Man credits God and his cellphone for surviving bee attack.

This poor bastard got into a tussle with some nasty bees and lived to tell about it:

James Dunsworth was clearing away cedar trees with his bulldozer on Monday when the 72-year-old hit a bee hive deep inside one of the trees. “Just about one o’clock,” he said, “I hit that tree that had all the bees in it, and those bees came up just like smoke out of that tree.”

The bees attacked Dunsworth, knocking him from the tractor and onto the ground. “They come right under the hood of that dozer, right in on me,” he explained. “I just laid there and thought, I’m going to have to do something or I’m going to die right here.

As Dunsworth rolled down a nearby hill, the bees climbed inside his mouth and ears, stinging his face and arms. “They stung in my mouth, my ears, all over my head and on my arms. I had a pair of overalls on, or it probably would have got worse,” he said.

Then, “I just happened to think about my cell phone,” Dunsworth said. He dialed 911.

Dunsworth: These bees are covering me up! Killer bees!
Dispatcher: Have you been stung?
Dunsworth: All over! They’re all over me!

Yeah, that’s a bad day to be sure. What’s weird is that the article doesn’t actually say in what way Mr. Dunsworth feels that God helped him survive the attack, though it does say:

According to Dunsworth, one thought kept him alive during these two hours of waiting for help. He had to take care of his daughter with cerebral palsy. “I got to thinking about my little daughter, and I thought, I’m going to try to fight it out if I can. That’s what I done,” he said.

“It was a terrible experience,” Dunsworth said of the torturous attack. “I wouldn’t want to see anybody go through that. That’s the worst punishment I ever had.”

Dunsworth is now recovering at JPS Hospital in Fort Worth. His muscles are still stiff, and doctors intend to watch him for a couple more days. Still, he is lucky to be alive. “I know I wouldn’t have been here today if I hadn’t had that little cell phone,” he said.

You’d think that God could do something a bit more impressive such as, say, put a protective anti-bee bubble around Dunsworth while he hauled ass across the countryside trying to get away or perhaps kick up a strong wind that blows all the bees onto a busy highway where they splatter into the windshields of passing cars in huge amounts resulting in a deadly pile up of unrepentant sinners bound for Hell. No, all God does is remind Dunsworth that he has a cell phone and a daughter that needs him.

Thanks for that big hand there, God. Must have left you dead tired from all that effort you put in.

8 thoughts on “Man credits God and his cellphone for surviving bee attack.

  1. kick up a strong wind

    Last time god did that, he flooded New Orleans just to punish the gays there.  To kill the bees he probably would have wiped out Fort Worth

    By the way, I can think of another brush-clearing Texan more deserving of that fate.

  2. I didn’t see any mention of God in the quotes you made, but it’s in the original link.  I was a bit confused. Just clearing it up for those who might wonder the same thing.
    – Matt

  3. Bees freak me out, I must admit.  I still don’t think God did anything to help ol’ James, though.  It seems to me that he helped himself more than anything.

  4. Makes me think of a clip I saw last night of Hulk Hogan on Larry King.  Hogan’s kid is in legal trouble after getting in a car crash, which left one of his passengers in a persistant vegetative state.  Hogan said something about how God was trying to teach his son a lesson.  I rolled my eyes at that.  I wonder what lesson Hogan figures God was trying to teach the poor guy in a coma, other than perhaps to not ride in a car with Hogan’s son.

  5. I wonder what lesson Hogan figures God was trying to teach the poor guy in a coma, other than perhaps to not ride in a car with Hogan’s son.

    I heard about a taped conversation that Hogan had with his son while said son was doing time for the accident (apparently he was either drunk or on drugs during the crash), apparently he told his son that the guy in the coma had to have done some really awful stuff, because god was punishing him for it. 

    I don’t know how accurate my information is though, as I heard it from a caller to a public access tv show who did not cite a source.  Either way though, I think this sort of kind of thinking is pretty common here. Pity.

  6. To add to what Tim Gueguen said ….

    Hulk blamed John Graziano being in a vegetative state on John Graziano and God.  Hulk claims God is “laying some heavy shit on that kid” because he wasn’t a nice person, and his idiotic son agrees and says that Graziano was a “negative person”.

    Of course, the real reason why John Graziano is in a persistent vegetative state is that Hulk’s son Nick drives like a damn maniac and slammed his car into a tree while street racing, causing Graziano to suffer severe brain injuries.

    Here it is in their own words, recorded during a jail telephone conversation and released to the media under the FOIA.



  7. Gaaagh.  Can’t help chiming in, seeing as Dearest and I have two hives of honeybees.  If the guy was in Texas, though, chances are better than even that those were Africanized—a.k.a. “killer bees.”  Frankly, I’d rather deal with a nest of yellowjackets, simply because there are fewer of them.  And I’m not convince that the yellowjackets don’t have a better attitude, particularly when you consider that, for a honeybee, stinging is a kamikaze mission—she literally rips out a part of herself to leave the stinger in you.

    Our “ladies” are ridiculously laid-back in comparison.  Seriously, most days we wouldn’t even bother with the smoker, except that it does a decent job of encouraging everybody to tuck into the hive so they aren’t smooshed when we put it back together after inspecting the troops.  Heck, even when we had to transfer them from the shipping package to the hive, they made it so easy on us.  It was like, “Hey man, what’s up?  Oh, you want us to live in there?  Okay, it’s all good…”  And that was even with Dearest banging on the shipping package to knock the stragglers out, and me brushing a pile of worker bees over the Queen to make sure she didn’t fly off.  We just just laughed incredulously.

    Africanized honeybees and European (particularly Italian) honeybees are absolutely night and day in terms of temperament.  The downside of the Africanized strains—i.e. that their aggressive tendencies are genetically dominant—also works in favor of folks living in the north.  The instinct to cluster together for warmth in the winter just isn’t there for the Africanized strains, so they won’t survive into the spring.  A friend of mine figures he had an Africanized colony, because they were an absolute nightmare.  So he hedged his bets and went out to the hive in the middle of winter and ripped the lid off just to make sure.  Not something beekeepers enjoy doing, trust me.  Particularly in this day.  But quite apart from the aggravation (and legal liability in some cases) they’ll end up being a liability to the area if their drones mate with Queens from local hives. 

    Anyway, I could bang on all day about my six-legged darlings.  But your eyes are no doubt glazing over, so I’ll shut up now.

    [This message has been brought to you by the self-appointed President of the Honeybee Anti-Defamation League, otherwise known as “cubiclegrrl”]  wink

    ‘Night, all.

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