SEB Safety Tip: Do NOT set yourself on fire even if you see people on YouTube do it.

We’ve been over this before. Many. Many. MANY. Times. Before. Apparently I still have to say it again: Do not, no matter where you saw someone else do it or how cool they seemed when they did it or whether someone called you chicken if you didn’t do it, set yourself on fire. The Fire Challenge is a stupid thing to do and you will get burned. Just like this Michigan kid did:

Tabitha Cleary of Dearborn Heights, Michigan, told a reporter for CNN affiliate WDIV that her son, Jason Cleary, suffered second degree burns to his chin, chest and stomach after he was set on fire at a friend’s house.

“I just want everybody to know that these challenges, or whatever they’re watching on YouTube, is not worth your risking your life,” Cleary said. “My son got burned second degree, and it could have been way worse.”

Michigan boy suffers second degree burns in ‘fire challenge‘ — CNN.com

This kid was lucky. He’ll probably recover from this without too much lasting damage. Some of the other people I’ve written about previously ended up much worse off including one that had to be put into a drug induced coma because his injuries were so severe.

Don’t get me wrong, I had my own fascination with fire as an early teenager and had a couple of close eyebrow removing calls, but none of the stupid things I did with fire involved literally and intentionally setting myself on fire. My parents had to tell me not to do a lot of stupid things, but none of them was ever “do not douse yourself in flammable liquids and then strike a match to it.”

On a more general note, you should probably think twice before taking on any of the “challenges” you see on YouTube or social media. Unless it’s immediately obvious that there’s little danger of doing real damage to yourself. I’m thinking of things like the Ice Bucket Challenge that was a craze for awhile. You should at least do some research on what the risks of a particular challenge are and then, maybe, just watch the other idiots do it and not be an idiot yourself.

Oh, and even the Ice Bucket Challenge wasn’t without risk. Lots of people got bonked on the noggin pretty damn hard when the people dumping the water on them lost their hold on what was clearly more of a picnic cooler and not a bucket.

Why not try a Take A Nap Challenge? Something nice and easy and beneficial? Just lay down on a couch and take a nap. Not a couch that’s on fire, just a normal couch. I feel like I shouldn’t have had to say that last part, but given some of the stupider people out there that keep setting themselves on fire I figured I should probably bring it up.

It’s 2019 and grown-ass adults have to be told not to drink bleach. Apparently.

Every now and then I stop to ponder how we, collectively as a country, could have been stupid enough to elect Donald Trump to the highest office in the land. A job he was clearly unqualified for to anyone who had more than two brain cells to rub together. Surely there aren’t that many drooling idiots out there that are so susceptible to Russian propaganda as to make such a thing possible. I know the results of the election show that, yes, clearly this must be true, but my brain struggles to accept the obvious conclusion.

Holy shit, don’t actually do this.

And then I come across a warning from the FDA telling these same people that, no, drinking bleach will not cure your AIDS/Cancer/Autism/Hepatitis/Flu and that they should stop drinking it and/or, even worse, making their kids drink it. You might think I’m kidding, but I am not:

Since 2010, the FDA has warned consumers about the dangers of Miracle or Master Mineral Solution, Miracle Mineral Supplement, MMS, Chlorine Dioxide (CD) Protocol, Water Purification Solution (WPS) and other similar products. Miracle Mineral Solution has not been approved by the FDA for any use, but these products continue to be promoted on social media as a remedy for treating autism, cancer, HIV/AIDS, hepatitis and flu, among other conditions. However, the solution, when mixed, develops into a dangerous bleach which has caused serious and potentially life-threatening side effects.

“The FDA’s drug approval process ensures that patients receive safe and effective drug products. Miracle Mineral Solution and similar products are not FDA-approved, and ingesting these products is the same as drinking bleach. Consumers should not use these products, and parents should not give these products to their children for any reason,” said FDA Acting Commissioner Ned Sharpless, M.D. “The FDA will continue to track those selling this dangerous product and take appropriate enforcement actions against those who attempt to evade FDA regulations and market unapproved and potentially dangerous products to the American public. Our top priority is to protect the public from products that place their health at risk, and we will send a strong and clear message that these products have the potential to cause serious harm.”

Source: FDA warns consumers about the dangerous and potentially life threatening side effects of Miracle Mineral Solution — U.S. Food and Drug Administration

Note that first sentence: “Since 2010.” Meaning people have been drinking bleach in hopes of curing various issues that largely do not have a cure for almost a fucking decade. I think this explains a lot about the current political environment in America today. It’s not the Russian propaganda all over Facebook and Twitter that is the problem, it’s the fact that enough people are drinking bleach as a miracle cure that the fucking FDA has had to repeatedly tell them to stop. Apparently to no avail.

Where the fuck did people get the idea that drinking bleach was somehow a miracle cure? From a religious nut, of course. A former Scientologist dude named “Jim Humble” (of course) founded and then declared himself the archbishop of The Genesis II Church of Health & Healing. Except it’s really not a religion as you don’t have to have any particular beliefs to join it — not even the ones espoused by the founder(s) — you just have to be able to cough up $35 and, voila, you’re a “church member” complete with an ID card spelling out all the advantages membership brings. Stuff like:

1. Protection against vaccinations, unwanted x-rays, scans, or health insurance mandated by human authority. We are a church and it is against our church’s beliefs. People have already used their membership cards to keep from being vaccinated, and from going through scans.

2. The ability to purchase health products of all kinds in any quantity including but not limited to food, plants, vitamins minerals, herbs and all remedies in any quantity necessary for yourself or your family. This protection will be more understood when the church has its own health food stores right in the church building. The belief includes the right to maintain these products in your own home.

3. The membership includes a picture membership card with these rights written on the back and a notice that anyone violating these rights will be prosecuted by the Church.

Wow! Not even Jesus promises the ability to purchase health products of all kinds in any quantity! Though the definition of “health products” is being very loosely applied here as one of the big things that Mr. Humble promotes is his Miracle Mineral Supplement which Big Pharma doesn’t want you to know about:

I want to tell you about a breakthrough that can save your life, or the life of a loved one. In 1996, while on a gold mining expedition in South America, I discovered that chlorine dioxide quickly eradicates malaria. Since that time, it has proven to restore partial or full health to hundreds of thousands of people suffering from a wide range of disease, including cancer, diabetes, hepatitis A, B, C, Lyme disease, MRSA, multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, HIV/AIDS, malaria, autism, infections of all kinds, arthritis, high cholesterol, acid reflux, kidney or liver diseases, aches and pains, allergies, urinary tract infections, digestive problems, high blood pressure, obesity, parasites, tumors and cysts, depression, sinus problems, eye disease, ear infections, dengue fever, skin problems, dental issues, problems with prostate (high PSA), erectile dysfunction and the list goes on. This is by far not a comprehensive list. I know it sounds too good to be true, but according to feedback I have received over the last 20 years, I think it’s safe to say MMS has the potential to overcome most diseases known to mankind.

Repeat after me “anecdotes are not data.” He’s right about one thing though, it does sound too good to be true. Because it isn’t true.

Jim gives away the recipe to this miracle on his website for free which has lead to a shit load of unscrupulous people setting up websites and selling it on the Internet. Fortunately, the FDA is cracking down and prosecuting the folks peddling it. Which is good because drinking it can cause vomiting and severe diarrhea — which a lot of these websites will claim proves it’s working — and can cause much bigger problems like dangerously low blood pressure, damage to the digestive tract, acute liver failure, and kidney damage. Poison control centers across this country have seen almost 17,000 cases of idiots drinking chlorine dioxide — industrial fucking bleach — since 2014.

My cynical side says that this is the definition of a self-correcting problem. If enough idiots drink enough bleach then it’ll go away on its own. The issue is not only are they not drinking enough bleach, but they’re inflicting it on others who don’t have the ability to say no. I draw the line at people trying to sell it as a legit medicinal product and at you deciding to shove it down your kids’ throat because you can’t handle the fact that he/she is autistic.

However, It’s a free country and if you want to chug some industrial bleach in hopes it’ll cure your gout then more power to you. The recipe, as I said, is freely available on Jim (I’m so) Humble’s website. You’re an idiot, but you’re an idiot with the right to do stupid things to yourself if you really want to. That said, I would highly recommend that you consider the following bit of text at the bottom of the page that has the MMS recipe on it:

Disclaimer: The protocols described on this site are official sacraments of the Genesis II Church of Health and Healing. The reader accepts 100% responsibility for any and all use made of any information herein.

I don’t know about you, but any church that has to cover its ass with a disclaimer for its “miracle cure” is one I wouldn’t have much faith in. Bottoms up!

You can take your fandom too far.

I’ve said before that I do appreciate it when the Trumpsters self-identify because it makes it easier to know who to avoid talking to, but you can overdo it:

He's more 'MURICA! than anyone else he knows!
They’re more ‘MURICA! than anyone else they know!

Dude, we get it. You’re a raging asshole who is apparently willing to risk traffic tickets to tell the world whose dick you’d be more than happy to ride on for a few hours, but you could’ve saved time and money with just a couple of those on your bumper. That’d be all it would take to insure anyone with more than two brain cells to rub together would leave you alone.

Perhaps you should consider taking up a hobby. May I suggest meditation? In a straight-jacket?

Maybe some folks should just avoid Halloween altogether.

It’s almost Halloween which means there’s a lot of parties taking place both at home and at work. It also means there’s a lot of poor decisions on what would make for a good costume being made. For some folks the old standbys of vampires and werewolves and Freddy Krueger are just too passé these days. So they try to come up with something really unique.

Take this dad for example. He and his young son are history buffs and so they teamed up for a historical costume, but he might have wanted to spend a little more time thinking things through before deciding to dress himself as a Nazi officer and his son as mini-Hitler:

I bet he did Nazi that backlash coming.
Click to embiggen!

According to reports, the dad from Kentucky tried to justify his decision to dress his child up as the Nazi leader, and criticised those who ‘threatened’ him and his son at a local trick or treat event on Thursday.

He wrote: “Tonight grown adults threatened a child over his costume. Threatened his mom and dad as well. Threatened to rip his outfit off of him screaming obscenities, scareing (sic) a small child.

“Anyone who knows us knows that we love history, and often dress the part of historical figures,’ he wrote in a post that has since been deleted.

Source: LAD Bible.

It would be easy to jump to conclusions about the motivation Nazi dad had in deciding this was an appropriate father/son Halloween costume, but I’m the sort that’s willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps the two of them really are history buffs and were just trying to express that love with a really bad choice. He goes on to say:

“Tonight as we walked we saw people dressed as murderers, devils, serial killers, blood and gore of all sorts. Nobody batted an eye. But my little (son) and I, dress as historical figures, and it merits people not only making snide remarks, but approaching us and threatening my little 5-year-old boy,’ he wrote in the tone deaf posting.

“First off, its none of your business. Second, how dare you! I mean How dare you threaten a child. Me, its one thing, but my child? You are messing with fire.”

I also agree that if anyone did threaten his kid that that would be way out of line… but, dude! Seriously? You didn’t for a single moment stop and think that maaaaaybe this might be a bad idea? Here’s the thing you may not be getting here: There are still people alive who somehow managed to survive the Holocaust and, even though we’re talking about something that ended 73 years ago, it’s probably still a little soon to be an appropriate Halloween costume.  You want to dress up as a historical figure responsible for untold slaughter? Try Genghis Khan. 

On second thought, that’s probably a bad idea too.

Anyway, Nazi dad has since taken down his FB rant and apologized saying:  “I think it was in bad taste for me to let my child to wear that, probably for me to wear that. It didn’t occur to me. I thought it was a bad decision on my part.” I could probably accept this as just some clueless dude who didn’t think his costume idea all the way through. That was until I saw the full content of his rant on Facebook which concluded with: ‘Yes, liberalism is alive and well. And we had the dis-pleasure of dealing with the fruits of the so called “Tolerant Left”‘. Now I’m not so sure it was as much cluelessness as it was someone upset they got called out for letting their Nazi freak flag fly. 

Then we have this woman in Iowa who maybe might want to be a little more skeptical of Halloween costume ideas from Megyn Kelly:

Art Tate, superintendent of the Davenport School District in Iowa, told the Quad-City Times in an email that Megan Luloff — a first-grade teacher at Walcott Elementary — is under investigation for showing up to a Halloween party on Friday with a face painted black as she tried to emulate Lafawnduh, a black character in the 2004 movie.

Linda Hayes, vice president of the district’s school board, told the Quad-City Times that the decision to do blackface — and then have the photos shared online — is harmful for minority students.

“I cannot clearly articulate how offensive and appalling it is to people of color,” she said, according to the newspaper. “In light of our recent developments within the district, this was in very poor taste, not to mention totally out of line with regard to professionalism.”

Source: The Miami Herald

Ms. Luloff didn’t not respond to a request for comment on her costume choice so, again, I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she just really loved the character of Lafawnduh. I’ve never seen Napoleon Dynamite so I have no idea what the character was like. It’s also possible she’s ignorant of the racist history of blackface

That doesn’t excuse her thoughtlessness, but it’s sounding like she may end up paying a high price for her ignorance so I’m not going to heap too much criticism on her:

The school district wrote in a statement that it will make a decision about Luloff’s employment after the investigation is complete, according to The Root.

“The district strives to provide a quality education enriched by our diverse community, in a fair and supportive environment for all,” the statement read. “The images run counter to the respect, values, and beliefs the district promotes and should not be a reflection on the District as a whole.

“This situation is not taken lightly by any member of the board,” it continued. “The district will determine how to best address the matter after further investigation.”

I admire your bravery, Ms Luloff, if not your reasoning ability. The last person to pull off blackface in recent history was Robert Downey Jr. in the movie Tropic Thunder and it was a risky move that only worked because the film actually satirizes it.  

I get that everyone wants a unique and clever costume for Halloween, but you could save yourself a lot of trouble if you just stuck with the classics. At the very least, you should stop to ponder if there’s any chance your choice might offend a significant portion of your fellow humans either because it perpetuates racist caricatures or draws inspiration from one of the worst genocides in human history before committing to it.

Just sayin’, but you do you.

Too Much Faith Will Make You Crazy: BBQ Pet edition.

christianassholesThere’s a lot of fucked up shit in the Bible. Things like incest, murder, rape, and animal sacrifice to name just a few. In fact, that last one shows up quite a lot in the Old Testament. There was a time when God really loved the smell of a freshly slaughtered animal on a pyre, but for the most part Christians stopped sacrificing animals after Jesus came along.

Apparently 42-year-old Patrick Zane Thompson in Arizona didn’t get that memo:

Investigators spoke with Thompson’s family, including his daughter and wife. When Thompson went back into the house, they say he got more erratic and told his family, in front of his four minor children, that he needed to make a sacrifice of a male.

According to the victims, Thompson stated it had to be either himself, his firstborn 6-year-old son or the family dog — a small, white poodle weighing about 15 pounds. That’s when the family tried to escape the home but Thompson was able to grab hold of the dog. Investigators say the family pleaded with Thompson not to hurt the dog.

But the situation got more gruesome. Goodyear police say Thompson admitted to then breaking the dog’s neck and strangling it until it “could not breathe.” He allegedly told officers the sacrifice was not done and that he had to put the dog in a “lake of fire.” Court documents say he then told them that he put the dog in the heating element of the smoker, which was turned on.

Oh yeah, I’m sure God’s loving the smell of smoked poodle. That’s gotta be a refreshing change from all those lambs and cows and shit he got in the past. Plus it’s been so long.

So what was the sin that prompted Mr. Thompson to offer up his only poodle to his Lord and Saviour? Why, only one of the most horrific things you’ve ever heard of:

Detectives investigated further and learned that shortly after returning home, Thompson became upset with a shirt that his 17-year-old daughter had. Investigators said he believed the shirt had to do with the devil. That paperwork says Thompson made his daughter take the shirt and go with him to a large BBQ traveler that’s parked in a side yard. The smoker was lit and police report that Thompson put the shirt in the trailer, burning it.

The article doesn’t say what the T-shirt had on it that was so terrible, but I’m sure it was something like “I’m with stupid.” or “I love One Direction.” You know, really evil stuff.

But hey, you can’t judge this guy! He was only doing what he truly believed his God wanted him to do. He was sure calamity was about to befall his family unless he took immediate action. Of course, he was also high as a kite at the time, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t save his family with his quick thinking. God can be pretty fucking demanding! Just read the Bible and you’ll see that for yourself. At least he didn’t opt to use his 6-year-old son instead, right? Can’t say that about Abraham and his kid. I bet if Abraham had had a poodle God wouldn’t have stopped him just before he completed the act. Smoked poodle is delicacy in some places.

Man posts sign expressing delight that his neighbor has cancer.

Well that's not very neighborly! Click to embiggen!

I can be an asshole at times just like anyone else, but this is taking assholeishness to a whole other level:

Cranston residents protest sign urging cancer patient to die – Projo 7 to 7 News Blog 

Bob Gold, 55, has been in remission for a year from Hodgkin’s lymphoma, which he has been fighting since February 2009. He said that on Monday, he was in his backyard when he saw a holiday wreath with a red bow on the back window of Jimmis’ garage. A hand-lettered note inside the wreath read: “Glad you have canser (sic). So die stupid.”

It seems that Edward Jimmis, the man who put up the sign, had previously had some sort of disagreements with Bob Gold, his neighbor, that left him with one hell of a grudge. He says in the news item that he “wanted to hit a nerve” and he certainly accomplished that goal as several people showed up to protest outside his house. Gold also called the police about the sign, but Jimmis wasn’t doing anything illegal in posting it so there wasn’t a whole lot they could do. They did show up to ensure that the protest stayed peaceful and commended the folks present for holding the protest.

After a reporter spoke with Jimmis he changed the sign to read “love your neighbor” as some sort of act of contrition:

On Tuesday, Gold, unsatifisfied with the change, called the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and visited the mayor’s office, speaking with Carlos E. Lopez, who handles constituent affairs.

“We can’t legislate being a good neighbor,” Lopez said later in the day. “You want to be able to help, but we have to make sure we respect everyone’s legal rights. … Let’s hope for the better side of humanity to prevail on this.”

Police did send some representatives to talk to both men about sitting down and working out their differences. Jimmis agreed that he was being an asshole in posting the sign and he promised that he wouldn’t post it again. He also agreed to sitting down with officers and Gold to talk things out:

Gold, however, said he wasn’t yet ready to sit down with his neighbor.

Which is a shame because it will justify in his neighbor’s mind that he was right to be an asshole. You go through all that trouble to bring attention to your neighbor’s dickishness and shame him into being contrite and then you refuse to try and work things out? Who’s being the asshole now?

It’s a special kind of asshole who takes up two handicapped parking spaces…

Constable and noted asshat, Joseph Mora.

… when he’s not handicapped himself and then when he’s confronted by an actual handicapped person he flashes a fake badge and assaults the poor guy. The cherry on top of this pile of shit? When said asshole is a constable and a member of the local planning board.

Meet just such an asshole: Jospeh Mora of Fairhaven, Massachusetts.

According to police, the man tried to park his car in one of the handicapped spaces at the Seaport Inn and Marina on Friday night and noticed that Morra’s car was taking up two handicapped parking spaces.

Police said Morra’s car didn’t have a handicapped license plate or a visible placard.

Police said the man began taking pictures of Morra’s car with his cell phone.

According to police, the man said Morra displayed a badge to him and ordered him off the property while uttering expletives.

The man told police that Morra poked him in the chest and sternum several times and then shoved him, nearly knocking him to the ground.

Mora’s been charged with assault and battery on a disabled person, intimidation of a witness, impersonating a police officer and malicious destruction of property valued at over $250 for breaking the disabled man’s cellphone. Also, of being a humongous prick.

I could kind of understand if he was just going to be parked for a couple of minutes and he took up one handicapped spot to do it, but this is going beyond inconsiderate to the land of complete asshattery. Seriously, walk the extra 20 feet or so and stop being such a dickhead.

Man threatens host of kid’s birthday party with a gun.

I generally don’t have a problem with gun ownership — most gun owners seem to be responsible and considerate — but this guy isn’t one of those people:

According to a police affidavit, Hayes became upset and began yelling at the victim because “Y’all didn’t save my kids no damn ice cream and cake.”

Hayes then left the party and went to his apartment.

According to the affidavit, he returned with a small black handgun tucked into the back of his pants, approached the host, lifted up his shirt and said, “I ain’t scared to go to jail, just take care of my kids.”

via Man brings gun to South Memphis birthday party after his kids don’t get any cake » Knoxville News Sentinel.

It’s probably a good thing he wasn’t “scared to go to jail” because that’s where he ended up after the host called the police on his stupid ass. I suppose I can understand feeling slighted that your kids were snubbed (intentionally or not), but this is hardly the appropriate response to the problem.

Of course, given the exemplary diction the accused displayed, I suppose it’s not surprising that it was the only response he could come up with. Next time lay off the crystal meth and learn how to express yourself in a less jail-worthy fashion, eh?

8-year-old pepper sprayed after threatening police with a sharp stick.

Every kid throws a temper tantrum now and then, but it sounds like second grader Aidan could use a few anger management classes:

According to the report, Aidan “was climbing the cart and spitting at teachers. He also broke wood trim off the walls and was trying to stab teachers with it.”

“I wanted to make something sharp if they came out because I was so mad at them,” Aidan said. “I was going to try to whack them with it.”

The report goes on to say Aidan, “was holding what looked like a sharpened one foot stick and he screamed, ‘Get away from me you f—ers.'”

Lakewood Police officers ordered the 8-year-old to “drop the stick.” When he refused, they sprayed him with pepper spray twice until he dropped the piece of wood and was handcuffed.

According to the police report, the boy was later treated on the scene for “a red, irritated face.”

His mom is upset because she thinks the pepper spray was excessive saying that the previous two times that the police had to show up at his school they were able to calm him down by talking to him. Based on the kid’s own statements it sounds like he had every intention of causing bodily harm if he could manage it and if he wasn’t calming down then pepper spray is probably a better alternative than shooting him.

Which, based on the following, is something that seems like a possibility in the future:

Aidan admitted he has problems controlling his anger.

“Just kind of like whenever anybody upsets me,” he said. “Like I just kind of want to tear them apart… I think it’s not ever going to go away… It’s just who I am.”

Yeah, that’s gonna be a nasty issue for him as he gets older unless his parents can get him the help he apparently needs. If not I foresee a short, but infamous career on reality television.

Well this is a novel way to get your ass run over.

It’s probably safe to say that Benjamin Keyser is not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Seems he was riding as a passenger in a F350 Ford Truck with a moon roof when he thought it’d be hilarious to climb out of said moon roof while the truck was in motion:

“He immediately lost his balance, slid down the windshield and front hood … and the truck ran him over,” said State Police Capt. Scott Brown.

[…] The other three occupants of the truck put Keyser, 23, back in the truck and drove him to the Chatham Rescue Squad headquarters where he received emergency medical care before a New York State Police helicopter transported him to Albany Medical Center.

He remains there in serious condition as of press time. Keyser broke a femur and suffered facial and bodily injuries, according to authorities.

via The Register Star Online > Joke gone wrong lands man in hospital.

He’s lucky that’s all he suffered from. Seriously, how stupid do you have to be to think this is a good idea?

“It appears that alcohol played a part in this accident,” he said. “The victim had consumed alcohol just before this happened.”

Ah, you have to be stupid drunk to think this is a good idea. Of course the real question here is: Do you think he learned anything from this?