Conversations with a Dumbass: Angel is now a psychic. Predicts my death.

So I heard from my new friend again. She’s decided to take a new tact:

Glad to be of assistance. Someone needs to get your sorry ass through a day…considering you are much too inept to make it on your own. Only the most pathetic losers with no lives have blogs where they spend their entire day shitting on those who actually make something of their lives.
But please, by all means, fuck my memory straight in the ass b/c you can’t hurt me. I’m completely impervious to your ranting. However, I hope you will note this and it doesn’t even matter if you remember it, b/c when it happens, you will have full recall and that is all the gratification I need.
Some time down the road, in the not too distant future, my dear non-friend, you will be diagnosed with a terminal illness that will have no chance of recovery. You will find out that you have it when you go to the doctor after being sick for a very long time. It will start out as a cold and just never go away. After dealing with it for months you will notice you have lost a significant amount of weight and can’t hold down food. You’ll be shitting your brains out and puking your guts up. Wonderful description, eh? Sick of it all you will finally go to the doc and be told your diagnosis. Oh well…poor Les.
You will eventually, after a very long time of being miserably sick, die a rotting mess of a corpse. And very few, if any, will mourn your passing. This is not a voodoo curse. Laugh all you want, but I promise you it will happen exactly that way. And your atheist ass will be wondering as you lay in your bed waiting to die…“How could that bitch be so right?!” Well, Les, I have a secret to tell you…I’m able to see the future sometimes. And I saw yours before I ever knew what an asshole you were. Sometimes I get a payback when I don’t even realize that one is deserved!
So, in a few years, when you’ve long forgotten my sweet little ass, you will suddenly remember me as you wait to die. And I will also have a sudden memory of your sorry ass and I’ll be grinning ear to ear when you take your last croak of a breath!
Paybacks are a bitch, but, hey, somebody needs to have something good come from this life.

Be seeing ya around, bud!  wink

I didn’t bother to clean up her formatting this time. As far as psychic predictions go this one is pretty weak. Here’s my reply:

    What? You can’t even manage to name what horrible disease will be my undoing? Surely you can do better than that. I’d expect you’d at least be able to give a reasonable time frame rather than the astoundingly vague “sometime down the road, in the not too distant future” but “in a few years after I’ve forgotten you.” No word on what hospital it’ll be? No word on what state I’m living in at the time? Some psychic you are.

    For the record I have little doubt that I’ll die within the next 40 years. Cancer runs in my family and few of us make it through our 70’s. It’s not anything I worry about as it’s knowledge I’ve lived with for a long time. Already I’ve made a better prediction than you have. But you go ahead and dream your little fantasy if it makes you feel better. This email just adds more fuel to the blog. At least you didn’t say you were going to pray for me like so many others. That at least makes you a refreshing change of pace.

    Les

Conversations with a Dumbass: Water Powered Car edition.

Got the following email last night for no apparent reason:

From:
Subject: water powered car

I just have to say something here and you will most likely call it bullshit, but I know what I am saying is true. Back in 1979 a young man came to my door trying to get me to buy his plans for a carburetor that would guarantee me 400 miles to the gallon. He was going house to house in order to get enough orders to have the money to get his idea patented. I was 19 at the time and he was about 22, if I remember correctly.

I was newly married and my new husband was an abuser – he was great until our wedding day – so I was too afraid to go ahead and buy his plans. But I did get his phone number b/c I was already thinking about getting divorced and thought I would buy them after I got divorced.

Several people in our neighborhood bought his plans and a couple of them actually followed through and it really did work. But that’s not why I’m writing to you. As I said, I kept the guys number and called him about a month later to get more info. His mom answered and was very distraught. She said he had been contacted by some men who represented “a big oil company” a few days after he had applied to get his idea patented. They showed up at their house and offered the young man 5 million dollars to sell his idea. He told them he’d have to think about it and spoke to his dad about it that night. His dad told him if they were offering that much that meant the boy could get much more if he just toughed it out and got the patent himself.

That’s when he started going door to door and his dad was also trying to get a loan for him. About a week after he had been at my house he went missing. He just flat out disappeared. And interestingly, those people never tried to contact him again as far as his parents knew. He was never found.

I experienced this myself so I know it is not a made up story. I believe the oil company had the boy killed b/c he was going to cost them a lot of money if his idea ever went anywhere. The two guys in our neighborhood never let anyone else know that they had his plans b/c they were too afraid after hearing the kid went missing.

There are a great many wonderful ideas that could have benefited the entire world that never became a reality b/c someone else wanted to keep it a secret. Greed is rampant everywhere. So don’t fool yourself into thinking that all things are a scam. Some are definitely not.

Most Sincerely,

Angel Ballard

“Be open to the changes life offers you ~ then embrace them with an open heart, mind and soul.”

It’s yet another variation on the miraculous carburetor myth only this time the author claims to have first hand experience with it.  The myth has been around for decades and sometimes the myth claims this wonderful device burns water and sometimes it’s just a very efficient carburetor.  There are still people out there that claim to sell devices to run your car on water today. I wonder why they haven’t been knocked off by the Big Evil Oil Companies yet? As an added bonus that last website also includes 9/11-Was-An-Inside-Job conspiracy and Free-Energy-Plans scams to go along with the Water-Powered-Car scam.

I wasn’t sure what Angel’s intent was in sending me the email. On the face of it she appeared to just be trying to tell me that I was too skeptical, but there was also the chance that she was fishing to see if I was interested in this miracle of hers. So I sent the following reply:

    You’re right, Angel, your story is bullshit. If I had a dime for every time someone told me about a magical carburetor that got ridiculous mileage I’d be a rich man by now.

    So what’s your angle? Are you fishing to see if I’d profess an interest so you could claim to have one of these wonderful devices you’d be willing to sell me cheap? Or do you just like lying to random strangers? You’ll have to do better than that if you want any hope of keeping my interest.

    Les

It generated the following response:

Nope…no ulterior motive…you’re just a stupid, evil bastard with not one brain cell to piss on. Have a beautiful day fuckwad!

So she’s either an idiot or I didn’t take the bait. Or both. Hard to say either way.

Still, as I said in my last reply to her, it makes for a great entry in the Conversations with a Dumbass series.