Satan’s typewriter is kinda gross.

masturbationtypewriterSo long as you don’t shoot for a novel you should be OK.

 

Nonsensical Church Sign of the Day: Plumbing Wisdom

I’ve mentioned before how my daily commute takes me past a church sign every day. Truth is, it takes me past two church signs on two different highways. Yesterday I happened to notice that the other church sign had a message that was, well, less than clear in its meaning.

It reads as follows:

BE THE FAUCET

NOT THE DRAIN

IT’S UP TO YOU!

Um, OK?

I know it’s supposed to be a metaphor, but I’m not sure why a faucet is a positive thing while a drain is a negative thing. If your basement is flooded you’re going to grow an appreciation for having some way of draining it and a faucet can be a problem if you can’t shut it off. Perhaps they mean that Christians should do all the talking and not bother listening as a sure-fire way to win converts? It’d certainly be a good way to avoid being exposed to new or differing ideas.

Does anyone have a clue what the hell this is supposed to mean? Is it not as stupid as my brain seems to think it is? I’m probably over thinking it. Wouldn’t be the first time.

Annoying Church sign of the Day: Friends.

Every day as I commute into work I pass by a church sign next to the freeway. Like many other church signs, it has a spot for witticisms and wisdom to be dispensed in small bites that can be read easily while zooming by at 70 mph. Most of the time they’re fairly innocuous, but occasionally they manage to annoy the shit out of me.

The latest message, for example, is about friends and it reads:

FRIENDS – GOD’S WAY OF
TAKING CARE OF YOU

I couldn’t help but chuckle at how Christian the logic of that statement is. Friends are a wonderful thing to have and the lengths some of them will go to help you out when you’re troubled is simply amazing, there’s not doubt about any of that. I cherish each and every one of the people I consider to be my friends even though some of them I’ve never met in person.

The problem I have with this statement is that it takes all the credit for the love and assistance provided to you by your friends and hands it over to God, who is apparently too damned busy making crude drawings of his mom or his “son” in random inanimate objects to bother helping you directly when you could really use it. It also suggests that the only reason you have any friends at all is because God cared enough to manipulate them into your life instead of, say, you being a decent enough person that people might actually like you for who you are. The whole sentiment just rubs me the wrong way.

Give credit where credit is due. If your friends stick by you in tough times and help out where they can then it’s because they are awesome friends, not because God has manipulated them into doing his work for him. To me this is just another lame attempt to excuse the lack of evidence for God(s) interacting in day to day affairs by misattributing credit to something that doesn’t exist.