If you’re going to risk jail time by breaking and entering…

You might want to set your sights on something a bit more valuable than this:

Forest Grove officers say Christopher Robison, 26, set off an alarm when he broke into the school administration building on Main Street early Sunday afternoon. There was just enough time for him to grab a handful of Dum Dum candies before his escape, according to authorities.

Police arrived and found Robison walking nearby. When they confronted him, police say Robison confessed not only to the school district burglary but also to breaking into St. Bede Church on Elm Street earlier in the day, where he admittedly stole a liter of Sprite.

via Police: Suspect Busted With Dum Dums, Sprite – Portland News Story – KPTV Portland.

Now I’m as prone to getting a case of the munchies as the next guy, but I’ve never been so hard up that I felt the need to break into a school and a church to satiate a craving.

If he’s smart, and all evidence suggests he isn’t, if he ends up in prison he won’t be honest about what got him sent there.

If you’re a klutz then armed robbery may not be for you.

Or you may end up like the fellow in this news item:

Cameron Sands, 19, of Fort Worth kicked in the door of the house and then shot himself in the stomach as he pulled a gun out of his pants to shoot the homeowner, Grand Prairie police said.  The homeowner was not injured.

After Mr. Sands shot himself, he dropped the gun and ran out of the home.  Police found his body around 5:30 a.m. in the driveway of the home in the 2800 block Garden Grove Road, said Lt. John Brimmer, a Grand Prairie police spokesman.

“This is the first that I’ve heard of a robbery suspect killing himself as he is drawing a gun out of his waist band,” Lt. Brimmer said. “The criminal evidence points to that. It certainly isn’t common.”

I know I shouldn’t laugh at a story like this, but I couldn’t help myself.

Stupid criminals knock themselves out trying to break into a shop.

Somewhere there’s a shop owner who’s really happy about his investment in high quality windows…

You’d think that after the first rock bounced off so easily that he’d think twice before trying again, but that would require brains I suppose.

Found over at Fark.com.

The stupid. It burns!

Most of the time when I tell someone they’re stupid I don’t mean it literally, but rather that they’re acting in a stupid manner. That’s not the case with this would-be robber. He’s definitely literally stupid:

18-year-old Ruben Zarate, entered a muffler shop in the 2600 block of North Laramie Avenue yesterday and declared a robbery. He allegedly waved a gun around and demanded money, according to police.

When he was told the money was in a safe and that the manager who knew how to open it was not there, the suspect had a brilliant idea; at least he thought it was brilliant.

He gave the shop employees his cell phone number and asked them to call him when the manager arrived so he could open the safe for him.

He left and the employees opted to call 911. Authorities stationed plain clothes officers in the shop and called the would-be robber back.

Zarate, showed up again, and waved his gun around again, but this time was shot in the leg by an officer.

That’s just amazing. On the plus side you can at least say that he’s a very trusting fellow.