It’s the end of the world and I feel fine.

If you’re reading this then chances are the world failed to end on April 23rd, 2018. Again. This time courtesy of “numerologist” David Meade. According to Mr. Meade, today the sun, the moon and Jupiter will line up in the constellation Virgo fulfilling one of the signs from Revelation 12:1-2. Specifically, the bit about a woman appearing in the heavens “clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head. She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth.” Thus heralding in The Rapture via the appearance of the mythical Planet X passing by the planet causing all sorts of holy hell to break out.

By Brad – Revelation 12 Daily, CC0, Link

One small issue: the sun, the moon and Jupiter won’t actually line up in the constellation of Virgo today. Jupiter will be in the constellation Libra, the moon in Gemini, and the Sun in Aries. At least from the Earth’s perspective. Also, Planet X is a myth.

One other small issue is that this isn’t the first time Mr. Meade has made this prediction. He made a similar claim last September and when, spoiler alert, the world failed to end he tried to shift the date around a couple of times, but the world persisted in spite of his predictions.

Hopefully, you didn’t sell all your belongings in preparation for this latest apocalypse as some folks have done in the past. It would’ve been a real shame if the world had ended today as this is the first really nice weather we’ve had this year and I’m planning on riding my new bicycle.

Plus, had it ended before I got to see Avengers: Infinity War I would’ve been super pissed.

End of the World predictor Harold Camping has passed on.

Harold Camping at 6:01PM Saturday, May 21st, 2011.

Harold Camping at 6:01PM Saturday, May 21st, 2011.

It’s a sad day for fans of Bible prophecy as one of its more noteworthy practitioners has shuffled off his mortal coil:

Controversial preacher Harold Camping dies at 92

A statement released late Monday by his Family Radio network says Harold Camping “passed on to glory” at 5:30 p.m. PT Sunday. He was 92. The statement revealed Camping had a fall at his home November 30, but he was in weak health due to a stroke since 2011.

Considering that I wrote about him more than once in the run up to his predicted end of the world — which somehow didn’t come to pass despite the ridiculous number of people who bought into it — I thought it would bring about a bit of closure to mention his passing.

Camping is a perfect example of someone buying into his own bullshit a little too much. Most of the time that’s not a huge problem, but in this case he hurt a lot of other people by convincing them he knew what he was talking about. The number of people who spent their life’s savings and gave away everything they owned because they believed his prediction is staggering. Hopefully most of them have rebuilt their lives by now and are a little wiser and more skeptical about such claims.

Goodbye, Harold. You were good for a laugh or two, but you should have kept your prediction to yourself.

True Bible Decoders are up to over 200+ wrong guesses about the end of the world.

As long as we’re talking about True Believers™ making predictions about the end of the world according to the Bible we can’t forget the folks who make Harold Camping look like a rank amateur when it comes to being wrong: The True Bible Code and Lord’s Witnesses.

The last time we visited with them was back in October of 2009 at which point they’d been at it for 3 years and had amassed a total of 171 wrong guesses using the tried and true method of moving the date back a couple of weeks every time their prediction failed to come to pass. You’d think it would eventually sink into their thick skulls that they haven’t a clue what they’re doing, but then you’d be underestimating how thick some skulls can be because they’re still predicting away:

There will be a terrorist attack on the US taking the form of fire from the heavens and a rising mushroom cloud on 2010Ab24 (2010August6-7) in the 6th hour of the Hebrew day. The attack will hit Westside Midtown Manhattan producing a man made mushroom cloud rising from the Hudson river.

Now would be the time to buy 2 years supply of candles, solar power, wind power, food, water, gas bottles, deisel etc. for yourself your loved ones and some guests.

[…] We are not going to meet Jesus at 30,000 feet. We shall meet him in heaven. The other half of us who do not learn this lesson will destroy both ourselves our society and our planet, which will react with an extinction level volcanic event presumably caused by Nuclear war and Global warming in our present understanding. The planet will literally vomit us off and heal itself at our expense in a natural payback designed into the earth by God. Armageddon culminates with the greater volcanic destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah in scriptural terms, the greater flood of Noah, only with a different fluid, molten lava. God will then resurrect these ‘slow learners’, put them in Hell. There he will show them the video of mankind’s self destruction, and ask them the following type of rhetorical question: OK boys, where do you think you went wrong here? The first birth pang of the coming Kingdom of God, is a terrorist nuclear attack on the USA in our present understanding…

We now predict a terrorist attack using a form of fire from the heaven that we cannot conclusively determine, but we think may be nuclear. The US will be hit with a with a weapon producing a mushroom cloud rising from the sea (1Kings18), hitting midtown Westside Manhattan, near the Hudson river on 2010Ab24 (2010August6-7) during the 6th hour of the Hebrew day.

We are warning you about this, so that when it happens you know that God has spoken of this event beforehand and in fact will save us from nuclear annihilation in the near future…

Got that? This is all set to go down a week from tomorrow. Of course, that’s been the case for the better part of the last almost four years. Had you been gearing up with every warning these nutcases sent out you’d have enough crap stockpiled to support your whole state for a decade.

Don’t expect these folks to give up anytime soon as this is what True Faith is all about. It doesn’t matter how many times they fail to get the date right because they believe if they keep guessing eventually they’ll be proven correct and boy will the rest of us look stupid for not listening to them when we had the chance.

It’s the same reason I doubt Harold Camping’s nutcases will give up when their date of March 21st, 2011 comes and goes without a rapture. He was wrong back in 1994 and it only cost him a few believers. The ones that are left as just as fanatical as ever about their belief in their leader’s predictive abilities. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he’s back within a couple of years with yet another prediction, assuming he doesn’t die first as he is in his upper 80’s. Death is probably the only thing that’ll get him, and the True Bible Decoder nutcases, to stop.

“Magic Highway USA” from 1958 predicts what the future will bring.

I love reading and watching old predictions about what the future will bring. Sometimes they are startlingly close to the mark. However, most are like this excerpt from the 1958 Disneyland TV Show episode entitled Magic Highway USA:

Detroit wouldn’t be in the dire straights it is now if half of these predictions had come true. One of the things that struck me as I was watching this was the massive amount of energy, of all forms, it would take to make that future a reality. Self-heating roads to clear off ice and snow? Air conditioned highways through vast deserts? Self-lighting highways negating the need for headlights? Of course they were assuming everything would be atomic powered by that point in time. Even the cars, as you see at the end. Can you imagine the amount of spent radioactive fuel that would be piling up from all of that? We don’t even know what to do with what we create from the relatively few nuclear power plants we have now. Imagine if you had to deal with spent fuel rods from your car.

This was the future your parents dreamed about.

Found via Boing Boing.

After 3 years and 171 wrong guesses the True Bible Decoders are still at it.

We last checked in with the The True Bible Code and Lord’s Witnesses people almost a year ago at the start of December 2008. At that point they were on guess number 126 that New York would be hit with a terrorist attack of some sort.

Now they’re up to guess number 172:

There will be a terrorist attack on the US taking the form of fire from the heavens and a rising mushroom cloud between 2009Tishr1 and 2009Tishri10 (September23-October3). The attack will hit Westside Midtown Manhattan producing a man made mushroom cloud rising from the Hudson river. 

Now would be the time to buy 3 years supply of candles, solar power, wind power, food, water, gas bottles, deisel etc. for yourself your loved ones and some guests. 

Because, honestly, if you can’t trust the advice of someone who has been wrong 171 times already then who’s advice can you trust? They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I think these folks prove that adage quite well.

Each time I’ve visited their page over the past few years it has grown longer as they rush to invent new evidence to explain why their last prediction failed to come to pass. You do have to give them credit for owning up to their past failures. Though even they have lost count claiming they’ve only been wrong 155 times, or maybe only 145 times depending on, as they say themselves, how you count them, when it’s really 171. I know, I counted them up just to be sure.

They offer a Biblical justification for their continued attempts in the face of so much failure:

Why do the LWs keep predicting a nuclear terrorist attack from the bible when they have got it wrong so many times before?

Jesus said:
7 Keep on asking, and it will be given you; keep on seeking, and you will find; keep on knocking, and it will be opened to you.
8 For everyone asking receives, and everyone seeking finds, and to everyone knocking it will be opened (Matthew7).

Either you believe those words or your prefer the promises of Ferenc Gyurcsan, the Hungarian Prime Minister.

Jesus’ words do not mean that we should knock once or twice. They mean that we should keeping knocking until the door opens. For that is the promise. They do not mean that we should seek here and once we have done that we should seek there. They mean that we should seek everywhere until we find. For that is the promise. They do not mean that we should ask once or twice. They mean that we should ask every day and every hour of every day until we are answered. For that too is the promise.

And that is what we have done. And that is what we shall continue to do, God willing, because unlike the wonderful hungarian prime minister whose candour about his dishonesty is like a refreshing stream of truth in a desert of deception, Jesus is true to his word all the time. He is good for every one of his promises and he delivers what he says he will deliver. He does what he says he will do.

The only way we will not find is if we stop seeking. The only way it will not be opened to us is if we stop knocking. And the only way we will not be answered is if we stop asking.

In short they keep guessing because they have no doubts the event they are predicting will come to pass. They just can’t seem to figure out when it will happen, but that’s OK because if you keep on guessing then sooner or later you’ll either be right or die of old age. Guess which outcome I’d wager a bet on?

The fact that they keep asking (or rather guessing) and Jesus keeps not answering is no reason for these folks to stop guessing. It just means they need to guess again and again and again. They’re like the small child in the backseat of the car on a long road trip constantly asking “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? How about now? Are we there yet?” Only there’s no parent in the front seat or, for that matter, a car. Which is probably for the best because after a 171 questions that parent would probably be ready to murder them for a little peace and quiet.

Incidentally I have no idea why they bring up the Hungarian Prime Minister. There’s probably mention of him someplace further up the page, but I didn’t bother to read the whole thing as it’s a lot of nonsense to wade through.

So we’ll check in in another 6 months, or year, or the next time I get bored and remember that these idiots are out on the web, just to see what the count is up to. Maybe they’ll get lucky some day and someone will do something in New York that’s close enough to what they’re waiting for that they can stop guessing and do a little “see I told you so” dance. I can just hear them now: “So what if it took us a couple of thousand guesses? In the end we were right!”

The True Bible Decoder whack jobs are still at it.

We last check in with the nutcases at the The True Bible Code and Lord’s Witnesses website back on May 15, 2008. They were up to failed prediction number seventy at the time and predicting that a terrorist attack would strike New York City on either the weekend of the 23rd or 27th of that month.

Have they given up yet? Ha ha! What are you, stupid?

There will be a dual terrorist attack on the US and the UK taking the form of fire from the heavens and a rising mushroom cloud, in 2008Heshvan (before 2008December3). The US arm of the attack will hit Westside Midtown Manhattan producing a man made mushroom cloud rising from the Hudson river. The UK arm will most likely occur on the same day but may be a few days later.

Now would be the time to buy 12 months supply of candles, solar power, wind power, food, water, gas bottles, deisel etc. for yourself your loved ones and some guests.

So they’ve expanded their list of potential targets to include someplace in United Kingdom in addition to New York City. They’re up to the triple digits in number of failed predictions so far and are they at all embarrassed about it? No, not at all. In fact it’s become a point of pride for them:

Now some churches have attempted to deduce the date of the begining of the Kingdom of God from the scriptures and got it wrong a few times. God bless them! The Watchtower was the most tenacious of these and made perhaps 6 or 7 steps towards that date, their last step being 1975, which is 6,000 years after Adam was born according to their pre-flood chronology which is very good. But then they gave up at what was actually the last fence. Because the Kingdom of God begins not 6,000 years after Adam was born but 6,000 years after he sinned, since his sin was the founding of the world, not his birth. And he sinned aged 33½, the same age that Jesus was when he paid for that sin. So the Kingdom of God began on 2008Nisan17, 6,000 years after his sin on 3993Nisan14 BC.

[…] Yes, 7 steps in humiliation was the most that any church had made before us. This was the largest number of mistakes any church was prepared to make publicly before they let embarrassment in front of men trump their fear of God. The LWs, standing upon the shoulders of the work of the JWs, got the date of the start of the Kingdom of God after a few weeks of independent research in one step on 1992February1!

But getting the date of the start of the Great Tribulation was not a one step journey. It was at least a 125 step journey. This was the lock that the holy spirit put on that knowledge. And no church on this earth loved the glory of God and detested the glory of man enough to make that journey. No church other than the LWs.

Let me repeat that: They’ve been wrong 125 times and they’re still guessing. Come tomorrow they’ll be wrong 126 times and they’ll just keep pushing the date back a couple more weeks. This is the power of faith. The ability to keep believing in something with absolutely no basis in reality despite being shown to be continuously wrong literally hundreds of times. Chances are they’ll still be at it when we check back in another six or seven months.

Conversations with a Dumbass: Angel is now a psychic. Predicts my death.

So I heard from my new friend again. She’s decided to take a new tact:

Glad to be of assistance. Someone needs to get your sorry ass through a day…considering you are much too inept to make it on your own. Only the most pathetic losers with no lives have blogs where they spend their entire day shitting on those who actually make something of their lives.
But please, by all means, fuck my memory straight in the ass b/c you can’t hurt me. I’m completely impervious to your ranting. However, I hope you will note this and it doesn’t even matter if you remember it, b/c when it happens, you will have full recall and that is all the gratification I need.
Some time down the road, in the not too distant future, my dear non-friend, you will be diagnosed with a terminal illness that will have no chance of recovery. You will find out that you have it when you go to the doctor after being sick for a very long time. It will start out as a cold and just never go away. After dealing with it for months you will notice you have lost a significant amount of weight and can’t hold down food. You’ll be shitting your brains out and puking your guts up. Wonderful description, eh? Sick of it all you will finally go to the doc and be told your diagnosis. Oh well…poor Les.
You will eventually, after a very long time of being miserably sick, die a rotting mess of a corpse. And very few, if any, will mourn your passing. This is not a voodoo curse. Laugh all you want, but I promise you it will happen exactly that way. And your atheist ass will be wondering as you lay in your bed waiting to die…“How could that bitch be so right?!” Well, Les, I have a secret to tell you…I’m able to see the future sometimes. And I saw yours before I ever knew what an asshole you were. Sometimes I get a payback when I don’t even realize that one is deserved!
So, in a few years, when you’ve long forgotten my sweet little ass, you will suddenly remember me as you wait to die. And I will also have a sudden memory of your sorry ass and I’ll be grinning ear to ear when you take your last croak of a breath!
Paybacks are a bitch, but, hey, somebody needs to have something good come from this life.

Be seeing ya around, bud!  wink

I didn’t bother to clean up her formatting this time. As far as psychic predictions go this one is pretty weak. Here’s my reply:

    What? You can’t even manage to name what horrible disease will be my undoing? Surely you can do better than that. I’d expect you’d at least be able to give a reasonable time frame rather than the astoundingly vague “sometime down the road, in the not too distant future” but “in a few years after I’ve forgotten you.” No word on what hospital it’ll be? No word on what state I’m living in at the time? Some psychic you are.

    For the record I have little doubt that I’ll die within the next 40 years. Cancer runs in my family and few of us make it through our 70’s. It’s not anything I worry about as it’s knowledge I’ve lived with for a long time. Already I’ve made a better prediction than you have. But you go ahead and dream your little fantasy if it makes you feel better. This email just adds more fuel to the blog. At least you didn’t say you were going to pray for me like so many others. That at least makes you a refreshing change of pace.

    Les

Checking in with the True Bible Decoders to see if they’ve given up yet.

It’s been about seven months now since we last checked in with the nutcases at The True Bible Code and Lord’s Witnesses website. You may recall they were predicting imminent Armageddon starting off with a terrorist attack, possibly a nuclear dirty bomb, going off someplace in New York City. To date no such explosion has occurred so they’ve done what every great prophesier does when confronted with a disappointing reality: they continuously pushed the date back a few weeks every time it didn’t come to pass. If they keep it up long enough then they may even be right some day.

This long strong of failed predictions hasn’t stopped them from announcing that the beginning of The End has already begun:

The World ended judicially on 2008Nisan14 which was 2008April20. The Kingdom of God began judicially on 2008Nisan17 which was 2008April23. Jesus has married his bride, the 1NC saints in heaven.We are now in the time of the end. This runs from 2008Nisan14, which was 2008April20, the judicial end of the world, to 2009Sivan15, which will be 2009June9/10, the day that the last non raptured human dies, the literal end of this world. That period is a time (a year), times (2 months) and half a time (half a day) of Daniel 12 – Gordon Ritchie

Got that? The end of the world will be June 9th or 10th of 2009. At least according to these wackos. So what about that bomb in New York that was supposed to signal the beginning of the end? Well, that’s still coming too, but to make up for the delay they’ve promised us two bombs for the price of one:

We now therefore expect a twin terrorist attack in the US in NYC around the Hudson River, and the UK on 2008Iyyar17 or 2008Iyyar21, which in fact corresponds with solar dates between the sunsets of May23/24 or May27/28. This is the fulfilment of the stone of Daniel2 hitting the image and of the mushroom cloud of 1Kings18 rising from the west or the sea or both. We have got this wrong so far around 70x. This is the first birth pang of the Kingdom of God, so it should not be a large attack by biblical standards, since the first birth pang is the smallest.  But it will be scary and significant and so may be a small nuclear bomb or a very large conventional one. This attack is not large enough to start the Great Tribulation of Matthew 24. Because those in the Great Tribulation see Jesus coming on the clouds plural. So the second birth pang, which occurs on 2008Sivan15, starts the Great Tribulation of Matthew 24, which is the time of distress of Daniel 12, which is a time (one BLC year) long, both of which should not occur (if man knew how to behave) and will never occur again. It runs from 2008Sivan15 to 2009Sivan15 when the last non raptured human dies.

You’ve got to give these guys credit for being honest about the fact that they’ve been wrong over seventy times so far. This, ladies and gentleman, is a sterling example of the power of faith. Despite an abysmal track record of prediction they still have faith that THIS time they’ve finally figured it out and it’ll come to pass…

… and even if it doesn’t, that won’t stop them from pushing the dates back a couple of weeks and being confident they’ve finally got it right.

It’s 2008. Where the fuck is my self-cleaning home?

It’s always fun to see what people 40 years ago thought life would be like in 2008:

Homes in Mi’s 80th year are practically self-maintaining. Electrostatic precipitators clean the air and climatizers maintain the temperature and humidity at optimum levels. Robots are available to do housework and other simple chores. New materials for siding and interiors are self-cleaning and never peel, chip or crack.

Dwellings for the most part are assembled from prefabricated modules, which can be attached speedily in the configuration that best suits the homeowner. Once the foundation is laid, attaching the modules to make up a two- or three-bedroom house is a job that doesn’t take more than a day. Such modular homes easily can be expanded to accommodate a growing family. A typical wedding present for the 21st century newlyweds is a fully equipped bedroom, kitchen or living room module.

Other conveniences ease kitchenwork. The housewife simply determines in advance her menus for the week, then slips prepackaged meals into the freezer and lets the automatic food utility do the rest. At preset times, each meal slides into the microwave oven and is cooked or thawed. The meal then is served on disposable plastic plates. These plates, as well as knives, forks and spoons of the same material, are so inexpensive they can be discarded after use.

As usual with articles like these there’s a few things it gets spot on, some things it’s totally wrong about, and a few that are almost true. Stuff like:

The single most important item in 2008 households is the computer.

Is quite true for a lot of families these days, but not for all the reasons the article suggests:

These electronic brains govern everything from meal preparation and waking up the household to assembling shopping lists and keeping track of the bank balance. Sensors in kitchen appliances, climatizing units, communicators, power supply and other household utilities warn the computer when the item is likely to fail. A repairman will show up even before any obvious breakdown occurs.

Computers also handle travel reservations, relay telephone messages, keep track of birthdays and anniversaries, compute taxes and even figure the monthly bills for electricity, water, telephone and other utilities. Not every family has its private computer. Many families reserve time on a city or regional computer to serve their needs. The machine tallies up its own services and submits a bill, just as it does with other utilities.

Meal preparation? Not yet. You could probably rig up some sort of custom alarm system to have it wake you and your family up, but I don’t know of any off-the-shelf systems for doing so. Lots of people use it to make shopping lists and check their bank balances. The self-reporting appliance thing is possible these days to some degree, but the appliances that do so are expensive and limited in their functionality. The second paragraph hits a lot more of on the head with the travel reservations, phone messages, and so on though I get the impression that they’re suggesting a level of automation in those processes that isn’t actually present today.

What’s interesting to consider is that for all the ways that things have changed since 40 years ago there’s a lot about life that hasn’t changed all that much. While we do have the possibility of buying a TV these days that’s as big as our living room wall—even if most of us can’t afford it yet—we’re still pretty much taking care of business ourselves on a day to day basis. The robots and computers haven’t taken over all the menial tasks just yet.

But I’d love to have that four hour a day work day they talk about in that article.

If ever we needed proof that President Bush is fucking nuts…

We can always look to this Washington Post article about interviews Bush has been giving in the Middle East in which he makes predictions about how history will view his legacy as President:

“I can predict that the historians will say that George W. Bush recognized the threats of the 21st century, clearly defined them, and had great faith in the capacity of liberty to transform hopelessness to hope, and laid the foundation for peace by making some awfully difficult decisions,” Bush told Yonit Levi of Israel’s Channel 2 News. Bush held several interviews with Middle Eastern journalists last week in anticipation of his trip to the region, which starts tomorrow.

“When he needed to be tough, he acted strong, and when he needed to have vision he understood the power of freedom to be transformative,” Bush said of himself to Nahum Barnea and Shimon Shiffer of the Israeli newspaper Yediot Ahronot.

As for the people of the Middle East, Bush told Hisham Bourar of al-Hurra Television: “I would hope that they would say President Bush respects my religion and has great love for the human—human being, and believes in human dignity.”

The Bush record, the president told Nadia Bilbassy-Charters of al-Arabiya Television, is one of liberation—“liberation, by the way, not only from dictatorship, but from disease around the world, like HIV/AIDS or malaria.”

On a personal basis, Bush told Bilbassy-Charters that he hopes that people would know “that he hurts when he sees poverty and hopelessness” and “that he’s a realistic guy.”

That man is clearly delusional. Freedom is transformational? You bet it is. It has transformed Iraq into a hell hole even worse than when it was being run by an insane dictator. Who the hell has he liberated from HIV/AIDS and malaria? He hurts when he sees poverty and hopelessness? Apparently not so much that he wasn’t able to veto that expansion to SCHIP. He’s a realistic guy?!? Holy shit, I think I just choked on my fucking sandwich! Hang on a second. I gotta go perform the Heimlech Manuever on myself.

OK, now for the understatement of the year nominee:

Bush’s self-image contrasts sharply with his image among his fellow Americans.

That’s because even though half of Americans were stupid enough to elect this guy twice, the vast majority of them aren’t actually batshit insane. Well, at least 60% of them aren’t.