I think the men’s room air freshener at work is trying to kill me.

I have an enemy at work in the form of a small plastic box that sits high on a wall in the men’s bathroom and I’m pretty sure it’s trying to kill me.

Behold! The form of your eventual downfall!

Behold the form of your eventual lavatory room death!

Every time I walk into the men’s room this little fucker shoots out a stinging cloud of “air freshener” that always immediately flies into my eyes causing them to sting and burn and leaving me to stumble around blindly risking death by accidental swirly. Every. Damned. Time.

OK, not really every time, but often enough that it certainly feels like every damned time. Definitely often enough that I’ve contemplated smashing it with whatever happened to be handy. Which, being I’m in a men’s room when this happens, isn’t much. Suppose I could use my fists, but I’m not keen on banging up my knuckles. Instead I curse silently under my breath (yeah, silently, sure thing) and hope there’s no one in the stall I’m about to fall into.

You win this round, men’s room air freshener, but watch your back! Someday I will have my revenge!

The Buddy System Urinal.

Bathrooms can be dangerous places. That’s why experts recommend that you should always use the Buddy System when venturing into one. Hence: The Buddy System Urinal. Using this new bathroom innovation ensures that you’ll always be within reach of friend to lend a hand:

It can be dangerous to go alone.

Seriously, that’s a real set of urinals in one of the bathrooms at my place of employment. I have never seen anyone use the middle two urinals. Ever. They are spotlessly clean. Every time I see them I am left to ponder why they thought that would be a good arrangement. This post is the only logical thing I could come up with.