If you buy organic water you’re a fucking idiot.

Bullshit in a bottle.

Sometimes I despair over the huge number of people who have no ethical issues with latching onto the latest buzzword to try and scam people with bullshit products. It doesn’t help that the general public is aware of said buzzwords, but doesn’t generally understand what they really mean.

Take the word “organic.” For a lot of people that word is synonymous with “natural” which they assume means that it’s good for you.  Among the health food conscious, “organic” has been a buzzword for years so it’s no surprise that it’s slapped on all sorts of products that aren’t truly organic. Take, for example, bottled water:

Organic Water: A New Marketing Wave : Shots – Health Blog : NPR

Perched on a white tablecloth we noticed some very sleek water bottles, labeled Illanllyr SOURCE. A serious guy named Eric Ewell eagerly offered us a taste, “Try this pristine organic water.” We choked back a giggle. Organic? Really?

As the company’s website says, “Illanllyr … comes from our sources beneath certified organic fields in west Wales in the UK.” So, Ewell says, the water has never been tainted with chemicals, making it organic as it as it emerges from the ground.

Ewell is full of shit. First off, water is a chemical. Most of us don’t think of it as a chemical, but it is so to say that it’s “untainted with chemicals” is technically untrue. Perhaps that’s nitpicky, but it’s also true that water from natural aquifers often contains other trace chemicals that occur naturally in the environment.

Second, water contains no carbon and is not the product of decay or capable of decay so it is not an organic material, which is part of what defines something as being “organic.” The fact that they extract their water through a “certified organic field” does nothing to make the water organic.

Now perhaps the standards for labeling something as organic in the U.K. are vastly different than here in the U.S., but according to the USDA both water and salt can not be certified as organic:

Can salt & water be certified as organic under the NOP?

No. Salt and water cannot be certified as organic. They must also be excluded when calculating the percentage of organically produced ingredients.

I could only find one place online offering the product and I’m not going to link to them, but apparently this stuff sells for $1.59 for a 11.2 ounce bottle (and Google Shopping estimates that with taxes and shipping your total jumps to $11.41 a bottle!). That’s roughly $18.17 a gallon!

Granted, all bottle water is ridiculously overpriced, but here you’re paying extra for bullshit claims that add nothing to the product other than cost. But damn if those bottles aren’t purty!

Sadly, it doesn’t appear these guys are the only ones trying to market organic water. If you buy any of them you have Cheez Whiz for brains.