Michael “Dog Killer” Vick has found Jesus. Big surprise.

Who didn’t see this one coming a mile away?

NFL superstar Michael Vick apologized yesterday for the first time over his role in a brutal dogfighting ring – and vowed to come back a better man.

The razzle-dazzle star – now a poster boy for animal cruelty – claimed the lurid accusations have helped him find religion.

“Through this situation, I found Jesus and asked him for forgiveness and turned my life over to God,” said Vick, 27. “I think that’s the right thing.”

Let’s finish that last sentence for Mr. Vick: “I think that’s the right thing because it’ll get many of you True Believers™ off my fucking back. Hey, it worked for Jimmy Swaggart!”

The sad part is that he’s probably right.

6 thoughts on “Michael “Dog Killer” Vick has found Jesus. Big surprise.

  1. And some True Believers™ tend to think forgiveness is free, available whenever they want, so they don’t need to change

    I think ‘repenting’ was originally intended to refer acknowledging a trangsgression and an attempt to change, nowadays it seems it’s sometimes thought that mere unengaged ritual worship counts

  2. Reminds me of Paris Hilton.  The minute she was let out of jail the only slogans seen on her shirts was “JESUS!”  And thank God Jesus saved Paris and now Vick.  Cause I don’t know how the fuck the world would turn without them!

  3. Perhaps this is the reason there are so many Chritians in prison compared to athiests.  Its athiests committing the crimes then lying to the parole board, sorry I mean repenting and seeing the light, once inside.

    I personally have been murdered three times by Richard Dawkins. 

    I got better.

  4. If I ever get caught for that stuff…er, I mean if I ever commit a crime and get caught, I’ll publicly acknowledge the FSM and his noodly powers have healed me and that I’m really, really sorry.  Maybe it will help me get off on an insanity plea.

  5. I have been keeping up on the Vick case, This man still remains a dangerous threat to society. Killing an animal through the process of electrocution is a marker of a distinct personality disorder. Remember that Jeffery Dahmer also started out with the same root behavior. As did many serial killers.

    His Brain will fit perfectly in the penitentiary. He’s going to love it, and they are going to love him. Just one big happy family.

  6. Real repenting is something (reasonable) people do in their own minds regardless of whether religous or not, it is responding to your concience, acknowledging your mistake and trying better. It tends to be silent, not broadcast, and the effects visible in the person.

    Worship is not really repenting, though they may think so

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