God calls the Pope. Issues new set of 10 Commandments for car drivers.

Apparently having run out of pedophile priests to shuffle around between parishes, the Vatican released a new set of 10 Commandments for drivers:

The “Drivers’ Ten Commandments,” as listed by the document, are:

1. You shall not kill.

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.

3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.

7. Support the families of accident victims.

8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.

10. Feel responsible toward others.

Wow, that’s pretty pathetic. Where’s the THOU SHALL NOT SPEED or the THOU SHALT USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL TO INDICATE LANE CHANGES OR, FOR THAT MATTER, THAT YOU INTEND TO TURN or, even better, the THOU SHALT ALLOW A SAFE DISTANCE BETWEEN YOUR CAR AND THE ONE IN FRONT OF YOU AT HIGH SPEEDS AND IN BAD WEATHER OR SO HELP ME ME I’LL SMITE YOUR DUMB ASS WITH THE BIGGEST BOLT OF LIGHTENING YOU’VE EVER SEEN?

Instead we get a carefully worded attempt to tell others not to drive drunk when it should say THOU SHALL NOT DRIVE DRUNK YOU SELFISH FUCK. The commandments above make God sound like a pussy or something and no one’s going to listen to commandments from a pussy. Useless.

12 thoughts on “God calls the Pope. Issues new set of 10 Commandments for car drivers.

  1. I thought this was a joke until I checked the link.

    Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

    When did the Catholic Church start stealing material from fortune cookies?

    THOU SHALL NOT DRIVE DRUNK YOU SELFISH FUCK

    Amen.

  2. Let’s get specific:

    Thou shalt not covert thy neighbor’s lane.
    Thou shalt not flip off your fellow drivers.

    This is worth at least 50% of most altercations.

    Like any of this will have any impact on the American driving culture, collectively known as the “FU Generation”, motto=“Get Out of My Effing Way”.

    < rant off>

  3. Holy fucking shit.  I’m in full support of there being a smokin aces two, starring pope benedict arnold the 16th as the poor fuck everyone’s trying to kill for a million dollars.  Except this time, the psycho neo-nazis need to live longer.  But yes, once again, catholics are trying to be the moral majority and once again, this shit is OLD FUCKING NEWS!!!

    And ill flip off, speed, ignore the wounded, cause harm and discord, and be an unforgiving son-bitch as much as I goddamn want!!

  4. How about

    Thou shalt do the Earth thy Mother a favor and take Public Transportation or Ride a Bike.

  5. I dunno. I thought it was one of the more sensible (and harmless) things to come out of the Vatican.

  6. Damn, does this mean I’m breaking even more commandments? If there was a hell I would be so screwed.

  7. good thing he said nothing about banger racing, after all;

    2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm

    so everywhere else is ok, hmm – the sidewalk cool grin

  8. Of all the shit to come out of the Catholic Church, this certainly has the best opportunity to do some good.  It’s obviously written for dumbasses cause people with common sense do most of them anyways.  But at least the dumbasses that listen prophetically to the church might start driving more sensibly.

    How about

    Thou shalt do the Earth thy Mother a favor and take Public Transportation or Ride a Bike.

    That’s the best fucking one I’ve heard yet!

  9. Where’s the THOU SHALL NOT SPEED or the THOU SHALT USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL TO INDICATE LANE CHANGES OR, FOR THAT MATTER, THAT YOU INTEND TO TURN or, even better, the THOU SHALT ALLOW A SAFE DISTANCE BETWEEN YOUR CAR AND THE ONE IN FRONT OF YOU AT HIGH SPEEDS AND IN BAD WEATHER OR SO HELP ME ME I’LL SMITE YOUR DUMB ASS WITH THE BIGGEST BOLT OF LIGHTENING YOU’VE EVER SEEN?
    Instead we get a carefully worded attempt to tell others not to drive drunk when it should say THOU SHALL NOT DRIVE DRUNK YOU SELFISH FUCK.

    All pretty much covered by points 6 and 10.  Just a bit more diplomatically.

    And I have just supported The Vatican against Les.  I need a lay down.

  10. Thou shall not operate a motor vehicle while receiving a hummer from the teenaged girl in your lap.

    Well I’ll take their silence on this as it’s ok, but I’m going to take the liberty to change the teenager to a milf.

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