Follow the Pope on Twitter and you’ll get time off from purgatory. Sorta.

jewish-zombieThe Catholic church made headlines yesterday by announcing that you can cut down your time in purgatory by following the Pope on Twitter. Or at least that’s what you might think if you went by the headlines alone.

Apparently this new method of granting indulgences is tied into the upcoming Catholic World Youth Day, in Rio de Janeiro attendance of which is grounds for indulgences for the participants. The Church realizes that not everyone can afford to attend the week-long event, but they still want to be able to offer the same purgatory time reduction to those poor folks so they’ve turned to social media:

 Vatican offers ‘time off purgatory’ to followers of Pope Francis tweets 

Mindful of the faithful who cannot afford to fly to Brazil, the Vatican’s sacred apostolic penitentiary, a court which handles the forgiveness of sins, has also extended the privilege to those following the “rites and pious exercises” of the event on television, radio and through social media.

“That includes following Twitter,” said a source at the penitentiary, referring to Pope Francis’ Twitter account, which has gathered seven million followers. “But you must be following the events live. It is not as if you can get an indulgence by chatting on the internet.”

Got that? You’ve got to be paying attention if you want the indulgence. Simple clicking the Follow button on the Pope’s Twitter profile ain’t gonna work.

“You can’t obtain indulgences like getting a coffee from a vending machine,” Archbishop Claudio Maria Celli, head of the pontifical council for social communication, told the Italian daily Corriere della Sera.

Which is a pretty funny thing to say because at one point in time that’s pretty much how indulgences worked. Except instead of shoving money into a vending machine you just shoved it into your local priest.

Never let it be said that the Catholic church isn’t hip with the kids these days. Worship via social media is about as hip as you can get! What they don’t want you to know is I can offer you the same deal and you don’t need to follow me on Twitter or anyplace else. Hell, you don’t even need to ask me for the indulgence. There’s no such thing as purgatory so there’s nothing to need an indulgence for.

But don’t tell too many people. The Pope needs to get his Twitter follower count up somehow.

7 thoughts on “Follow the Pope on Twitter and you’ll get time off from purgatory. Sorta.

  1. Actually it seem more typical of any sort of media – post some sort of come-on with the headline and 99% of the time, there’s nothing in the article even remotely connected to the headline. A good example would be the place called “Yahoo News”.

  2. hi u fucking idiot 😀

    I’m not catholic, u did not know that the evil want bad things for the humanity???

    not God want the humanity suffer forever in the eternal darkness! God was even WARNING the human kind to not to be braze or “agglutinate” with satan, because if we do, then consequences will be deadly and very hard! u idiot TRY to read the Bible:-) U fucking illiterate 🙂 u blame God for those things what satan doing with the human kind 🙂 So u are soooo fucked! Bye-bye!

  3. And here we have another fine example of a “brave,” Christian warrior whose name is a bit of an oxymoron. Mr. Smart was so scared that someone might reply to his gibberish that he used a fake email address to leave his comment. Another attempt at drive-by evangelism that falls flat. I particularly like the glee he takes in telling us how fucked we are. So very like what Jesus would do.

  4. Hello again :))))

    when u don’t know what to answer for the RIGHT and LOGICAL things what I wrote above, then u start mocking :)) but the question is: who do u mocking with??? the answer is: u are mocking with yourself – for sure 🙂 If it’s a sin to u then I confess that: I love GOD. And who do u love??? U love your gay boyfriend don’t you? 🙂 Are u happy?? I mean inside in your spirit and soul, are u happy there?? I already know the answer, u just have some miserable, pimping, bad, suffering life. Night times u have horrible dreams about Christian people who coming for u and eat u alive and u have a SHIT in your nappy when u wake up :D:D:D I’m sure about that 🙂 But listen, not the Christians will eat u alive, your master, that fucking satan will fuck you UP by the end of your cheap life. When this will happens to you, you will remember this comment. Otherwise, I do not want to curse you, but you are so worship Satan and hate God, unfortunately you’re going to be fucked spiritually. If God could save you, He would do it. But I think you already made your low-down decision beside the eternal darkness. Cheers. Bye Bye. Oh, yeah, email address? This is mine: ellentroll@hmamail.com

  5. Mr. Smart has returned. Let’s see what we can make out of his word salad:

    when u don’t know what to answer for the RIGHT and LOGICAL things what I wrote above, then u start mocking :)) but the question is: who do u mocking with??? the answer is: u are mocking with yourself – for sure

    No, I’m pretty sure I was mocking you.

    I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume English isn’t your native language. The incomprehensibility would be justifiably explained if you were using Google translate to leave your responses. If you’re a native English speaker then I’d suggest you get yourself checked to see if you’ve had a stroke.

    If it’s a sin to u then I confess that: I love GOD.

    It’s not a sin to me that you confess anything. I don’t believe in the concept of sin. You can say you love God all you want and it won’t bother me a bit. A lot of people have imaginary friends that they claim to love. Of course, most of them are under the age of 10, but I’m not going to hold it against you if you’re older than that if it makes you happy.

    And who do u love??? U love your gay boyfriend don’t you?

    What makes you think I have a gay boyfriend? Isn’t it a bit redundant to say he’s a gay boyfriend when I’m male? One could assume any boyfriends I’d have would probably be gay.

    That said, I don’t have a boyfriend, gay or otherwise. I’m happily married to a straight woman. Normally I wouldn’t mention that she’s straight, but it appears you might not take the proper assumption so perhaps it’s a detail you need to have included. I love her, I love my daughter, I love lots of people.

    Are u happy?? I mean inside in your spirit and soul, are u happy there?? I already know the answer, u just have some miserable, pimping, bad, suffering life.

    If you already know the answer then why ask the question? All things considered, my life is pretty good and overall I’m pretty happy. Sure, I could stand to earn a little more money and I’d like to own a home someday, but I have a wife who loves me, a roof over my head, and my bills are paid up so I’ve got little to be unhappy about.

    Night times u have horrible dreams about Christian people who coming for u and eat u alive and u have a SHIT in your nappy when u wake up :D:D:D I’m sure about that

    As with many other things, you’re wrong. Most of the time I don’t remember my dreams and when I do the scariest ones are about trying to find someplace private to take a piss. Usually because I need to take a piss and this is my brain’s way of letting me know so I can wake up and take care of the issue. I’ve never had a nightmare about zombie or cannibal Christians that want to eat me.

    But it sure is impressive how you “know” that to be the case. I suspect it’s based on the same “knowledge” you have that God is real.

    But listen, not the Christians will eat u alive, your master, that fucking satan will fuck you UP by the end of your cheap life. When this will happens to you, you will remember this comment. Otherwise, I do not want to curse you, but you are so worship Satan and hate God, unfortunately you’re going to be fucked spiritually.

    This may surprise you, but I don’t believe in Satan either. Hard to worship something you don’t believe in. He’s your imaginary boogeyman, not mine.

    If God could save you, He would do it.

    So you’re saying that God isn’t all-powerful then, eh? I’m surprised. Most Christians claim there’s nothing God can’t do, but here you are suggesting that God cannot save me so he has a limit to his power. I did not expect to read that.

    But I think you already made your low-down decision beside the eternal darkness.

    Not sure what that’s supposed to mean, but OK. I guess. Kudos to you for being brave enough to use your actual email address this time. If you keep using it you’ll find your comments won’t be moderated again in the future. Not that I’m sure there’s much point in you replying again. Nothing you’ve said so far has given me any reason to change my mind on the existence of god(s) of any sort, let alone your particular version of the Christian god. Nice job with all the assumptions, though.

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