Republican logic.

The lewdest city name in Michigan.

Browsing through Facebook this morning as I am often wont to do, I came across this meme that left me so outraged that I had to blog about it. The shoddiness of the research is mind blowing and I could not allow this injustice to stand.

Half-assed research will not be tolerated.

Dick is the best they could come up with? I mean, come on, Dick is a literal ghost town. A former lumber settlement that had a postal stop and a railway station and not much of anything else. The post office closed in 1906 and the place has been dead ever since.

What about Climax, Michigan? Now that’s a lewd name. I remember that I was driving along I-96 from Lansing to Detroit to pick up my paycheck — it’s a long story I won’t go into now — and I passed a sign that said, “CLIMAX 1¼ MILES” and all I could think was that at 70 MPH that just wasn’t enough time.

Nope, I wasn’t kidding.

At least Climax is still kicking with a population of around 783 (est.) as of last year. Then there’s Butman, MI, population 1,967. That’s a classic right there.

Yes, there are T-shirts.

Ironwood, pop. 4,936, sounds fairly lewd.

In addition to being able to last for hours, Ironwood has a giant statue of a Native American for some reason.

Here’s a few more for your consideration: Frankenlust, pop 3,514, sounds like a Mary Shelly porn novel.

Beaver Township, pop. 2,801, BEAVER FREAKIN’ TOWNSHIP! NEED I SAY MORE?

Mount Haley, pop. 1,650, not exactly lewd until you think about it.

Clam Union, pop. 893, CLAM UNION? WHY NOT JUST NAME IT SCISSORS AND BE DONE WITH IT??

None of them, however, can top Felch, Michigan. Population 734. Dick simply cannot compete with Felch for title of most lewd city name in Michigan. You may need to use Google to find out why Felch is such a lewd name, but you may regret doing so. Proceed at your own discretion.

When you consider this picture is the most common one on Google for Felch, MI. You can kind of understand why they might be felching each other. Not much else to do there.

Perhaps the meme maker skipped this obvious choice because they had already included Felchville for the state of Massachusetts, but I still say this is a far better choice than Dick. Dick is so pedestrian and overused that I don’t think it even qualifies as lewd anymore.

Bonus lewd non-city name: One of my favorite highway signs in Michigan is the exit from I-75 to Troy, MI, one of the suburbs of Detroit. I know I’ve mentioned this before on SEB, but this is so perfect that it cannot have been by accident. This had to be planned.

Exit 69 to Big Beaver Rd. Nice!

I goatse what you did there.

Click to embiggen

It’s an office disaster waiting to happen.

As I mentioned on an earlier post, Halloween was a bust in terms of seeing any kids in costume. The last thing we need is to keep a shitload of candy in the house considering that neither of us should be eating it. What to do?

Inflict it on my office-mates, natch! This is what the coffee station at work looks like this morning:

Tremble at the sight of Candy Mountain!

Tremble at the sight of Candy Mountain!

I’m a little worried I may be responsible for multiple diabetic comas today so if you see me on the evening news, well, this would be why.

So, apparently this exists…

weenerkleenersoapWords fail me.

Chicago’s Magical Piano adds a little music to holiday travels.

I think it’s great that we live in a time where technology and people’s creativity allow for things like this to happen. Just a shame they never happen here in Michigan.

Even smart people need to be told not to do dumb things.

I work in a building full of automotive engineers. I’ve always thought of engineers as being particularly intelligent. Yet occasionally you’ll stumble across signs on things like this one:

It's like we're all in first grade except that this paste is toxic.

You’d think particularly intelligent people wouldn’t need a warning label like that. Granted, this tub is in the refrigerator a lot of us store our lunches in (you can see my lunchbag in the bottom left background), but as a general rule I don’t mess with things in the fridge that I didn’t put in there to begin with. I always figured that was true for everyone, but apparently it’s not. Apparently you have to warn otherwise intelligent people not to open up a random tub and shovel its contents into their gaping maws just because it happened to be in a refrigerator or someone will end up doing just that at some point in time or another.

You could write that off as just being extra cautious and I could agree with that, but then there’s this:

turnhandledoorsign

Granted this is on a door that at one point in time you could just push to open, but that changed well over a year ago. You’d think most folks would understand how to open the door by now making such a sign unnecessary. Yet every now and then you’ll hear a muffled thud resound through the building as someone runs headlong into the door because they forgot to turn the damned handle.

Which isn’t to say that the engineers in my building are stupid — I’ve forgotten to turn the handle on more than occasion myself and I’m pretty smart — just that every now and then even smart people need to be reminded not to do stupid things.

The hidden messages under our desks.

My cubemate has been sitting at the same desk for the past 4 years. Today while reaching for something under his desk his hand brushed up against a flat magnet adhered to the side up near the center drawer. It’s been there the entire time and he had no idea. It’s one of those magnets that usually contain some form of uplifting message that you slap on a fridge or a filing cabinet.

The message written on this one is… interesting.

oddsecretmessage

For the record, he says that if that’s what it takes then knock yourself out.

Your typical Christian reaction to a rebuttal of something they wrote.

I already shared this on my G+ account, but it was too amusing not to share here.

It appears that Clay Kraby of Reasonable Theology isn’t too happy with the rebuttal I wrote of his Four Miracles of Atheism article. He hasn’t approved the pingback to his article on his blog so I left a comment about it on his Reasonable Theology G+ page and now it appears he’s blocked me from following him on G+.

Below is a screenshot of the RT G+ page in two browsers. I’m signed in to Google+ on the left and not on the right. Notice anything different between them?

Click to embiggen.

Click to embiggen!

Yeah, there’s a distinct lack of content on the side I’m logged in with. I’m not surprised, just amused. I bet if I were to comment on his Facebook page I could get myself blocked there as well. To his credit he hasn’t deleted the comments I made on one of the entries on his G+ page, but he certainly doesn’t seem to want me to keep up with any other bullshit he’s shoveling. I hear this works pretty well too:

La la la la I can't hear you!

God shows up in Florida and sets her car on fire.

I’m going to assume this is a case of someone taking some bad drugs or eating the wrong kind of mushrooms. Then again, they do say that God works in mysterious ways and this would certainly qualify:

Police: Woman claiming to be ‘God’ set car on fire at gas station | www.wftv.com.

Holy BBQ Batman!

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. — A woman claiming to be God doused her car with gasoline and lit it on fire at a BP gas station in Daytona Beach, police said.
Employee Clerk Edna Sandrus said Barnes Alexandra Barnes, 29, went behind the counter, grabbed a lighter and then ran out the door.
Surveillance video shows another clerk, Craig Walker, run after Barnes and tussle with her to get the lighter.

“I could smell gas on my hand from wrestling with her,” Walker said.

Walker said he realized there was fuel on the back of the car and on the ground, and that’s how he realized what she meant when Barnes said, “Don’t move, I’m going to do it, I’m going to do it.”

Barnes grabbed another lighter from her car. She flicked the lighter and the car went up in flames.

Apparently God forgot that she had dogs in her car, but fortunately they were rescued by a bystander before they became hot dogs.

SEB posts this as a reminder of the importance of taking your medication each and every day.