Gather round kids! It’s Tea Party Story Time!

Here’s what passes for satire with the Tea Bagger Party crowd as written by failed Republican candidate for Washington’s third district, David Hendrick:

Pic of the cover for The Liberal Clause

They're coming to ruin your Christmas! Aiiiieeeeee!

The Liberal Clause takes place in the small town of Camas, WA where, for as long as anyone can remember, the children have been given the special responsibility of electing the Great Elf Council that serves at the North Pole. This year, however, the ballots go missing. Suspiciously, nasty ol’ Elf Peloosi discovers a box she claims are the missing ballots under a shelf in the back of a union warehouse. The elves are so glad the ballots have been recovered that they don’t bother to question the fact that there are more ballots returned than were cast! This is all reported in local newspaper, The Christmas Times, above a picture of Hendrick himself with the subtitle “Camas man’s rant goes viral”.

The elves’ relief dissipates quickly as it becomes clear something fishy is going on. After the Liberal Party of Elves takes over the Great Council Santa Claus suddenly goes missing and the elf people are told he is being replaced.

via Read The Tea Party Children’s Book About How Obama Stole Christmas. No, Really.

That’s right, it’s a Christmas story about President Obama as the evil Liberal Clause and his cabal of Socialist elves and their scheme to ruin Christmas by forcing all manner of stupid Liberal policies on everyone. Just as you’d expect, it hits on all of the Tea Partier’s favorite talking points such as Obama’s birth certificate, his use of teleprompters, being forced into evil labor unions, the bailouts, Al Gore and global climate change, Obama’s former preacher Reverend Wright, the changing of “Christmas” to “Holidays”, the campaign against obesity, and so on.

The book is filled with really bad illustrations — I especially liked the one with Obama standing next to Josef Stalin just in case anyone reading it isn’t bright enough to pick up on the Evil Commie theme he’s pushing — and the text is about as puerile as you can get. Here’s a small sample:

Shortly after these words left Sneed’s mouth, a man dressed in Santa’s suit stepped onto the stage and strutted to the mike. In front of him, a group of elves ran out holding up a TV screen with words on it. This was the first time the elves had seen a teleprompter at the North Pole. Santa Claus had always spoken from the heart.

The skinny imposter began to read.

“My fellow citizens of the North Pole,” he stated with a hint of arrogance in his voice, “I am here to pull Christmas back from the brink of destruction. My name is Barry, but you can call me Liberal Claus.”

“Are you even from the North Pole?” an elf questioned from the crowd.

Liberal Claus scowled at this elf with pure evil in his eyes. For a moment all of the elves stood in disbelief waiting for a response, but the response would never come.

In the end it comes down to one brave girl who, after finding out the truth about Liberal Clause’s evil plans from “Ox News”, rallies the other children to form a Tea Party. They defeat the the evil Liberals by unplugging Liberal Clause’s teleprompter — without which he is apparently powerless — and then dumping all the free candy they got into the local lake.

I suppose in a way it is pretty funny in a stuffed-shirt inflated sense of self-importance way, but it’s also disheartening to think that for many Tea Partiers the falsehoods presented in this story are Gospel truths. It’s also a creepy kind of child indoctrination following in the grand Christian tradition of “gettin’ ’em while they’re young.”

Though Hendrick is hardly the first TPer to put out propaganda for kids. He was beaten to the punch by the Tea Party Coloring Book:

Calling it a “wonderful book of The Tea Party for Kids,” a St. Louis-based publisher has sold “many thousands” of its Tea Party Coloring Book for Kids! The book, complete with “puzzles, mazes and connect the dots,” promises to teach kids about “Liberty, Faith, Freedom and so much more!” “We’re not really making a political statement,” publisher Wayne Bell told CBS News, though the book contains a good deal of far-right rhetoric. For example, it warns that government-run healthcare “cannot be the only choice,” and that “[w]hen taxes are too high, the high tax takes away jobs and freedom.” “In 1773 we had a Tea Party and this led to freedom from high taxes,” the book explains to kids. “Today we are having another Tea Party and this will lead to freedom from high taxes again!” (Nevermind that tax rates in 2009 were actually the lowest since 1950).

I suppose I should at least be happy that Hendricks story doesn’t end with the kids taking up arms and killing all the Liberals and then mounting their (the Liberals) stuffed heads on the wall. Actually, I’m a little surprised that’s not how it ended.

True Bible Decoders are up to over 200+ wrong guesses about the end of the world.

As long as we’re talking about True Believers™ making predictions about the end of the world according to the Bible we can’t forget the folks who make Harold Camping look like a rank amateur when it comes to being wrong: The True Bible Code and Lord’s Witnesses.

The last time we visited with them was back in October of 2009 at which point they’d been at it for 3 years and had amassed a total of 171 wrong guesses using the tried and true method of moving the date back a couple of weeks every time their prediction failed to come to pass. You’d think it would eventually sink into their thick skulls that they haven’t a clue what they’re doing, but then you’d be underestimating how thick some skulls can be because they’re still predicting away:

There will be a terrorist attack on the US taking the form of fire from the heavens and a rising mushroom cloud on 2010Ab24 (2010August6-7) in the 6th hour of the Hebrew day. The attack will hit Westside Midtown Manhattan producing a man made mushroom cloud rising from the Hudson river.

Now would be the time to buy 2 years supply of candles, solar power, wind power, food, water, gas bottles, deisel etc. for yourself your loved ones and some guests.

[…] We are not going to meet Jesus at 30,000 feet. We shall meet him in heaven. The other half of us who do not learn this lesson will destroy both ourselves our society and our planet, which will react with an extinction level volcanic event presumably caused by Nuclear war and Global warming in our present understanding. The planet will literally vomit us off and heal itself at our expense in a natural payback designed into the earth by God. Armageddon culminates with the greater volcanic destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah in scriptural terms, the greater flood of Noah, only with a different fluid, molten lava. God will then resurrect these ‘slow learners’, put them in Hell. There he will show them the video of mankind’s self destruction, and ask them the following type of rhetorical question: OK boys, where do you think you went wrong here? The first birth pang of the coming Kingdom of God, is a terrorist nuclear attack on the USA in our present understanding…

We now predict a terrorist attack using a form of fire from the heaven that we cannot conclusively determine, but we think may be nuclear. The US will be hit with a with a weapon producing a mushroom cloud rising from the sea (1Kings18), hitting midtown Westside Manhattan, near the Hudson river on 2010Ab24 (2010August6-7) during the 6th hour of the Hebrew day.

We are warning you about this, so that when it happens you know that God has spoken of this event beforehand and in fact will save us from nuclear annihilation in the near future…

Got that? This is all set to go down a week from tomorrow. Of course, that’s been the case for the better part of the last almost four years. Had you been gearing up with every warning these nutcases sent out you’d have enough crap stockpiled to support your whole state for a decade.

Don’t expect these folks to give up anytime soon as this is what True Faith is all about. It doesn’t matter how many times they fail to get the date right because they believe if they keep guessing eventually they’ll be proven correct and boy will the rest of us look stupid for not listening to them when we had the chance.

It’s the same reason I doubt Harold Camping’s nutcases will give up when their date of March 21st, 2011 comes and goes without a rapture. He was wrong back in 1994 and it only cost him a few believers. The ones that are left as just as fanatical as ever about their belief in their leader’s predictive abilities. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he’s back within a couple of years with yet another prediction, assuming he doesn’t die first as he is in his upper 80’s. Death is probably the only thing that’ll get him, and the True Bible Decoder nutcases, to stop.

Too Much Faith Will Make You Crazy: End of the World edition revisited.

Remember the entry I wrote back in January of this year about 88-year-old nutcase Harold Camping and his prediction that Jesus would return on May 21st of 2011? I mentioned that he had made an earlier prediction of the same sort for 1994 which, if you’ve been paying attention, didn’t come to pass. I also commented about how you’d think that this would cause him to lose his followers, but that he still had plenty of fellow crazy people willing to believe him.

One such crazy person has been doing her part to spread the word in Colorado:

Marie Exley of Colorado Springs is convinced that Armageddon, the end of the world as written of in the Bible, will come next year.

Her conviction is so strong that, though unemployed, she’s paid $1,200 to buy advertising space on 10 Springs bus benches through October to get the word out. The ad says, “Save the Date! Return of Christ: May 21, 2011, WeCanKnow.com.”

“I want to do all I can to get the message out,” Exley, 31, said.

Never let it be said that I’m not willing to help get the word out… about crazy people. Exley is, of course, a follower of Harold Camping and she has truly bought into his prediction:

Exley has bittersweet feelings about Camping’s prediction.

“There are things I felt I always wanted to do — get married, have a kid, travel more,” she said. “But it’s not about what I want out of life. It’s about what God wants.”

People are often ask us atheists what harm there is in believing in God even if he doesn’t really exist. Exley is a good example.

Here’s a 31-year-old woman who has not only spent $1,200 she should be using to live on while she’s unemployed to buy bus ads that are unlikely to convince anyone, but who has also put her life on hold on the expectation that the world will end next year.

She’s going to be awfully disappointed come May 22nd, 2011.

Too Much Faith Will Make You Crazy: Raising The Dead edition.

Meet the folks from Extreme Prophetic. They’re a group of Christians led by a woman named Patricia King who has apparently been spreading her nonsense for some 25 years. The group appears to be an attempt to turn evangelizing into something cool and edgy – you know “extreme” – and they make some bold claims.

For example, they claim that they’ve managed to not just heal people through the power of faith, but have successfully raised the dead. Really. They have a video up by some fellow named Randy in which he discusses how he raise two dead people in Africa not too long ago. You can watch it here if you wish.

Don’t get too excited, though, they don’t have any actual footage of Randy raising the dead people. It’s just Randy talking about it, but you can take his word for it that they were really dead and he really did raise them because, well, you don’t think he’d lie about it do you?

They also have a YouTube Channel with a ton of videos of people talking about all manner of miracles they’ve personally experienced. Though, again, there’s a stunning lack of any actual footage of said miracles. There’s also a lot of prediction videos, which are always fun to watch after the years have passed.

Take this one on Divine Insights for 2008 by Julie Meyer of IHOP (International House of Prayer). In it she says she has a vision of George W. Bush signing a law declaring life begins at conception and banning all abortions just before he leaves office. She believed that was likely to happen because she dreamed about it and she believed that Bush was put in office by God specifically to make this legislation come to pass. But she also cautions this isn’t guaranteed so everyone needs to pray that it does happen. Also it seems the election wasn’t about change, but mercy and it wasn’t about the Presidential candidates, but the Vice Presidential candidates. She never comes right out and claims that McCain and Palin would win, but it’s clear she’s suggesting that’s what needs to happen and that Palin’s election would prove monumental in history.  That was from October of 2008. McCain/Palin didn’t win the election and Bush never banned abortion. I can only conclude they didn’t pray hard enough.

Patricia herself likes to dabble in predictions. She had no less than 11 videos of prophecy for 2009. She manages to pull a little John Edwards routine in the first video where she speaks to a specific, unnamed, person who’s watching and has been having trouble for awhile. She uses a lot of buzzwords and similes such as the Lord has “downloaded” prophecy into her and she’s going to “unfold or unpack” it for you. He also wants to “upgrade” his believers. Also God wants her to help raise up a Media Army to spread the word. Holy crap, but this woman can talk for hours without saying anything meaningful. All the while pausing to ask for donations.

I gave up after three videos. I was only watching to see if I could catch any solid predictions that we could examine to see how far off they were, but I was starting to fall asleep and her droning on and on. Most of it’s your standard True Believer™ nonsense, but there’s plenty of videos with the claims of major healing or raising people from the dead.

But I’m willing to be convinced. If these people truly can raise the dead that would revolutionize not just theology, but medical science. I think they should contact the James Randi Educational Foundation and apply for the $1 million prize. Considering how much time is spent begging for donations it sounds like they could use the money and imagine the look on Randi’s face when a dead person suddenly sits up full of life. Hell, let’s make it easy on them and just see if they can manage to heal an amputee. If they can bring people back from the dead then restoring a lost limb should be easy-peasy. A little video documentation wouldn’t hurt.

Somehow I don’t think they’ll be taking on the Randi challenge anytime soon. You see, when I started this entry I was pretty sure these folks were a classic case of people made a little crazy by too much faith, but now that I’ve looked into them a bit I’m not entirely sure that’s the case for all of them. My skepticism is spurred by the fact that they offer acting classes. What the hell would they need acting classes for? Well, to make money apparently. A two-month class covering everything from acting to writing to voice-over work will set you back $2,800 (non-refundable) in tuition. Or you can take eight week classes covering each of the topics individually for $200 each.

So, yeah, some of them have clearly drunk a little too much of the Kool-Aid, but I think they’re leader is a bit more shrewd than she first appears. That’s just speculation on my part, though. She could be just as nuts as the rest of them.

Found over at Pharyngula.

Too Much Faith Will Make You Crazy: End of the World edition.

Don’t make any big plans for May 21, 2011. Why? Because according to 88-year-old Christian nutcase Harold Camping, that’s the true date for the end of the world:

Camping, 88, has scrutinized the Bible for almost 70 years and says he has developed a mathematical system to interpret prophecies hidden within the Good Book. One night a few years ago, Camping, a civil engineer by trade, crunched the numbers and was stunned at what he’d found: The world will end May 21, 2011.

Ah yes! It’s the old mathematical-system-for-decoding-the-Bible method of predicting the future! Very popular among your die hard Christian nutcases as we’ve seen many times before here on SEB.

Lest you think Mr. Camping is new to this game, let me assure you he is not! He has predicted the end previously back in 1994. Those of you paying attention to current events may have noticed it didn’t end. A revelation that was a bit of a shock to the dozens of followers and Camping as they sat waiting for Christ’s return. Later he would admit that he “may have” made a mathematical error.

This time it’s different, though! He’s spent 10 years working on this new date and he’s pretty confident he’s nailed it and he’s got the formula to prove it:

By Camping’s understanding, the Bible was dictated by God and every word and number carries a spiritual significance. He noticed that particular numbers appeared in the Bible at the same time particular themes are discussed.

The number 5, Camping concluded, equals “atonement.” Ten is “completeness.” Seventeen means “heaven.” Camping patiently explained how he reached his conclusion for May 21, 2011.

“Christ hung on the cross April 1, 33 A.D.,” he began. “Now go to April 1 of 2011 A.D., and that’s 1,978 years.”

Camping then multiplied 1,978 by 365.2422 days – the number of days in each solar year, not to be confused with a calendar year.

Next, Camping noted that April 1 to May 21 encompasses 51 days. Add 51 to the sum of previous multiplication total, and it equals 722,500.

Camping realized that (5 x 10 x 17) x (5 x 10 x 17) = 722,500.

Or put into words: (Atonement x Completeness x Heaven), squared.

“Five times 10 times 17 is telling you a story,” Camping said. “It’s the story from the time Christ made payment for your sins until you’re completely saved.

“I tell ya, I just about fell off my chair when I realized that,” Camping said.

Does it not surprise anyone else to learn that Mr. Camping is a former engineer? For some reason this sort of silly nonsense seems to come from a lot of engineers.

For example back in my youth, when I worked as a Desktop Publishing Coordinator for a local Kinko’s, I once met a man who also claimed to have mathematically proven the existence of God and had figured out the date of his return. He wanted me to print up a bunch of business cards with his proof on it. He had a bunch of numbers that he’d plucked out of his ass, that all meant something to no one outside of himself, and he had multiplied and divided and added and subtracted them for all manner of reasons, again known only to himself, and the final result was the number: 1. Which he interpreted as signifying God’s existence. He spent quite some time explaining it all to me and I smiled and nodded back the entire time. The same way you do with a crazy person brandishing a knife in hopes he won’t suddenly try to slit your throat with it to show you what a good job he did sharpening it.

Anyway, you’d be forgiven if you think Mr. Camping lost his followers after he fucked up the first time, but then you’d be grossly underestimating how credulous people can be:

Employees at the Oakland office run printing presses that publish Camping’s pamphlets and books, and some wear T-shirts that read, “May 21, 2011.” They’re happy to talk about the day they believe their souls will be retrieved by Christ.

“I’m looking forward to it,” said Ted Solomon, 60, who started listening to Camping in 1997. He’s worked at Family Radio since 2004, making sure international translators properly dictate Camping’s sermons.

“This world may have had an attraction to me at one time,” Solomon said. “But now it’s definitely lost its appeal.”

[…] Rick LaCasse, who attended the September 1994 service in Alameda, said that 15 years later, his faith in Camping has only strengthened.

“Evidently, he was wrong,” LaCasse allowed, “but this time it is going to happen. There was some doubt last time, but we didn’t have any proofs. This time we do.”

Would his opinion of Camping change if May 21, 2011, ended without incident?

“I can’t even think like that,” LaCasse said. “Everything is too positive right now. There’s too little time to think like that.”

And it’s not enough that they’re deluded, but they’re hoping to drag others into their delusions as well in as many countries as they can manage. According to the article they broadcast on AM stations around the world and are translated into 48 languages so no one misses out on the crazy!

Christian Fundies Not the Only Wackos to Fear

From a BBC article, here: Albino killers get death penalty – BBC News

Part of the article:

Four Tanzanians have been sentenced to death by hanging for killing an albino man last year – one of a spate of such murders in the country.

[…] Witchdoctors sell good-luck potions made from the body parts of albino people for thousands of dollars.

More than 50 albino people are thought to have been murdered in the past two years in Tanzania.

Analysts say thousands of albino people are now living in fear, especially in villages in the north-west where the majority of the murders have occurred.

It seems that witchdoctors are making a fortune by selling potions made from albino body parts. Hey, if people are going to believe in that fable about Zombie Jesus, why not believe that albino parts in a potion will cure you or make you powerful? Same amount of proof – have to have faith. Probably use the potions to ward off witches – Look, no witches, must be working! Go figure. I wonder how they prove that said potions are, in fact, made from albino body parts? Do they keep digital photos of the body and show which part the potion was made from? Inquiring minds want to know!

Once again, anytime you make something more sacred than human beings, you devalue the life of a human. When a witchdoctor, or priest, or politician, has more power than a common man, you know the society is in deep doo-doo.

Kimberly Daniels warns us of “The Danger in Celebrating Halloween.”

Update: The original entry on CBN.com has been yanked after just about everyone on the Internet noticed it and started linking to it. So I’ve updated the link to point to the article’s home on the Charisma magazine website.

Nope, this isn’t another article in the yearly tradition of warning you about checking your Halloween candy before eating it or wearing costumes that restrict your vision. This one comes from the founder of Kimberly Daniels Ministries International and was published on CBN.com Charisma Magazine and it starts off with a question:

Halloween—October 31—is considered a holiday in the United States. In fact, it rivals Christmas with regard to how widely celebrated it is. Stores that sell only Halloween-related paraphernalia open up a few months before the day and close shortly after it ends. But is Halloween a holiday that Christians should be observing?

Almost any time an article starts off like that you can pretty much bet the bank the answer is going to be a resounding “No.” Chances are the person writing it is a religious nutcase who is out to rain on someone’s parade and Mrs. Daniels doesn’t disappoint:

The word “holiday” means “holy day.” But there is nothing holy about Halloween. The root word of Halloween is “hallow,” which means “holy, consecrated and set apart for service.” If this holiday is hallowed, whose service is it set apart for? The answer to that question is very easy—Lucifer’s!

The first couple of sentences start off OK, but then she dives off the deep end with the last sentence in the paragraph. Halloween grew out of old pagan rituals and has nothing to do with Lucifer outside of the minds of crazy Christian fundamentalists. But I’m sure that little fact won’t stop this lady from going on to weave a story full of bullshit.

Lucifer is a part of the demonic godhead. Remember, everything God has, the devil has a counterfeit. Halloween is a counterfeit holy day that is dedicated to celebrating the demonic trinity of : the Luciferian Spirit (the false father); the Antichrist Spirit (the false holy spirit); and the Spirit of Belial (the false son).

Did you know Lucifer has his own Trinity? That’s news to me and I’ve read the Bible several times over. But maybe I missed that part so let’s skip ahead a little and see if we can’t get to what the real dangers of celebrating Halloween are:

The key word in discussing Halloween is “dedicated.” It is dedicated to darkness and is an accursed season. During Halloween, time-released curses are always loosed. A time-released curse is a period that has been set aside to release demonic activity and to ensnare souls in great measure.

[…] During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.

Hoo boy, we’re into some Grade A Crazy now!

Really? Witches? You’re going to seriously suggest that the candy being sold at this time has been prayed over by witches transforming it into some sort of Tylenol delayed-release of evil?

I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.

Yep, she’s seriously going to suggest just that. So there’s one of the great dangers of celebrating Halloween. If you eat any candy that’s been prayed over by witches you’ll be possessed by demons too dumb to tell the difference between candy you begged for and candy you bought for yourself at the store.

But she’s not done with the crazy just yet. She’s got lots of it and she’s handing it out in lieu of treats this year:

Even the colors of Halloween (orange, brown and dark red) are dedicated. These colors are connected to the fall equinox, which is around the 20th or 21st of September each year and is sometimes called “Mabon.” During this season witches are celebrating the changing of the seasons from summer to fall. They give praise to the gods for the demonic harvest. They pray to the gods of the elements (air, fire, water and earth).

Well at least she got the name right, though Mabon is celebrated by neo-pagans and has nothing to do with the Christian concepts of Lucifer or demons or a “demonic harvest.” The name for the Autumnal Equinox was coined by Aidan Kelly around 1970 and is a reference to Mabon ap Modron who is the Welsh personification of youth. Ironically if you do your research you’ll learn that in Celtic lore Mabon ap Modron has more to do with rebirth, the start of Summer, than the Autumn harvest, but when you’re making up your own religion based off old pagan ideas no one ever said you couldn’t move things around a bit. After all it’s not like the Christians didn’t move Jesus’ birth to the other end of the year so they could usurp a major pagan holiday.

Continuing…

Mother earth is highly celebrated during the fall demonic harvest. Witches praise mother earth by bringing her fruits, nuts and herbs. Demons are loosed during these acts of worship. When nice church folk lay out their pumpkins on the church lawn, fill their baskets with nuts and herbs, and fire up their bonfires, the demons get busy. They have no respect for the church grounds. They respect only the sacrifice and do not care if it comes from believers or non-believers.

Gathering around bonfires is a common practice in pagan worship. As I remember, the bonfires that I attended during homecoming week when I was in high school were always in the fall. I am amazed at how we ignorantly participate in pagan, occult rituals.

Apparently if you worship Mother Earth with fruits, nuts, and herbs you unleash demons. This is yet another amazing bit of nonsense she pulled out of her ass. The second paragraph makes me wonder if she participates in any of the common Christmas traditions of decorating a Christmas tree or kissing under mistletoe or exchanging gifts as those are all pagan rituals from Yuletide on which Christmas is based. Considering how much bullshit she spreads around to paint Wiccans and Neo-pagans as devil worshipers I can only imagine she has just as much bullshit to justify the pagan-based rituals she does partake in.

The gods of harvest that the witches worship during their fall festivals are the Corn King and the Harvest Lord. The devil is too stupid to understand that Jesus is the Lord of the Harvest 365 days a year. But we cannot be ignorant of the devices of the enemy. When we pray, we bind the powers of the strong men that people involved in the occult worship.

It’s clear now, with her citation of the Corn King and the Harvest Lord, that Mrs. Daniels is engaging in the age old Christian tradition of painting the Pagans as being Satanists, which just isn’t true in the slightest. I’m sure Mrs. Daniels would be more than offended if a pagan were to portray her religion as a sick zombie worshiping death-cult (which, depending on how you look at it, is a fair description) yet she has no problems portraying the pagans as evil people intent on unleashing demonic forces on unwitting Christians. Hypocrisy is not a value I remember Jesus endorsing.

In case you don’t think she’s really portraying pagans as evil all we have to do to see this is true is to continue reading:

Halloween is much more than a holiday filled with fun and tricks or treats. It is a time for the gathering of evil that masquerades behind the fictitious characters of Dracula, werewolves, mummies and witches on brooms. The truth is that these demons that have been presented as scary cartoons actually exist. I have prayed for witches who are addicted to drinking blood and howling at the moon.

Got that? She’s prayed with real, live witches that were addicted to drinking blood and howling at the moon. How can you not take her seriously?

Incidentally, it’s interesting to read what the neo-pagans have to say about the Corn King and the Harvest Lord:

Yet another kingly God from Wiccan traditions is the Corn King, who grows during the hot summer months only to give himself up for the good of others when harvest comes. The death of the Corn King is a powerful image of sacrifice—of one who lays down his life for the welfare of those he loves. Many vegetation Gods play this sacrificial role, one well-known example being Dumuzi, the Sumerian consort of the Goddess Inanna. In most mythic stories, the sacrificial God dies and is reborn at the beginning of the next season. Of course, the theme of the dying-and-reviving God found it’s most enduring form in the mythic story of the death and resurrection of the Christian God, Jesus of Nazareth.

[…] HARVEST LORD is an ancient symbol of the Slain God, the willing sacrifice, the sacred king, and sacred seed. He is the Green Man seen as the cycle of Nature in the plant kingdom. The Harvest Lord is cut down and his seeds planted into the earth so that life may continue and be ever more abundant. This mythos is symbolic of the planted seed nourished beneath the soil and the ascending sprout that becomes the harvested plant by the time of the next Autumnal Equinox.

It shouldn’t come as any surprise that both of these pagan myths sound remarkably like the Christian story of Jesus. If you’ve studied ancient religions to any degree you will be more than aware that the idea of a God sacrificing himself for the sake of his creation—sometimes in human form and sometimes not—is a recurring idea that predates Christianity. There’s a lot of such myths out there and the Christian version is hardly novel.

The point being that there’s clearly nothing evil or demonic about the pagan myths. That, in fact, they express some of the same ideas that the Christian myth does. Mrs. Daniel’s attempts to twist them into something evil and demonic not only does a disservice to a harmless holiday, but is an act she would never tolerate against her own beliefs.

But she won’t let that fact get in the way with cranking the crazy knob all the way up to 11:

The word “occult” means “secret.” The danger of Halloween is not in the scary things we see but in the secret, wicked, cruel activities that go on behind the scenes. These activities include:

  • Sex with demons
  • Orgies between animals and humans
  • Animal and human sacrifices
  • Sacrificing babies to shed innocent blood
  • Rape and molestation of adults, children and babies
  • Revel nights
  • Conjuring of demons and casting of spells
  • Release of “time-released” curses against the innocent and the ignorant.

Another abomination that goes on behind the scenes of Halloween is necromancy, or communication with the dead. Séances and contacting spirit guides are very popular on Halloween, so there is a lot of darkness lurking in the air.

Sex with demons? Orgies with humans and animals? More Tylenol-like time-release curses? Man, apparently I’ve been getting invited to all the boring Halloween parties!

It should come as no surprise that Mrs. Daniels offers absolutely nothing in the way of evidence to back up any of those claims. It’s just more bullshit she made up to paint the holiday and pagans in a bad light. I’d love for her or one of her followers to show me anything that remotely supports the claims she’s making here. They can’t because it doesn’t happen.

The rest of her column is the standard Bible quotes and calls for people to repent that usually closes out such idiocy. There’s a certain irony, from an atheist standpoint, of watching one delusional person attack the delusions of a different group and try to paint them as evil.

The real evil here is being committed by Mrs. Daniels who sees nothing wrong with spreading lies and demonizing another religion’s beliefs to score points with her fellow believers. If she really believes the nonsense she’s spewing then she’s arguably crazy. If she doesn’t then she’s classically wicked. Sadly, she’s hardly alone in her approach.

Religious nutcases sued over imprecatory prayers.

It seems there’s a number of religiously deluded people out there that are trying their hand at imprecatory prayer, asking God to destroy their enemies, and now one of them is being sued because of it:

Mikey Weinstein, founder of the Military Religious Freedom Foundation, said he wants Gordon Klingenschmitt, a former U.S. Navy chaplain, to “stop asking Jesus to plunder my fields … seize my assets, kill me and my family then wipe away our descendants for 10 generations.”

The suit also asks the court to stop the defendants – Klingenschmitt and Jim Ammerman, the founders of the Chaplaincy of Full Gospel Churches – from “encouraging, soliciting, directing, abetting or attempting to induce others to engage in similar conduct.”

It’s not so much that Weinstein is worried about God actually acting on those prayers, but rather some of his followers:

Weinstein, who is Jewish, said his family has received death threats, had a swastika daubed on their home, and feces thrown at the house. He said the harassment started several years ago when he began protesting Christian proselytizing at his alma mater, the Air Force Academy.

Weinstein’s attorney, Randal Mathis, said their biggest concern is that Klingenschmitt’s audience includes a “certain number of unstable people” who might act in the name of God.

It’s not an unreasonable fear to have considering the number of people who have killed on God’s behalf because they believed they were being called to do so.

Klingenschmitt claims to have done nothing wrong:

Klingenschmitt, 41, told The News that he has “never incited anybody” to hurt Weinstein, whom he called a “paranoid megalomaniac who has a history of anti-Christian persecution.”

“I never prayed for anyone’s violence,” he told the paper. “All I did was quote the Scriptures.” His prayers are available on his website, the Pray In Jesus Name ProjectThe Evening Prayer’s Channel and for radio broadcast.

Does he want Mikey Weinstein to die? “I pray the Psalm that his days are few,” he told The News.

So he’s never incited anybody to hurt Weinstein, except that God fellow who has a known history of utilizing humans to do his dirty work. And it’s not that he’s praying for Weinstein to do so much as, you know, not be living too much longer if at all possible. Because that’s exactly what Jesus would do.

 

After 3 years and 171 wrong guesses the True Bible Decoders are still at it.

We last checked in with the The True Bible Code and Lord’s Witnesses people almost a year ago at the start of December 2008. At that point they were on guess number 126 that New York would be hit with a terrorist attack of some sort.

Now they’re up to guess number 172:

There will be a terrorist attack on the US taking the form of fire from the heavens and a rising mushroom cloud between 2009Tishr1 and 2009Tishri10 (September23-October3). The attack will hit Westside Midtown Manhattan producing a man made mushroom cloud rising from the Hudson river. 

Now would be the time to buy 3 years supply of candles, solar power, wind power, food, water, gas bottles, deisel etc. for yourself your loved ones and some guests. 

Because, honestly, if you can’t trust the advice of someone who has been wrong 171 times already then who’s advice can you trust? They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I think these folks prove that adage quite well.

Each time I’ve visited their page over the past few years it has grown longer as they rush to invent new evidence to explain why their last prediction failed to come to pass. You do have to give them credit for owning up to their past failures. Though even they have lost count claiming they’ve only been wrong 155 times, or maybe only 145 times depending on, as they say themselves, how you count them, when it’s really 171. I know, I counted them up just to be sure.

They offer a Biblical justification for their continued attempts in the face of so much failure:

Why do the LWs keep predicting a nuclear terrorist attack from the bible when they have got it wrong so many times before?

Jesus said:
7 Keep on asking, and it will be given you; keep on seeking, and you will find; keep on knocking, and it will be opened to you.
8 For everyone asking receives, and everyone seeking finds, and to everyone knocking it will be opened (Matthew7).

Either you believe those words or your prefer the promises of Ferenc Gyurcsan, the Hungarian Prime Minister.

Jesus’ words do not mean that we should knock once or twice. They mean that we should keeping knocking until the door opens. For that is the promise. They do not mean that we should seek here and once we have done that we should seek there. They mean that we should seek everywhere until we find. For that is the promise. They do not mean that we should ask once or twice. They mean that we should ask every day and every hour of every day until we are answered. For that too is the promise.

And that is what we have done. And that is what we shall continue to do, God willing, because unlike the wonderful hungarian prime minister whose candour about his dishonesty is like a refreshing stream of truth in a desert of deception, Jesus is true to his word all the time. He is good for every one of his promises and he delivers what he says he will deliver. He does what he says he will do.

The only way we will not find is if we stop seeking. The only way it will not be opened to us is if we stop knocking. And the only way we will not be answered is if we stop asking.

In short they keep guessing because they have no doubts the event they are predicting will come to pass. They just can’t seem to figure out when it will happen, but that’s OK because if you keep on guessing then sooner or later you’ll either be right or die of old age. Guess which outcome I’d wager a bet on?

The fact that they keep asking (or rather guessing) and Jesus keeps not answering is no reason for these folks to stop guessing. It just means they need to guess again and again and again. They’re like the small child in the backseat of the car on a long road trip constantly asking “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? How about now? Are we there yet?” Only there’s no parent in the front seat or, for that matter, a car. Which is probably for the best because after a 171 questions that parent would probably be ready to murder them for a little peace and quiet.

Incidentally I have no idea why they bring up the Hungarian Prime Minister. There’s probably mention of him someplace further up the page, but I didn’t bother to read the whole thing as it’s a lot of nonsense to wade through.

So we’ll check in in another 6 months, or year, or the next time I get bored and remember that these idiots are out on the web, just to see what the count is up to. Maybe they’ll get lucky some day and someone will do something in New York that’s close enough to what they’re waiting for that they can stop guessing and do a little “see I told you so” dance. I can just hear them now: “So what if it took us a couple of thousand guesses? In the end we were right!”

Can you handle some more crazy Republicans?

More fun from the 9/12 rally in Washington, but with a twist this time. About halfway through the interviewer calmly challenges some of the claims he’s hearing. Particularly amazing is the segment where the subject of Obama’s so-called Czars comes up. He points out that the first one, a Drug Czar, was appointed by Ronald Reagan, that the number of Czars was expanded under George W. Bush, and that they don’t have any Executive power at all, but are only advisors. The stunned looks of disbelief on the nutcases’ faces is almost priceless if it weren’t so fucking sad:

These people literally have no fucking clue what they’re talking about. When challenged to provide examples of the things they’re complaining about they fail to come up with anything substantial. If they come up with anything at all it’s a total fantasy that has no basis in reality. This is what FOX News has wrought. Getting thousands of people to show up and protest against their own self-interests.