At least I’ll be in good company.

So browsing through the referrer logs today I come across a link to this entry on Republican Faith Chat titled “Hellbound: People Who are Probably Going To Hell”. When you combine that with the RFC’s tagline of “Conservative Christians ONLY. Liberals, Atheists Not Welcomed.” you just know it’s going to be a fun site.

As it turns out it’s a listing of various websites and blogs that the Republican Faith Chat folks feel are the worst of the worst on the Internet. You have to wonder why they’d be visiting any of the sites in question and they’ve helpfully provided the following explanation:

Regardless of how reluctant we are sometimes, it is our duty as Christians (Baptists) to pray for those we deem already damned to Hell. As easy as it is to dismiss these people as lost forever to eternal damnation, we must remember that in Christ, anything is possible no matter how remote the chance.

Given the enormity of sinners that we come across on a daily basis we simply cannot list them all. We will, however, try and update this list as frequently as necessary.

I guess that means they are hoping that people will pray for our corrupted souls in hopes of us seeing the light. On the off chance that the upright visitors reading the list feel the need to see just how vile and evil any of the sites on it really are they encourage them to recite the following prayer of protection first:

WARNING: Before visiting any of the following links you are cautioned to say the following prayer.

IN JESUS NAME, I BIND UP EVERY DEMON COMING ACROSS THE COMPUTER LINES, AND I RETURN THEM AND ANY CURSES.IN JESUS NAME, I COVER MYSELF IN THE BLOOD OF JESUS. I COVER THIS COMPUTER AND THE INTERNET ROAD I TRAVEL IN THE BLOOD OF JESUS. I TAKE AUTHORITY AND DOMINION OVER ALL WEB SITES, WEB MASTERS, WEB DOMAINS, AND DEMONS OF THE INTERNET SUPER HIGHWAY SO THEY DO NOT CROSS MY PATH. I DISPATCH ANGELS AHEAD OF ME TO PROTECT ME.

IN JESUS NAME, I CUT ALL UNGODLY SILVER CORDS AND LAY LINES.

AS YOUR WAR CLUB AND WEAPONS OF WAR I BREAK DOWN, UNDAM, AND BLOW UP ALL WALLS OF PROTECTION AROUND ALL HOMOSEXUALS, WITCHES, WARLOCKS, WIZARDS, SATANISTS, ATHEISTS, LIBERALS, DEMOCRATS, SORCERERS, AND THE LIKE, AND I BREAK THE POWER OF ALL CURSES, HEXES, VEXES, SPELLS, CHARMS, FETISHES, PSYCHIC PRAYERS, PSYCHIC THOUGHTS, ALL WITCHCRAFT, SORCERY, SATIRE, PARODY, MAGIC, VOODOO, ALL MIND CONTROL, JINXES, POTIONS, BEWITCHMENTS, DEATH, DESTRUCTION, SICKNESS, PAIN, TORMENT, PSYCHIC POWER, PSYCHIC WARFARE, PRAYER CHAINS, INCENSE AND CANDLE BURNING, INCANTATIONS, CHANTING, UNGODLY BLESSINGS AND HOODOO, CRYSTALS, AND EVERYTHING ELSE BEING SENT MY WAY, OR MY FAMILY MEMBER’S WAY, OR ANY CHRISTIAN MINISTRIES WAY, AND I RETURN IT, AND THE DEMONS TO THE SENDER, TEN FOLD.

AMEN.

Yeah, that’ll do it. No doubt. I have no idea why the words WARLOCKS and WARFARE are bold faced, but they are. I found it fascinating to see “satire” and “parody” listed among hexes, vexes, spells, and charms as things to be protected against thus proving that Republicans have no sense of humor. Or at least not the ones on “Republican Faith Chat.”

And they really mean it when they say you should recite that prayer first:

At the time of our encounter with these infidels there was no links to pornography, Satan Worship, or extreme foul language. Given the nature of the sinner and their willingness to sin we cannot gurantee that things will not be added at a later time. That is why it is crucial that you say the above prayer before visiting any of the listed web sites. If you have come across someone who is need of deliverance from their sickness you may email 

Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett,

and she will forward the site to the Monie Willis Imprecatory Prayer Committee for submission to this page.

Due to the recent onset of foul language by certain unsaved visitors, comments will not be permitted for this page.

Warning: Proceed at your own Risk

Then we get to the list proper and it starts in June of last year with a link to Mark Fiore’s political cartoons website. Yeah, I can see how they’d have a hard time with him. They describe his site as follows: “Foul LIEberal, Mark Fiore, creates disgusting, anti-Family Values, un-American, un-Conservative, pro-Demoncrat, animated political cartoons from an undisclosed location somewhere in San Francisco. Imppressionable children under 21 should not be allowed to view this site.” And that gives you an idea of what the rest of the list is like.

Moving down the list there’s links to Hillary Clinton’s website, Barack Obama Hussein Bin Laden’s (their name for it, not mine) website, surprisingly enough a link to Fred Thompson’s website (described as “Supporters of a garden variety RINO and dirty old man running for President.”), (un)AmericaBlog, (don’t)Think Progress, Fark.com, Brent Rasmussen’s blog (“Bearded God-mocker who probably sprouts horns and a tail before sneaking into dreams and stealing souls. Extreme wickedness ahead. NSFC”), PZ Myer’s blog (“P.Z. Myers is not only a Atheist of the worst sort, he is a scientist who promotes the lies of man kind evolving from primate love.  NSFA.”), Richard Dawkins, Andrew Sullivan, Fundies Say the Darndest Things!, and, eventually, little old me:

Stupid Evil Bastard

:

Les Jenkins a Liberal Independent, Atheist spreads his message of hatred for Christ and Family values on a blog venue. Also reviews video games filled with sex, bood, gore, and guts.  Owner of the Fundies Say Darndest Things site above. VERY VILE. NSFW, NSFC<21, NSFC.

I like how the mouse tooltip for my link is “Truthful in it’s [sic] description”. They’re wrong in thinking that I own Fundies Say the Darndest Things – I wish I’d have thought of a site that cool – but I can see how they’d make that mistake as SEB is listed as a friend of FSTDT on their main page.

I skipped over a lot of the other sites listed, but suffice it to say that I’m honored to be included in such fine company.  SEB was added back in February of this year so it took them awhile to find us, but I’m proud just the same. The site overall is just a treasure trove of lunacy. I especially love their Legal Statement:

By visiting this entertaining Godly site OR by sending an e-mail submission to Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett©, Republican Faith© OR posting to this site, YOU ARE CERTIFYING THAT YOU ARE 18 YEARS OR OLDER AND you are granting a worldwide, royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable, non-exclusive and fully sublicensable right and license to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, create derivative works from, distribute, perform and display your submission (in whole or part) and/or to incorporate it in other works in any form, media, or technology now known or later developed. The original posts, prayers, all materials and even the pasquinading by our mockers and antagonists found on this site and all materials within are Copyright© protected through 2008 by site manager and/or the contributors. Many antogonists on the political Left would like to call it political satire so perhaps everything posted here should be understood in that context. Whatever it takes to keep their tiny brains from overloading. Please keep in mind that Posting of personal phone numbers or information that may lead to personal injury or harassment is deemed illegal on this forum under congressional legislation, state law and various personal protection acts. Please refrain from divulging information of this kind in such a public forum for obvious security purposes. God Bless America.

I do have to give them credit for using a big word like “pasquinading” though. That’s an unusually large word for people with such tiny intellects, but perhaps they had a thesaurus handy. I may have to spend some time perusing the site a bit more. It’s looks like a lot of fun.

45 thoughts on “At least I’ll be in good company.

  1. Yea! Many of my favorite websites are there!
    I’ll have to make a few nominations to complete the list.

    Hello,
    Though it would be immodest to nominate my own website, I would like to nominate my good friend Dana at “En Tequila Es Verdad”.  http://entequilaesverdad.blogspot.com/  I can promise you that you will find there all the liberalism and intellectual elitism you can stand.  Take it in small doses at first.  I suggest with a twist of lime.

    Sincerely,
    – George.W
    http://www.decrepitoldfool.com

  2. I like this one:

    Landover Baptist: THE MINSITRY ISN’T HELLBOUND BUT THE FORUMS ARE!

    WARNING: A real church web site but it is under constant attack by Liberals and Atheists making the forums there full of UN-Patriotic propganda. It is frequented by Liberal con artists and who spread lies and abominations. The Front page are articles are safe but the Forums are NSFW, NSFC, NSFA, NSFH.

    Landover Baptist is total parody. Looks like they got Poed.

  3. The LandoverBaptist entry makes me think that they’re either joking or very very stupid.

  4. Landover Baptist was the same one that jumped out to me. How can they think that site is legit, forums or not? In fact, it is hard to believe that the whole RFC site isn’t a big joke…are there really people that deluded that are cognizant enough of the last hundred years to use a computer?

  5. I have to admit that the more I look around the site the more I’m beginning to think it might be a parody itself. The Landover Baptist entry is a big tip off, but I’ve met a few people who actually thought Landover was a real church website so it’s hard to say.

  6. Well parody or not, my nomination stands!  Let’s all nominate each other!  cool grin  It’s funny either way, and wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been had.

  7. I would get more of a kick out of these guys if it didn’t show the strongest example of religious brainwashing I have ever seen. Everything that you don’t want to see is EVIL AND SATAN!

  8. how do I submit my site for inclusion?

    That was the first thing I thought too. Maybe one day I’ll find the time and just submit my bookmarks as a text file or something.

  9. Bearded God-mocker who probably sprouts horns and a tail before sneaking into dreams and stealing souls.

    The scariest thing is they probably believe that to be literally true.

  10. These people outPoe Poe!

    Sometimes I have to wonder- perhaps not only is it difficult to impossible to sort out the parodies from the real thing, but maybe there’s no difference

  11. Nominations sent, whether that site is satire or not.

    Let’s see what interesting spam I’ll get in return. A couple of months ago I ended up on a pro-life mailing list and I still don’t know how I managed to do that.

  12. Whether or not it’s a real or parody site, congrats on the publicity, Les. 

    IN JESUS NAME, I CUT ALL UNGODLY SILVER CORDS AND LAY LINES.

    How many of them will qualify for a Darwin award by taking that literally?

    That’s a long ass prayer to be chanting before surfing.  Of course, those of us who are truly blessed know the secret is to wrap a piece of spaghetti around the cords for protection. wink

  13. That’s a long ass prayer to be chanting before surfing.  Of course, those of us who are truly blessed know the secret is to wrap a piece of spaghetti around the cords for protection.

    Blasphemer. Every TRUE Pastafarian knows you have to use tortellini atop your modem for that. Spaghetti don’t help on the net these days, they are not broadband enough.

    Sometimes I have to wonder- perhaps not only is it difficult to impossible to sort out the parodies from the real thing, but maybe there’s no difference…

    Zilch, this reminded me of the old question as to how you can tell a computer that’s really sentient from one that is only pretending to be sentient and doing so very well. The answer is: It doesn’t matter. I mean I can’t tell YOU from a very convincing robot either, but I don#t worry about it much.

  14. elwed: do tell how you can get through life without false dichotomies.  False dichotomies, and love, make the world go round.  And I suppose your definition of a “good” reason for killing something is “because I feel like it”.

    Ingolfson: perhaps you should [*crackle*, *sputter*] worry about it.  Actually, I am a (hopefully) very convincing wetware robot.

  15. do tell how you can get through life without false dichotomies.

    Not paying attention to religious apologists goes a long way.

    False dichotomies, and love, make the world go round.

    I thought it was gravity and money makes the tides?

    And I suppose your definition of a “good” reason for killing something is “because I feel like it”.

    I shouldn’t dignify this remark with an answer, but I’ll do it anyway: It isn’t.

  16. Dof: I allow ‘em, but I don’t bow to ‘em.

    elwed: hey, you needn’t dignify my remarks if they’re snarks.

  17. For the record, I say that exact prayer before I begin surfing the web. In fact, I say it before I do anything, including using the toilet, tying my shoes, or jumping out of the way of a car that’s speeding toward me. Although it takes me forever to do the simplest things and I have been hurt severely in traffic incidents, one thing is for sure: I’ve never been attacked, molested, possessed, or in any way overcome by a demon. So I think my delusional activity is well worth the trouble.

  18. Just looked at that website.

    Barrack Obama “Carries the curse of Ham.”???

    Sheesh, now THAT’s a problem. Probably all ham that he touches turns to… pasta or something? Poor guy.

  19. No, no, ingolfson. That’s Ham, as in one of the three sons of Noah: Shem, Ham, and Japheth (Shemp, Larry and Moe?) Seems Noah got plastered and fell asleep naked. Ham found him so, and told his brothers, who, walking backward with a blanket, covered their father’s nakedness. When Noah awoke and discovered what the sons had done, he cursed Ham. (Gen 9:18-29) So, was Ham cursed because he was gay? WTF? Anyway, his descendants were supposed to be slaves, so the explanation of the black people being slaves has been picked up by various sects as an excuse for slavery, etc., etc., ad nauseum. I was not allowed to ordain black men when I was a missionary because of this, and because there was no contemporary “divine word,” or revelation, that offered the priesthood to black men. One of the reasons I left the Mormon Church. Like Louis Armstrong in “Good Morning, Vietnam,” I SAY TO MYSELF, WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD!  snake

  20. I tried to edit my comment, but was denied. I should have included, after WTF?: The language used in the Bible to describe a gay relationship, however, was a little different. (see I Samuel Ch 20)

  21. Hey, my blog had naked chicks in it! I doubt that’s enough though. Congrats…. Maybe you should do a list of best parody sites and put them at number one! That might flesh out an answer to their intent.

  22. Me, I get a kick out of the “prayer committee” bit. Regular prayer is useless enough without being loaded into a bureaucracy.

  23. Better to do it for indirect taxes- lowering direct taxes helps the rich more than the poor, while lowering indirect taxes helps the poor more.

  24. Actually, lowering the tax rate for any tax has seemed to produce a greater quantity of revenue, in general. And, if you look up the history of the income tax, you will find that it was instituted to pay the interest on the national debt, which was loaned at interest to the government by the very rich. (Author of the amendment was Senator Nelson Aldrich – yeah, Nelson Aldrich Rockefeller’s grandfather) The House of Rothschild was expert at that function in Europe for centuries.

  25. Yeah the rich often say that. Whether true of not the fact that lower direct taxes benefit the rich is also provably true.  Likewise the rich are the winners in a flat tax, and the idea of all taxes being indirect (ie sales tax).

    The best way to collect more tax is to employ more tax collectors, a 10:1 ratio is not uncommon.  However this actually makes the Collection service look less effecient, as that is a percentage game.

    Consider
    £400b costing £4bn (99%)
    £420b costing £5bn (98.8%)

    HM Revenue and Customs saved £70m in job cuts in one area- los sto treasury in unenforced tax- in excess of £200m BUT because that was an efficiency of about 66%, the over all efficiency went up.

  26. It’s a parody.  Look at the legal statement and the membership costs.  I went on there to see if there were any liberal Christian sites listed and was disappointed to find none.  Besides, as long as that site has been up one would think the list would be a lot lot larger than what it is.  There are too many obvious websites not listed.

  27. It’s a parody.  Look at the legal statement and the membership costs.

    Theocrat, it’s a damned good parody then. It had me fooled.

    It’s hard to tell- not the content, but the presentation.
    Cost. “Hmm message board or enough porn site memberships to dehydrate to death”
    Grammer

    Special rate for REPUBLICAN FAITH Christian Educators.FREE “Christian Teachers and Home School Teachers Teach More Better” BUMPER STICKER

    But haven’t mastered the comma yet.

    But most importantly the site owner, Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett “- Your Foremost Authority on All Things Biblical and Conservative. Amen.” also appears to be

    Founding member, Taffy Davenport Gaines Crockett once stated. “This organization is created to honor the original members of the Landover Ladies Club, and is a tribute to Baptist women all over the world!”[/quote]

    Not famous enough yet, Les. Sorry.

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