God shows up in Florida and sets her car on fire.

I’m going to assume this is a case of someone taking some bad drugs or eating the wrong kind of mushrooms. Then again, they do say that God works in mysterious ways and this would certainly qualify:

Police: Woman claiming to be ‘God’ set car on fire at gas station | www.wftv.com.

Holy BBQ Batman!

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. — A woman claiming to be God doused her car with gasoline and lit it on fire at a BP gas station in Daytona Beach, police said.
Employee Clerk Edna Sandrus said Barnes Alexandra Barnes, 29, went behind the counter, grabbed a lighter and then ran out the door.
Surveillance video shows another clerk, Craig Walker, run after Barnes and tussle with her to get the lighter.

“I could smell gas on my hand from wrestling with her,” Walker said.

Walker said he realized there was fuel on the back of the car and on the ground, and that’s how he realized what she meant when Barnes said, “Don’t move, I’m going to do it, I’m going to do it.”

Barnes grabbed another lighter from her car. She flicked the lighter and the car went up in flames.

Apparently God forgot that she had dogs in her car, but fortunately they were rescued by a bystander before they became hot dogs.

SEB posts this as a reminder of the importance of taking your medication each and every day.

Crazy woman learns that the end of the world is no excuse for kidnapping people.

36-year-old Lark Ann Freeman is a little on the nutty side. She believed the world was going to end last Friday in an apocalyptic earthquake at 11:11AM and so she did what any self-respecting nutcase would do in such a situation. She kidnapped 4 people and then led police on a high speed chase in a rented U-Haul truck. Because, you know, she had to save the world:

The incident unfolded around 9:45 a.m. when a park ranger noticed a 30-foot U-Haul truck straddling lanes near Alexander Avenue in the Headlands, said Alexandra Picavet, a spokeswoman for the Golden Gate National Recreation Area.

When the ranger tried to stop the truck, the driver took off and entered the one-way Bunker Road tunnel against the five-minute red light, Picavet said. The truck got through the tunnel without encountering oncoming traffic and continued toward the coast.

Sheriff’s deputies, Sausalito police and U.S. Park Police joined the chase, finally cornering the truck at the Bird Island overlook near Rodeo Cove. The driver and two passengers refused orders to get out of the U-Haul.

As police negotiators worked to resolve the standoff, a 74-year-old man climbed out of the truck cab and said he needed to use a restroom. He then told police that he had been lured into the truck from People’s Park in Berkeley on a promise of cigarettes — and that three other captives were being held in the back of the truck, according to Picavet.

via Marin County cops: Woman who claimed world was going to end abducted four people – San Jose Mercury News.

Police eventually resolved the stand-off and the world failed to come to a cataclysmic end Friday morning. No word from Ms. Freeman on why the world didn’t end and what, exactly, she planned to use her captives for if it had.

SEB posts this news item as a public service announcement on the importance of remembering to take all of you medications every day.

SEB Mailbag: Hi, my name is Don. I’m a moron.

I present the following epistle without comment:

From: Donald Sikinger <yuo4yuo4@yahoo.com>

Subject: Hi there, my name is Don and your place sucks as it is way too confusing.

Hi there, my name is Don and your place sucks as it is way too confusing.

les@stupidevilbastard.com

I’m still trying to figure out what exactly do you do, as it certainly is not for conversation, or to sell garbage to make a buck, but rather how much of a mess you can make on the web.

Are you seriously paying hard earned cash for your space on the internet? You are joking right?

I would call you by your own title but that would get me no where.

What is it that you do on the net, what is your purpose? Trying to get around your place is like a drive threw a garage dump, or perhaps filtering a septic tank, but what the hell it is a free country—the last I checked.

No, you have not offended me in some long lost post so do not get any strange ideas.

I’m simply telling you your site is a crap hole of confusion as you over tech yourself beyond reason—as if you fucking care. You do not care, then I do not.

Are you political, religious, terrorist (HA HA) where are the posting sights even after registering? What are you selling—you have a listing of your merchandise? Perhaps organize your merchandise by price or shipping—do you ship to Kumbaia Mexico or Scumtaatoo Idaho?

So I will take ONE T-shit saying—YOU Stupid Evil Bastard— but I could not find that page on your site either. You must be fixing your site, with revisions on top of revisions and then more revisions, and then alterations, deletions, add on gimmicks, banning at random, and in the end—YOU stupid evil bastard— what a fucked up form you have. Have you banned yourself yet? Just wondering with all the revamping.

Ok, all in good fun, I will poke around and try to learn something, like what not to do.

And YOU stay away from religious sites, I would not want you to go ape on me when you are doing so good.

Don

Don did manage to somehow register an account, no small feat given the above rambling barrage of words, and he even submitted an entry that consisted of of the following brief comment:

I do not think you understand the Bible. Try reading it and not looking at the letters.

I’m not sure if that’s deeply profound or stunningly stupid, but I’m leaning towards the latter interpretation.

SEB Mailbag: “The Two Witnesses” edition.

Here’s something you don’t see every day. An email about the coming apocalypse that combines Christian end-times-nonsense with a government/alien (as in UFOs) conspiracy.

To whom it will concern,

A man and a woman are about to witness to, and reveal, some very shocking information that will have a profound and quite disturbing effect upon the populace. The testimony will encompass ‘top secret’ programs and certain ‘black technology’ that the US Government and the US Military do not want you to know about.

More specifically the information involves US involvement with Alien species and alien technology. This joint military and alien alliance is one of pure evil, and more specifically, Satanic. Many heroic whistle blowers have lost their lives trying to bring this shocking information into the public domain.

Listen to this testimony of Phil Shneider who was murdered after he started speaking out in town hall meetings about his involvement with the construction of numerous underground bases to accomadate this very unholy alliance. Phil was an extremely brave man who continued to talk even after suffering many attempts upon his life. In the end he was strangled to death in his apartment.

Listen to this testimony of former US Navy Intelligence officer and patriot William Cooper who was murdered in a staged shootout at his rural home.

There are many former military personal speaking out well, including former astronaut Ed Mitchell and a former senior member of NASA Clark McClelland.

The ‘Two Witnesses’ will indeed shock the world in the coming weeks. These two are indeed, the Two Witnesses of Revelation 11 that are mentioned in the Book of Revelation. They will be testifying that they are witnesses to the works of Revelation 12 that have been recorded in great detail at www.prophecies.org

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

This email has been sent to you by Mark Brander of Ontario Canada. I am a witness as well to the works of Revelation 12. I have known Linda for several years and have been given many dream/visions about these works that have also included a couple of very profound spiritual encounters.

Cause if you can’t trust a complete stranger who has had several dreams and/or visions about “these works” then who can you trust?

But that’s just the tip of the crazy iceberg. I’ve included the rest after the jump because it’s lengthy and I don’t want that much crazy spread all over SEB’s front page. Be prepared to be awed by the amazing prophecies of a complete nut bag. As always, we post this nonsense as a public service to remind folks of the importance of taking your medication every day.

Continue reading

Too Much Faith Will Make You Crazy: Man dies waiting for God to heal him.

Another in our ongoing series of people who had perhaps a tad too much faith takes us to South Carolina and 33 year-old Mr. Tillman. It seems Tillman tore his ACL back in March and when he went to the doctor’s office to get patched up they told him he’d have to pay $300 upfront before the repair could be done. Mr. Tillman couldn’t afford the appointment so he drove back home and settled his 550-pound frame, naked save for a blanket, into a recliner where he took up a Bible and stayed… for the past eight months believing all the while that God would heal him.

His wife tended to his needs as best as she could, but in the end God decided he had via better things to do than to heal Mr. Tillman:

“He read his Bible daily, he spent his full focus on God,” said Webb. “And he was literally waiting and praying for a Job miracle. If anybody knows the Bible and knows Job, he really and fully believed that God was going to heal him just like he did Job, because he said he couldn’t think of a better testimony to go out and to tell people.”

For eight months they had no visitors. Webb rarely left his side, and she tried to keep him clean.

“I couldn’t get him rolled over to use a bedpan,” said Webb.

Other than eating and reading the Bible, she says Tillmon posted sermons online and texted messages of faith through his cell phone.

“He wanted so much to get up and you know, he wanted to tell everybody what Jesus done,” said Webb.

I can only imagine the filth that must have gathered in that chair as he sat there, for eight months, relieving himself. I can’t imagine anyone else putting up with it for that long, but put up with it she did until the bitter end:

Webb says Tillmon consistently told her not to call for help. She says Wednesday morning he was in so much pain that she finally called an ambulance.

Greenwood County authorities say they found Tillmon covered with sores, and that he appeared to weigh about 800 pounds. They say he was stuck to his chair, and they had to saw the recliner apart. They cut a large hole around the front door to get him out.

He died at the hospital.

He had managed to pack on another 300 pounds in eight months? That’s an impressive feat in itself.

The wife, as you’d expect, is beside herself with grief for not getting help for her husband sooner.

Actually, that’s not true at all. She’s fine with it:

Webb says she has no regrets about leaving him in that recliner.

“If I feel anything right now, it’s envy for him because I wish he had taken me with him,” said Webb.

Officials, amazingly enough, aren’t charging her with a crime. I guess the figured they couldn’t come up with a punishment worse than what she’d spent the last eight months living with.

I get emails all the time from various True Believers&trade; with uplifting stories about how they prayed and God cured them of cancer, or gallstones, or whatever and I often write back and ask if they sought any medical treatment for their condition. Each time the answer is yes. I wonder how well they would have fared if they had the amount of faith in God that Mr. Tillman had. I wonder if their God would’ve been as happy to help had they not sought medical treatment. It’s somewhat amazing how often God’s willingness to cure you is tied to whether or not you’re getting medical attention.

The other aspect of this story that isn’t as obvious is how it shows the need for a public health care system in this country. Perhaps if Mr. Tillman didn’t need to worry about whether or not he could afford to go to the doctor he’d still be alive to spread the message of God’s love.  At the very least, his wife wouldn’t have gone through eight months of hell on earth.

Found over at Pharyngula.

More proof that too much faith will make you crazy…

Sometimes having too much faith will put you and your family at risk:

Over three months in 2006, as her five children grew more emaciated and listless by the day, Estelle Walker made no move to find a job, no effort to scrounge up a meal, her kids told a jury yesterday.

“We were supposed to wait for God to provide,” said Walker’s oldest daughter, now 21. “And that’s what we did.”

At one point, the daughter said, she and her siblings went 11 days without food. When police were at last summoned to the Sussex County cabin by neighbors, investigators found the children so malnourished they had difficulty talking.

It seems that in 2005 Mrs. Walker had told her church that she and her kids needed to get away from her alcoholic husband so the church put her up in a cabin it normally uses for retreats. It’s not explicitly stated in the article, but there’s a suggestion that the church supported Walker and her kids during their stay in the cabin. The trouble started when the church decided it was time for them to move on:

Walker was due to leave the cabin in May 2006 but refused, saying God had told her to stay, church members have said. The church then cut off her support and began eviction proceedings.

It wasn’t long before the money was gone and along with it the food. Yet Mrs. Walker refused to find work or ask for assistance:

Under questioning by Sussex County Assistant Prosecutor Frances Koch, they said Walker never tried to get any assistance for her family, either from her estranged husband or from other relatives. She likewise avoided seeking help from two churches near the Hopatcong cabin where they had been staying, the children said.

Though she had previously worked as a teacher, Walker made no effort to earn money, her children said.

“She never tried to get money or food or get a job,” the 16-year-old daughter said.

Now, several years later at the age of 50, Mrs. Walker is facing four counts of second-degree child endangerment which could land her in prison for 10 years for each count. None of this has shaken her faith in the least. In fact she has so much faith that she’s refusing to help in her own defense:

The invocation of God has been a theme throughout the trial’s first three days. Before the jury entered the courtroom yesterday, public defender Ronald Nicola told Judge N. Peter Conforti that Walker had been refusing to take an active role in her defense.

“She says, “God is my defense,’ Nicola told the judge.

Nicola asked that Walker be permitted to undergo psychiatric testing.

Asked by Conforti why she is not participating in her trial, Walker told him she saw no point in it.

“I don’t feel the need to continue to go over the documents that we’ve been going over for three years,” she said. “God will defend me.”

She’s already been found competent to stand trial so the request for psychiatric testing was denied. This woman’s faith almost killed her and her kids and now it’s going to put her behind bars.

The kids, by the way, have been living with their father since their mother was arrested and are reportedly doing well. Or at least as well as you can do when called upon to testify against your own mother for being a crazy bitch.

Jesus Christ booted from jury pool for acting like an asshole.

Man, you just can’t take Jesus anywhere any more. First he bites the living shit out of a dude and has to be shot by police. Then he comes back as a 59-year-old woman and makes an ass of himself when called upon to serve jury duty:
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. (AP) — Court officials say a Birmingham woman who changed her name to Jesus Christ didn’t live up to it when she reported for jury duty this week. The woman, previously named Dorothy Lola Killingworth, was sent to Judge Clyde Jones’s courtroom for a criminal case Monday.

Court officials told The Birmingham News Tuesday that the 59-year-old was excused because she was disruptive and kept asking questions instead of answering them.

OK, so it wasn’t really Jesus Christ. Just some crazy lady who changed her name. I only posted this item because I wanted to be able to quote the following line from the article:

Efforts to reach Christ for comment were unsuccessful.

That always seems to be the case, doesn’t it?

Crazy Bible thumper subdued on airline flight.

Paul Marchuk III is a little nuts and not just because he believes in an invisible Sky Fairy who grants wishes if you believe in him. It seems he caused a Delta Airlines flight from Seattle to Atlanta to be diverted to Nashville after he freaked out on the plane and started screaming Bible verses at the person sitting next to him. You’re just going to love the reason for his freaking out:

According to a police arrest warrant, “The suspect would not allow the person sitting next to him to leave her seat to use the restroom. The suspect kept telling her that his blood would be on her and he was not going to let her leave no matter what happened. Several passengers restrained the suspect and the suspect attempted to bite one of the passengers in the leg.”

The Boeing 757 with 178 passengers and a six-person crew flew on to Atlanta where it landed some 1 1/2 hours late.

I suppose it might be a tad unfair to call Mr. Marchuk III crazy just because he refused to let the person next to him use the bathroom. After all just think of all the airline tragedies caused by someone using the bathroom at the wrong time. The article doesn’t say who the person was that was sitting next to Mr. Marchuk III. Maybe she looked a little Middle Eastern and he thought she was going to the bathroom not to pee, but to mix up a bomb from the various small but TSA approved bottles of liquid in her purse. Maybe he had a perfectly rational reason for freaking out.

Nah, he’s probably just crazy.

That Old Time Religion will make you crazy.

Man asks court to change his name to ‘In God We Trust’ – Charlotte Observer

ZION, Ill.—Steve Kreuscher wants a judge to allow him to legally change his name. He wants to be known as “In God We Trust.”

Kreuscher (CROY’-shir) says the new name would symbolize the help God gave him through tough times.

The 57-year-old man also told the (Arlington Heights) Daily Herald he’s worried that atheists may succeed in removing the phrase “In God We Trust” from U.S. currency.

‘Nuff said.