In search of a dorky bike helmet.

Today is the day I finally pay off the bicycle I am purchasing in an attempt to engage in some exercise that I won’t hate doing on a regular basis. The bike itself is made by a company called Felt Bicycles, which I’ve never heard of before, and the bike itself is called The Bixby and has a bit of a retro feel to it. This is it here:

Now I’m all set to go to the sock hop on my cool new ride.

Single speed, crank backwards to brake, no frills, but able to hold up my fat ass as I endanger the local wildlife and neighborhood children while barrelling down the street at speeds no one my size and shape should be legally allowed to attain.

I’m going to look like a complete dork.

I may as well embrace that fact and find an appropriately dorky bike helmet to go with this bike. The folks at Sweet Bikes in Canton, MI already have something in mind for me when I go in today, but on the off-chance it’s not dorktaculous enough I did a Google search to see what I could find that would fit the bill. As it turns out, a lot of bike helmet designs seem to lean heavily on the “alien egg sucking on your head” philosophy such as these examples:

Those are all vaguely cool-ish looking and a little dorky in their own right, but not properly dorky. Not like, say, a watermelon helmet:

Or how about one that will match my favorite choice in shirts:

Both of those last two come from the folks at Nutcase Helmets and they’ve got a range of nicely dorky bike helmets to choose from including a Space Cats option that has me SERIOUSLY tempted because I love ALL things Space Cats.

These are all pretty dorky, but can we get even dorkier? I think we can. What about one that has built-in turn and brake signals?

Yeah, that one is $180 which is over half the price of my bike so I think we’ll skip that one for now.

Sadly, some of the absolute best dorky helmets are only available for kids. Things like these light up mohawk helmets:

Or this awesome T-rex eating your head helmet:

I’m bummed that this Lego Hair by Danish design firm MOEF bike helmet is just a prototype and not actually available:

Better than my actual hair.

Of course there’s nothing more dorky than a bike helmet trying NOT to be dorky:

Ha ha ha! We’re TOTALLY wearing bike helmets, but YOU think we’re just uber-stylish hipsters risking serious brain injury!

What is surprising is just how expensive some of these bike helmets can be. The ones from Nut Case that I’m tempted by are $70 or so, but I suppose that’s a small price to pay to keep your skull intact.

For now, we’ll see what the folks at Sweet Bikes have in mind, but I may just break down and get that Space Cats helmet in the not too distant future. That theme is one of my weaknesses. What about you guys? Got any suggestions for super-dorky bike helmets I should consider?

3 thoughts on “In search of a dorky bike helmet.

  1. I prefer the open helmets because my head gets very sweaty, and the solid ones don’t allow for much ventilation. But YMMV, and the choice is which one, so you’re doing great. And the level of hell I would send people who mock anyone who exercises to cannot be fathomed.

  2. I tend to shave my head more in the summer so I generally don’t have much hair beyond a buzz cut and I’m going to sweat like crazy anyway just because of the condition I’m in. I doubt I’ll have to worry too much about being mocked. At least not to my face. Most people think I’m scary looking in real life.

  3. Hey now, I love my Lumos helmet, but I got it thru the original Kickstarter or whatever campaign, so it was less. It’s always good as a conversation starter on a group ride; especially when I brake and it lights up like an alien Christmas egg.

    The Nutcase helmets are awesome but I’d struggle with the lack of ventilation and overheat on a muggy Midwest afternoon.

    If only there was an adult kitty ear helmet where the ears were actually airscoops; drag would be high but I would still love it.

    Good luck in your riding, good choice of bike.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *