Too Much Faith Will Make You Crazy: End of the World edition.

Don’t make any big plans for May 21, 2011. Why? Because according to 88-year-old Christian nutcase Harold Camping, that’s the true date for the end of the world:

Camping, 88, has scrutinized the Bible for almost 70 years and says he has developed a mathematical system to interpret prophecies hidden within the Good Book. One night a few years ago, Camping, a civil engineer by trade, crunched the numbers and was stunned at what he’d found: The world will end May 21, 2011.

Ah yes! It’s the old mathematical-system-for-decoding-the-Bible method of predicting the future! Very popular among your die hard Christian nutcases as we’ve seen many times before here on SEB.

Lest you think Mr. Camping is new to this game, let me assure you he is not! He has predicted the end previously back in 1994. Those of you paying attention to current events may have noticed it didn’t end. A revelation that was a bit of a shock to the dozens of followers and Camping as they sat waiting for Christ’s return. Later he would admit that he “may have” made a mathematical error.

This time it’s different, though! He’s spent 10 years working on this new date and he’s pretty confident he’s nailed it and he’s got the formula to prove it:

By Camping’s understanding, the Bible was dictated by God and every word and number carries a spiritual significance. He noticed that particular numbers appeared in the Bible at the same time particular themes are discussed.

The number 5, Camping concluded, equals “atonement.” Ten is “completeness.” Seventeen means “heaven.” Camping patiently explained how he reached his conclusion for May 21, 2011.

“Christ hung on the cross April 1, 33 A.D.,” he began. “Now go to April 1 of 2011 A.D., and that’s 1,978 years.”

Camping then multiplied 1,978 by 365.2422 days – the number of days in each solar year, not to be confused with a calendar year.

Next, Camping noted that April 1 to May 21 encompasses 51 days. Add 51 to the sum of previous multiplication total, and it equals 722,500.

Camping realized that (5 x 10 x 17) x (5 x 10 x 17) = 722,500.

Or put into words: (Atonement x Completeness x Heaven), squared.

“Five times 10 times 17 is telling you a story,” Camping said. “It’s the story from the time Christ made payment for your sins until you’re completely saved.

“I tell ya, I just about fell off my chair when I realized that,” Camping said.

Does it not surprise anyone else to learn that Mr. Camping is a former engineer? For some reason this sort of silly nonsense seems to come from a lot of engineers.

For example back in my youth, when I worked as a Desktop Publishing Coordinator for a local Kinko’s, I once met a man who also claimed to have mathematically proven the existence of God and had figured out the date of his return. He wanted me to print up a bunch of business cards with his proof on it. He had a bunch of numbers that he’d plucked out of his ass, that all meant something to no one outside of himself, and he had multiplied and divided and added and subtracted them for all manner of reasons, again known only to himself, and the final result was the number: 1. Which he interpreted as signifying God’s existence. He spent quite some time explaining it all to me and I smiled and nodded back the entire time. The same way you do with a crazy person brandishing a knife in hopes he won’t suddenly try to slit your throat with it to show you what a good job he did sharpening it.

Anyway, you’d be forgiven if you think Mr. Camping lost his followers after he fucked up the first time, but then you’d be grossly underestimating how credulous people can be:

Employees at the Oakland office run printing presses that publish Camping’s pamphlets and books, and some wear T-shirts that read, “May 21, 2011.” They’re happy to talk about the day they believe their souls will be retrieved by Christ.

“I’m looking forward to it,” said Ted Solomon, 60, who started listening to Camping in 1997. He’s worked at Family Radio since 2004, making sure international translators properly dictate Camping’s sermons.

“This world may have had an attraction to me at one time,” Solomon said. “But now it’s definitely lost its appeal.”

[…] Rick LaCasse, who attended the September 1994 service in Alameda, said that 15 years later, his faith in Camping has only strengthened.

“Evidently, he was wrong,” LaCasse allowed, “but this time it is going to happen. There was some doubt last time, but we didn’t have any proofs. This time we do.”

Would his opinion of Camping change if May 21, 2011, ended without incident?

“I can’t even think like that,” LaCasse said. “Everything is too positive right now. There’s too little time to think like that.”

And it’s not enough that they’re deluded, but they’re hoping to drag others into their delusions as well in as many countries as they can manage. According to the article they broadcast on AM stations around the world and are translated into 48 languages so no one misses out on the crazy!

18 thoughts on “Too Much Faith Will Make You Crazy: End of the World edition.

  1. They have been hoping and praying for the world to end for twenty centuries, they are a bit tired of waiting. Practically every generation of Christian history has seen someone predict the imminent coming of the end days. All four gospels show Jesus himself predicting that his generation would be the last, and we see Paul saying once or twice that he expected Jesus to return shortly. Urban II, Savonarola, Luther and plenty of other preachers all thought the end was near. It was embarrassing to Christians then and has been ever since when these predictions fail. Hitchens talks about this, the immature desire in religion to see the end and to watch everyone that they dislike receive punishment. People will be predicting the end of the world for the rest of human history; someone will eventually be right.

  2. “Does it not surprise anyone else to learn that Mr. Camping is a former engineer? For some reason this sort of silly nonsense seems to come from a lot of engineers.”

    I always wondered about that. In my personal experience, I’ve noticed that engineering seems to draw more conservative people, while sciences like physics tends to draw more liberal individuals. Not saying it’s a rule, I personally know of several blatant exceptions to my observation. I wonder if it has to do with engineering dealing more with “proven” theory while hard science deals with testing theory.

  3. I once had a relative say there must be some kind of god, how could we have music and math? Just weird if you ask me.
    Sometimes I wish for the “rapture” to happen, take away some fanatics.

  4. This is the part that I never can understand: If all I need to be reborn and forgiven of all my sins is simply ASK for forgiveness (confess); AND, if I know that the world is going to end on 5/21/11, can’t I just sin as much as I want until 5/20/11 and throw in a last minute confession and be just as “saved” as anyone else?

    Not that there is much else about Christianity that makes sense to me, but when I hear stories about these prediction guys, this is what bugs me the most.

  5. Panny – When I was a Christian, I wanted to believe that I was saved, but every time I did something that was “bad”, I found my faith wavering and I felt compelled to ask once again for that supposedly “one time covers everything” salvation that they talk so much about. Sinning after the fact is supposed to be a sign that you didn’t actually get saved in some Christians’ minds, so that is perhaps why these nutjobs that go on and on about the end of the world being on a specific date are less than eager to go on a 3 month sin bender. They might actually die before the day, and if they’re out sinning, then they might not actually be saved after all, and so would end up in hell. That might be attributing way too much logic to their thought processes though.

  6. Buy a Bible printed on the softest paper possible, if you’re wasting your money…………… They make the best toilet paper!

  7. “I once met a man who also claimed to have mathematically proven the existence of God and had figured out the date of his return.”

    Wow, that really takes me back–I remember that guy! Didn’t he have some fractal images, too, that were supposed to mean something? I wish I could remember.

  8. Hmmm.

    Gee.

    A mathematical system? Every word? What version of bible do you suppose he used? They’re not consistent. I bet he thinks jesus spoke english.

    The hebrew old testament? The greek new testament? Tyndale’s English? The Vulgate? King James?
    What a freaking moron. Since he analyzed at the syntax level, I wonder if such a thing occured to him.

    On a side note, I’m discovering a new phenomenon. No less then three christians in the last year have told me that they “know Greek and Latin”. Turns out they read memorized phrases in a Greek/Latin edition and magically they think they are classical scholars.

    Makes me sick.

    I doubt they could get through one sentence of the Eumenides or The Gallic Wars.

  9. Christ hung on the cross April 1, 33 A.D.

    Tiger Woods got beaten for being hung and using it outside of his marriage on November 27, 2009.

    (4 x 1 x 33) = 132

    (11 x 27) = 297

    297 – 2(132) = 33 AD

    Oh my God! Tiger Woods is the resurrected Jesus Christ and will judge the world as soon as he returns from his religious retreat to find himself. THE END IS NEARER THAN YOU THINK!

    šŸ˜‰

    Peace

  10. Pingback: Unblogged Bits for Wednesday, 13 January 2010 | ***Dave Does the Blog

  11. Others have noticed the link between YECs and engineers. It would appear they’re likelier to believe you need a designer for the universe than any other professional discipline.
    At the university I attended a looooong time ago, most of the engineering students I knew were misogynistic retards.
    Now it all makes sense.

  12. Mr.Camping did not predict 1994 end of world!

    Prior to going to moon, We predicted for centuries.

    Are you saying the Noahs flood wasn’t predicted?

    Mr. Campings 1994 book only inquired with ?

    This is very very serious; and enormously possible
    and important.

  13. To all who are reading this….I’ve been opened to listen and understand what the bible says..god said NO ONE will know the day I’ll arrivE nor my angels wouldn’t know” neither satan nor any human being” HE will come like a thieve in the night”.. And its been said like stone”.. Folks read the bible”

  14. I think, Christian, you also qualify as having a little too much faith.

    But I do agree – read the bile, it’s the quickest way to see what a monster YHWH is.

  15. the world doesn’t end at the same time for everyone. it only ends when you die. so that being said, if you want the world to end, go ahead and slit your throat.

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