Checking in with the True Bible Decoders to see if they’ve given up yet.

It’s been about seven months now since we last checked in with the nutcases at The True Bible Code and Lord’s Witnesses website. You may recall they were predicting imminent Armageddon starting off with a terrorist attack, possibly a nuclear dirty bomb, going off someplace in New York City. To date no such explosion has occurred so they’ve done what every great prophesier does when confronted with a disappointing reality: they continuously pushed the date back a few weeks every time it didn’t come to pass. If they keep it up long enough then they may even be right some day.

This long strong of failed predictions hasn’t stopped them from announcing that the beginning of The End has already begun:

The World ended judicially on 2008Nisan14 which was 2008April20. The Kingdom of God began judicially on 2008Nisan17 which was 2008April23. Jesus has married his bride, the 1NC saints in heaven.We are now in the time of the end. This runs from 2008Nisan14, which was 2008April20, the judicial end of the world, to 2009Sivan15, which will be 2009June9/10, the day that the last non raptured human dies, the literal end of this world. That period is a time (a year), times (2 months) and half a time (half a day) of Daniel 12 – Gordon Ritchie

Got that? The end of the world will be June 9th or 10th of 2009. At least according to these wackos. So what about that bomb in New York that was supposed to signal the beginning of the end? Well, that’s still coming too, but to make up for the delay they’ve promised us two bombs for the price of one:

We now therefore expect a twin terrorist attack in the US in NYC around the Hudson River, and the UK on 2008Iyyar17 or 2008Iyyar21, which in fact corresponds with solar dates between the sunsets of May23/24 or May27/28. This is the fulfilment of the stone of Daniel2 hitting the image and of the mushroom cloud of 1Kings18 rising from the west or the sea or both. We have got this wrong so far around 70x. This is the first birth pang of the Kingdom of God, so it should not be a large attack by biblical standards, since the first birth pang is the smallest.  But it will be scary and significant and so may be a small nuclear bomb or a very large conventional one. This attack is not large enough to start the Great Tribulation of Matthew 24. Because those in the Great Tribulation see Jesus coming on the clouds plural. So the second birth pang, which occurs on 2008Sivan15, starts the Great Tribulation of Matthew 24, which is the time of distress of Daniel 12, which is a time (one BLC year) long, both of which should not occur (if man knew how to behave) and will never occur again. It runs from 2008Sivan15 to 2009Sivan15 when the last non raptured human dies.

You’ve got to give these guys credit for being honest about the fact that they’ve been wrong over seventy times so far. This, ladies and gentleman, is a sterling example of the power of faith. Despite an abysmal track record of prediction they still have faith that THIS time they’ve finally figured it out and it’ll come to pass…

… and even if it doesn’t, that won’t stop them from pushing the dates back a couple of weeks and being confident they’ve finally got it right.

15 thoughts on “Checking in with the True Bible Decoders to see if they’ve given up yet.

  1. I can’t believe that grown people actually believe in the whole bible code thing. Especially not after similar phenomenon have been found within the text of “Moby Dick”!

    Anyway, check out my blog sometime, I debunk creationism:
    http://aigbusted.blogspot.com

    Sincerely,
    Ryan

  2. What will piss me off is if another terrorist attack happens (small or big), these assholes will claim they were correct, but had some small detail wrong. They will then go around promoting their Bible decoding BS and try to get a bunch of nut jobs to join their group. And there will likely be folks that will listen to them because they haven’t been to their website.

    In the words of Penn, “And then there’s THIS ASSHOLE!”

  3. That period is a time (a year), times (2 months) and half a time (half a day) of Daniel 12

    Only a year!?!?  WTF! Where is the Seven years of hell on earth!?! I want to see some freaky shit going down! I want to see my seas of blood, falling stars, pits full of demons pouring out of the earth (demons with snakes for tails and locust wings!)! How come they’re only claiming one year!?!  Can I still get my MARK OF THE BEAST(TM)!?! I gotta tell ya, I’m getting really sick of carrying credit cards and cash, and not having any Spawns of Satan to worship the graven images of, bring on the Tribulation already! I’ve got some cars that used to belong to Christians that got raptured to steal!

  4. Wait a minute – if the rapture has already started, that means we are all believers. WTF?

  5. I still consider the Lord’s Witnesses one of the best case histories of just how far religious belief can take one into bizarro land.  Anyone wanting to see the byzantine dance steps of the apologist done masterfully should check out the LW’s.  A “good” place to start is here, where they explain where exactly to draw the line of sin for fornication and abortion.  Sounds like there might be some special pleading here (anyone know more about Gordon Ritchie’s past?), but who am I to judge?  Some of their Biblically informed infallible conclusions:

    Safe sex with a condom cannot be fornication or adultery so long as the condom is effective and prevents an emission of semen into the woman. But safe sex with a married woman is implied homosexual rape (unless the husband consents and is impotent or has not consummated the marriage – so that her flesh is single) and so brings disfellowshipping.

    Combining all of the above we see that God can blow the spirit of life, his breath into the fully fomred nostrils of a breathing baby at week 10. This baby has a functional heart lung mind circulatory system at that time and changes from an embryo to a fetus in the 10th week. So it becomes a living human soul, a breather, in week 10. So abortion becomes murder in week 10. So abortion is not murder in the first 9 weeks of gestation which is the first 11 weeks after the last period and is the first 7 weeks after the first missed period. So 50 days after the first missed period is when the baby is considered living by God. Its spirit get the legal right to exist eternally. This is the first Jubilee.

    As to Gordon Ritchie’s psychology: he’s no dummy, and I’m still undecided whether or not he’s putting us on, or really believes this shit.  Perhaps we’ve entered a kind of twisted Poe’s Law (thank you Dof!) territory, where the perp himself is so mixed up that it’s bootless to say whether he believes his own bullshit or not.  I suspect that O.J. Simpson is in this category, and L. Ron Hubbard was too- maybe Gordon Ritchie belongs here as well?  And Jesus too?

  6. Funny thing about all of these nutjobs, they keep predicting the end times, while ignoring the passages in their own holy text that states that no human can predict the end times or the day that their savior will return. I believe it is mentioned in First Thessalonians 5:1-3 and 2nd Peter 3:10.

    And they wonder why people think they are idiots – they don’t even have simple reading comprehension.

    To make this simple: I predict the return of Jesus on any given date, at any given time, within the next 60000000000 years. There we go. It is now impossible for him to return within that time, because I have predicted it.

  7. Funny thing about all of these nutjobs, they keep predicting the end times, while ignoring the passages in their own holy text that states that no human can predict the end times or the day that their savior will return. I believe it is mentioned in First Thessalonians 5:1-3 and 2nd Peter 3:10.

    JynXed: when the LW’s still had their forum up, someone came by and pointed this out.  But of course they had an elaborate rationalization for why it didn’t apply to them.  That’s the wonderful thing about believing that a long, vague, and self-contradictory text such as the Bible is the Word of God and also a Code for the enlightened to decipher: you’re not only given license to cherry-pick, but you can dye, pickle, and genetically manipulate those cherries until you have exactly the formulation you want.  Of course, this is a problem for all believers:  how do you translate your Word of God into daily life?

  8. As a funny matter of fact, they haven’t been wrong for 70 times (give or take a few). On the NYC page, there’s a whole list of every prediction. It took me a while to count, but I counted around 94.

  9. What if the LW’s are right and the world is wrong? We do use an atomic clock and you know how unreliable THOSE are. Just refer to any fundie’s ID arguments.  snake

  10. How time flies.  Why, when I first started posting at the TrueBibleCode site, they had only been wrong two or three times!  Now, they’re more than an order of magnitude wronger, bless their souls!

    leguru- I actually suggested to the LW’s the possibility that NY had been nuked following their prediction, but that it had been covered up somehow.  They were not amused.  No, they want to keep their denial of reality firmly fixed in the channels they see as proper:  they were wrong, but the Bible Code is right, and it’s only a matter of time before they understand it, Gordon Ritchie being the new Elijah and all.

  11. Thank you for the clarification, Brother Zilch. I will anxiously await the culmination of their efforts. And also to clarify my earlier post, if the rapture has already begun, we are those Left Behind. Funny, I haven’t noticed a large number of vacancies in my area, but then I’m in sin-central (LA, Calif),  so there probably won’t be a large shift in the population here. By the way, does Left Behind have anything to do with anal?  LOL  tongue wink

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