somewhere else. That’s when the PTA agreed to take it to Calderon’s house.

“Right now because it is attracting a lot of attention, we just don’t want it in the school,” said Rebecca Suarez, HISD spokeswoman. “But we want to treat it with respect.”

I can’t think of anything funnier to say than that last line about showing a stained cookie sheet proper respect. You can’t make up shit this funny. But it gets better:

Some hope to set up a permanent spot for the baking pan in the neighborhood, where anyone can visit, day or night.

Come one come all and pray to the Miraculous Dirty Baking Sheet!