Man literally betrayed by his own heart.

Modern technology is amazing, but every day we’re hearing about cases where someone’s electronic device ends up tying them to the crimes they’ve committed. Usually it’s cellphone location data or photos that busts someone for a crime, but in this case police arrested Ross Compton for arson because his story didn’t line up with data from his electronic heart monitor:

Middletown man’s electronic heart monitor leads to his arrest – WLWT5

Middletown police said Compton told them that he was able to pack his suitcases and throw them out his bedroom window after he broke out the glass with a walking stick.

According to court documents obtained by WLWT, a cardiologist told police that those actions were “highly improbable” because of Compton’s medical condition.

Police sought to prove that by collecting electronic data stored in Compton’s electronic heart device. They wanted to know Compton’s heart rate, pacer demand and cardiac rhythms before, during and after the fire.

Police told WLWT on Friday that it was an excellent investigative tool, and the information that was retrieved didn’t match Compton’s story.

“It was one of the key pieces of evidence that allowed us to charge him,” Lt. Jimmy Cunningham said.

It’s believed this is the first time data from an electronic heart monitor has been used in this manner. Of course, it helps that the arson inspectors say the fire was started with gasoline at multiple points around the outside of the house and it was on the clothes Compton was wearing at the time, but this is the icing on the cake.

I’m always amused by the criminals who don’t think to leave their cellphones at home when undertaking a planned crime because that’s going to be the first thing the police are going to check. Turning it off is another option, but that looks suspicious if it’s only off during the time the crime takes place. Especially if it’s during the day when you’d have it turned on.

Having a heart monitor, however, is not something you could (or probably would want to) turn off. I suppose you could start the fire and then go through the motions of what you are going to claim to have done so that the data links up, but given that it’s physically demanding you’d be putting yourself at risk of heart failure while in the middle of a burning building which doesn’t seem too smart either. Probably want to change your clothes after handling the gas too.

I dunno, seems like the smart thing to do is not to do this in the first place.

Kid kicked out of high school and arrested for writing about shooting his neighbor’s pet dinosaur.

OK this is just getting stupid now:

High school student says he was arrested for killing dinosaur in class assignment – NBC12.com – Richmond, VA News

Alex Stone said he and his classmates were told in class to write a few sentences about themselves, and a “status” as if it was a Facebook page.

Stone said in his “status” he wrote a fictional story that involved the words “gun” and “take care of business.”

“I killed my neighbor’s pet dinosaur, and, then, in the next status I said I bought the gun to take care of the business,” Stone said.

Holy Sweet Flying Fuck!I wouldn’t make it through high school these days if this is the norm. As a freshman I once wrote a short story about an unnamed student who might have shot himself in the head in the boy’s bathroom (the ending is somewhat vague) one afternoon because I was bored. It wasn’t even part of an assignment, I just was struck with inspiration and wrote it. Showed it to a couple of friends and it got handed off to a teacher.

Do you know what that teacher did? She encouraged me to submit it along with a couple of other creative efforts I had done to the school district’s creative writing contest. I won a bronze medal for that bit and a gold one for a short reimagining of the fairy tale Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

In my version of the tale, Goldilocks stumbles upon the cabin of the Three U.S. Government workers where she tries all three computer terminals until she finds one that’s “just right” and ends up launching our nuclear payload at Russia setting off WWIII. The story ends with one of the government workers shooting her in the head just as the missiles scream out of their silos. The moral of the story was: “Just because a terminal is just right, doesn’t mean it’s just right. It could be terminal.”

Yeah, I thought that was clever at the ripe old age of 14.

Anyway, I can only imagine the trouble I’d be in if I were in high school and wrote something like that today. It’s bad enough he was suspended for a week, but did he really have to be arrested too?

According to police, when Stone was asked by school officials about the comment written on the assignment, he said it was a joke.

Summerville police officials say Stone was disruptive and was told that he was being detained for disturbing schools.

Stone was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct. District officials say the student has been suspended.

You can be arrested for being disruptive at school? Holy shit! Had this been the practice back in the day I’d have a criminal record a mile long now. Probably be on death row for multiple counts of brutal character assassination* too!

*Get it? Character assassination? Because I killed off a couple of fictional characters? Ha ha! I kill myself!

OK, one more time: Do NOT point your laser pointers at aircraft.

 

Pic of Charlie Brown.

I’m right there with you on that one, Chuck.

Man admits he pointed green laser beam into airplane cockpit at PBIA – Sun Sentinel

Michael Ryan Fischer, 26, of Wellington, pleaded guilty to a federal charge and admitted that he intentionally aimed the beam of the laser pointer into an AirTran flight shortly before 11 p.m. on Dec. 30, 2012. He also pointed the laser into a sheriff’s office helicopter that was sent to investigate the incident, according to court records.

This jackhole is getting off easy as the prosecutor is recommending a punishment that doesn’t involve jail time. He could’ve been facing five years in a federal prison.

It’s a felony to do this. You could blind the pilots and cause a crash and then you would be facing even more serious charges. You wouldn’t randomly shoot a gun into an aircraft cockpit (I hope) so why do you think there’s no harm in doing the same thing with a freakin’ laser?

The next time you think to yourself, “Gee, I wonder what would happen if I shined this laser into the cockpit of that passing aircraft?” Do everyone a favor and take that laser and shove it up your ass where it’s less likely to do any real harm to anyone. Better yet, if you don’t think you can resist the impulse of shining lasers at random passing vehicles then don’t even buy one. Surely there are better things you can spend your time and money on that don’t carry the risk of landing you in federal prison because you happen to be a dumbass.

If you think racism is dead in America…

… just watch what happens when the Simple Misfits run an experiment with two different people — one white and one black — attempting to break into a car.

Not only do the police show up within minutes of the black guy’s attempt, but at the end it looks like they have half a fucking squad there to handle him despite him being completely cooperative with the officer. Meanwhile the white guy spent half an hour doing the same thing and a passing cop didn’t even stop to question him about it.

A few years back ABC News did a similar experiment in a park where they staged a bike theft:

In that experiment some folks did question the white guy who admitted that he was stealing the bike and then didn’t bother to do anything else about it, but when the black guy showed up suddenly it was a showdown. Even more interesting is when they bring out an attractive blonde woman to steal the bike and people actually help her do it.

To be fair, there’s more than racism at work here. This is a perfect example of cognitive bias in action. Specifically in relation to racial stereotypes. Our culture has long reinforced the idea that white people are good and black people are bad and when confronted with situations such as these that bias tends to show up. The best way to avoid being biased is to be aware of our tendency to engage in it when and where we can. At its worst it ends up putting innocent people in jail and/or allows guilty parties to escape.

Found via Boing Boing.

Family of armed robber pissed suspect was shot by good samaritan.

Sometimes I’m amazed by the utter gall of my fellow humans. Take, for example, this news report about some idiot named Adric White who decided a dollar store would make a good target for an armed robbery down in Alabama and his resultant gunshot injury:

The Good Samaritan, who we are not identifying, told FOX10 News he was shopping at the Family Dollar on Stanton road when he noticed a masked gunman leading one of the employees to the front of the store.

“He had the gun to his head. He had him on his knees,” said the man. “I drew my gun on him and I said ‘Hey don’t move.’ At that point he swung around and before he had a chance to aim the gun at me I fired. I didn’t want to shoot him.”

This appears to be one of those rare cases where a Good Guy with a gun does manage to take down a Bad Guy with a gun possibly saving some lives in the process. I don’t buy into the idea that the solution to all gun crimes is more people with guns, but I acknowledge that occasionally it does work out well if someone nearby is armed and this definitely fits that bill.

The suspect survived the shooting and is under police custody at a local hospital. We already suspect he’s not too bright for thinking a dollar store was worth robbing . That suspicion is confirmed when we learn that he was out on bond after being charged in connection to another armed robbery at a local restaurant about a month earlier.  This guy is as dumb as a bag of rocks.

Apparently, stupidity is inherent to his gene pool:

A family member who did not want to be identified said White should have never been shot to begin with.

“If his (the customer) life was not in danger, if no one had a gun up to him, if no one pointed a gun at him – what gives him the right to think that it’s okay to just shoot someone?” said the relative. “You should have just left the store and went wherever you had to go in your car or whatever.”

I have two words for White’s anonymous family member: Fuck You.

8P72l5F

I’m a flat-out Liberal with a capital L, but even I think that if you or your loved ones are stupid enough to engage in an armed robbery and are threatening the lives and livelihoods of other people then you shouldn’t be surprised — let alone upset — if you get shot in the process.

I don’t carry a gun, but had I found myself in that situation where a gunman had a gun pointed at someone’s head and it was apparent the gunman wasn’t aware of my presence and I could see a way of coming up from behind and clocking him in the back of the head with whatever large, blunt object happened to be on hand you can be pretty sure I’d take the opportunity to give him a new opening in his skull. I wouldn’t try to kill him outright, but I’d make damn sure he wouldn’t be getting off the floor before the police arrived.

Your precious little snowflake lost any right to not be harmed the moment he threatened to harm someone else. If you’d rather he not be injured again then perhaps you should encourage him to find a more legitimate way to get his cash. There are certain occupational hazards that come with being an armed robber. Whining about him being shot just makes you look like a bigger idiot than he is.

Sometimes a little advanced planning can save you a lot of trouble.

The following news item is pretty typical of what you’ll see in any local paper these days. Someone gets into a high-speed chase with the cops because they’ve done something stupid:

Mandy Ramsey, 35, of Fort McCoy, was speeding south on County Road 318 in a Ford F-250 pickup truck when a patrol car chased after her to pull her over, according to a Marion County Sheriff’s Office report.

After seeing the patrol car in pursuit, the woman turned onto Northeast 220 Street and then continued down Northeast 10th Avenue, running a stop sign and eventually hitting an oak tree.

The only question is: What is the stupid thing they’ve done that left them feeling they had no recourse other than to flee from the police? Had a dead body in the bed of the truck? Open bottles of booze in the seat next to them? Carrying huge amounts of crack cocaine or crystal meth?

In this case it was nothing so mundane…

The deputy lost Ramsey during the chase in the area, but soon found the car parked behind a mobile home with its passenger side mirror broken with an oak tree leaf in it, according to reports.

Deputies made contact with the vehicle’s owner, Ramsey’s boyfriend, who said he hadn’t driven the car in over two hours. Ramsey then admitted to deputies that she didn’t stop because she was driving topless and wanted to surprise her boyfriend.

You have to admit, that’s one helluva surprise. Honey, I got into a police chase and wrecked your truck all so you could see my tits! Surprise!

The thing I find most amusing about this is that just a little bit of forethought could have prevented the problem. Start with not speeding on the drive over to his house so the cops won’t decide to pull you over. Too much of a lead foot? Then perhaps you should consider take a shirt with you on the off-chance the cops do catch you speeding.

Hell, for that matter, how long does it take someone to yank off their shirt in the car after they’ve arrived safe and sound at the house? Leave the bra at home and toss on some oversized T-shirt you can slip out of in 2 seconds flat and you’re all set. This isn’t rocket science folks.

I can appreciate surprise tits as much as the next guy, but I can appreciate not having to bail someone out of jail after they wrecked my vehicle a heck of a lot more.

Pastor busted for recording video of female parishioners using church bathrooms.

Pervert Pastor pissed at being pinched.

55-year-old Robert Lyzenga is a naughty Pastor.  Seems he felt God needed some help keeping on eye on the female members of the Sunrise Christian Reform Church so he took it upon himself to install “air fresheners” on the stall doors of the women’s restroom.

No one thought much of it until one of them fell off while a lady was taking care of business. When she picked it up she noticed that there was some form of camera in the spot where the nicely smelling insert normally goes:

Cops: Pastor Hid Cameras In Church Bathroom | The Smoking Gun.

A review of memory cards removed from the purported air fresheners showed that they contained footage of two adult women and a female juvenile “using the restroom.” A church worker told cops the air fresheners first appeared in the stalls in February, raising the possibility that many other women were videotaped (and the footage was downloaded from the hidden cameras).

Lyzenga was busted after footage from one of the cameras showing someone putting it together in an office area was matched up with things in his own office such as the Superman mouse pad on his desk. The married father of three was fired immediately after his arrest and is awaiting trial.

I’m less surprised that the good Pastor has gone astray than I am with the means he took in doing so. I’ve never understood how someone could find watching anyone use the bathroom to be sexy.

Dumbass counterfeiter wants to be on “Hardcore Pawn” so badly he gets himself busted.

Pic of Charlie Brown.

I'm right there with you on that one, Chuck.

Some folks will do anything for their brief moment in the spotlight. Take for example Detroit area counterfeiter Kenny “Boom” Smith who is a big fan of the reality show Hardcore Pawn which is filmed in Detroit at American Jewelry and Loan. He wanted to be on the show soooo badly that he offered to sell Les Gold, the owner and star, his counterfeit making machine and a bunch of counterfeit money:

So Gold didn’t bat an eyelash when Smith showed up and wanted to sell him his counterfeit money and machine. He wanted to be on the show. Smith told Gold he would bring his counterfeiting equipment to the store. A short time later the Secret Service showed up at American Jewelry and Loan. They had been tracing Smith’s activities since he had been passing his fake bills.

Gold filled them in on what Smith had told him and the agents found out Smith’s counterfeiting claims had been captured on camera for the show.

So now, Smith has been busted by the Secret Service and charged in federal court. This isn’t his first counterfeiting case either. He has done a stint in prison for the same thing and if convicted he is going back again.

As Gold says, “All because he wanted his five minutes of fame on TV.”

via Counterfeiter caught selling to famous Detroit pawn shop of ‘Hardcore Pawn’ | News – Home.

Obviously Mr. Smith isn’t the brightest bulb, but his quest for TV infamy still prompts a couple of questions. What, exactly, did he expect the pawn shop to do with the phony money? Sell it as a novelty? REAL FAKE MONEY! FOOL YOUR FRIENDS! GET YOUR ENEMIES ARRESTED!  Did he not understand that he was being filmed admitting to a crime? He signed the waiver allowing them to use the footage on the show and it’s not like they use hidden cameras. Did he just think it wouldn’t be admissible in court?

If nothing else I suppose he deserves credit for putting his own stupid add back into a jail cell. That’s one less source of fake money doing business in Detroit.

Pssst! Hey buddy! Wanna buy some Tide? Top quality detergent cheap!

The face of black market laundry detergent: Patrick Costanzo.

I’m rarely surprised by things people are willing to steal, but I have to admit that I was taken aback by learning that there is apparently a black market for laundry detergent. Specifically, for the Tide brand as thieves are making off with it by the, literal, cartload.

GRIME WAVE – WWW.THEDAILY.COM

Tide has become a form of currency on the streets. The retail price is steadily high — roughly $10 to $20 a bottle — and it’s a staple in households across socioeconomic classes.

Tide can go for $5 to $10 a bottle on the black market, authorities say. Enterprising laundry soap peddlers even resell bottles to stores.

“There’s no serial numbers and it’s impossible to track,” said Detective Larry Patterson of the Somerset, Ky., Police Department, where authorities have seen a huge spike in Tide theft. “It’s the item to steal.”

Seriously. I am just flabbergasted by that. I mean, I could maybe understand it if you were strapped for cash and were stealing it to do your own laundry with, but to resell on the black market? From the sounds of it the crooks are only going after Tide and none of the alternatives mainly because Tide is the most popular and recognized brand. There’s even a company developing some sort of anti-theft alarm system for bottles of Tide that’s being tested in CVS stores. Did you get that? AN ALARM SYSTEM FOR LAUNDRY DETERGENT!

“These are criminals coming into the store to steal thousands of dollars of merchandise,” said Detective Harrison Sprague of the Prince George’s County, Md., Police Department, where Tide is known as “liquid gold” among officers.

He and other law enforcement officials across the country say Tide theft is connected to the drug trade. In fact, a recent drug sting turned up more Tide that cocaine.

“We sent in an informant to buy drugs. The dealer said, ‘I don’t have drugs, but I could sell you 15 bottles of Tide,’ ” Sprague told The Daily. “Upstairs in the drug dealer’s bedroom was about 14 bottles of Tide laundry soap. We think [users] are trading it for drugs.”

Police in Gresham, Ore., said most Tide theft is perpetrated by “users feeding their habit.”

I had to double check to see that this wasn’t a parody story in The Onion. Especially after reading this:

“They’ll do it right in front of a cop car — buying heroin or methamphetamine with Tide,” said Detective Rick Blake of the Gresham Police Department. “We would see people walking down the road with six, seven bottles of Tide. They were so blatant about it.”

But it’s no joke. That mugshot back at the top of this entry? That’s Patrick Costanzo who was busted for stealing $6,300 worth of Tide powder (video at the link). He’s no first timer either. Police say Patrick hit the same Walmart some 28 times to steal Tide and a bunch of other crap. He’s also not alone. That store reports thefts of Tide totaling over $25,000!

Just when you think life can’t get any stranger you find out folks are buying their illegal drugs with stolen laundry soap. I’m still trying to understand how this works out well for the drug dealer. I can only assume he must be able to resell the Tide for more than what the drugs were worth and yet still less than what it goes for in the store (otherwise why would you buy it from him?). I’m not sure if that says more about the price of Tide or the price of drugs.

Bad: You and your girlfriend are robbed. Worse: Robbers introduce your girlfriend to your wife.

Ha ha!

Talk about adding insult to injury:

The robbers forced the man into a waiting vehicle, and two of the robbers got into the pickup truck with the woman, Miami police said. The masked men used flex cuffs to bind the man’s and the woman’s wrists and drove them to the man’s house on Northwest 14th Street in Miami, according to investigators.

When they arrived at the house, police said they found the man’s wife, his mother and two children in the home.

Police said the robbers tied up the whole family, beat up the man, roughed up his wife and then took jewelry and money from the home. The men took off with thousands of dollars in cash and jewelry, Miami police said.

Before leaving, the robbers brought the man’s girlfriend into the home and introduced her to his wife, according to investigators. The robbers then left them all together in the house and took off.

via Kidnappers Introduce Victim’s Girlfriend To Wife – Miami News Story – WPLG Miami.

While I don’t condone the violence and robbery done to the man, his mistress, and his family, I do have to admit to feeling a certain amount of Schadenfreude over his unfortunate experience.  It’s hard to feel sorry for the guy’s plight given what an asshole he is though it was also a dick move on the part of the robbers to make things even worse for him. I suppose if you’re going to be enough of an asshole to rob and kidnap people to begin with then exposing their infidelity is probably just icing on the cake for you.

Now that I think about it, I just posted an entry about a man being an asshole to his neighbor over his cancer which I guess is an extreme form of Schadenfreude as well. Am I wrong to call that man an asshole for his glee over his neighbor’s misfortune only to laugh at the man in this news item?