Please, no “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” spoilers.

Being as we’re away from the house today we won’t be around to start reading the latest Harry Potter book when it’s delivered from Amazon.com today. The whole family is anxiously awaiting the arrival of the books (yes, we have two coming to maintain family harmony) so I’m asking now that folks refrain from posting any plot details if you’re fortunate enough to have already gotten your copy and have a competent power company providing you with electricity.

Oops. I just found out that my mother’s copy has arrived here. It looks like Courtney will at least be getting a chance to start on the book today thanks to Grandma.

25 thoughts on “Please, no “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” spoilers.

  1. The shoe fits and she marries the prince!

    No, wait, that’s “Cinderella”….

    “Rosebud” is a sled!

    No, wait….

    It was all a dream, and she wakes up with Auntie Em at her bedside!

    No, wait….

    Oh, never mind.

  2. Hermione travels around the world telling the muggle world about Harry. Everyone in the world chants “Harry” at the appointed time. Super powered by the psychic energy, Harry flies through the air, forgives Moloch for being a worthless shit stain, but still kicks Moloch’s ass.

    The End… At least until JK wants more money.

  3. Don’t know about book 7, but movie 5 was a bit lackluster and rushed.  Then again, book 5 kinda sucked anyway.

  4. I’d try, but I don’t know the series well enough to make a fittingly bizarre prediction. Like a foetus growing out of Harry’s scar or something.

  5. Hate to spoil it, but Harry and Voldemort fight each other in this one.

    They fight up on the astronomy tower.  Harry ends up dangling from the side.
    Voldemort: “Dumbledore never told you what happened to your father”
    Harry: “He told me enough. He told me you killed him.”
    Voldemort: “No.  I am your father.”
    Harry: “NOOOOOOO!”
    Harry lets go and plummets down.  Hermoine and Buckbeak swoop in and catch him at the last minute, flying to safety.  The ghost of Dumbledore later reveals that Harry and Hermoine are brother and sister.  While Rita Skeeter revises her report on their romantic relations during the Tri-wizard tournament into a sordid story of incest, the Death Eaters form a union and go on strike due to poor relations with management.  Meanwhile, the US DOJ, on an ego trip from shutting down overseas gambling sites it doesn’t have jurisdiction over, decides to charge Voldemort under the RICO statue and the PATRIOT act.  Since Voldemort isn’t a US citizen, he’s classified as an enemy combatant and shuffled off to Guantanimo and never heard from again.

  6. This book surpassed and confounded all my predictions and expectations.  They actually took the whole good vs. evil thing very seriously and emphasized it a lot as well as the power of love.  That’s all I’m gonna say about it.

  7. I had the following from Les

    Please don’t post these things. I did ask nicely.

    Les

    Let me make clear my link is a random engine as a spoof (Sadies post came from there), unless you think any of the following is likely:

    Harry gets pregnant by Harry after appearing in a photo shoot for Vogue.
    Hermione is turned into an ice cream cone by Voldemort whilst running away from a rampaging flock of gerbils.
    Nearly Headless Nick becomes an obsessive Lord of the Rings fan with a nuclear weapon.
    Severus Snape burns down Hogwarts, and everybody celebrates during the Triwizard Tournament.
    Ginny Weasley is turned into a house plant by Ron Weasley by clever use of the Goblet of Fire.
    Lucius Malfoy is turned into an ice cream cone by Voldemort wearing a pink tutu.

  8. I sense both mockery and deletion (yes, my powers of observation are remarkable, aren’t they?).

    Don’t worry, Les; I don’t think anybody actually intends to spoil anything. My friends won’t stop trying to “talk about it but not”.

    Enjoy the book. And when it’s done, you can write about how you thought it should have ended.

  9. Let me make clear my link is a random engine as a spoof

    Actually one or two of random spoilers I got from that engine were correct, at least partially. They had X kills Y with Z right, but added things like ‘with the help of [Voldemort’s first employers after he graduated from Hogwarts]’, which was nonsense. There are plenty of factually accurate bits in the database of random things. Sometimes they do join together to make spoilers that are correct.

  10. I’ve already apologized to LH about my email. I fully admit that I didn’t read his original reply too far as it started off sounding a bit too much like a real spoiler. Yes, I enjoy these books enough to be anal about not spoiling it. My daughter is going nuts waiting for me to finish reading the book so she can talk with me about it.

  11. As Lucky John would say, No wucking furries mate. I note that my original post has been trashed coz you didn’t know! Trouble is I can’t check the phrasing- I was going for a serious look, but obvious it wasn’t true- obviously made it look TOO real!  I’ve had issues with the site- it’s timing me out before the post is completed, so I’m never 100% whether it has actually reached the server on some of them, so I don’t get to edit. The whole ‘net seems to slow up after this, so I can’t even come and edit it- A bit like Harry’s broom just before Voldemort forces Dumbledore to kill him with Sirius’ help on page 395.

    Despite what I’ve written before, I am avoiding listening to my wife read to the kids, so it won’t be any spoilers.  I just think all the hype on JKR is overblown, she write perfectly good film storyboards.

  12. Sorry to say this but JK Rowling made the last book ridiculous and full of humour but to trick the readers had the media spin the book as beeing serious and full of dread.

    I’ll come right to the point:  Hagrid, drinking a potion and his new concoction “Bean Bear” lets out an enormous fart and ensuing fireball that engulfs the entire cast in fiery ruin.

    The End.  No more Harry Potter & Gang.

  13. Whatever happens it would’ve sold pretty much the same amount anyway – fans of the series are going to buy it regardless of any other issues (price, story, etc). There’s probably not even much point in writing at all if you’re that rich, so the only reason JK does must be enjoyment/ an unignored sense of commitment

    That and only fans are going to buy the book of a sequel anyway

  14. Which two couples got married?

    Ron and Neville.

    Victor Krum and a female magical clone of himself.

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