SEB Mailbag: Random religious rantings.

Woke up this morning to an inbox full of crazy, but not your normal garden variety crazy. No I’m talking seriously stupid bullshit crazy. Here’s the opening of the email:

From: G SIMS gilsims2@msn.com
Subject: RE: RELIGIOUS TRUTH VS. POLITICAL “CORRECTNESS”
To: A lot of poor bastards including me.

PART I. JESUS CHRIST BIRTH ON EARTH.

HI, I’M ~ANGELGIL~, I JUST READ YOU RECIENT ARTICLE ON THE WEB, ABOUT THE
“VIRGIN” WHOM HAD “JESUS CHRIST” (THE SAVIOR OF THE WORLD AND THE MORMON TABLETS, FROM WHICH “THE BOOK OF MORMON” WAS TRANSULATED BY “THE GIFT AND POWER OF GOD”.

Now with an opening like that you just know the rest is going to be a hard lesson in mental pain so I’ll save the rest for after the jump. It appears to be some sort of rant about Mormonism and homosexuality. To say the author is homophobic would be an understatement. Read on if you’re curious, but remember what happened to the cat.

My reply was short and brief. I wrote: “Please, it’s entirely too early in the morning to be getting this kind of stupid crazy in my inbox.”

IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND HOW JESUS CHRIST CAME ABOUT, YOU MUST KNOW HOW
“OUR HEAVENLY PARENTS CAME ABOUT”.

FIRST POINT: ALL THINGS HAVE ALWAYS EXISTED, IN SOME FORM OR ANOTHER,
INCLUDING YOU, ME, AND GOD.

SECOND POINT: ALL THE ELEMENTS HAVE ALWAYS EXISTED.

THIRD POINT: THE LAWS TO ACT ON THE ELEMENTS HAVE ALWAYS EXISTED, INCLUDING THE “HOLY LAWS” THAT THE “FUTURE GOD’S AND ANGELS” WILL ACT UPON.

FOURTH POINT: SOME WHERE, WAY BACK IN TIME, THERE WAS A “VERY INTELLIGENT BEING” (FILLED WITH “LIGHT”, “TRUTH” AND “PURENESS”).

FIFTH POINT: THE MOST INTELLIGENT BEING, LEARNED HOW TO ACT ON BOTH THE “TEMPORAL” AND “HOLY LAWS” TO BECOME “A GOD” (A GLORIFIED MALE).

SIXTH POINT: THEN, GOD LARNED HOW TO CREATE (GATHER OTHER INTELLIGENTS AND ELEMENTS AND LAWS) AND PRODUCED A “HEAVENLY WIFE”.

SEVENTH POINT: THEN GOD AND HIS ETERNAL COMPANION (FEMALE) CREATED “SPIRIT CHILDREN” THE “FIRST BORN” WAS CALLED “JESUS CHRIST” WHOM SHALT HAVE THE CALLING OF BEING A “PRE-ORDAINED” “SAVIOR” OF FUTURE MAN KIND. HE WILL ALSO, “CREATE WORLDS”, FOR THE WHICH HIS “HEAVENLY PARENTS” WILL “POPULATE” THEM,
BY SENDING HIS OTHER SPIRIT CHILDREN, INTO BODIES TO INHABIT THOSE WORLDS. THE WILL LEARN TO LIVE BY FAITH, HOPEFULLY TOLEARN HOW TO RETURN TO THEIR GOD
AND BE GIVEN THE GIFT OF “ETERNAL LIFE” AND DO THE SAME THINGS THAT
THEIR HEAVENLY PARENT HAVE DONE.

EIGHT POINT: SOME WHERE DOWN IN TIME TOWARD US A “SET OF HEAVENLY PARENTS” HAD SPIRIT CHILDREN (WHOM HAD THE LIGHT, TRUTH, PURENESS OF INTELLIGENCE).
THEIR “FIRST BORN” WAS NAMED “JESUS CHRIST”, AND THAT THE WAY IT’S ALWAYS BEEN AND WILL ALWAYS BE.
THIS JESUS CHRIST, HAVING A SPECIFIED AMOUNT OF THE POWERS OF GODLINESS, THEN GATHERED THE ELEMENTS AND CREATED THE HEAVENS AND OUR EARTH.

NINTH POINT: OUR SPECIFIC HEAVENLY PARENTS CREATED THE FIRST INHABITANTS OF THIS EARTH. THEIR NAMES WERE “ADAM” AND “EVE” (THE MOTHER OF ALL LIVING). THE HAD PHYSICAL BODIES, THAT WERE “IMORTAL” AND “INNOCENT”.

TENTH POINT: GOD, OUR HEAVENLY PARENTS, HAD PLANTED A GARDEN CALLED “EDEN”. IT WAS LOCATED IN AMERICA NEAR “SPRING HILL”, MISSOURI, IN THE VALLY OF “ADAM ONDI AHMAN”,AND PLACED ADAM AND EVE THERE, TO TEND THE GARDEN. GOD ALSO HAD “MARRIED ADAM AND EVE” AND COMANDED THEN TO “MULTIPLE AND REPLINISH” THE EARTH (PROVIDE CHILDREN FOR THIS EARTH).

ELEVENTH POINT: A LITTLE BACK TRACKING. WHEN WE MEN WERE “SPIRIT CHILDREN” WE HAD A MEETING AT “THE GRAND COUNCIL”, ON THE LARGEST PLANET, CALLED KOLOB, IN OUR UNIVERSE, NEIGH UNTO GOD’S “CELESTIAL KINGDOM”, THIS PLANET KOLOB WAS SO HUGH THAT “ONE DAY OF “ROTATION” WAS “1,000 OF OUR EARTH’S YEARS. US MEN WERE ORDAINED AT THE GRAND COUNCIL WITH “THE POWER OF THE HOLY PRIESTHOOD”, BY THE GOD-“JESUS CHRIST”. WE THEN, HAD SOME OF THE “POWERS OF GODLINESS”. AT THIS “GRAND COUNCIL WE HAD THE RESPONSIBILITY AND OBLIGATION “TO VOTE ON THE PROPOSED LAWS OF GOD”, IN WHICH OUR EARTH, OUR “FUTURE HOME”, WAS TO BE GOVERNED.

TWELTH POINT: AT THE “GRAND COUNCIL” ON KOLOB, THE LAW OF “FREE AGENCY” WAS TABLED, THEN A “VOTE OF CONFIRMATION” WAS CALLED. “ALL VOTED “YEA” BUT “LUCIFER”, THE “SON OF THE MORNING”, “THE LIGHT BEARER” HAD NOT VOTED ON THE “LAW OF AGENCY” FOR TO INCLUDE HIS FOLLOWERS, WHOM WERE 1/3 RD OF HEAVEN, (2/3RDS OF THE MALES IN HEAVEN). BECAUSE OF “HIS REBELLION”, HE AND THAT 1/3RD OF HEAVEN-THE 2/3RDS OF THE MALES WERE “ESCORTED OUR OF HEAVEN” BY THE MORE RIGHTEOUS”, LUCIFER HAVING “LOST HIS PRIESTHOOD CALLINGS” WERE “HELPLESS TO RESIST”. THEY WERE PLACED INTO PERDITION, BECAUSE THOSE FEMALES IN HEAVEN “WEPT OVER THEM” BECAUSE OF THEIR LOSS STATE. NOW, LUCIFER, NOW, CALLED “SATAN”, WAS ONLY A “FORMER SPIRIT CHILD OF GOD”, AND WILL NEVER GAIN A
“PHYSICAL BODY”, LIKE WE NOW HAVE.

THIRTEENTH POINT: NOW, BACK INTO THE “GARDEN OF EDEN” WITH ADAM AND EVE. GOD EXPLAINED THAT THEY COULD EAT OF THE FRUIT OF ANY TREE IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN. BUT THE “FRUIT” OF THE TREE OF “THE KNOWLEDGE OF GOOD AND EVIL”. “THOU SHALT
NOT EAT, FOR IN THE “DAY” THAT THOU EATETH, THOU SHALT SURELY DIE”. (NOW, SINCE NOTHING COULD DIE IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN, DEATH WAS NOT VISUALIZED VERY WELL,
BY ADAM AND EVE.) NOW, GUESS WHAT ? “SATAN” CAME UPON THE SCENE AND “SPOKE THROUGH THE BODY OF A FORM OF CATTLE”, AND TEMPTED ADAM, TO “EAT OF THE FRUIT OF THE KNOWLEDGE OF GOOD AND EVIL”. NOW, ADAM WOULD “NOT DISOBEY OUR HEAVENLY FATHER”, SO HE TURNED DOWN SATAN. SATAN BEING “SLIGH” WENT TO EVE, AND TEMPED HER WITH THE “DELICIOUS LOOKING FRUIT”, AND POINTED OUT THAT SHE WOULD HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE GODS”. SO SHE ATE IT. SATAN WAS HOPING THAT EVE WOULD BE KICKED OUT RIGHT AWAY, THEN ADAM AND HER COULD NOT “MULRIPLE
AND REPLINISH THE EARTH WITH GOD’S CHILDREN, FOILING GOD’S PLAN. BUT EVE WAS
ALL EXCITED, BECAUSE SHE NOW, KNEW HOW TO HAVE CHILDREN, BEING NOT INNOCENT ANY MORE, SO SHE TOLD ADAM, AND HE ATE THE FRUIT BECAUSE HE LOVED HIS WIFE EVE, AND DIDN’T WANT HER TO BE KICKED OF THE GARDEN OF EDEN AND LEAVING HIM ALONE. NOW HE KNEW HOW TO HAVE CHIDREN, SO WHEN GOD HASD CAST THEM OUT OF THE GARDEN OF EDEN, TO BECOME A “GARDNER” AND “RAISE ANIMALS TO EAT”, THAT WAS OK. PLUS HE “CONCIEVED ALIVE” CHILDFEN WITH HIS BELOVED WIFE, EVE WHOM HAD JOY WHEN SHE GAVE BIRTH, TOMHER CHILDREN AND REALIZED IT WAS THE BETTER THING TO DO, FOR TO HAVE CHILDREN.

FOURTHTH POINT: FOR NOW, WE’LL SKIP THE “CAIN MURDER” TO GET ABLES SHEEP BY USING HIS NEW GAINED KNOWLEDGE OF “KNOWING ABLE” (HAVING GAY SEX).WE’LL SKIP THE PERIOD OF THE “PATRIARCHS”, AND WHY CAIN’S SEEDS WERE CURSED WITH A
“BLACK SKIN”, AND OF “NOAH’S FLOOD” AND “MOSES’” TRIP UP ON THE MOUNTAIN, WHEN HE HAD OBTAINED THE “LAWS AND ORDIANCES OF THE “MELCHIZEDEK PRIRSTHOOD”, ON THE “FIRST SET OF STONE TABLETS”, BUT “BROKE THEM” WHEN HE SAW THE CHIDREN HAVING A “DRUNKEN ORGIE” WITH “STRANGE FLESH” AROUND A “GOLDEN CALF”, THEN LATER WENT UP THE MOUNTAIN AND THEN, HAD GOTTEN THE “LESSOR LAW OF THE “10 COMMENDMENTS”, ON “THE SECOND SET OF STONE TABLETS”. WE’LL NOW JUMP AHEAD
TO JERUSALEM.

FIFTEENTH POINT: IN LOCATION AROUND JERSULEM, MARY WAS “FAVORED BY GOD”, BECAUSE SHE WAS “A GOOD GIRL”, AND THE “FAIREST IN THE LAND”. SHECWAS 13 YARS OLD AND NEVER HAD A “PERIOD”. AN ANGEL OF GOD TOLD HER SHE WEAS GOING TO HAVE GOD’S CHILD, AND HIS NAME WOULD BE CALLED “JESUS”. SO HEAVENLY FATHER HAD THE “HOLY GHOST” “OVER-SHADOW” MARY, SO WHEN HE “CONCIEVED ALIVE” BABY JESUS WITH MOTHER MARY, HIS GLORY WOULD NOT CONSUME MARY. HEAVENLY FATHER HAD CONCIEVED WITH MARY’S FIRST SEED THAT HAD DROPPED DOWN. NOW, SHE WAS A
“VIRGIN” BEFORE CONCEPTION, BUT WHEN JESUS WAS BORN, SHE WAS NOT. MOTHER
MARY HAD TWO OTHER CHIDREN WITH HER HUSBAND JOSEPH, THEY
WERE JAMES AND JOHN, WHOM BECAME TWO OF JESUS DECIPLES. THE “IMACULATE CONCEPTION” THANG WAS A “CATHOLIC DOGMA”, AND WAS “NOT” TRUE.

PART II. THE “MORMON PLATES” WERE SIMPLY AN “ABRIDGEMENT” OF ANCIENT RECORDS FROM 600 A.D. JERSULEM TO 421 A.D. IN CENTRAL AMERICA, BY THE “PROPHET MORMON”. THE “ORIGINAL RECORDS” WERE WRITTEN FROM RIGHT TO LEFT, THE FIRST PAGE OF THE “GOLDEN PLATES” RECORD WAS IN THE BACK AND WRITTEN TO THE FRONT “PLATES OF GOLD”. THE ANCIENT RECORDS WERE WRITTEN IN “REFORMEND EGYPTIAN”, “HEBREW”, “CALDEAN”, ETC. THE “GOLDEN PLATES” WERE THE ABRIDGEMENT OF “THE HOLIER
THINGS OF GOD”. THEY WERE “SACRED”, AND AS SUCH CANNOT BE SHOWN TO “EVIL”
“SIGN SEEKERS” PEOPLE. WHAT’S THE POINT. EVIL PEOPLE WOULD NOT BE THE LEAST INTEREST IN THE “PURE WORD OF GOD”, BUT TO SELL THE GOLD TO HAVE IT MELTED
DOWM SO THAT THEY CAN LIVE A MORE “RIOTEST LIFE STYLE”:  DRUGS, SEX, DRUNKENNESS, ,“STRANGE FLESH SEX PERVERSION”, RAPES, MURDERS, STEALING, ETC. THE “ANGEL MORONI” HAS THE “GOLDEN PLATES”, TODAY. SO IF YOU WANT TO LEARN AND LIVE THE “FULNESS OF THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST”, OBTAIN A COPY AT

, OR YOU STAY IGNORANT, AND PREHAPS GO TO

“HELL”, YOUR OTHER “INTELLECTUAL SCHOLERS FRIENDS” WILL BE THERE, IM SURE.


PART III. “STRANGE FLESH SYNDROME”. THESE ARE THEY THAT “SUCK OUT BODY FLIUDS OF THE SAME SEX AND “CHEW OF FILTHY BODY PARTS”, EVEN

“EATING FECAL MATTER”

, CALLNG IT “LOVE”. NO,  IT’S “LUST”AND “MIND CONTROLLING” “SEX SLAVES”. IT’S THE
LIFE STYLE THAT GOT “SODUM AND GAMORAH” “NUKED BY GOD”. SAN FRANCISCO, WHOM HASD 200,000 IN THEIR “GAY PRIDE PARADE”, TWO YEARS AGO, WILL BE “DROWNED BY
THE SEA”, AFTER “FOUR MAJOR EARTH QUAKES” TAKE IT OUT. THERE WILL BE FALLING BUILDINGS, FIRES, SCREEMING, BEFORE THEY DROWN. (I’VE HAD “VISIONS AND DREAMS”
ON THIS. IT WILL TAKE PLACE BETWEEN “JUNE 3RD AND JUNE 7TH”. I CAN’T TELL YOU WHICH YEAR, YET.  DENVER WILL BECOME “VACANT” IN LESS 30 YEARS” (TWO YEARS AGO, THEIR “GAY PRIDE PARADE HAD 140,000 IN IT. WASHINGTON, D.C. IS THE “NEW BABYLON”.

1. NOW, HERE IS THE VERY SERIOUS PROBLEM WITH THE “FEARFUL CONFUSED GENDER POSSESSED” LIFE STYLES.  OF THE YOUTH THAT ARE “AGRESSIVELY RECRUITED”, BY
THE “FEARFUL CONFUSED GENDER POSSESSED”, THE “ATTEMPTED SUICIDE” RATE IS
“30 TIMES MORE”, THAN AMONG “STRAIGHT YOUTH”.

2. IN THE STATE OF UTAH, AS BY PERSONAL INVESTAGATION, AS A “MENTAL HEALTH”
AND “LEGAL ENTITY” I HAD DISCOVERED THAT THE “MINOR YOUTH SCHOOLS” IN UTAH
ARE “CRAWLING” WITH “FEARFUL CONFUSED GENGER POSSESSED”-“LESBIAN”
TEACHERS AND STAFF! THE BOTTOM LINE IS “THE VICTIMS WILL NOT BECOME MOTHERS”!
SO WHEN THERE WILL COME A TIME THAT “CHILDREN STOP BEING BORN” IN THIS WORLD THEN, THE EARTH, BEING IT’S NOT FULLFILLING IT’S MEASURE OF CREATION, TO BRING FORTH CHILDEN UNTO GOD, THE EARTH SHALT BECOME

“BURNDT TOAST”.

SEE: “ELIAJAH 4:5-6” VERSE 6 SHOWS YOU THE “CURSE” FOR “NOT BEING “STRAIGHT FAMILIES”.

3. NOW, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT THE “FEARFUL CONFUSED GENDER POSSESED”
“PLAGUE”??? HOW ABOUT WHEN THE “LESBISN” TEACHERS GET “CAUGHT” DOING THE “NASTY” TO “FEMALE STUDENTS”, THAT THEY BE TREATED AS “TERRORIST” AND SENT TO
AN “EXILED ISLAND”, FOR LIFE! OR, THEY CAN JUST BE PUT IN PRISON FOR LIFE, HAVING THEIR “SEXUAL NERVES “CUT”, AND GIVEN “FEMALE HORMONE BLOOD LEVEL” CHECKS “WEEKLY”, AND IF THEY ARE TESTED “POSSITIVE” INFLICT “CORPEL PUNISHMENT” ON
THEM. OR, JUST “SHOOT THEM ON THE SPOT” FOR THEIR “CRIMES AGAINST HUNMANITY”.
WHAT THINK YE?____________________________________________________________________________
OH, AND DON’T FORGET TO REWARD THE “FINK” FOR TURNING IN THE “VERMIN”, SAY, ABOUT $10,000 TO $20,000, HUH? SO, YOU THINK THIS IS KIND OF HARSH?

WELL, WAIT ‘TILL THE “FEARFUL CONFUSED GENDER POSSESSED” “AGGRESSIVELY RECRUITS” YOUR DAUGHTERS, AND THEY COMMITS SUICIDES, WILL YOU THINK, FEEL AND ACT ANY DIFERENTLY??? THERE IS A “MUCH BETTER PROGRAM” FOR TO HANDLE IT ALL.

SEE: http://WWW.ANGELGILS-INSTANT-HEALINGS.COM, LEARN AND TEACH OTHERS HOW TO “RAPIDLY”  IMPOVE THEIR LIVES, SO THAT “STRANGE FLESH SYNDROME” JUST “GOES AWAY”. GOOD BLESS YOU. LOVE. ~ANGELGIL~

OH, I ALMOST FORGOT THE “POLITICAL CORRECTNESS” THANG. IT’S SIMPLY A “CLEVER WAY TO “LIE”, NEAR “RE-ELECTION TIME.

OH, YOU’LL LOVE THIS GEM: “GEORGE H.W. BUSH” IS ACTUALLY “GEORGE H. SCHERFF, JR.”, BORN IN EUROPE, SERVED IN THE “NAZI” “SS”! AND HE KILLED “NIKOLA TESLA” IN 1942!
SEE: From the April 2007 Idaho Observer.

AMEN. ~ANGELGIL~

I attempted to recreate the look and feel of the original email, but I gave up about two-thirds of the way through because the stupid was burning my eyes.

22 thoughts on “SEB Mailbag: Random religious rantings.

  1. What a “great article” full of “well researched facts”.  I never knew that these “truths” even existed. “Now I know that” I will be going to HELL.  “Thank” “you” “strange” “computer” “prophet”.  If I may suggest “while all homosexuals” are out studying your cure for strange flesh disease; why don’t you take a well earned brake from fighting the dark perverted urges in your soul and start to learn about spelling and “correct grammar”.

  2. SO WHEN THERE WILL COME A TIME THAT “CHILDREN STOP BEING BORN” IN THIS WORLD THEN, THE EARTH, BEING IT’S NOT FULLFILLING IT’S MEASURE OF CREATION, TO BRING FORTH CHILDEN UNTO GOD, THE EARTH SHALT BECOME “BURNDT TOAST”.

    Oh, this is sooo going to become my new signature.

  3. Having finally finished reading that….  grrr

    Does anyone think it would be interesting to put her, Nanodude, Rick and konstantin all in the same place? Philosophically of course since I realize that much ‘stupid’ in on place would surely break the Universe.

  4. Not to rain on your parade, but I liked your old signature better, Bog Brother… But flow with the go is my motto.

  5. I think someone needs to close a blue tag somewhere, but it’s ok because I’d run away from the idiocy of that email quickly too, lest it’s a brain-eating bacteria or something that causes it.

  6. Bastich- it’s just my ISP jerking me around again.  Still living in Transatlantica, but I will be in Cisatlantica this summer (SF).

    This stupid that hurts reminds me of another crazy I came across recently.  If anyone has not had enough of this stuff, and needs assurance that they are not as batshit bonkers as some people are, they should check out this.  A sample (forgive me, oh Les of unending grace):

    I am a scientist, and engineer. I will prove to you by a Clear Proof, that Jesus was not crucified, and that the common Christian belief that Jesus is God, is not true, but instead is a myth story, by methodically breaking apart verses in the New Testament, (NT) and then lining them up in scientific sequence. I will prove also that the Qur‘an is part of NT, and OT prophecy, and that Judaism, Christianity, and Islam are all the same religion. I will prove that rebirth, or reincarnation is a fact, and that I am the reborn apostle Peter, who on earth is the head of the church of Jesus Christ.  I am the coming of the son of man.

  7. SIXTEENTH POINT!!! You must believe my points because the magic sky chappie told them to me and thus they were true. I need no evidence for my assertions because the magic sky chappie told me so.

  8. but remember what happened to the cat

    Courtesy killed the cat (as my friend accidently said once + we didn’t let him forget for months smile)

    I am physically not capable of reading this font for longer than my attention span, particularly block capitals

  9. Not to rain on your parade, but I liked your old signature better, Bog Brother… But flow with the go is my motto.

    OK, I changed it back, at least to as close as I could remember it.  The new crazy quote wasn’t really my style anyway.

  10. Good gods, I’m speechless. 

    Actually, I can see a whole new religion coming out of this…created by a really crappy writer…like Scientology…

  11. I’m not sure what’s worrying, the gibberish that was in that message or the fact that every time i skipped to an arbitrary section it always seemed to be about having sex with children, although in the crazy’s defence i really did misinterpret “BRING FORTH CHILDEN UNTO GOD”

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