Sterling Heights, MI would really like you to stop calling their new sculpture “The Golden Butthole.”

One county over from where I live here in Southeast Michigan is the city of Sterling Heights. Apparently this past January they completed a sculpture in the median of M59/Hall road near Lakeside Mall to commemorate what they call the “Golden Corridor” because it has a shit ton of businesses along it. The sculpture is of a big golden ring and below is a picture of it.

It’s your typical, innocuous, modern sculpture the likes of which dot various public lands in any number of midwestern cities. So, naturally, someone dubbed it “The Golden Butthole of Macomb County” and set up a Facebook page on its behalf. Much to the annoyance of the city council of Sterling Heights the name has stuck. So they’ve set out to do something about it!

Namely, they’re holding an official Name The Golden Corridor Icon contest on their Facebook page — because the saga of Boaty McBoatface has apparently taught no one anything — and are giving away a crap load of gift cards to local businesses to the winner.

Hey! Have you noticed anything new lately on Hall Road?

Kidding, kidding. Of course you have! And while we prefer to keep things PG around here, we have heard of the golden ring icon’s… unsavory nickname. (Do you all kiss your mom with that mouth?)

The City of Sterling Heights is launching an OFFICIAL NAMING CONTEST for the golden ring icon — and we have some pretty fun incentives for the winners! Businesses along the Golden Corridor have donated more than $1,000 in gift cards to be given away to the winner of the contest! Be a part of history and help us name the golden ring icon. Because, like it or not, this thing ain’t going anywhere, people.

So far it’s not going too well. The majority of comments consist either of people saying it already has a name or that it’s a WASTE OF TAXPAYER MONEY AND YOU SUCK! Or it’s a lot of variations on Golden Butthole such as Gilded Anus and The Golden Cornhole Corridor. One guy by the name of Scott commented “Petition to move the Joe Louis fist to the Golden Butthole”, but someone over on The Golden Butthole of Macomb County Facebook page was way ahead of him with this Photoshop:

Photoshop image by Jeffrey Birkett.

Wonder what it would be like to fly through a Golden Butthole? Dougie Mac has you covered:

The total cost of the sculpture, along with two smaller welcome signs that have small versions of the sculpture, and electrical work for lighting came out to around $442,500. Sterling Heights is the fourth largest city in Michigan so it’s probably not a huge knock to their budget even if some residents think the money would’ve been better spent elsewhere.

To be fair, butthole is not the first thing that came to my mind when I saw it and there are certainly worse pieces of public art to be found in various cities. Canton, which is right next door to where I live in Westland, has tons of sculptures on corners along Ford road all of which I think are probably worth more as scrap metal than as suburban beautification, but I’m not an art critic either. The Mayor of Sterling Heights, Michael Taylor, is hopeful that this rebranding will help draw attention and boost businesses and attract new residents.

At least he’s right about it drawing attention.