So browsing through the referrer logs today I come across a link to this entry on Republican Faith Chat titled “Hellbound: People Who are
Probably Going To Hell”. When you combine that with the RFC’s tagline of “Conservative Christians ONLY. Liberals, Atheists Not Welcomed.” you just know it’s going to be a fun site.
As it turns out it’s a listing of various websites and blogs that the Republican Faith Chat folks feel are the worst of the worst on the Internet. You have to wonder why they’d be visiting any of the sites in question and they’ve helpfully provided the following explanation:
Regardless of how reluctant we are sometimes, it is our duty as Christians (Baptists) to pray for those we deem already damned to Hell. As easy as it is to dismiss these people as lost forever to eternal damnation, we must remember that in Christ, anything is possible no matter how remote the chance.
Given the enormity of sinners that we come across on a daily basis we simply cannot list them all. We will, however, try and update this list as frequently as necessary.
I guess that means they are hoping that people will pray for our corrupted souls in hopes of us seeing the light. On the off chance that the upright visitors reading the list feel the need to see just how vile and evil any of the sites on it really are they encourage them to recite the following prayer of protection first:
WARNING: Before visiting any of the following links you are cautioned to say the following prayer.
IN JESUS NAME, I BIND UP EVERY DEMON COMING ACROSS THE COMPUTER LINES, AND I RETURN THEM AND ANY CURSES.IN JESUS NAME, I COVER MYSELF IN THE BLOOD OF JESUS. I COVER THIS COMPUTER AND THE INTERNET ROAD I TRAVEL IN THE BLOOD OF JESUS. I TAKE AUTHORITY AND DOMINION OVER ALL WEB SITES, WEB MASTERS, WEB DOMAINS, AND DEMONS OF THE INTERNET SUPER HIGHWAY SO THEY DO NOT CROSS MY PATH. I DISPATCH ANGELS AHEAD OF ME TO PROTECT ME.
IN JESUS NAME, I CUT ALL UNGODLY SILVER CORDS AND LAY LINES.
AS YOUR WAR CLUB AND WEAPONS OF WAR I BREAK DOWN, UNDAM, AND BLOW UP ALL WALLS OF PROTECTION AROUND ALL HOMOSEXUALS, WITCHES, WARLOCKS, WIZARDS, SATANISTS, ATHEISTS, LIBERALS, DEMOCRATS, SORCERERS, AND THE LIKE, AND I BREAK THE POWER OF ALL CURSES, HEXES, VEXES, SPELLS, CHARMS, FETISHES, PSYCHIC PRAYERS, PSYCHIC THOUGHTS, ALL WITCHCRAFT, SORCERY, SATIRE, PARODY, MAGIC, VOODOO, ALL MIND CONTROL, JINXES, POTIONS, BEWITCHMENTS, DEATH, DESTRUCTION, SICKNESS, PAIN, TORMENT, PSYCHIC POWER, PSYCHIC WARFARE, PRAYER CHAINS, INCENSE AND CANDLE BURNING, INCANTATIONS, CHANTING, UNGODLY BLESSINGS AND HOODOO, CRYSTALS, AND EVERYTHING ELSE BEING SENT MY WAY, OR MY FAMILY MEMBER’S WAY, OR ANY CHRISTIAN MINISTRIES WAY, AND I RETURN IT, AND THE DEMONS TO THE SENDER, TEN FOLD.
Yeah, that’ll do it. No doubt. I have no idea why the words WARLOCKS and WARFARE are bold faced, but they are. I found it fascinating to see “satire” and “parody” listed among hexes, vexes, spells, and charms as things to be protected against thus proving that Republicans have no sense of humor. Or at least not the ones on “Republican Faith Chat.”
And they really mean it when they say you should recite that prayer first:
At the time of our encounter with these infidels there was no links to pornography, Satan Worship, or extreme foul language. Given the nature of the sinner and their willingness to sin we cannot gurantee that things will not be added at a later time. That is why it is crucial that you say the above prayer before visiting any of the listed web sites. If you have come across someone who is need of deliverance from their sickness you may email
Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett,
and she will forward the site to the Monie Willis Imprecatory Prayer Committee for submission to this page.
Due to the recent onset of foul language by certain unsaved visitors, comments will not be permitted for this page.
Warning: Proceed at your own Risk
Then we get to the list proper and it starts in June of last year with a link to Mark Fiore’s political cartoons website. Yeah, I can see how they’d have a hard time with him. They describe his site as follows: “Foul LIEberal, Mark Fiore, creates disgusting, anti-Family Values, un-American, un-Conservative, pro-Demoncrat, animated political cartoons from an undisclosed location somewhere in San Francisco. Imppressionable children under 21 should not be allowed to view this site.” And that gives you an idea of what the rest of the list is like.
Moving down the list there’s links to Hillary Clinton’s website,
Barack Obama Hussein Bin Laden’s (their name for it, not mine) website, surprisingly enough a link to Fred Thompson’s website (described as “Supporters of a garden variety RINO and dirty old man running for President.”), (un)AmericaBlog, (don’t)Think Progress, Fark.com, Brent Rasmussen’s blog (“Bearded God-mocker who probably sprouts horns and a tail before sneaking into dreams and stealing souls. Extreme wickedness ahead. NSFC”), PZ Myer’s blog (“P.Z. Myers is not only a Atheist of the worst sort, he is a scientist who promotes the lies of man kind evolving from primate love. NSFA.”), Richard Dawkins, Andrew Sullivan, Fundies Say the Darndest Things!, and, eventually, little old me:
Stupid Evil Bastard
Les Jenkins a Liberal Independent, Atheist spreads his message of hatred for Christ and Family values on a blog venue. Also reviews video games filled with sex, bood, gore, and guts. Owner of the Fundies Say Darndest Things site above. VERY VILE. NSFW, NSFC<21, NSFC.
I like how the mouse tooltip for my link is “Truthful in it’s [sic] description”. They’re wrong in thinking that I own Fundies Say the Darndest Things – I wish I’d have thought of a site that cool – but I can see how they’d make that mistake as SEB is listed as a friend of FSTDT on their main page.
I skipped over a lot of the other sites listed, but suffice it to say that I’m honored to be included in such fine company. SEB was added back in February of this year so it took them awhile to find us, but I’m proud just the same. The site overall is just a treasure trove of lunacy. I especially love their Legal Statement:
By visiting this entertaining Godly site OR by sending an e-mail submission to Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett©, Republican Faith© OR posting to this site, YOU ARE CERTIFYING THAT YOU ARE 18 YEARS OR OLDER AND you are granting a worldwide, royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable, non-exclusive and fully sublicensable right and license to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, create derivative works from, distribute, perform and display your submission (in whole or part) and/or to incorporate it in other works in any form, media, or technology now known or later developed. The original posts, prayers, all materials and even the pasquinading by our mockers and antagonists found on this site and all materials within are Copyright© protected through 2008 by site manager and/or the contributors. Many antogonists on the political Left would like to call it political satire so perhaps everything posted here should be understood in that context. Whatever it takes to keep their tiny brains from overloading. Please keep in mind that Posting of personal phone numbers or information that may lead to personal injury or harassment is deemed illegal on this forum under congressional legislation, state law and various personal protection acts. Please refrain from divulging information of this kind in such a public forum for obvious security purposes. God Bless America.
I do have to give them credit for using a big word like “pasquinading” though. That’s an unusually large word for people with such tiny intellects, but perhaps they had a thesaurus handy. I may have to spend some time perusing the site a bit more. It’s looks like a lot of fun.