Twitter can be a great method for contacting a company for help with a problem. Often when I have a problem with some business that has a presence on Twitter I’ll take the time to compose a small rant in 140 characters or less and send it off into the Interwebs where I know someone associated with said company will see it. There’s a good chance I’ll get the help I’m looking for pretty quickly.

Twitter is also great for tweaking companies doing stupid things even when you don’t expect them to actually do anything to fix the problem. I did this recently with Rakuten.com. I bought something from them way back when they were still Buy.com and I’ve been getting daily emails about stuff they have on sale ever since. That purchase was easily 5 years or more ago and I’ve not been compelled to purchase anything from them in that time so I figured I may as well unsubscribe from the emails.

When I did I was notified that it would take 5 to 7 business days before the change would take effect. I blinked at the note and tried to figure out why the fuck it should take that long to unsubscribe me when signing me up was near instantaneous. Almost all the other online stores whose email ads I’ve unsubscribed from managed to do it within moments with maybe a couple saying a day or so. What the fuck was Rakuten doing that it takes 5 to 7 business days? This prompted me to send out this tweet:

Dear @RakutenUS. Why does unsubscribing from your advertising emails take 5-7 days? Just how fucking slow is your server?

— Les Jenkins (@lesjenkins) September 28, 2015

It took them a couple of hours to notice the tweet at which point they replied with this:

@lesjenkins We're sorry for the required time. Can you please send us a message with your email, to help ensure it is opted out? Thank you.

— Rakuten.com (@RakutenUS) September 28, 2015

I was amused by the fact that rather than answer the question they simply assumed I was an idiot who didn’t know how to unsubscribe from their email advertisements. So I sent the next two tweets in reply:

@RakutenUS I'm confident my email has been opted out. I just don't understand why it takes an automated system 5-7 business days to do it.

— Les Jenkins (@lesjenkins) September 28, 2015

@RakutenUS Signing me up was near-instantaneous. Removing me should be about as fast.

— Les Jenkins (@lesjenkins) September 28, 2015

It took them a few hours, but they came back with this reply:

@lesjenkins Hello Les. Typically, opt-out is completed sooner than requested. Please contact us if you receive emails after the 7th day.

— Rakuten.com (@RakutenUS) September 29, 2015

Well that’s reassuring I suppose, but it still doesn’t answer the question so I tried again:

@RakutenUS That still doesn't answer the question of why it takes 5 – 7 days when sign-up is instantaneous. That's simply ridiculous.

— Les Jenkins (@lesjenkins) September 29, 2015

I figured at this point they’d give up and it looked like they had, until about 26 minutes ago:

@lesjenkins We apologize, as this is the time required to opt-out. If you still receive promotions, please message us your email. Thank you

— Rakuten.com (@RakutenUS) October 1, 2015

I’ve not bothered to reply again as it’s clear that they’re not going to answer the question. Probably because the person running their Twitter account doesn’t know what the answer is. I thought that maybe I could prompt them into saying that they were working to improve their system for a speedier result in the future, but no such luck.

Like I said, I didn’t really expect them to do much about the situation, but I thought they’d at least offer some sort of explanation for the lengthy delay. Maybe some poor sap has to look at each request and approve it? Maybe they have so many people trying to opt out of their emails and they have a shitty server that’s overwhelmed by the load? Maybe they’re hoping I’ll change my mind before it actually stops sending me emails?

Nope. It’s going to take 5 to 7 business days and fuck you for asking why.