I’m headed to easy street.

It seems there was a class action lawsuit against AMD for something they did ages ago — I have no idea what — that I apparently signed onto. I just got my settlement payment from the lawsuit. My payout?

$1.75

Yeah, I’m sittin’ pretty now, baby.

The Conservatives have a new free speech Twitter clone.

Republican douchebag and former Trump spokesman Jason Miller is the latest Conservative to attempt to launch a social media platform with an obvious Twitter clone that they’re calling GETTR. It’s not clear if they’re just using one of the various Open Source Twitter clones out there or if they found someone who managed to whip up a halfway decent looking facsimile, but at first glance you’d be forgiven if you thought you went to Twitter by accident. The selling point they are pushing as to why you should use it is because they are “fighting cancel culture, promoting common sense, defending free speech, challenging social media monopolies, and creating a true marketplace of ideas.”

Curious to see how it’s going so far; I went over to take a look. The home page only has two posts on it. It appears that, unlike Twitter, you have to look at individual accounts to see anything other than announcements from management. The first post is the expected welcome post and the second one is an announcement that, due to heavy signups, there may be delays in your activation code being sent out and to, please, for the love of God, stop submitting requests for codes repeatedly. Above the two sole posts is a list titled “Suggested for you” which has a number of major players such as Newsmax, convicted criminal Dinesh D’Souza, Mike Pompeo, Jenn Pelligrino, and Ben Carson. Not sure how they figured out that these would be people I’m interested in other than they’re interested in promoting them. To be fair, Miller himself doesn’t show up until 7th place in the list so his ego isn’t too big. Also interesting is the omission of FOX News in favor of Newsmax showing that they prefer the network that is as fact free as is possible.

There’s also a GETTR News sidebar and I figured I’d start with that to see how things are going. The first news story is about how Trump is stronger than ever!

When you hate Twitter so much that you make your clone look exactly like it, you’re a GETTR!

Clicking the three dots in the upper right corner gives they usual Follow, Mute, Block, and Report options that you’d see on Twitter. While there’s plenty of other functionality that’s missing, the basics of what you’d need to rip off Twitter are all present and accounted for. OK, so what are the replies looking like? Oooo, that’s gonna be a test of their commitment to free speech I bet.

It takes a while before you come across replies that appear to be from legit MAGA folks, but there’s a few to be found.

As you scroll through the replies there is a lot of repeat postings and it’s not entirely clear if it’s because folks kept submitting the same replies over and over again or because the site is bugged in some way. I’m leaning towards the latter because the repeats come in blocks of the same replies in the same order over and over. The fact that I kept getting this pop up:

Also suggests the site is not without its early issues. Still, I’m happy the Conservatives have a new site they can fall in love with and then become disillusioned with once it starts yanking clearly illegal content in spite of it being all about “free speech.” Hey, at least it’s not banning profanity the way Mike Lindell’s sad attempt at a free speech platform tried to do.

So, that’s my one and only visit to GETTR. Based on what I’ve seen I don’t think I’ll ever need to go back for a second helping. It’s exactly the sort of stuff you’d expect to find from a Conservative social media platform. To be fair, it’s not like Twitter doesn’t have more than its share of trolls who shitpost random replies repeatedly to famous accounts, but I thought I’d see a larger representation of Conservatives chiming in to complain about the trolls and, really, there was just a handful of them present. Granted, it’s only been live for a day or two so maybe most of them don’t know about it yet. The trolls, however, they arrived quickly and they look like they’re there to stay.

My contribution to the Bernie Sanders Mittens meme.

So, we have a new President and a new, historic, Vice President in the form of Joe Biden and Kamla Harris. After four long years of Trump making a mess of things, this change is pretty wonderful. However, it is not the most wonderful thing to come out of this most recent election. No, that would be the endless memes of Bernie Sanders and his ever so practical knitted mittens sitting in a chair looking like he’d wish everyone would get this inauguration nonsense over with so he can get back to doing the people’s work. Bernie’s a no-nonsense kind of guy which is why all the nonsense that comes out of a simple picture of him is so amazing.

Take, for example, this one:

I can think of no better person to sit upon that throne.

Here’s another good one:

I have no idea. I voted for him in the primaries. First time I’ve ever bothered to vote in a primary was for Bernie.

Here’s a few more of my favorites:

Those mittens, by the way, were made and gifted to him by Vermont teacher Jen Ellis:

Those do look super comfy.

Personally, I was content to allow others to have all the fun with mixing Bernie into various situations and pop culture references, but then my buddy Greg hit me up on Messenger this morning.

Goddammit, Greg!

Surely, I thought, someone must have done this already, but Google searches returned the rarely seen message: “It looks like there aren’t many great matches for your search.”

What? That’s such an obvious idea. How could no one have done this already? Why, there’s even a good caption to put on it to complete the meme. The more I thought of it the more it itched at the back of my brain.

Now, I am not the greatest image manipulator in the world. I barely now how to work the Paint.net application I use these days. I still have a copy of my all-time favorite editor, Photo Impact, but it’s old as dirt and barely runs under Windows 10 and I have never mastered, let alone could afford, Photoshop. Still, I sat down to see what I could manage to whip up and I’m quite pleased with the results.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: Bernvros!

I am once again asking for congress to exterminate The Doctor.
My sizing isn’t great, Bernie’s a bit big for that chair.

I would like to immediately apologize for putting this image into your heads, but I had to share the pain. Thanks, Greg.

SEB Safety Tip of the Day: Don’t try to dispose of your Christmas tree in your fireplace.

One of the reasons I have an artificial tree is to avoid the hassle of getting rid of a live tree after the holidays are over. Granted, a lot of cities offer free curbside tree pickup these days or low-cost disposal at the local dump, but for those who don’t and who can’t just drag it out to the back of their property and toss it into the woods, there’s no quick and easy way to deal with it.

One option you might have if you have a fireplace in your home is to toss it in there. This is not generally recommended for several reasons, but if you’re going to go that route you should probably consider chopping it up first.

According to the McKinney Fire Department, officials responded to a call about a structure fire in the 4400 block of Rancho Del Norte Trail.

Officials said firefighters arrived to find that a Christmas tree had been placed into a home fireplace.

Only the top of the tree was in the fire, so the flames traveled down the tree and out of the fireplace, officials said.

McKinney Resident Tries to Dispose of Christmas Tree in Fireplace – NBCDFW
There’s a smart way and a dumb way to do this. This is the dumb way.

Damage was minimal, but one person was treated for smoke inhalation. The really sad part of this is that the town of McKinney offers Christmas tree composting services and will even pick up your tree for free.

I love that they have to tell people to remove their lights and ornaments from the tree. You know that means someone tried to have them pick up a tree with all of that still on it at some point in the past.

Learn from the stupidity of others. Don’t do this.

Republican logic.

The lewdest city name in Michigan.

Browsing through Facebook this morning as I am often wont to do, I came across this meme that left me so outraged that I had to blog about it. The shoddiness of the research is mind blowing and I could not allow this injustice to stand.

Half-assed research will not be tolerated.

Dick is the best they could come up with? I mean, come on, Dick is a literal ghost town. A former lumber settlement that had a postal stop and a railway station and not much of anything else. The post office closed in 1906 and the place has been dead ever since.

What about Climax, Michigan? Now that’s a lewd name. I remember that I was driving along I-96 from Lansing to Detroit to pick up my paycheck — it’s a long story I won’t go into now — and I passed a sign that said, “CLIMAX 1¼ MILES” and all I could think was that at 70 MPH that just wasn’t enough time.

Nope, I wasn’t kidding.

At least Climax is still kicking with a population of around 783 (est.) as of last year. Then there’s Butman, MI, population 1,967. That’s a classic right there.

Yes, there are T-shirts.

Ironwood, pop. 4,936, sounds fairly lewd.

In addition to being able to last for hours, Ironwood has a giant statue of a Native American for some reason.

Here’s a few more for your consideration: Frankenlust, pop 3,514, sounds like a Mary Shelly porn novel.

Beaver Township, pop. 2,801, BEAVER FREAKIN’ TOWNSHIP! NEED I SAY MORE?

Mount Haley, pop. 1,650, not exactly lewd until you think about it.

Clam Union, pop. 893, CLAM UNION? WHY NOT JUST NAME IT SCISSORS AND BE DONE WITH IT??

None of them, however, can top Felch, Michigan. Population 734. Dick simply cannot compete with Felch for title of most lewd city name in Michigan. You may need to use Google to find out why Felch is such a lewd name, but you may regret doing so. Proceed at your own discretion.

When you consider this picture is the most common one on Google for Felch, MI. You can kind of understand why they might be felching each other. Not much else to do there.

Perhaps the meme maker skipped this obvious choice because they had already included Felchville for the state of Massachusetts, but I still say this is a far better choice than Dick. Dick is so pedestrian and overused that I don’t think it even qualifies as lewd anymore.

Bonus lewd non-city name: One of my favorite highway signs in Michigan is the exit from I-75 to Troy, MI, one of the suburbs of Detroit. I know I’ve mentioned this before on SEB, but this is so perfect that it cannot have been by accident. This had to be planned.

Exit 69 to Big Beaver Rd. Nice!

I goatse what you did there.

Click to embiggen

The viral #chairchallenge video isn’t a fair fight.

So you’ve probably had this video pop up on your Facebook newsfeed a few times now and you’re wondering what the hell is going on:

Is this really an example of something women can do that men can’t? Well, technically, it’s not a fair fight.

This is an issue of where the center of mass and the fulcrum point is when you bend over. Most men have bigger feet than most women so they are a bit further back from the wall when they bend over. That shifts where their center of mass is away from the fulcrum point and that makes it impossible for men to lift the chair. You’ll note that most of the men are leaning forward to put their head on the wall so their legs are at an angle whereas most of the women’s legs aren’t. It’s only a few centimeters at most, but it’s enough to make all the difference.

If you match a man’s positioning to where most women end up then we can do it just as easily. If you move a woman’s feet to match where a typical man’s feet would end up then they can’t lift the chair either. You can see this tested in this video from Science Mom:

This also isn’t new. It seems like it pops up every so often over the years and goes viral for a bit and then everyone forgets about it until the next time someone pulls it out. It was really big on YouTube in 2009 for awhile, but you can find examples pre-YouTube such as the sitcom All in the Family back on the February 9th, 1971 episode. I was 3 years old when it aired:

It’s a cute trick that’s been around for a long time, but it’s not a big mystery. How baffled someone is by it is a good indicator of their science literacy.

Bah! Humbug!

Why you should never tell your co-workers that you hate Christmas decorations.
Yes, this is from my place of work. Click to see it in its full sized glory.

April 1st is dangerous for the credulous on the Internet

It’s that day again. The day of pranks and mischief where everyone tries to pull one over on you. Tech companies in particular really seem to enjoy this day and go to extra lengths to put forth almost believable fake products.

Companies like nVidia and their new R.O.N. AI Personal Assistant for Gamers:

I could totally use one of these for the RageConverter™ technology alone. The Troll Destroyer would also be nice.

Then there’s Newegg with their announcement of their entry into hardware production with their first CPU for gamers that continues the current trend of putting RGB lighting on everything. The Newegg iBrite RGB CPU:

It’s not clear how you’re supposed to see the RGB lights once you put a heatsink on it, but the specs of this processor more than make up for it: Cores: 100 — Threads: 200 — DDR5 RAM support: Sure, probably — Base clock: 1.4 PHz — Overclock capable, but doing so might create a small black hole inside your CPU (and void your warranty).

ThinkGeek goes all out for April 1st with a number of fake products that are often things people would really want. So much so that in the past they’ve actually turned some of them into real things you can buy. This year they’re “offering” up the Burned Bread Toaster by Banksy for the low low price of $1,370,000.00, the Flame Jam Hoop for all your Boomshakalaka needs, the Captain Marvel Universal Pager for a mere 1¢ (with $9.99/month 2-year service contract), the Roomby: Kirby Robot Vacuum that’ll suck your carpets clean, the Marvel Thor Mighty Mjolnir Mailbox because your mail is worthy, a Motion-Controlled Mimic Package to stop those porch pirates, the NERF Nuke to end all those NERF gun wars once and for all, the Power Wheels Desert Drifters so your kids can live out their Mad Max dreams, and — my personal favorite — the Bean Bag Onesie for all you lazy millennials out there.

Logitech has given in to demands to rename Wireless Mice to a more appropriate mammal considering that they lack “tails.” Announce they will now be called Hamsters:

Google is excited to introduce their newest product: Google Tulip! Decoding the language of flowers has been a decades-long challenge. But that changes today. Thanks to great advancements in artificial intelligence, Google Assistant on phones and Google Home is now able to understand tulips, allowing translation between Tulipish and dozens of human languages.

If you want to try for yourself, set your Google Assistant on your phone or smart speaker to the English language and say “Talk to Tulip Translator”. Yes, they went through the trouble to add this to the Google AI. I tried it. It works. This is some serious above and beyond for the sake of a joke.

Gotta admit, the amount of work some of these companies put into their pranks is impressive and I do look forward to this each year. However, I can imagine that for some folks the day is a nightmare.