God arrested for selling cocaine near church.

God just can’t seem to stay out of trouble. First he gets arrested for breaking and entering and now he’s caught selling cocaine:

Authorities began investigating God Lucky Howard in April, and he was arrested on Saturday. Police say he sold the cocaine to undercover detectives in his neighborhood. When officers searched his home, they reported finding another 22 grams of cocaine and a scale.

Jail records show Howard was charged with several counts drug possession and distribution, which include increased charges for being within 1,000 feet of a church, a school and public housing.

Who knew God was such a trouble maker?

4 thoughts on “God arrested for selling cocaine near church.

  1. Scene- Heaven
    God is lounged on throne,and Holy Spirit is laying on the floor with a joint in his mouth
    HS (Deep puff) I’m Bored
    God Want Pizza?
    HS Nah
    God I can phone out.
    HS Nah
    God You sure?
    HS U-Huh
    God (takes spliff and tokes) Wanna play Nintendo?
    HS Uh-huh. Watcha got
    God Got that new Sim- Genesis.
    HS You got the cheats?
    God Yeah- I know lets bury some fake bones.
    HS I got one, I got one (moves all stars further than 6000 light years away).
    Console- You have enabled “Atheists”- do you want to proceed (Y/N).

  2. I understand laws that increase the penalty for selling in proximity to a school, but what’s up with more penalty for selling close to a church?  Are religious people more vulnerable to reality-altering substances?

    Oh, right…

  3. Nice one, DOF!

    That’s another example of privilege that pisses me off.  I don’t even think that there should be extra penalties for committing crimes near a school.  I can understand the lazy attempt at logic-that the intended customers or victims will more likely be children-but there are already usually bigger penalties for crimes involving children.  Laws like this also mean that the harmless hippie who lives within 1/5 mile of a church, school or housing project can get extra time for something done on his own property.  Overly broad, bad laws for lazy, fear driven sheeple. 
    The church part is particularly maddening.  Are people of faith so damned weak that they need extra protection, on everyone’s dime, to keep them from carousing with the crackheads?  Oh yeah, that question has already answered itself.
    Semi-related, as far as overreaching laws go-
    I live in a small town where this kind of thing gets a bit ugly.  Every time somebody tries to open a new bar, liquor store, medial marijuana dispensary, or sex shop, the religious privilege crowd and the “save the children” loonies hold things up for weeks and months, always asking for the rights of others to be denied, asking for newer, more strict laws, acting like victims when they are the ones causing problems.  There are only two neighborhoods here that aren’t within 1000 feet of a school, church, or halfway house. 
    One is a rich residential neighborhood, the other is a desolate industrial area where nobody goes.
    Basically, they are asking for unconstitutional control of all the useful retail areas, expecting the city council to reject any business that isn’t
    family-friendly and Disney-esque enough to make you puke.  One funny exception-there is a group of popular local christians who are also avid motorcycle fans.  Of course, they got to open their noisy, ugly custom shop right on the main drag of town, within earshot of several apartment
    complexes and a trailer park.  Try doing the same with say, a music studio, which won’t even be audible from the street, and you can expect a council meeting or two to see if you are worthy.

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