The play area of your local McDonald’s is not the place to masturbate while looking at porn.

There are certain things you would think would be obvious to most people. Things that people shouldn’t have to be told not to do. Things like looking at porn and masturbating while sitting in a McDonald’s PlayLand while children play nearby.

You’d think that should go without saying, but you’d be wrong:

Pic of Baumgartner

Pic in the dictionary entry for "bad judgement."

MADISON, Wis. — A 38-year-old man was arrested on Sunday for allegedly looking at pornographic images and fondling himself at a West Side McDonald’s.

Madison police said Michael Baumgartner, 38, of Madison, was arrested on suspicion of lewd and lascivious behavior and disorderly conduct at about 12:45 p.m. on Sunday.

Police said he was using his laptop to look at pornographic images in a McDonald’s play area on Odana Road while 15 to 20 children were playing.

Police said the suspect, who told police he has no children, admitted to exercising bad judgment.

Gee, ya think?

Look I enjoy spending a little time in porn-land on occasion myself, but I keep that sort of thing in the privacy of my own home. Not once has it ever crossed my mind that the meal I’m currently eating at whatever restaurant I happen to be in at the time would be vastly improved by a little self-massage while looking at naughty pictures on my laptop. Maybe I’m out of the ordinary in that regard, but I wouldn’t think so.

So for those of you out there who apparently need to be told this sort of thing: Don’t masturbate to porn at a restaurant. Go home and draw the shades first. The rest of us would be very appreciative of your courtesy in this regard.

6 thoughts on “The play area of your local McDonald’s is not the place to masturbate while looking at porn.

  1. “You see, officer, what happened was I had this virus on mah internets and it made my computer automatically load up pages and pages of German granny scat and I panicked that this kid who was wearing a little skirt with socks and pony tails I’d noticed on the swings might see it, so I grabbed the mouse but it slipped off the table and I knocked my coffee onto my lap and I was rubbing it so it wouldn’t stain my pants and that’s when you showed up.”

  2. Now that’s what I call a Happy Meal!

    Don’t you mean a Happy Endings Meal?

    Sorry, couldn’t resist.

  3. Maybe I’m out of the ordinary in that regard, but I wouldn’t think so.

    I certainly hope you’re not. I’d hate to think that Baumgartner is the ordinary guy.

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