Crisis On US’s Earth To Address GOP Continuity Errors
At a press conference earlier today, Ken Mehlman, chairman of the The Republican National Committee, announced “Crisis on US’s Earth,” an ambitious, year-long initiative to address the multitude of continuity errors George Bush and the Republicans in Congress have introduced into the GOP Universe.
“We’re very excited”, Mehlman said, speaking with reporters. “It’s going to be a major crossover event, involving all the branches of government we control: legislative, executive and judicial. No checks and balances here—we’re pulling out all the stops.”
Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert, who was also at the conference, spoke of the need for the program. “We have way too many divergent storylines right now: we’re ‘fiscal conservatives’ spending like drunken sailors, we’re against their activist judges but for our activist judges, we’re for smaller government while presiding over its expansion … We need to eliminate all the old plot threads, like the notion that Republicans stand for state’s rights and whatnot.”
Mehlman agreed, especially in regards to the President. “You got your Compassionate Conservative of the 2000 campaign—the ‘Golden Age Bush,’ we like to call him; then there’s Bush II, the wartime president; and now the modern-age Bush, obsessed with social security and beholden to the Religious Right. We need to hammer down his character and completely relaunch this guy.”
Industries insiders say that the overhaul was precipitated by Bush’s increasingly reliance on “parallel universes” (such as the one where voters gave him a mandate in 2004) and “imaginary stories” (such as Saddam Hussein’s weapons of mass destruction). The Iraq war has been particularly vexing for Republicans, with no less that three “origin stories” (WMDs, liberation, democracy promotion), each of which is considered canonical. In addressing this issue, Crisis On US’s Earth will introduce the “Anti-monitors”—a second set of UN weapons inspectors who actually found stockpiles of chemical weapons in early 2003 and urged the president to attack immediately. When asked how these new characters will be integrated into the existing timeline, Mehlman shrugged and said, “we’ll just casually mention them of FOX News. Americans have always been very accepting of our retcons.”
Though not slated to begin until June, Mehlman’s announcement that the initiative will “involve all the superstars of the GOP Universe, but not all will survive” has set off a flurry of speculation as to who will be written out of the post-Crisis world. The most prominent rumor states that Majority Leader Tom Delay will perish of a heart attack after running wildly around the floor of the senate, heroically disrupting a democratic filibuster.
If you get the reference to this, you are such a geek.
The game is so popular, Rogers High School seniors Mike Alston and Joshua Shake figured a Halo 2 tournament would be the perfect way to raise money for tsunami victims.
“$380 we were thinking was going to go straight into the Red Cross Tsunami fund,” Alston said.
As a precaution, the boys even got parents to sign waivers acknowledging the graphic nature of the game.
But the Puyallup School District canceled the fundraiser, saying the game goes against its anti-violence policy.
“They never really talked to us and told us where they’ve seen that violent video games encourage violent behavior so I don’t really believe it,” Alston said.
But the school district says they don’t think it’s too sensitive.
“When you look at what happened with Columbine, when you look at acts of violence against young people, I think anything we do that even looks like we’re endorsing violence is not appropriate,” said Karen Hanson with the Puyallup School District.
I can sorta see the logic behind this, but the students went by the books. Even had parents sign waivers acknowledging the graphic violence of the game. Why, why, why?
I dunno if anyone else saw it, but I was ‘forced’ to see it with my family, and it sucked… it sucked REAL bad.
Visualization/Graphics: Pretty good, but it saddened me that with all the tweaking you can do with a movie that you can’t do with a game… HL2 looked almost as good.
Story: Loosely strung together tripe… which is almost understandable considering it’s derived from a children’s book less’n a hundred pages long… still there’s no excuse for shoddy writing.
Meaning: This is the part that fucking pisses me off. It was all commercial bullshit. The stuff that makes me hate Christmas in the first place. Gifts, and nothing else but gifts, were the most important part. Sure they threw in some references to love, joy, peace and all that other bullshit, but the one moment that movie COULD have shined (but didn’t) is the little poor boy, lived in a shanty, pretty obviously didn’t have money for presents. Well, he’s sad pretty much the whole movie because he gets nothing anyone else gets for Christmas and, justifiably, he’s upset about it. Well, what did they do to fix it? Give him presents! Kid is now happy, end of story. What… the… fuck?
Conclusion: I am of the opinion that The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (Jim Carrey’s live action version) is THE MOST fucking AWESOME Christmas movie made in recent times. Hell, even the old animated one they still show late nights on TV is better than this crap. Also to its credit: Both these movies were made from source material and both were better due to some awesome writers. Both movies had good actors (except perhaps the animated version of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, but I really don’t know who did the voice overs for THAT), the live action version of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas had Jim Carrey, The Polar Express had Tom Hanks… it wasn’t the acting that killed The Polar Express, it was the shoddy writing and overt commercialization. Actually the voice overs (and the Hobo) were probably the only redeeming qualities of this movie.
Closing Statement: This movie sucks and presents don’t make everything in life better. Christmas should be about more than buying shit from stores. The Polar Express fucked this up while The Grinch Who Stole Christmas got it right (even after he stole the presents, they still got together and started to celebrate). This is the ‘Best Children’s Book Turned Into CGI Commercialized Movie Tripe You Should Never See.’
Bob the Angry Flower is an amazing, highly overlooked, comic that has its entire archives available all over the web and over the course of its ten year run has been published in several magazines. His author is known for such classics as Bob’s Quick Guide to the Apostrophe, You Idiots which is now available in colour and in poster form, which I will order eventually. This week’s comic rung oddly true to me… though it often does. There was also an interesting one on the idea that Bill Clinton instigated 9/11 through his bombing of Sudan and Kenya while his affair with Ms. Lewinsky had (coincidentally?) come to light—though it wasn’t intended that way as it was published in ‘98. Anyhow, the feature is:
Click it for a larger version.
All I can say is….oh dear. I know Les frequents this site, and I also know this is old news, but I hadn’t seen it before, and more importantly I hadn’t seen it posted on SEB.
All politics aside, we’re 100% for throwing monkeys at gadgets (both literally and figuratively) to see what they can (and can’t) do with them. In this case, Black Box Voting is suggesting that the Diebold voting machines are so flawed that even monkey can 0wn it. Apparently there’s a a hidden black box0like record keeping program that resides on Diebold’s election software—this is already pretty awful, as vote record keeping should always be paper-based. This application is a “secret” feature enabled by a two-digit trigger (not a “bug” or an accidental oversight; it’s a feature), and apparently even an untrained monkey (the real kind) can get in there and manipulate records. So please don’t blame us if we’re spending a little extra time in the booth trying figure this one out, we shouldn’t be more than a couple of minutes (assuming we’re of comparable intelligence with Baxter the monkey who, if allowed into a voting stall, might rule the free world with a simple hack).
Well, I know that Les likes PvP, and since I saw this, I really wanted to somehow bring it to his attention, imagine my delight when I found out he’d implemented this new feature! Following is a slightly edited quote from an article by yours truly, on Obsidian’s forum, about a real life Geekluv dating service.
I just can’t stop laughing. For those who aren’t familiar, there was a storyline in the webcomic PvP for awhile, where two of the characters made up a dating service for geeks and called it Geekluv, it was just fan-fokking-tastic, and a must read:
Well, some sad, lonely nerd, has made a real online dating service ‘for gamers’ that to me seems awfully damned similar. So much so, that I emailed the strip creator Scott Kurtz in case he hadn’t already seen it. It’s called MMODating. What I don’t understand is why it’s called this when MMO games are such a niche title…..oh well, still freaking hilarious.
And for good measure, here’s a LINK to the original thread, as the profiles of women subscribed to this dating service, are priceless…if not disturbing.