SEB Krismas Gift Guide: The ultra creepy “Hug Me Pillow.”

Know someone who is lonely? No one to hold them while they sleep at night? Do they long for the loving embrace of at least one quarter of a person? Are they not easily creeped out by weird design choices? Got $30 bucks? Then we have the perfect gift for them! 

It’s the Hug Me Pillow and it’s available for a mere $30 right now. Just check out this totally non-creepy shot of it in action:

But don’t take our word for it that this is the finest cure for loneliness ever invented! Just check out these testimonials:

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5
Keeps me company!,  Jun 7, 2006
By Anonymous from Alaska

I bought this pillow to keep my company on nights when my husband, a correspondent for the Trans-Alaskan News Network, was out of town. The pillow exceeded even my wildest expectations. I’m told the pillow was modeled after Brad Pitt, and I believe it! When I first nestled against the soft, but firm chest of my new “husband” I slept better than I ever had before. Now I don’t mind when my husband goes out of town!

Overall Rating:  5 out of 5
What an awesome pillow,  Jul 14, 2008
By WPCexpert from Arkansas

My husband ordered me this pillow for our two year wedding anniversary (cotton anniversary). It works for me in so many different ways, he is military so is constantly deployed so now I have a sleeping companion. It also works well for those nights when he is getting too overheated to snuggle and I can snuggle with my “man”. I absolutely love this pillow I sleep with it every night and can barely stay awake once I lay my head on this wonderful invention.

All the comforts of a fellow human being without any of those pesky adultery issues! ORDER YOURS TODAY!

Gnomes Gone Wild!

Apparently they’re very credulous down in Argentina. Recently a bunch of teenagers sitting around on the street after dark in the town of General Guemes managed to catch a “gnome” on video using a camera phone before they freaked out like little babies and ran for their mommas. Really, you can see the video below:

By golly that does look vaguely like a gnome. Or at least someone surprisingly small dressed up like a gnome. According to this article in The Sun it’s been “terrorizing the citizens there for quite a while now:

COPS in a town plagued by sightings of a creepy ‘gnome’ have launched a full-scale investigation – after records showed locals have reported seeing the creature for DECADES.

The knee-high person – who wears a pointy hat and has a distinctive sideways walk – was caught on video two weeks ago by a terrified group of youngsters.

Millions of stunned people viewed the chilling clip after The Sun reported the tale – with some sceptics claiming the footage just showed a dwarf causing mischief.

Yeah, that’d be my guess. Someone very small who’s having some fun with some extremely credulous people.

Only weeks before it was captured on camera, spooked rail workers called the police to say they had spotted the crab-walking gnome side-stepping its way around the train tracks at night.

National newspaper El Tribuno has reported that fear is now so widespread that the town mayor Salta has been inundated with calls from terrified locals and has launched a full scale police enquiry into the affair.

He said: “I am a little sceptical because I have never personally seen these gnomes – but it’s definitely possible that they exist.

“People here believe in them and we have to respect that.

“I do not think that it is completely impossible. Gnomes are part of our culture here.”

And Police Commissionaire, José Luis Núñez – who has been charged with tracking down the creature’s lair, said: “I personally believe in gnomes as I saw one when I was a child.

“But so far we have not been able to determine whether the figure on tape was real or not.”

A local poll showed 90 per cent of General Guemes 30,000 residents believed gnomes stalked the streets at night.

Wow, all this excitement over a little dude in a hat who walks sideways. What do they expect this gnome to do? Bite their ankles off? It doesn’t appear to move very fast and you could probably drop kick it into the next county if it tried to attack you so stop being a bunch of pussies. The next time one of you sees it walk right up to it and figure out just what the hell it is. That’s what I’d do. I’d probably call my friends over too on the off-chance it might be worthwhile to tackle the little bastard and reveal just what it is so people can stop acting like idiots about it.

Or maybe not. Perhaps this is the only fun that little person has. In that case I’d see if I couldn’t make friends and then help spread the mischief by finding overly credulous people for him to dance around in front of. Perhaps start up a gnome protection business selling craptastic products to the idiots fine citizens of Genera Guemes guaranteed to keep evil gnomes out of their homes. Split the profits with the little gnome dude and call the whole thing “Gnomeland Security.” Yeah that’d be a great idea!

Anyone out there able to tell me what show this is from?

Reader GDub sent in a link to this rather creepy claymation show that I feel like I recognize, but can’t quite place. It may just be because it has a character that looks like Mark Twain in it, but I’m not sure. The animation itself appears to depict a god of sorts passing judgment on its creation much to the horror of the children that helped it. Check it out:

I’m sure I’ve seen it before, but it was years ago. Supposedly it’s been baned for some reason, but without seeing the whole show I can’t say why.

Update: Never mind. I now remember where I’ve seen this short from. It was released in 1985 as The Adventures of Mark Twain and is described as follows:

Based on elements from the stories of Mark Twain, this feature-length Claymation fantasy follows the adventures of Tom Sawyer, Becky Thatcher, and Huck Finn as they stowaway aboard the interplanetary balloon of Mark Twain. Twain, disgusted with the Human Race, is intent upon finding Halley’s Comet and crashing into it, achieving his “destiny.” It’s up to Tom, Becky, and Huck to convince him hat his judgment is wrong, and that he still has much to offer humanity that might make a difference. Their efforts aren’t just charitable; if they fail, they will share Twain’s fate. Along the way, they use a magical time portal to get a detailed overview of the Twain philosophy, observing the “historical” events that inspired his works.

I might have to add that one to my wish list.

According to Kucinich being a vegan helps you nail women half your age.

Presidential hopeful Dennis Kucinich has big plans for promoting healthy diets if he’s elected president, but he may want to rethink his words when describing the benefits of eating well:

While describing a diet free of animal products and an improved quality of life, MSNBC Hardball Host, Chris Matthews, ignited laughter when playfully remarking “And you married a young woman.”

Kucinich joked, “And I did. And my – hello. I mean, I’m 60 years old, I have a – my wife’s 29. You draw your own conclusions. Diet helps.”

That’s just… creepy… in an old pedophile kind of way. It certainly doesn’t do much to make me want to vote for the guy.

Wal-Mart secretly takes out life insurance policies on its workers.

From the SEB What The Fuck department comes word that Wal-Mart has been collecting on life insurance policies on its employees:

TAMPA – When Karen Armatrout died in 1997, her employer, Wal-Mart, collected thousands of dollars on a life insurance policy the retail giant had taken out without telling her, according to a lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court.

Armatrout was one of about 350,000 employees Wal-Mart secretly insured nationwide, said Texas attorney Michael D. Myers, who estimated the company collected on 75 to 100 policies involving Florida employees who died.

Myers is seeking to make the Armatrout lawsuit a class-action case on behalf of the estates of all the Florida employees who died while unwittingly insured by Wal-Mart.

“Creepy’s a good word for it,” Myers said. “If you ask the executives that decided to buy these policies and the insurance companies that sold them, they would say this was designed to create tax benefits for the company, which would use the benefits for benevolent purposes such as buying employee medical benefits.

“If you asked me, I would say they did it to make more money.”

One more reason for me to avoid Wal-Mart like the plague. That’s just wrong on so many levels.

Creepy training video for Christian Clowning.

It’s like a bad Stephen King movie: Christian Clowns invade a local nursing home to “entertain” the helpless residents trapped within…

Creepiest creepy moment? “If people are in need of touch, we touch them.”

There’s a part 2, but I couldn’t bring myself to watch it.

Dominoes Pizza’s new commercial frightens me.

Have you seen this new Dominoes Pizza commercial?

Gives me the heebie jeebies every time I see it. Especially the dude with the big eyes. They haunt my dreams. Always watching, staring, blinking with enough force to blow over small children and pets.