Here’s a shocker: Those Enzyte ads are pure bullshit.

I’ve written about Enzyte before after a man had the balls to admit the product didn’t help his undersized manhood become super-sized, something the company was hoping would never happen. I’ve not kept up with what the company has been up to since then, but it turns out that the Feds have gone after them as well. The resulting trial is revealing that the only thing being inflated by the makers of Enzyte are the claims of its effectiveness:

James Teegarden Jr., the former vice president of operations at Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, explained Tuesday in U.S. District Court how he and others at the company made up much of the content that appeared in Enzyte ads.

He said employees of the Forest Park company created fictitious doctors to endorse the pills, fabricated a customer satisfaction survey and made up numbers to back up claims about Enzyte’s effectiveness.

“So all this is a fiction?” Judge S. Arthur Spiegel asked about some of the claims.

“That’s correct, your honor,” Teegarden said.

The Feds are accusing the company founder, Steve Warshak, of a $100 million conspiracy to defraud customers and Teegarden is their star witness. The plan was simple: Make up some bullshit claims, whip up some completely fictional numbers and testimonials, then, once a customer took the bait, keep charging their credit card for as long as possible while make it as difficult as possible to drop out of the automatic shipments.

He said first-time customers were automatically enrolled in a “continuity program” that sent Enzyte to their homes every month and charged their credit cards without authorization.

“Without continuity, the company wouldn’t exist,” Teegarden said. “It was the sole profit of the business.”

If customers complained, he said, employees were instructed to “make it as difficult as possible” for them to get their money back. In some cases, Teegarden said, Warshak required customers to produce a notarized statement from a doctor certifying Enzyte did not work.

“He said it was extremely unlikely someone would get anything notarized saying they had a small penis,” Teegarden said.

Well, we know that at least one man was willing to admit it in court. I wonder if he won that case or not.

It’s interesting to note that while this trial has been ongoing so have the commercials for Enzyte, particularly on channels aimed at young men such as Spike TV and G4 TV. A host of imitators have shown up as well with similar claims and (more than likely) similar actual results. All because some guys are insecure about the size of their dick. On the one hand I’m of the opinion that anyone dumb enough to fall for that kind of sales pitch probably deserves what he gets, but when you add in the fact that the company went to great lengths to keep these suckers paying long after they realized what fools they’d been, then I’m inclined to be a tad more sympathetic.

5 thoughts on “Here’s a shocker: Those Enzyte ads are pure bullshit.

  1. What the company did was bullshit and they should pay. But I just don’t feel all that sorry for the company’s customers. Yes they got taken advantage of, but they made the first phone call.

  2. I wonder if any pro-enzyte posters will show up. 

    Sometimes, when I look at some of the crappiest written email scams, I can’t help but wonder how in the hell they think someone would fall for it.  Then I realize that someone who would is the perfect mark.

  3. I think, looking at “smiling Bob” he wanted to be big for men not girls!Looks gay as hades!

    Such a boring stupid commercial. Ridiculous.

    The driving force of the formula is the yohimbe bark extract, which does work for males. I have researched it for some 25 years. The prescription form is yohmbine HCl.The Medicrats do say it works.

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