My glamorous life as professional patient model.

I have a great doctor who is not only wicked smart, but manages to keep me in relatively good health considering how unhealthy I tend to be. Dr. CK is also very patient with me when I offer lame excuses for not doing what she told me to do to lose weight the last dozen times she saw me. She’s even cool enough to drop by SEB on occasion and leave a comment.

When my back sprain flared up over a month ago my wife made me an appointment to see my doctor so she could gently chide me for not doing the things she told me to do the last time I had a flare up. She was happy to hear that I had purchased an elliptical exercise machine and amused that it’s been used more as a coat rack as is required by Federal Law. After the exam she gave me a couple of prescriptions including one to start Physical Therapy, which I have done, and she left the room.

A few moments later she swept back into the room with a form in her hand and said, “You’re never gonna guess what I’m going to ask of you.” To which I agreed I wasn’t going to ever be able to guess. It seems the folks at Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan put out a newsletter every so often and they wanted to do an article on Dr. CK and her commitment to patient communication. To go along with the article they wanted to get some pictures of her interacting — or “communicating” — with a patient and they just happened to have shown up and I was one of Dr. CK’s favorite patients (everyone loves me) so she wanted to know if I would consent to being a Patient Model. (Note: I don’t know if that’s an official title, but it’s what I made up just now so I’m using it.) Being the narcissist that I am I naturally said yes. The photographer came in and we spent maybe 10 or 15 minutes going through various poses such as doctor-pointing-out-worrying-result-on-her-tablet-computer and doctor-stereo-typically-listening-to-patient’s-heart-like-every-picture-of-a-doctor-ever and finishing with doctor-and-patient-both-smiling-at-the-camera-for-no-apparent-reason.

That was a couple of weeks ago. Yesterday I get an email from her letting me know the article has been published online with a link to it included (warning: PDF file). Given the number of pictures they took I was curious to see how many and which ones they used. The article has two pics. One of her alone smiling at the camera and one of us together. The latter being the most unintentionally hilarious one possible in part because they went with the stereo-typical-doctor-listening-to-patient’s-heart pic, but also because… well… just look at it for yourself after the jump.

Holy Christ on a cracker! Is that the Macarena song I hear?

Holy Christ on a cracker! Is that the Macarena song I hear?

It’s a good thing I wasn’t drinking when I first saw this or I’d need a new monitor. First, I’m ludicrously huge in this picture. Granted, I am a pretty big guy, but this makes me look like Shrek’s stand-in. Dr. CK isn’t particularly tall, but the perspective this is shot from really exaggerates the difference in size. I also love her expression of complete surprise that I still have a heartbeat or that there’s something other than a heartbeat she’s hearing in my chest. I must have giggled at this for a good ten minutes as did my pseudo-boss.

Still, being a professional model is yet another accomplishment I can cross off my bucket list along with being an anime voice actor (with an entry on IMDB) and acknowledged in a major pen and paper RPG rule book.

Next up? I still wanna be a dead body in either a TV show or major movie. It doesn’t have to be the Lead Dead Body. I’d happily settle for a Supporting Dead Body role. Given my lack of acting talent, it’s probably best if I just lie there and look dead.

10 thoughts on “My glamorous life as professional patient model.

  1. The way your doc is looking at you it’s like she found two heart beats, you know who else has two hearts.

  2. Your doctor is so tiny and adorable! Either that, or you are indeed “ludicrously oversized”, as Monty Burns might say.

    But seriously, you are lucky to have a good and trustworthy doctor. I am fortunate to be robustly healthy (at least physically), since I cannot afford health insurance.

  3. Eyes,I would so not be upset to learn I was a Time Lord and didn’t know it.

    Jay, my doctor is great. Would recommend her to everyone even though it means it takes longer for me to get an appointment.

  4. Dr. CK is of average height for a woman, I believe. She is just another one of those people who are taller than me. Which is everyone, lol compared to my 5 ft. SEB is definitely not a small man, but he this pictures does illustrate disproportionately. He isn’t quite the Shrek Stand In size as falsely indicated by this picture..

  5. Maybe one day I’ll see you on NCIS layed out on one of Ducky’s’ tables sporting a big “Y” incision. Heard playing dead is a really tough act to carry off.

  6. How hard could it be? Lay there, don’t move, and try to breathe really shallowly. Don’t tell me it takes real acting skill to play dead! DON’T CRUSH MY UNREALISTIC DREAMS!!!

  7. Wow. Nice job modeling! I’ll be sure to hire you the next time I need a Shrek stand-in, promise!

  8. I’m bigger than every male doctor I’ve had,. I’ve always felt that it’s good to be intimidating when they want to poke and prod you. I hadn’t considered how it works with female doctors until now!

  9. All can say is my eyes popped out of my head and I believe “Oh Shit” escaped from my lips. My second thought was my God I have created a monster! My third thought was it ain’t true because I just stood next to him a week ago. My last thought was stop laughing Momma before you have a stoke!!! Love you Son!

  10. Having experienced the Les in the flesh, I can say that he is a big guy, but not unusually so. And Mrs. SEB: my Mrs. is 4’11”. So you’re not shorter than everyone.

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