Jimmy Kimmel pokes fun at YouTube Gaming. Gamers freak the fuck out.

Last Friday comedian Jimmy Kimmel — host of Jimmy Kimmel Live! — did a bit on his late night talk show about YouTube’s recent unveiling of YouTube Gaming. For those of you who are not aging gamers like myself, YouTube Gaming is Google’s attempt to take on Twitch, a site that allows gamers to live stream themselves playing video games. YouTube already has a pretty big video gaming community of players who post videos of them playing/critiquing/trolling and/or otherwise spending way too much time playing video games with PewDiePie being not only the most popular gamer making videos, but the most popular person on YouTube as a whole. YouTube Gaming allows you to organize all of those offerings in one spot as well as provides a streaming platform for games to compete with Twitch.

Anyway, Kimmel’s bit was about how he just doesn’t understand why anyone would sit and watch videos of other people playing video games. He compared it to being like going to a restaurant and watching someone eat his food for him. Here’s the bit:

Now I’m not unsympathetic to Jimmy’s argument. I wrote about the trend back when it was first getting started and I was amazed there were that many people out there content to watch someone else play a video game.

However, that was years ago and the folks making videos have evolved over that time such that it’s not just about watching someone else play video games. PewDiePie is probably the best example of this as his videos tend to be entertaining not because he’s so good at the games he plays, but because he’s goofy as fuck while playing them. There’s also been the rise of MOBAs like League of Legends and DOTA 2 that involve quite a bit of strategy as well as skill and can draw crowds that rival any major sporting event. It’s no longer just watching some other random dude play a game, though there’s plenty of that out there for those who are into that.

Personally, I don’t watch much of that sort of thing though I’ll indulge in the occasional video put out by Tony “Tobuscus” Turner on his gaming channel because, frankly, he’s an amusing idiot. I also watch videos by Drift0r and TmarTn for tips on Call of Duty class builds and strategies. So I can relate to both sides of the argument.

What I can’t relate to is the ridiculously vitriolic reaction from some parts of the gaming community to the light-ribbing Jimmy Kimmel gave YouTube Gaming. It’s been so bad that Kimmel has covered it on two different nights on his show. Check it:

Holy shit, what the fuck is wrong with you people?

While I’m sure most of that is hot air, there’s still no excuse for wishing fatal diseases on the man just because you didn’t like his comments about watching other people play video games. And there’s certainly no reason to imply you’re going to put a fucking bomb in his car and that you’re going to do terrible things to his wife and daughter.

And it’s not just Kimmel. Video game developers regularly get death threats when they make changes to their games to try and balance things out. It’s doubly bad if you’re a woman in the video game industry and don’t even think of being a Feminist trying to critique video games.

It’s tempting to suggest that this is just the perils of having a hobby that also includes way too many 12-year-old kids who shouldn’t be on the Internet unsupervised, but then you look at the profiles for a lot of these assholes and you realize this isn’t just a bunch of kids trying to look mature by being dickheads. It’s a bunch of adult assholes who really should know better by now. You want to know why people still look down on you when you say you’re a gamer? This is why.

I’ve been playing video games since the days of the original Atari 2600 and I love this hobby. Some of my best friends are people I’ve only known over the Internet, chatting through a headset while shooting up zombies or blasting away at Nazis or working together to take down a dragon. As an older gamer* I feel a bit of responsibility to tell you fucks to stop being so fucking butthurt over someone else not understanding your hobby and poking fun at it.

Your enjoyment is not dependent on Jimmy Kimmel understanding why you like to watch others play video games. You certainly shouldn’t be making death threats just because you’re not happy with something he (or anyone else) said about it.

(*As a side note, it’s really kind of weird to learn that I’m a couple months older than Jimmy Kimmel. He’ll turn 48 in November. I’m not used to being older than the hosts of popular late-night talk shows.)

Dave Daubenmire can’t resist the porn so he thinks we should ban it all.

I hear you asking: Who the fuck is Dave Daubenmire? He’s another Bible Thumper who made a name for himself by being sued by the ACLU. Seems he used to be a high school football coach who had a tendency of coercing the kids he was coaching into praying which brought on the lawsuit back in the late 90s. After settling the case he decided to leave behind his career as a high school coach to become a Coach for Team God. Not a bad decision as far as future athletes at his high school are concerned. Since then he’s attracted a bit of a following with a number of YouTube videos and setting up his own ministry called, get this, Pass the Salt Ministries. Think of him as a less popular version of Joe the Plumber.

Anyway, he caught my attention with a recent YouTube video he did for NewsWithViews.tv in which be bemoaned being tempted by pornography while surfing on the Internet and decides we need to recriminalize it:

There was almost a coherent argument in that little rant. He starts off by talking about how he was minding his own business on the Internet when a popup window suddenly appeared with an ad for a porn site and he was strongly tempted to click on it. He doesn’t say if he did click on it, just that it’s one of the greatest temptations in all of society. He then tries to explain why he thinks we should criminalize porn. As near as I can tell, his argument is that because we are a “rational people” we want to ban smoking and guns and drunk driving and bullying so we should also ban porn because he feels it’s more dangerous than all of those things combined.

That’s about the extent of his argument, though he does try to use shame to convince you it’s legit. He wonders aloud on just how many people in any given business or church are regular consumers of porn and marvels at what a “dark, dark secret” it is. He goes on to say:

“It’s nothing that anyone likes to own up to. Nobody likes to talk about the fact that they’re looking at pornography because we know this, don’t we, that the end result of pornography in most cases when men in particular are looking at pornography it ends up in, what, masturbation. No man wants to talk about that. No man is proud to say that he does that.” 

I don’t have a problem talking about it. I occasionally watch porn with masturbation being the whole point of doing so. There’s not a whole lot of other reasons to watch porn. The acting is pretty terrible, the story all but non-existent, no real special effects to speak of in the majority of it. Some of it can be pretty funny, sometimes even intentionally so, but not enough to make that a reason to watch it. The simple truth is that my libido and my wife’s occasionally don’t sync up and I have a choice. I can make myself into a royal pain in the ass trying to get her to engage in sexy time or I can go blow off some steam with a little porn. Am I proud of it? Never really occurred to me that it’s something to be — or not be — proud of. I don’t advertise the fact that I watch porn mainly because I don’t think anyone really is interested in whether I watch porn, but I don’t consider it a dark secret that I won’t own up to.

“Coach” goes on to claim that porn is “laying waste to this land” and destroying families and careers and, oh my goodness, our young people! He doesn’t elaborate on how, exactly, it’s doing this. He just tosses the claim out there and expects you to accept it as true. I can’t speak for anyone else, but so far it hasn’t ruined my family or career, but then I have managed to develop halfway decent impulse control as I’ve gotten older. To borrow a turn of phrase from the gun nuts: Porn doesn’t destroy people. People destroy people.

So, in summary, his entire argument seems to be: I was tempted to look at porn and I have bad self-control so I think we should ban it. Perhaps “Coach” would do well to install any of the dozens of porn filter applications on his computer that’ll block any websites that might contain temptation inducing naughtiness from his system? Or maybe he needs to hang out on a better class of website that doesn’t accept porn ads. It’s very rare that I have a popup for a porn site show up on my system, but then I don’t tend to frequent sites that are likely to accept those kinds of ads. If I see pon on my screen it’s because I went straight to it.

At the start of the video he says that what he’s about to say “…may seem really radical to ya…” and it’s really not because it’s not a new idea. Porn was banned for a long time and people were prosecuted for both making it and consuming it. Technically it still is illegal in many places as none of the laws have been removed from the books as far as I’m aware. Enforcement is rare because that’s easier than the political process of revoking the laws, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t used on occasion or couldn’t be used again in the future. The truth is: Much like alcohol and (increasingly) recreational drug use, banning it doesn’t seem to abate people’s desire to partake of it.

You were right when you said it was a “supply and demand” problem. What you don’t understand is that getting rid of the supply side won’t do anything to eliminate the demand for it. And when there’s enough demand there will always be someone willing to provide it no matter what the risks.

Family of armed robber pissed suspect was shot by good samaritan.

Sometimes I’m amazed by the utter gall of my fellow humans. Take, for example, this news report about some idiot named Adric White who decided a dollar store would make a good target for an armed robbery down in Alabama and his resultant gunshot injury:

The Good Samaritan, who we are not identifying, told FOX10 News he was shopping at the Family Dollar on Stanton road when he noticed a masked gunman leading one of the employees to the front of the store.

“He had the gun to his head. He had him on his knees,” said the man. “I drew my gun on him and I said ‘Hey don’t move.’ At that point he swung around and before he had a chance to aim the gun at me I fired. I didn’t want to shoot him.”

This appears to be one of those rare cases where a Good Guy with a gun does manage to take down a Bad Guy with a gun possibly saving some lives in the process. I don’t buy into the idea that the solution to all gun crimes is more people with guns, but I acknowledge that occasionally it does work out well if someone nearby is armed and this definitely fits that bill.

The suspect survived the shooting and is under police custody at a local hospital. We already suspect he’s not too bright for thinking a dollar store was worth robbing . That suspicion is confirmed when we learn that he was out on bond after being charged in connection to another armed robbery at a local restaurant about a month earlier.  This guy is as dumb as a bag of rocks.

Apparently, stupidity is inherent to his gene pool:

A family member who did not want to be identified said White should have never been shot to begin with.

“If his (the customer) life was not in danger, if no one had a gun up to him, if no one pointed a gun at him – what gives him the right to think that it’s okay to just shoot someone?” said the relative. “You should have just left the store and went wherever you had to go in your car or whatever.”

I have two words for White’s anonymous family member: Fuck You.

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I’m a flat-out Liberal with a capital L, but even I think that if you or your loved ones are stupid enough to engage in an armed robbery and are threatening the lives and livelihoods of other people then you shouldn’t be surprised — let alone upset — if you get shot in the process.

I don’t carry a gun, but had I found myself in that situation where a gunman had a gun pointed at someone’s head and it was apparent the gunman wasn’t aware of my presence and I could see a way of coming up from behind and clocking him in the back of the head with whatever large, blunt object happened to be on hand you can be pretty sure I’d take the opportunity to give him a new opening in his skull. I wouldn’t try to kill him outright, but I’d make damn sure he wouldn’t be getting off the floor before the police arrived.

Your precious little snowflake lost any right to not be harmed the moment he threatened to harm someone else. If you’d rather he not be injured again then perhaps you should encourage him to find a more legitimate way to get his cash. There are certain occupational hazards that come with being an armed robber. Whining about him being shot just makes you look like a bigger idiot than he is.

Your kid’s elementary assembly is not the place to do a striptease.

In the right time and place getting up and doing a striptease for an audience can be a very liberating and exhilarating experience. In the middle of an elementary school assembly, however, probably isn’t the best choice.

But that didn’t stop 24-year-old Aydrea Meaders of Albany from giving it her best shot:

Police: Woman undressed in front of elementary school assembly – NEWS10 ABC

“It had been going as a terrific event. The cafeteria was full. We probably had about 200 students in there from throughout the school,” said Ron Lesko of the Albany School District.

The school district says Meaders joined in on the assembly – at first just dancing with the students.

“Wasn’t an expected part of the routine but she wasn’t doing anything inappropriate,” said Lesko.

But that’s when things quickly went in the wrong direction

“Suddenly she stepped to the front of the group threw off her coat and stripped from the waist up,” said Lesko.

Staff rushed the stage to protect the kids from seeing naked boobies which would undoubtedly scar them for life and Ms. Meaders was arrested and charged with seven counts of Endangering the Welfare of a Child and one count of Public Lewdness.

The article doesn’t say what her motivation was or if she was drunk or high at the time. It could just be that she works up one helluva sweat dancing and finds that dancing topless is the best way to moderate her body temperature. Even so, the potential corrupting influence of naked tits is too much of a risk to allow to go unpunished.

Jack in the Box heiress blows $1 billion gambling over 9 years.

gamblingcatI can admit that the main reason I’m not fabulously wealthy is because in many ways I’m a bit of a screw up. Occasionally this realization makes me a little sad, but the next time it does I can comfort myself with the knowledge that I’m not this much of a screw up:

San Diego ex-mayor used charity funds to cover gambling debts – latimes.com.

SAN DIEGO — She married a fabulously wealthy man decades her elder, and became the first female mayor of San Diego. But when Maureen O’Connor left public life, she spent countless hours seated in front of video-poker machines.

Over a nine-year period, she wagered an estimated $1 billion, including millions from a charity set up by her late husband, who founded Jack in the Box.

That was the portrait that emerged in court Thursday as the frail former mayor tearfully acknowledged she skimmed more than $2 million from a charity founded by her late husband, Robert O. Peterson.

When my father-in-law took me gambling for the first time last year we went with a budget of $300 and I had a hard time with the knowledge that we were risking $300*. I can’t begin to fathom coming anywhere close to wagering a billion dollars.

She obviously has a gambling addiction problem, but it’s still hard to conceive how should get let herself get to the point of blowing her fortune and then stealing from her late husband’s charity without ever once thinking that maybe she might have a problem she needs help with.

I don’t mean to criticize or condemn this lady over this. I’m only writing about it because it so boggles my mind to even think about that writing it down is the only way I can deal with it. There are so many other things I’d be doing if I had that kind of money at my disposal and I probably still wouldn’t come close to ever spending it all.

* We left the casino with $50 more than what we walked in with. Which was enough to convince me I shouldn’t press my luck by ever going again.

Sometimes a little advanced planning can save you a lot of trouble.

The following news item is pretty typical of what you’ll see in any local paper these days. Someone gets into a high-speed chase with the cops because they’ve done something stupid:

Mandy Ramsey, 35, of Fort McCoy, was speeding south on County Road 318 in a Ford F-250 pickup truck when a patrol car chased after her to pull her over, according to a Marion County Sheriff’s Office report.

After seeing the patrol car in pursuit, the woman turned onto Northeast 220 Street and then continued down Northeast 10th Avenue, running a stop sign and eventually hitting an oak tree.

The only question is: What is the stupid thing they’ve done that left them feeling they had no recourse other than to flee from the police? Had a dead body in the bed of the truck? Open bottles of booze in the seat next to them? Carrying huge amounts of crack cocaine or crystal meth?

In this case it was nothing so mundane…

The deputy lost Ramsey during the chase in the area, but soon found the car parked behind a mobile home with its passenger side mirror broken with an oak tree leaf in it, according to reports.

Deputies made contact with the vehicle’s owner, Ramsey’s boyfriend, who said he hadn’t driven the car in over two hours. Ramsey then admitted to deputies that she didn’t stop because she was driving topless and wanted to surprise her boyfriend.

You have to admit, that’s one helluva surprise. Honey, I got into a police chase and wrecked your truck all so you could see my tits! Surprise!

The thing I find most amusing about this is that just a little bit of forethought could have prevented the problem. Start with not speeding on the drive over to his house so the cops won’t decide to pull you over. Too much of a lead foot? Then perhaps you should consider take a shirt with you on the off-chance the cops do catch you speeding.

Hell, for that matter, how long does it take someone to yank off their shirt in the car after they’ve arrived safe and sound at the house? Leave the bra at home and toss on some oversized T-shirt you can slip out of in 2 seconds flat and you’re all set. This isn’t rocket science folks.

I can appreciate surprise tits as much as the next guy, but I can appreciate not having to bail someone out of jail after they wrecked my vehicle a heck of a lot more.

Feel the Christian love: 4-year-old sings “Ain’t no homo gonna make it to Heaven.”

Jesus preached faith, tolerance, and love. I wonder what he would make of this performance by a 4-year-old boy at the Apostolic Truth Tabernacle in Greensburg, Indiana?

For those of you having trouble making out the words here’s a transcript:

I know the Bible’s right,

Somebody’s wrong…

Ain’t no homo’s gonna make it to heaven

I’m not that disturbed that a 4-year-old is singing this song. It’s clear by his reaction to the cheering adults around him that he really doesn’t understand what it is he’s singing about.  He only knows that it makes all the adults in the room think he’s wonderful. It’s the adults with their enthusiastic standing ovation that disturbs me. It’s the adults who should be ashamed of themselves. The kid is a victim.

Not that any of them see it that way. The video has gone viral and the church finds itself being bombarded with negative criticism so much so that they updated their website yesterday with this statement:

5/30/12 – The Pastor and members of Apostolic Truth Tabernacle do not condone, teach, or practice hate of any person for any reason. We believe and hope that every person can find true Bible salvation and the mercy and grace of God in their lives. We are a strong advocate of the family unit according to the teachings and precepts found in the Holy Bible. We believe the Holy Bible is the Divinely-inspired Word of God and we will continue to uphold and preach that which is found in scripture.

Technically speaking I suppose there’s nothing inherently hateful about the lyric “ain’t no homos going to make it to Heaven.” Depending on how you interpret the Bible it could be considered a simple statement of fact. The absolute glee and joy of the people in the congregation to the claim, however, is borderline sociopathic.

Consider the implications of this song: If the homos aren’t going to Heaven then their obvious destination, according to their professed beliefs, is Hell — a place of endless suffering beyond imagining — and they’re just delighted by that idea! Isn’t it wonderful that we’ve gotten this cute little boy to sing about how those nasty gays are gonna burn, burn, burn!

You’d think a good Christian would be saddened that anyone would end up in Hell, but that doesn’t appear to be the case here. And it’s not enough that they have to be bigots themselves, but they have to make sure their kids are bigots from as early an age as possible too. And people wonder why Richard Dawkins says indoctrinating your kids into religion before they’re even able to understand it is a form of child abuse. He’s darling! How could that be considered abuse?

It’s shit like this that sometimes makes me wish Jesus were real and would show up right there on that stage just about the time the kid stops singing just so I could see the looks on the faces of the people who were so happy about that cute little ditty. Based on what I know of his teachings in the Bible I somehow doubt he’d be particularly amused by their antics.

With love like that who needs haters?

Not to contribute to the stereotype of the “dumb blonde”, but…

Here’s a nice young woman trying very hard to figure out the answer to a very difficult math question: If you are driving 80 miles per hour how long does it take to travel 80 miles?

I’m sorry, but I had to share the pain. Throughout the video I had to wonder what it is she is very good at that allowed her husband to overlook this rather stunning lack of comprehension on her part. Perhaps she’s merely confused on this one topic and is actually surprisingly insightful when discussing, say, the finer points of football? Admittedly, my knee-jerk reaction was that this had to be a Poe, but the more I watched it the more convinced I became that is wasn’t.

However I am completely convinced that this response video from LoReeves…

…is definitely, 100% absolutely, without a doubt, a Poe. It simply has to be. My brain cannot accept that it isn’t without imploding on itself. Please, please, PLEASE, let this one be a Poe.

Here’s a perfect example…

… of the problem with stupid people being too stupid to realize how stupid they are that I talked about in my previous entry. Meet the girl who doesn’t understand why we have Leap Years: H0tAndDanger0us (that’s about half right).

Holy crap that’s some Grade-A stupid right there. It’s also inexcusable in this day and age when she obviously has the tools of her salvation from ignorance sitting right in front of her. A simple Google search would turn up all manner of explanations to enlighten her with and if reading comprehension is a hurdle she finds insurmountable then there are several YouTube videos which will make it all clear.

Here’s one that I watched myself just yesterday:

And, in case she’s too stupid to know what a year is, here’s a video that explains that (with bonus black hole goodness!):

Seriously, there’s no good excuse for the ignorance — not to mention the sense of self-entitlement — of H0tAndDanger0us. For a moment I considered the possibility that she could be a particularly effective Poe, but then I took a look at her Tumblr page and the possibility that it could just be a clever act evaporated.

Man posts sign expressing delight that his neighbor has cancer.

Well that's not very neighborly! Click to embiggen!

I can be an asshole at times just like anyone else, but this is taking assholeishness to a whole other level:

Cranston residents protest sign urging cancer patient to die – Projo 7 to 7 News Blog 

Bob Gold, 55, has been in remission for a year from Hodgkin’s lymphoma, which he has been fighting since February 2009. He said that on Monday, he was in his backyard when he saw a holiday wreath with a red bow on the back window of Jimmis’ garage. A hand-lettered note inside the wreath read: “Glad you have canser (sic). So die stupid.”

It seems that Edward Jimmis, the man who put up the sign, had previously had some sort of disagreements with Bob Gold, his neighbor, that left him with one hell of a grudge. He says in the news item that he “wanted to hit a nerve” and he certainly accomplished that goal as several people showed up to protest outside his house. Gold also called the police about the sign, but Jimmis wasn’t doing anything illegal in posting it so there wasn’t a whole lot they could do. They did show up to ensure that the protest stayed peaceful and commended the folks present for holding the protest.

After a reporter spoke with Jimmis he changed the sign to read “love your neighbor” as some sort of act of contrition:

On Tuesday, Gold, unsatifisfied with the change, called the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and visited the mayor’s office, speaking with Carlos E. Lopez, who handles constituent affairs.

“We can’t legislate being a good neighbor,” Lopez said later in the day. “You want to be able to help, but we have to make sure we respect everyone’s legal rights. … Let’s hope for the better side of humanity to prevail on this.”

Police did send some representatives to talk to both men about sitting down and working out their differences. Jimmis agreed that he was being an asshole in posting the sign and he promised that he wouldn’t post it again. He also agreed to sitting down with officers and Gold to talk things out:

Gold, however, said he wasn’t yet ready to sit down with his neighbor.

Which is a shame because it will justify in his neighbor’s mind that he was right to be an asshole. You go through all that trouble to bring attention to your neighbor’s dickishness and shame him into being contrite and then you refuse to try and work things out? Who’s being the asshole now?