Warning to gullible Catholics: DON’T STARE DIRECTLY INTO THE SUN!

Even if one of your fellow Catholics tells you that you’ll see Jesus’ mom if you do:

Zackey claims she has been experiencing spiritual sightings of Mary, the mother of Jesus, at her home since May 7. She also says that on May 23 the sun began spinning at sunsets, allowing believers to see Mary appear in it.

But, in light of the tragic accident of Amal Nassif, 37, who, at Zackey’s behest, stared directly into the sun and damaged her eyesight, the Church is advising people to be extremely careful and to practise common sense.

Tragic accident? Self-inflicted idiocy is more like it. Sadly the newspaper article doesn’t help spread any of that much needed common sense around:

The phenomenon of a spinning sun is not new – it was seen by thousands, and verified, when the Virgin Mary appeared at Fatima, Portugal, in 1917.

The Catholic church is apparently going to launch an investigation into whether or not the 17 year-olds visions are genuine, probably by having a few nuns try staring into the sun, but the spokesperson refused to give a deadline on the final decision with what has got to be one of the greatest understatements ever made:

The priest warned that the investigation was not bound by a deadline as there was no “scientific formula” to use in performing the probe.

Well no shit, Sherlock.

Additionally the last paragraph is quite amusing in light of the above statement:

The last Catholic investigation, which revolves around sightings of the Blessed Virgin in KwaZulu Natal in 1971, are still going on.

After 36 years the Church hasn’t had the balls to say one way or the other on the issue. Miracles are fragile that way.

Link found via Angry Astronomer.

14 thoughts on “Warning to gullible Catholics: DON’T STARE DIRECTLY INTO THE SUN!

  1. After looking for Mary they should investigate my sighting of JC himself down in Stromboli Volcano, but you have to get really close to the edge to see it, and if you’re truely faithful your eyesight will be restored. Any who turn away are clearly heretics

  2. After 36 years the Church hasn’t had the balls to say one way or the other on the issue. Miracles are fragile that way.

    Now, now, the church finally exonerated Galileo after only 350 years.  Be patient.  These things take time.

  3. Even though it goes against doctrine, the Church is advising people to be extremely careful and to practise common sense.

    Fixed!

  4. This makes me want to tell people, if you stare up my ass you can see jesus in my crack hairs. These people are just gullible, hell my roomates wife thinks that the moon is up there so we can see at night.

  5. After reading this, I can’t help but wonder if staring into the Sun wasn’t partially responsible for the Miracle at Fatima too.  Maybe the miraclemongers told the crowd to stare at the Sun.

  6. It is a true pain in the ass to live in a town where people believe that there is an apparition.  I used to live in Conyers which is a small town in Georgia where a woman claimed to see Mary on her farm on some particular night of the month; it may have been when she was on the rag, I don’t know.

    On apparition weekends traffic would become unbearable and the hotels and restaurants would fill up.  There would be caravans of tour buses from all over the country that converged on the small town.  The local Catholic church had major problems because throngs of Catholics expected that they would be able to stay in the church and the church had to rent tents and audio equipment to accommodate the throngs of church goers on Sunday; of course these apparition goers did not give any money to the church to help pay for the tents and other costs.  The women who owned the farm made out big time. I had heard from several people that she scattered old bathtubs around her property with signs encouraging donations—the bathtubs would be filled with cash by the time the weekend was over.  A popular bumper sticker was: “Come to Conyers; Eat, Drink, and See Mary”

  7. It has gotten worse since I left there.  She now has a web site http://www.conyers.org/

    “Conyers is where the Blessed Mother appeared 49 times on the 13th of the month from 1990 to 1998. Well over a million pilgrims have visited the site, with several gatherings estimated at over 100,000. Conyers is a holy site where untold numbers have experienced healing, conversion and a deeper relationship with Christ and Our Loving Mother, the Blessed Virgin Mary.”

    Conyers is the name of the city (it was also the site of the equestrian events during the Atlanta Olympics). 

    The really fucked up part is that she is trying to confuse her scam with the name of the city.

  8. I had heard from several people that she scattered old bathtubs around her property with signs encouraging donations—the bathtubs would be filled with cash by the time the weekend was over.

    There’s real good money to be made from religion – pushing it or treating it – if you can keep a straight face.

  9. i’ve never seen the Virgin Mary, but I have seen, in person, Ronald Reagan, Sun Myung Moon, and Werner Erhard.  I’m too humble for bathtubs, though- an envelope full of cash is just fine.

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