Good news Christians! Photographic proof that Heaven is real is here!

Mboro-1

How could you not trust a face like that? I’m sure his story is 100% legit!

Self-proclaimed South African Prophet and founder of the Incredible Happenings church, Pastor Mboro (real name: Paseka Motsoeneng), claims that on Easter Sunday he ascended physically to Heaven for a guided tour from Jesus and his (Jesus’ not Pastor Mboro’s) “hot, young wife”. Best of all, he had his Samsung Galaxy S5 smartphone on hand to document it all with pictures! Which he is TOTALLY going to share with anyone and everyone… who makes a small donation of 5,000 South African Rand (about $351.43 USD) to his church.

Needless to say, some folks have a problem with these claims. Especially the whole making-money-off-pics-of-Heaven thing. This has left Pastor Mboro both confused and sad. He’s especially unhappy with the folks who took to social media to mock him with a number of memes like the ones below:

 

So, being the amazingly Godly man that he is, he announced that he would release the pictures for FREE on his Facebook page on Sunday! At last we’ll have real, photographic proof of the existence of Heaven along with Jesus and his hot, young wife!

Or at least he had TOTALLY planned to do that if not for the fact that his smartphone full of pictures was JUST STOLEN AT A CAR WASH!!

He was facing extortion charges for offering the photos for a price, before he claims his Galaxy S5 was stolen.

“The pictures were really there, I saw them. We suspect one of the boys washing the Prophet’s car took the phone. But they all denied taking it, even after we threatened them,” one of Mboro’s bodyguards told reporters. “All those who have deposited money will be refunded.”

Oh, that’s a tough break! Apparently he wasn’t aware that he could set up his phone, which runs on the Android platform, to automatically back up any pictures he took to his Google account which would’ve mitigated the tragedy of having his phone stolen. You’d think he would’ve put that phone in a safety deposit box or a safe or something.

Surely getting a selfie with Jesus and his hot, young wife is a once-in-a-lifetime experience he is unlikely to see again. Not to mention all those amazing vistas obscured by countless numbers of souls milling about praising God 24/7. This could’ve been something to finally shut all us dumb atheists up with all our dumb requests for stupid “evidence.”

Oh well, I suppose it’s a lesson learned for next time. Turn on that automatic backup feature, folks! You’ll never know when Jesus might invite you up for a tour of his crib!

When you stop to think about it neither choice is all that appealing…

A brief primer on the difference between Heaven and Hell:

Yeah, I’m with Einstein on this one.

Give a spot in Heaven to your loved ones this Christmas.

There’s only 20 or so shopping days left until Christmas and many of you are probably still searching for that perfect gift. What could be more perfect than buying a guaranteed spot in Heaven? That’s what the folks at Reserve A Spot In Heaven are offering and at very reasonable rates too!

SECURE YOUR PLACE IN HEAVEN NOW…OR RISK ETERNAL DAMNATION

It is now possible to enjoy your sin filled life and buy your way into Heaven, but how?

Reserve A Spot In Heaven is here for the sole purpose of allowing you the opportunity to secure your spot in Heaven before it’s too late. Yes, at the moment there is plenty of room in Heaven for you and all of your loved ones, but what most individuals don’t realize is that although a large portion of this space remains vacant, spots are filling very quickly. So quick that if you don’t act now you may lose your chance at getting in. How does a future of endless suffering sound? Not so good, which is why we are here to help.

Finally, here’s your chance to reserve and guarantee your spot into Heaven before the time actually comes to go.

How would you feel if when the day came to travel, you had to walk up that long flight of stairs to get into the clouds? You just had a rough past couple of days and the last thing you need is to walk up an enormous flight of stairs. After you reach the top you then get stuck in a long line waiting to get through those wonderful pearly gates. Days, maybe weeks pass, and you finally arrive at the front of the line and the gatekeeper tells you that there is no more room. Dang! If you would have only reserved your spot with us, there wouldn’t have been this problem. You could have been sitting pretty with a first class ticket straight to the gates with zero waiting, but instead, you will be sent down to live an uncertain life filled with pain and anguish.

What sounds better to you, eternal happiness or endless damnation?

We’ll let you decide.

I’m sure you may be wondering, ‘How is this possible?’ Well, to this day we are the ONLY official distributor of reservations into Heaven. We are directly affiliated and sent down by The Board of Heavenly Officials, the only governing body in Heaven, to offer you one thing and one thing only: a worry free, secure way into Heaven.

No more uncertainties- You’re going up!

I am absolutely kicking myself for not coming up with this idea first. Of course it would help if I had the graphic design skills these guys have obviously used on not only their website, but on the travel pass packages they’re selling. Plus there are plenty of credulous people out there who will likely take them up on the offer let alone the number of people who will buy it as a gag gift for someone.