How’s this for a really weird dream?

During the 2008 Presidential campaigns, before either candidate has picked a running mate, aliens land in Washington D.C. and I’m one of the only people on the planet that can understand what they’re saying. They look like nothing more than a bad Doctor Who special effect in that they are bright globes of white light, but they start handing out Ancient Wisdom like how to cure the common cold and how to resolve the Israeli/Palestinian conflict in a just and fair manner that actually works and everyone is happy with. Because I’m the only American out of the three people who can understand what the aliens are saying I’m drafted by the government to be an official liaison for the United States. After some initial suspicion the aliens are quickly accepted as being almost Oracle-like because of the usefulness of the Ancient Wisdom they are handing out and it’s not long before every pronouncement they make, which is once or twice every other week or so, is a major news event.

The one thing that isn’t clear is what they want from us and it’s a question I’m repeatedly asked to raise. Then one day they finally get around to stating what they’d like to receive in exchange for all these useful bits of knowledge they’ve been handing out. It turns out they’ve been reading my blog for awhile and they want me to be Vice President of the United States. They don’t say why they want me to be Vice President as opposed to President nor do they say why they think I’d be good in the role. It’s not entirely clear that they’re not making the request for the humor potential alone, but Barack Obama quickly decides to announce that he’d be happy to have me as his running mate. This is a pretty bold move on Obama’s part considering I’m openly atheist and have written a lot of stuff on my blog which would, under normal circumstances, pretty much make me unelectable. The Republicans wouldn’t even entertain the idea given my liberal/atheist/heathenism and this doesn’t improve their prospects among any of the populace outside of the paranoid faction that thinks the aliens are planning to cook us all for dinner any day now in spite of the fact that they don’t have any discernible mouths or need to eat.

So in addition to my job as U.S. Liaison to the Glowing Blobs of Light I end up also running for Vice President alongside Barack Obama and, despite my unelectability, we win. The aliens take this as a sign of excellent reasoning on the part of Americans and decide to stick around dispensing more Ancient Wisdom because they get a kick out of watching Whoopi on The View. The only other request the aliens make is for a 105” LCD HDTV and free cable TV. And that’s when I wake up.

7 thoughts on “How’s this for a really weird dream?

  1. Before all the Psych majors jump in here with their analyses, I will only say that I wish I had cool dreams like that. Maybe you could develop that into a bizarre short story. wink

  2. Seems like last night was a night for dreams.

    Mine went from me being James Bond in a film making out with the bond girl, to being a camera in a four camera sitcom starring Mrs. Potato head.

    It’s the first time i ever remember waking myself up because i’m laughing in my sleep.

    Don’t you dig that dreams suspend the credulous thought we’d normally have?

  3. I second what Stormin Norman said.  All my dreams basically boil down to me being stuck in another state and it’s five minutes until work or school starts.  Of course I’m naked, my car doesn’t work, it’s alternatively night time or insanely sunny out. When I finally get there, it turns out that school/work is full of lots of people that I don’t know, the boss/teacher berates me for being 2 years late (?), and then I usually end up getting chased by my own head around the building or something equally nuts.  It’s all very surreal though, and I’d hate to even contemplate what it means.  Sometimes it’s worse though as a xenomorph or a clown are waiting for me at school/work.  Ugh, I should really consider not eating before bedtime.

  4. All my dreams basically boil down to me being stuck in another state and it’s five minutes until work or school starts.  Of course I’m naked, my car doesn’t work, it’s alternatively night time or insanely sunny out. When I finally get there, it turns out that school/work is full of lots of people that I don’t know, the boss/teacher berates me for being 2 years late (?), and then I usually end up getting chased by my own head around the building or something equally nuts.

    Bog Brother-
    I think we have the same dream sequences programmed into our heads. I have lots of “late for school and naked” dreams. Or ones where I’m going back to high school and all my teachers are still there.

    Also have a recurring one where I’m a radio DJ and my record runs out and I don’t have a second one queued up and people are calling up bitching that I’m not playing music. Don’t know what that one means.

  5. Or ones where I’m going back to high school and all my teachers are still there.

    Isn’t that THEIR nightmare?

    Also have a recurring one where I’m a radio DJ and my record runs out and I don’t have a second one queued up and people are calling up bitching that I’m not playing music. Don’t know what that one means.

    That you will soon have nightmares about being an unemployed ex-radio DJ looking for work?

    Thankfully I don’t have any *recurring* nightmares.

  6. But I’m NOT a radio DJ, which makes the dream even more puzzling. Perhaps it’s a metaphor for running out of time. Maybe I need to bump up my life insurance coverage. wink

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