“If Atheists Ruled The World” from our friends at FSTDT.com

SEB reader Tom sent in this video apparently made by some of the folks over at Fundies Say the Darndest Things – a wholly excellent site that I browse infrequently because it can be depressing in large doses – it features folks sitting around reading off actual comments left on Christian Fundamentalist websites:

I’ve heard many of those arguments first hand myself. Even having heard them before it’s still a bit shocking to have them vocalized. I didn’t realize the FSTDT folks were making videos. I’ll have to keep my eye open for more of them.

ADF recruiting Fundies to challenge IRS ban on churches endorsing politicians.

The Fundies are getting worried that they’re losing the Culture War it seems. The Alliance Defense Fund is looking for pastors to challenge the IRS rules against churches endorsing political candidates:

CHICAGO—Declaring that clergy have a constitutional right to endorse political candidates from their pulpits, the socially conservative Alliance Defense Fund is recruiting several dozen pastors to do just that on Sept. 28, in defiance of Internal Revenue Service rules.

The effort by the Arizona-based legal consortium is designed to trigger an IRS investigation that ADF lawyers would then challenge in federal court. The ultimate goal is to persuade the U.S. Supreme Court to throw out a 54-year-old ban on political endorsements by tax-exempt houses of worship.

“For so long, there has been this cloud of intimidation over the church,” ADF attorney Erik Stanley said. “It is the job of the pastors of America to debate the proper role of church in society. It’s not for the government to mandate the role of church in society.”

[…] The battle over the clergy’s privileges, rights and responsibilities in the political world is not new. Politicians of all stripes court the support—explicit or otherwise—of religious leaders. Allegations surface every political season of a preacher crossing the line.

What is different is the Alliance Defense Fund’s direct challenge to the rules that govern tax-exempt organizations. Rather than wait for the IRS to investigate an alleged violation, the organization intends to create dozens of violations and take the U.S. government to court on First Amendment grounds.

“We’re looking for churches that are serious-minded about this, churches that understand both the risks and the benefits,” Stanley said, referring to the chance that they could lose their coveted tax-exempt status or could set a precedent.

Fortunately this challenge isn’t going.. uh… unchallenged:

Yet an opposing collection of Christian and Jewish clergy will petition the IRS today to stop the protest before it starts, calling the ADF’s “Pulpit Initiative” an assault on the rule of law and the separation of church and state.

Backed by three former top IRS officials, the group also wants the IRS to determine whether the nonprofit ADF is risking its own tax-exempt status by organizing an “inappropriate, unethical and illegal” series of political endorsements.

“As religious leaders, we have grave concerns about the ethical implications of soliciting and organizing churches to violate core principles of our society,” the clergy wrote in an advance copy of their claim obtained by The Washington Post.

[…] Former IRS lawyer Marcus S. Owens, however, opposes the ADF’s strategy and its legal reasoning. Working with the Ohio-based clergy, he contends that the Supreme Court would be unlikely to overturn appellate court rulings on the issue or a related precedent of its own.

Owens also criticizes ADF and its lawyers for “actively advising churches and pastors that they should violate the tax law and offering to explain how to do that. The tax system would be shut down if you allowed attorneys to counsel people on how to violate the tax law.”

Owens, a former director of the IRS office that regulates tax-exempt organizations, will ask the tax agency to investigate ADF lawyers for “this flagrant disregard of the ethical rules.” He is joined by former IRS commissioner Mortimer M. Caplin and Cono R. Namorato, who headed the office of professional responsibility at the IRS until 2006.

The two Ohio pastors, the Rev. Eric Williams and the Rev. Robert F. Molsberry, have called for hundreds of clergy to preach on Sept. 21 about the value of the separation of church and state.

Even given the Conservative bent of the current Supreme Court I’d still be very surprised if they overturned the IRS rules considering the rather large number of court challenges that have failed as well as a precedent setting SCOTUS case in the past. That said perhaps it wouldn’t be a bad thing to have them challenge it as they risk their tax-free status in doing so. Personally I think Churches should be stripped of their tax-free status and then they can endorse politicians all they want. Make the tax scale progressive so the biggest churches pay more taxes than the smaller churches and things would be just dandy.

At least I’ll be in good company.

So browsing through the referrer logs today I come across a link to this entry on Republican Faith Chat titled “Hellbound: People Who are Probably Going To Hell”. When you combine that with the RFC’s tagline of “Conservative Christians ONLY. Liberals, Atheists Not Welcomed.” you just know it’s going to be a fun site.

As it turns out it’s a listing of various websites and blogs that the Republican Faith Chat folks feel are the worst of the worst on the Internet. You have to wonder why they’d be visiting any of the sites in question and they’ve helpfully provided the following explanation:

Regardless of how reluctant we are sometimes, it is our duty as Christians (Baptists) to pray for those we deem already damned to Hell. As easy as it is to dismiss these people as lost forever to eternal damnation, we must remember that in Christ, anything is possible no matter how remote the chance.

Given the enormity of sinners that we come across on a daily basis we simply cannot list them all. We will, however, try and update this list as frequently as necessary.

I guess that means they are hoping that people will pray for our corrupted souls in hopes of us seeing the light. On the off chance that the upright visitors reading the list feel the need to see just how vile and evil any of the sites on it really are they encourage them to recite the following prayer of protection first:

WARNING: Before visiting any of the following links you are cautioned to say the following prayer.

IN JESUS NAME, I BIND UP EVERY DEMON COMING ACROSS THE COMPUTER LINES, AND I RETURN THEM AND ANY CURSES.IN JESUS NAME, I COVER MYSELF IN THE BLOOD OF JESUS. I COVER THIS COMPUTER AND THE INTERNET ROAD I TRAVEL IN THE BLOOD OF JESUS. I TAKE AUTHORITY AND DOMINION OVER ALL WEB SITES, WEB MASTERS, WEB DOMAINS, AND DEMONS OF THE INTERNET SUPER HIGHWAY SO THEY DO NOT CROSS MY PATH. I DISPATCH ANGELS AHEAD OF ME TO PROTECT ME.

IN JESUS NAME, I CUT ALL UNGODLY SILVER CORDS AND LAY LINES.

AS YOUR WAR CLUB AND WEAPONS OF WAR I BREAK DOWN, UNDAM, AND BLOW UP ALL WALLS OF PROTECTION AROUND ALL HOMOSEXUALS, WITCHES, WARLOCKS, WIZARDS, SATANISTS, ATHEISTS, LIBERALS, DEMOCRATS, SORCERERS, AND THE LIKE, AND I BREAK THE POWER OF ALL CURSES, HEXES, VEXES, SPELLS, CHARMS, FETISHES, PSYCHIC PRAYERS, PSYCHIC THOUGHTS, ALL WITCHCRAFT, SORCERY, SATIRE, PARODY, MAGIC, VOODOO, ALL MIND CONTROL, JINXES, POTIONS, BEWITCHMENTS, DEATH, DESTRUCTION, SICKNESS, PAIN, TORMENT, PSYCHIC POWER, PSYCHIC WARFARE, PRAYER CHAINS, INCENSE AND CANDLE BURNING, INCANTATIONS, CHANTING, UNGODLY BLESSINGS AND HOODOO, CRYSTALS, AND EVERYTHING ELSE BEING SENT MY WAY, OR MY FAMILY MEMBER’S WAY, OR ANY CHRISTIAN MINISTRIES WAY, AND I RETURN IT, AND THE DEMONS TO THE SENDER, TEN FOLD.

AMEN.

Yeah, that’ll do it. No doubt. I have no idea why the words WARLOCKS and WARFARE are bold faced, but they are. I found it fascinating to see “satire” and “parody” listed among hexes, vexes, spells, and charms as things to be protected against thus proving that Republicans have no sense of humor. Or at least not the ones on “Republican Faith Chat.”

And they really mean it when they say you should recite that prayer first:

At the time of our encounter with these infidels there was no links to pornography, Satan Worship, or extreme foul language. Given the nature of the sinner and their willingness to sin we cannot gurantee that things will not be added at a later time. That is why it is crucial that you say the above prayer before visiting any of the listed web sites. If you have come across someone who is need of deliverance from their sickness you may email 

Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett,

and she will forward the site to the Monie Willis Imprecatory Prayer Committee for submission to this page.

Due to the recent onset of foul language by certain unsaved visitors, comments will not be permitted for this page.

Warning: Proceed at your own Risk

Then we get to the list proper and it starts in June of last year with a link to Mark Fiore’s political cartoons website. Yeah, I can see how they’d have a hard time with him. They describe his site as follows: “Foul LIEberal, Mark Fiore, creates disgusting, anti-Family Values, un-American, un-Conservative, pro-Demoncrat, animated political cartoons from an undisclosed location somewhere in San Francisco. Imppressionable children under 21 should not be allowed to view this site.” And that gives you an idea of what the rest of the list is like.

Moving down the list there’s links to Hillary Clinton’s website, Barack Obama Hussein Bin Laden’s (their name for it, not mine) website, surprisingly enough a link to Fred Thompson’s website (described as “Supporters of a garden variety RINO and dirty old man running for President.”), (un)AmericaBlog, (don’t)Think Progress, Fark.com, Brent Rasmussen’s blog (“Bearded God-mocker who probably sprouts horns and a tail before sneaking into dreams and stealing souls. Extreme wickedness ahead. NSFC”), PZ Myer’s blog (“P.Z. Myers is not only a Atheist of the worst sort, he is a scientist who promotes the lies of man kind evolving from primate love.  NSFA.”), Richard Dawkins, Andrew Sullivan, Fundies Say the Darndest Things!, and, eventually, little old me:

Stupid Evil Bastard

:

Les Jenkins a Liberal Independent, Atheist spreads his message of hatred for Christ and Family values on a blog venue. Also reviews video games filled with sex, bood, gore, and guts.  Owner of the Fundies Say Darndest Things site above. VERY VILE. NSFW, NSFC<21, NSFC.

I like how the mouse tooltip for my link is “Truthful in it’s [sic] description”. They’re wrong in thinking that I own Fundies Say the Darndest Things – I wish I’d have thought of a site that cool – but I can see how they’d make that mistake as SEB is listed as a friend of FSTDT on their main page.

I skipped over a lot of the other sites listed, but suffice it to say that I’m honored to be included in such fine company.  SEB was added back in February of this year so it took them awhile to find us, but I’m proud just the same. The site overall is just a treasure trove of lunacy. I especially love their Legal Statement:

By visiting this entertaining Godly site OR by sending an e-mail submission to Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett©, Republican Faith© OR posting to this site, YOU ARE CERTIFYING THAT YOU ARE 18 YEARS OR OLDER AND you are granting a worldwide, royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable, non-exclusive and fully sublicensable right and license to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, create derivative works from, distribute, perform and display your submission (in whole or part) and/or to incorporate it in other works in any form, media, or technology now known or later developed. The original posts, prayers, all materials and even the pasquinading by our mockers and antagonists found on this site and all materials within are Copyright© protected through 2008 by site manager and/or the contributors. Many antogonists on the political Left would like to call it political satire so perhaps everything posted here should be understood in that context. Whatever it takes to keep their tiny brains from overloading. Please keep in mind that Posting of personal phone numbers or information that may lead to personal injury or harassment is deemed illegal on this forum under congressional legislation, state law and various personal protection acts. Please refrain from divulging information of this kind in such a public forum for obvious security purposes. God Bless America.

I do have to give them credit for using a big word like “pasquinading” though. That’s an unusually large word for people with such tiny intellects, but perhaps they had a thesaurus handy. I may have to spend some time perusing the site a bit more. It’s looks like a lot of fun.

“I Don’t See Any Candy. I Don’t Taste Any Candy. Your Jesus Didn’t Bring Us Any Candy”

The collapse of the Soviet Union had more of an effect on Americans than many may realize: Fundamentalist Christians lost one of their most efficient opportunities to win converts. No longer was it as advantageous to vow to smuggle Bibles beyond the Iron Curtain in order to rescue the innocents and the Godless Soviets just didn’t seem as evil as they had before. Now, “hell on Earth”, which would have been brought to us by the commies, was just plain old hell again and the devil would have to collect his souls without the Reds assisting…

But before the fall of the Soviet Union, several notable religious propaganda films were made and one in particular, directed by Ron Ormond and entitled “If Footman Tire You, What Will Horses Do?”, may have been the strangest of the lot. According to The Unknown Movies website:

Ormond survived a plane crash…and as a result of this became a born-again Christian, teaming up with various Baptist churches and preachers (including Jerry Fallwell at least once!) to make movies that would spread The Good Word.

Associating with the Baptist faith, Ormond soon teamed up with the legendary Reverend Estus W. Pirkle, one of the more colorful and outrageous Baptists of his time – maybe of all time. Already, Pirkle had been distributing audio recordings of his fiery sermons in the Baptist community, and it seemed that evolving into the motion picture medium would be the next logical step in spreading his word – as well as making a few bucks in the format. (As it turned out, Ormond left Pirkle after several movies, when he discovered the good Reverend was essentially ripping him off.) One of the first collaborations between Pirkle and Ormond was If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do, an adaptation of one of Pirkle’s most famous sermons, which he had already cunningly converted into book format for Christian book stores. Naturally, there had to be a number of changes to convert it to a movie (especially one that was only about 45 minutes long.) For one thing, the movie right at the beginning essentially asks us to accept the facts that we are about to hear, without learning what sources Pirkle got these facts from. The movie opens with an off-screen voice asking, “Reverend Pirkle, are the pictures we about to see true fact, or are they figments of your imagination?”

Pirkle’s voice responds, “I can document every statement in this film. And all of the documented re-enactments are taken from actually events that have taken place in Russia, Korea, China, and Cuba, where the communists have already taken over. The only difference is that we’re using Americans to emphasize that the same thing can and will happen…. if they take over.”

Thanks to Brian Turner of WFMU’s Beware of the Blog, some short clips of this hilariously disturbing movie can be viewed there.

The entire 52 minute Praise-Be-To-Jesus movie can be found here

It’s worth your viewing time, if for no other reason than to see how silly fundamental Christians could/can be.

And just in case you haven’t had enough of Estus W. Pirkle (what a name to be born with, eh, and with a name like that he could only have been a fundamentalist preacher…or a sock puppet), check out The Burning Hell video, viewable in 8 YouTube parts. Hey, parts is parts!

http://www.typepad.com/t/trackback/221461/17830474