Conversations with a Dumbass: Water Powered Car edition.

Got the following email last night for no apparent reason:

Subject: water powered car

I just have to say something here and you will most likely call it bullshit, but I know what I am saying is true. Back in 1979 a young man came to my door trying to get me to buy his plans for a carburetor that would guarantee me 400 miles to the gallon. He was going house to house in order to get enough orders to have the money to get his idea patented. I was 19 at the time and he was about 22, if I remember correctly.

I was newly married and my new husband was an abuser – he was great until our wedding day – so I was too afraid to go ahead and buy his plans. But I did get his phone number b/c I was already thinking about getting divorced and thought I would buy them after I got divorced.

Several people in our neighborhood bought his plans and a couple of them actually followed through and it really did work. But that’s not why I’m writing to you. As I said, I kept the guys number and called him about a month later to get more info. His mom answered and was very distraught. She said he had been contacted by some men who represented “a big oil company” a few days after he had applied to get his idea patented. They showed up at their house and offered the young man 5 million dollars to sell his idea. He told them he’d have to think about it and spoke to his dad about it that night. His dad told him if they were offering that much that meant the boy could get much more if he just toughed it out and got the patent himself.

That’s when he started going door to door and his dad was also trying to get a loan for him. About a week after he had been at my house he went missing. He just flat out disappeared. And interestingly, those people never tried to contact him again as far as his parents knew. He was never found.

I experienced this myself so I know it is not a made up story. I believe the oil company had the boy killed b/c he was going to cost them a lot of money if his idea ever went anywhere. The two guys in our neighborhood never let anyone else know that they had his plans b/c they were too afraid after hearing the kid went missing.

There are a great many wonderful ideas that could have benefited the entire world that never became a reality b/c someone else wanted to keep it a secret. Greed is rampant everywhere. So don’t fool yourself into thinking that all things are a scam. Some are definitely not.

Most Sincerely,

Angel Ballard

“Be open to the changes life offers you ~ then embrace them with an open heart, mind and soul.”

It’s yet another variation on the miraculous carburetor myth only this time the author claims to have first hand experience with it.  The myth has been around for decades and sometimes the myth claims this wonderful device burns water and sometimes it’s just a very efficient carburetor.  There are still people out there that claim to sell devices to run your car on water today. I wonder why they haven’t been knocked off by the Big Evil Oil Companies yet? As an added bonus that last website also includes 9/11-Was-An-Inside-Job conspiracy and Free-Energy-Plans scams to go along with the Water-Powered-Car scam.

I wasn’t sure what Angel’s intent was in sending me the email. On the face of it she appeared to just be trying to tell me that I was too skeptical, but there was also the chance that she was fishing to see if I was interested in this miracle of hers. So I sent the following reply:

    You’re right, Angel, your story is bullshit. If I had a dime for every time someone told me about a magical carburetor that got ridiculous mileage I’d be a rich man by now.

    So what’s your angle? Are you fishing to see if I’d profess an interest so you could claim to have one of these wonderful devices you’d be willing to sell me cheap? Or do you just like lying to random strangers? You’ll have to do better than that if you want any hope of keeping my interest.


It generated the following response:

Nope…no ulterior motive…you’re just a stupid, evil bastard with not one brain cell to piss on. Have a beautiful day fuckwad!

So she’s either an idiot or I didn’t take the bait. Or both. Hard to say either way.

Still, as I said in my last reply to her, it makes for a great entry in the Conversations with a Dumbass series.

Man secretly names daughter “Sarah McCain Palin.” Let’s see if his wife notices.

Some folks take their political activism a little too seriously:

Mark Ciptak of Elizabethton put that name on the documents for the girl’s birth certificate, ignoring the name Ava Grace, which he and his wife had picked earlier.

“I don’t think she believes me yet,” he told the Kingsport Times-News for a story to be published Tuesday. “It’s going to take some more convincing.”

Ciptak, a blood bank employee for the American Red Cross, said he named his third child after John McCain and Sarah Palin to “to get the word out” about the campaign.

“I took one for the cause,” he said. “I can’t give a lot of financial support for the (McCain/Palin) campaign. I do have a sign up in my yard, but I can do very little.”

Actually your daughter took one for the cause. Years later she’ll tell an amusing story about what a dumbass her father is so it’ll all even out in the end.


Dumbass woman sees rainbow in sprinkler spray, thinks it’s “unnatural.”

In yet another example of why science literacy is important we’re proud to present to you: Dumbass woman who thinks there’s something wrong with her water because she can see a rainbow in the spray from her sprinkler…

The video was created last summer and is painful to listen to as the woman says things like “this cannot be natural” and “its time we asked what the hel is going on.”

Found via

Tom Delay says: God made America to spread the Gospel!

I’m so glad Tom Delay is no longer a member of the House of Representatives, but his retirement hasn’t stopped him from spouting off with the crazy:

I know that America was created by God and it was created by God, not for wealth, personal wealth. It wasn’t created by God so that we would have the resources that we now have. It wasn’t even created by God to have the freedom that we have now. America was created by God to spread the Gospel; to spread the word of Jesus Christ and to propagate Christianity. And the reason I know that is because my entire political career is exhibited by that. The Lord walked with me …I came to Christ in the first year in Congress and now I’ve been walking with the Lord [and] he has trained me and showed me why he created this nation: to spread the Gospel.

Yep, says so right there in the Constitution.

Wait a minute! It says no such thing. Up the dosage on your medications, Tom, I don’t think they’re working yet.

Spammer sentenced to jail escapes and kills wife, daughter, and himself.

This is just a weird story all the way around. Edward “Eddie” Davidson is consider one of the “Spam Kings” and he was finally brought up on charges, convicted, and sentenced to 21 months (less than two years) in jail and ordered to pay $714,139 in restitution to the IRS (compare that to the estimated $3.5 million he earned between 2003 and 2006). Apparently that was too hard a punishment for Mr. Davidson as he managed to plan an escape with the help of his wife which then took a deadly turn:

A teenage girl was shot in the neck and a baby was found unhurt in a car seat inside the vehicle where the three bodies were found, Arapahoe County undersheriff Mark Campbell said. The relationship between the girl, baby and the escaped convict wasn’t immediately clear.

The bodies of “Spam King” Edward “Eddie” Davidson, his wife, and 3-year-old daughter were found in an SUV parked in a farmhouse driveway in a rural part of Bennett, about 25 miles east of Denver. Authorities said Davidson was the apparent gunman.

“What a nightmare, and such a coward,” U.S. Attorney Troy Eid said. “Davidson imposed the ‘death penalty’ on family members for his own crime.”

It just doesn’t make any sense at all. The jail time was trivial and it was in a minor security prison, the restitution doesn’t come close to what he supposedly earned from his spamming activities, and he reportedly had cash stashed away in other accounts. Cool your jets for a few months, get our early on good behavior, and start investing some of that cash. Why the hell did he feel the need to shoot anybody?

I guess being the Spam King makes you a little nuts.

WSJ op-ed claims “The Dark Night” is actually a homage to George W. Bush.

The Wall Street Journal has always been a conservative rag and I expected to get even more so once it was bought out by Rupert Murdoch, but I didn’t expect him to start hiring editorial writers that are smoking crack:

There seems to me no question that the Batman film “The Dark Knight,” currently breaking every box office record in history, is at some level a paean of praise to the fortitude and moral courage that has been shown by George W. Bush in this time of terror and war. Like W, Batman is vilified and despised for confronting terrorists in the only terms they understand. Like W, Batman sometimes has to push the boundaries of civil rights to deal with an emergency, certain that he will re-establish those boundaries when the emergency is past.

And like W, Batman understands that there is no moral equivalence between a free society—in which people sometimes make the wrong choices—and a criminal sect bent on destruction. The former must be cherished even in its moments of folly; the latter must be hounded to the gates of Hell.

“The Dark Knight,” then, is a conservative movie about the war on terror. And like another such film, last year’s “300,” “The Dark Knight” is making a fortune depicting the values and necessities that the Bush administration cannot seem to articulate for beans.

Give me a fucking break. Not being content with ruining every geek’s image of Batman by putting President Bush behind the mask, our esteemed author even manages to work in a Jesus reference:

Doing what’s right is hard, and speaking the truth is dangerous. Many have been abhorred for it, some killed, one crucified.

Because, you see, sometimes you gotta do wrong to protect what’s right. At least that what he appears to be saying:

The true complexity arises when we must defend these values in a world that does not universally embrace them—when we reach the place where we must be intolerant in order to defend tolerance, or unkind in order to defend kindness, or hateful in order to defend what we love.

When heroes arise who take on those difficult duties themselves, it is tempting for the rest of us to turn our backs on them, to vilify them in order to protect our own appearance of righteousness. We prosecute and execrate the violent soldier or the cruel interrogator in order to parade ourselves as paragons of the peaceful values they preserve. As Gary Oldman’s Commissioner Gordon says of the hated and hunted Batman, “He has to run away—because we have to chase him.”

That’s real moral complexity. And when our artistic community is ready to show that sometimes men must kill in order to preserve life; that sometimes they must violate their values in order to maintain those values; and that while movie stars may strut in the bright light of our adulation for pretending to be heroes, true heroes often must slink in the shadows, slump-shouldered and despised—then and only then will we be able to pay President Bush his due and make good and true films about the war on terror.

So it’s not that we want to lock all you furriners up indefinitely and torture you—we honestly hate having to do that—but we’re at that place where such actions are necessary in order to preserve your freedom and not torture you in the future. Or something. It’s hard to tell because I don’t smoke crack myself.

One of the problems with being historically ignorant…

… is that it can make you look like an idiot when you try to protest for a good cause. Here’s a pic of a sign at a recent anti-China Olympics protest:

The answer is: Yes, yes we would allow them to host the Olympics. In 1936 in fact.

Crack a history book every now and then and perhaps you won’t end up looking like a complete idiot.

Sent in by a number of people.

SEB Mailbag: Conversations with a Dumbass - Teslar Watch edition.

Got the following email last night in regards to the entry I wrote awhile back about the captastic Teslar watch:

From: Allan “Sid” Sidney –
Subject: Teslar watch

Just a note from someone who has one and likes it.  I bought the watch for the esthetic reasons and because it is somewhat of a status symbol. I work hard for my money and I can afford to have a thousand dollar watch on my wrist and I don’t care if you don’t like it.
If it happens to have other benefits besides correct time all the better? You spend your extra money on a website,  I spend mine on watches.
I love this country

Here’s the reply I sent back:


    I give a fuck if you like the watch. Whether or not you feel the watch is worth the money doesn’t change the fact that the claims of the company are complete bullshit. When you have something substantial to offer in the way of a discussion then feel free to contact me again, but personal opinions on the watch are irrelevant to the point of my entry.

    Though this will make a great new post in my “Discussions with a Dumbass” series. Thanks for sending it along.


Teenager kills parents so they won’t consider him a disappointment.

That’s some, er, mighty fine thinking you got going there, Jacob:

Jacob Brighton said he shot his parents last month because he always felt like a disappointment to them because he didn’t have a job, smoked marijuana and didn’t share the same “qualities or interests” as his father, according to the recently released documents.

“So there’s nobody, now there’s nobody to be disappointed in me, try to make me lead … their life,” Brighton said.

Most amazing? He’s plead Not Guilty to the charge of first degree murder.