Awhile back word came out that some idiots in Hollywood had licensed the movie rights to the game Asteroids> Yes, the very same game as the image to the left with the outline of rocks and the little flying saucer that flew by going pew-pew-pew and which was unleashed on arcades all the way back in friggin’ 1979. I was stunned. It was a sure sign Hollywood had lost its collective mind. I was absolutely flabbergasted when it was revealed that there had been a four way bidding war for the rights!
What the friggin’ hell?! There’s no story to the game. It’s a small ship, a bunch of rocks that break into smaller rocks when shot, and the occasional wandering UFO. That’s it. Needless to say I waited with baited breath for someone to explain the logic to me. Now the folks over at IGN have landed an interview with producer Lornezo di Bonaventura wherein he explains his thinking:
“It’s funny because people say there’s nothing in the game, but that’s not entirely right” he explained. “I was attracted to Asteroids, plain and simple, because I think what it tells you is that there’s going to be this big thing in space.”
Uh. There’s going to be “this big thing in space?” What could it possibly be? Could it be an asteroid? Maybe even multiple asteroids??
“We’ve crafted a really strong, deep mythology for the thing. Without divulging too much about it, it’s two lead characters – two brothers – who have to go through a seminal experience to figure out their relationship, against this huge backdrop.”
But what of the title’s point-and-shoot gameplay? “Well you’d better have some guys in spaceships blowing stuff up” he continued “or else you haven’t honoured the fun of Asteroids.”
OK, someone’s snorted a little too much cocaine and has melted their frontal lobe and it’s not me. The funny thing was I was appalled when I heard someone had bought the rights to, and was planning to make, a live-action movie based on Pac-Man. In retrospect Pac-Man is practically Shakespeare in comparison to the amount of story in Asteroids.
What the hell’s next? PONG: The Movie??