April 1st is dangerous for the credulous on the Internet

It’s that day again. The day of pranks and mischief where everyone tries to pull one over on you. Tech companies in particular really seem to enjoy this day and go to extra lengths to put forth almost believable fake products.

Companies like nVidia and their new R.O.N. AI Personal Assistant for Gamers:

I could totally use one of these for the RageConverter™ technology alone. The Troll Destroyer would also be nice.

Then there’s Newegg with their announcement of their entry into hardware production with their first CPU for gamers that continues the current trend of putting RGB lighting on everything. The Newegg iBrite RGB CPU:

It’s not clear how you’re supposed to see the RGB lights once you put a heatsink on it, but the specs of this processor more than make up for it: Cores: 100 — Threads: 200 — DDR5 RAM support: Sure, probably — Base clock: 1.4 PHz — Overclock capable, but doing so might create a small black hole inside your CPU (and void your warranty).

ThinkGeek goes all out for April 1st with a number of fake products that are often things people would really want. So much so that in the past they’ve actually turned some of them into real things you can buy. This year they’re “offering” up the Burned Bread Toaster by Banksy for the low low price of $1,370,000.00, the Flame Jam Hoop for all your Boomshakalaka needs, the Captain Marvel Universal Pager for a mere 1¢ (with $9.99/month 2-year service contract), the Roomby: Kirby Robot Vacuum that’ll suck your carpets clean, the Marvel Thor Mighty Mjolnir Mailbox because your mail is worthy, a Motion-Controlled Mimic Package to stop those porch pirates, the NERF Nuke to end all those NERF gun wars once and for all, the Power Wheels Desert Drifters so your kids can live out their Mad Max dreams, and — my personal favorite — the Bean Bag Onesie for all you lazy millennials out there.

Logitech has given in to demands to rename Wireless Mice to a more appropriate mammal considering that they lack “tails.” Announce they will now be called Hamsters:

Google is excited to introduce their newest product: Google Tulip! Decoding the language of flowers has been a decades-long challenge. But that changes today. Thanks to great advancements in artificial intelligence, Google Assistant on phones and Google Home is now able to understand tulips, allowing translation between Tulipish and dozens of human languages.

If you want to try for yourself, set your Google Assistant on your phone or smart speaker to the English language and say “Talk to Tulip Translator”. Yes, they went through the trouble to add this to the Google AI. I tried it. It works. This is some serious above and beyond for the sake of a joke.

Gotta admit, the amount of work some of these companies put into their pranks is impressive and I do look forward to this each year. However, I can imagine that for some folks the day is a nightmare.

April Fools prank goes badly for local woman.

FacepalmI generally don’t care for commercial radio, but NPR has been on a Libya kick the past few days and I was, frankly, sick of hearing about it so today was one of those rare days that I voluntarily turned on a commercial station.

Just as I was pulling into a parking spot at work they had a lady call in about an April Fools prank she played on her husband that ended up backfiring on her. It seems her best friend is a lawyer so the two of them hatched a plan to present the lady’s husband with fake divorce papers as a joke for today. So the lawyer friend has the papers delivered to the husband at work and, naturally, he calls his wife to talk about it. The first words out of his mouth are “I’m glad you made the first move because I’ve felt this is a long time in coming.”

Oops.

The wife doesn’t actually want a divorce and hasn’t told her husband yet that it was just meant as a joke. She and her lawyer friend are freaking out because they don’t know what to do. So, naturally, she turns to a major pop radio station morning crew for advice. I mean, if the local radio DJ can’t solve your marital problems then who can?

Yeah, I think I’ll go back to listening about Libya on the way home.

No April Fools jokes from me this year.

I’m just too worn out to think of a good one this year. I put some effort into coming up with something both subtle and humorous, but couldn’t think of something I hadn’t done before so I’m sitting it out this year.

Though I may link to a few of the better ones on other sites. In fact feel free to use the comments on this thread to link to or talk about your favorite April Fools jokes for this year.

We had a pretty good one here at work. One of the higher ups sent out an email claiming that the coffee the company buys was recalled due to salmonella contamination “like that peanut situation.” This company practically runs on coffee so this would be a crisis indeed if it were true. Though admittedly half the employees would just go out and get expensive coffee from a shop and expense it to the company. Still, it caused a minor panic.

“World of Warcraft: Molten Core” brings WoW to consoles for the first time!

This looks totally AWESOME!

Now I just have to remember where the hell I buried my old Atari 2600.

“Assassins’s Solid.” What you get when “MGS4” and “Assassin’s Creed” collide.

I just finished Assassin’s Creed about a week ago and I’m eagerly looking forward to the release of Metal Gear Solid 4. I wonder what it would be like if someone somehow combined the two games?

Yes it’s a very elaborate April Fools joke, but damned if it wouldn’t be cool if that were an unlockable costume for Solid Snake in the game.

I am selling Stupid Evil Bastard.

For reasons that aren’t entirely clear to me some business suit types at one of the bigger media entertainment websites have offered me a god-awful amount of money for the rights to the Stupid Evil Bastard website. I can’t fully disclose just how much money is involved nor the company as of yet because the deal hasn’t been finalized, but let’s just say that it’s enough that I won’t have to worry about working again any time soon. At first I was sure this was a prank, but over the past few days I’ve had a few phone conversations with the gentlemen involved and it seems to be entirely on the up and up. Apparently they think I’ve managed to build SEB into some sort of angry non-conformist mecca that they hope to capitalize on to sell a new line of clothing with snarky and sardonic messages on them. The one drawback to this development is that I have to sign a non-compete clause promising not to start up another website featuring my particular brand of foaming at the mouth rantings for the next five years so as not to draw audience share away from SEB. Until the deal is final I’ll continue blogging here as usual.

As much as I love blowing hot air all over the interwebs, this was too good a deal to pass up. Someone’s basically paying me a ridiculous sum of money to shut my mouth while they cynically exploit the brand I’ve spent the last six years building up. They say everyone has a price and these guys more than exceeded mine. Given the troubles I’ve had trying to get back on my feet since being laid off from Ford Motor Company, well, I hope you won’t hold my selling out against me for too long.

Who am I kidding? You can hold it against me all you want. I’ll be too busy sipping Mai Tais on some tropical beach somewhere to notice anyway.