Newsgasm: Anna Nicole Smith is dead and no one knows why…

…but they’re working really hard to speculate the living shit out of the possibilities. It seems every little crumb of info the news media can get their hands on is being slapped onto a taffy puller and stretched as far as they can manage. For example: When paramedics arrived her heart wasn’t beating (a common occurrence when someone dies) so heres a list of 50 or so possible heart related problems she might have had but didn’t know about including some so obscure her chances of dieing from it are a million to one against.

They had one solid fact: Anna Nicole Smith is dead. Beyond that it was all just idle speculation by the news media. Was she murdered? Did she O.D.? Was she crushed under the weight of her own tits? What happens to her son? Is she a modern-day Marilyn Monroe? Was John F. Kennedy’s corpse spotted anywhere near her motel room?

I don’t know if the media is just so sick of reporting the awful news that’s coming out of Iraq on a daily basis or they think the public really gives that much of a shit about what was easily one of the most successful white trash women around, but it’s another one of those events that makes me ignore the news for a few days until it blows over. Of course Nancy Grace will be all over this for months to come I’m sure, what with being a fellow white trasher and all.

That’s why I need to start my own news network: LNN – Les News Network. Our coverage of Anna’s death would’ve been like this.

HEADLINE: ANNA NICOLE SMITH IS DEAD.

Anna Nicole Smith, famous Playboy playmate and gold digger, is dead at the age of 39. She was found in her hotel room unconscious and not breathing. No one has a fucking clue as to how she died yet and we’re not about to sit around and dream up possibilities when there’s other news to report. When we know more, you’ll know more.

And that would be it.

73 thoughts on “Newsgasm: Anna Nicole Smith is dead and no one knows why…

  1. I definitely agree that Nancy Grace is white trash, but I would go a step further and say that her loyal audience is white trash as well.  That’s obvious by the type of “journalism” she does.

    I have a feeling people will attribute Anna Nicole’s death to grief, no matter what actually killed her; and as a result, she’ll be more famous in death than she ever was in life.

  2. I’m not a pop culture aficionado of the 2000s (or the ‘90s), and I never cared a lick about Anna Nicole or those of her ilk. Nonetheless, it would not be an exaggeration to say that I was shocked when I read about her death yesterday. A tragic end to what I’ve since come to view as a tragic life.

  3. Did you hear the latest? They’re saying that Zsa Zsa
    Gabor’s husband may be the baby daddy. I bet Zsa Zsa
    slapped her dead.

    Oh and Les, Annie Nic’s baby is a daughter, not a son. She did have a son but I bet Zsa Zsa slapped him dead too.

    Still, humorous entry. Now let’s have a moment of silence to pay our (finally) respects for Ms Smith.

  4. She’s DiEthyl Azodicarboxylate?!!

    DEAD
    DEAD is actually the acronym for diethyl azodicarboxylate, which is an important reagent in the well-known Mitsunobu reaction which performs a stereospecific conversion of an alcohol to a primary amine. It’s quite a good acronym, as DEAD is an orange liquid that’s explosive, shock sensitive, light sensitive, toxic, a possible carcinogen or mutagen, and an eye, skin and respiratory irritant! A version of diethyl azodicarboxylate mixed with acid and triphenylphosphine has also been termed DEADCAT.

    from:
    http://www.chm.bris.ac.uk/sillymolecules/sillymols.htm

    Part of me wonders the point of looking into cause of death, it won’t bring someone back, and if a killer’s on the loose the fear created will force society to become more OK with their own-creeping up-death, as well as bereavement. Society would have to work harder on prevention and structure itself accordingly, if it was no longer able to screen out the bits of reality it doesn’t like to see

    Killing’s considered a bad thing because it hurts people connected to them, but if it was more regular ocurrance people will not develop as strong emotional connections for fear of losing them, and that may be better for them for when they are bereaved, and to increase freedom beyond what the sentimental connections limit you to. Killing a 100% isolated hermit with no connections to anyone would cause no bereavement, and how could the hermit care if they’re no longer concious? If killing doesn’t hurt anyone or cause other inconvenience there is nothing stricly wrong about it, technically there is nothing strictly wrong about hurting people either, since concience is a self reflecting thing, it’s only whether you are at peace with the consequences for your own actions that decide.
    If there was a heaven, you could call it an act of kindness to send nice people there, though that depends on you making a judgement

    Also it’s up to the killer to change in themselves, and if they are to be released eventually, they will be more in touch with reality if in the real world than the isolated and violent community of jail where all they see is negativity. Jail does provide time to think though, which some of these people need, as well as forced routine as a bitter pill of food for thought in a changed situation.

  5. I think it’s the writer in me, but I’m utterly fascinated when a celebrity dies, not so much with the death, but the rapid build up of theory and speculation around it. The whole process reminds me of a James Ellroy novel. I’m always disappointed when it turns out to be something stupid like an accidental overdose.

  6. I just wish people would have a little more respect to the dead. Not anyone hear I just mean in general. The whole “Gold digger” this is stupid considering that stupid old man knew exactly what he was doing. Lets not mince words here. That man was in it for the nookie and he got it through money. Not every old man is a saint and I would guess most of them are pervs like the rest of us hah. I know Les did not call here a “Gold Digger” I was just speaking to that part.

  7. DavidM: I just wish people would have a little more respect to the dead

    They can’t do anything about it smirk
    But the living can, conditional on them finding out

  8. For all her celebrity, Anna Nicole Smith did nothing positive for society. Just like Paris Hilton, she was out for all she could get not give, and like Paris is, Anna was a waste of life.

    Sorry, but that’s the way I see it and I’m sick to death of shallow celebrities.

  9. I have to ask myself why be anything other than shallow deep down, especially if there is no afterlife to make it mean something; I don’t understand what drives ethical humanism because it’s not game theory – also you could put feelings associated with care for others down to the shallow interest of aiming to have a peaceful concience. As long as you always do the things that will put you in the most pleasent situation overall, you can be subconciously objective about what will achieve it.

  10. I would agree with you if you have done something positive for society. The bar is set pretty high for people that require media attention. Granted I think people that ask for attention are asking for it I think people still need to self-evaluate their own lives before they judge. I just happen to be very aware of death. I have not “become” a Buddhist but I lean that way. I just think people judging one way or another leads to problems since the same person cannot really claim anything they fault the person for. I do not mean everyone. There are plenty of people that do good and you may be one but I am speaking generally here.

  11. I agree about caution when judging
    I try to not judge at all, thought is so changeable and quite often there is more to the situation. You are only really qualified to judge in the full knowledge of what’s gone on, so the only person really qualified to judge you here is yourself, even then I forget aspects of my past that mean I cannot decide whether overall I am a force for ‘good’ or ‘evil’ because it’s so blurred and in similar proportions and I cannot decide where to align myself, everyone’s an agent of change, so I can safely include myself there

    I don’t aim to lead a good or bad life, more to raise awareness and share thoughts I’ve had. Unpleasant conditions are necessary for people to develop immunity and develop character (that people often avoid because it hurts hence some of the tendancies of society). I create these conditions when it looks like it would do the person good as a bitter pill, as well as benefit those around them. But I also want to, for a reason I don’t understand, make the process as painless as feasible, maybe just so people keep listening and don’t refute the ideas

  12. Dave: I just wish people would have a little more respect to the dead.

    I didn’t respect her when she was alive – why the fuck should I change cos she’s dead.
    As far as I’m concerned she’s just another dumb blonde doing the best she could with the assets she had – big tits.  LOL

  13. LJ: As far as I’m concerned she’s just another dumb blonde doing the best she could with the assets she had – big tits

    Speaking of those it may be time to get rid of those photos I have, there’s a taboo about that kind of thing. Maybe I shouldn’t though, surely she’ll be pleased in death to know she still brings pleasure.

  14. I agree that there is more to the situation then we know but what are we really qualified to judge outside of our own lives? I mean we can judge whatever we want but what are we “qualified” to judge? I forget a ton about my life and for good reason, because I have no urge to remember it(a good part of my teen and early 20’s life). In her case a lot of this was pushed on her (besides the old man thing, but this new paternity thing). Most people would not even think about her if it were not for the news bringing crazy attention to the fact that she did not know here her babies daddy was. I am sure plenty of Americans do not know that very thing.

    I do not look for good or bad, that was probably a bad example but I just seek fairness. Everyone’s life is as equal as everyone else’s regardless of what price the “media” puts on it.

  15. Thats fine luckyjohn19. I’m sorry that that is your view of the world(Not that it is hard, look at what the jackasses are doing with it). No pandering from me.. I am not religious but you have a shitass world view and more power to you. Then again you will not be said when people do not care when you die, so I guess that is fair.

  16. but what are we really qualified to judge outside of our own lives? I mean we can judge whatever we want but what are we “qualified” to judge?

    I am mainly talking about judging a person’s personality based on their actions, thoughts, etc

    I said essentially we cannot make an accurate, and therefore cannot make a fair judgement on things we don’t have full knowledge of. That means most stuff outside our lives is beyond what we can fairly judge. A serious decision should not be made on an incomplete judgement, otherwise the action could well be unjust, and makes the decider deserve an equally incomplete decision the other way. ‘Unjust’ includes both positive and negative.

    I forget a ton about my life and for good reason, because I have no urge to remember it

    Exactly, I’m pretty sure that’s why the years apear to fly; you forget the mundane stuff like waking up, eating breakfast, the journey to work, etc. I’m curious as to why sometimes I remember dreams and sometimes forget – I remembered the most obscure one last night – that I ate a USB flash drive and it tasted like sweet cake, except the chips tasted like wafer (possibly silicon wafer :LOL: )

    Thats fine luckyjohn19. I’m sorry that that is your view of the world

    It’s nethertheless a true view and part of the complete picture. Avoiding the negative views leaves your perspective as an illusion. LJ is being fair as to what level of respect he thinks she deserves. Not every dead person is worthy of respect, and quite often different levels of respect depending on what they’ve done in life to earn/disearn it.

    DavidM: Then again you will not be said when people do not care when you die, so I guess that is fair.

    I would like people to forget me after death, eases the bereavement, lets people move on, forgetting breaks links in the kindest possible way. I don’t want a funeral unless family need it, personally I don’t give a damn about what you do with my body after I die, won’t affect me

    It is indeed fair that things come back as they were issued, but only if the reasoning behind the original decision was unjust and not resolved at a later date. LJ made a true statement, part of the complete perspective but not the complete perspective itself, no action was taken on it, so no unjust decision was made.

  17. David- given what John went though in the 60s/70s (do you know he was in Vietnam), and the knock on effect that seems to have had, it is hardly surprising that he can seem a little jaded.  Plus he is an Aussie, which is basically Brit with no filters…

  18. LJ: As far as I’m concerned she’s just another dumb blonde doing the best she could with the assets she had – big tits.

    Well, I like big tits…..

  19. I understand, now that you said, he went through Vietnam and yes that will jade anyone. But only to a certain extent. Life is worth whatever someone puts to it, obviously the judger’s life is worth more. This is nothing against John. Everyone has an opinion obviously. Inculding myself. But everyone is biased in their opinion because no one considers their lives on the same level as others. It is selfish habit that we ALL participate in. We look at life in as an outside observer even though we ar actually a player. I am not anti-death penalty just to bring that point up since it matter. But people should examine their own existence before they are so ready to accept the loss of said life for another.

  20. Yes I realize my spelling and grammar is awful. I am drinking so bear with me smile. It embarrasses me reading that last post but the sentiment stands.

  21. David: Everyone’s life is as equal as everyone else’s regardless of what price the “media” puts on it.

    Nonsense.

    Do you really expect me to believe that everyone is equal? That Nancy Grace is worth as much to society as Edward Murrow was? That Sidney Sheldon was as valuable as Charles Dickens? How about Paris Hilton?  Is there anybody out there who isn’t more valuable to society than Paris?

  22. LH: given what John went though in the 60s/70s (do you know he was in Vietnam),

    Nah, it has nothing to do with him going through Vietnam. He’s just right.

    Look, death is just the end of life, it doesn’t bestow some magic sainthood on you. If you were an ass, you become a dead ass. That’s it, finito.

    Being dead, in and of itself, does not mean you’re worth of respect.

    And speaking of dead people who ARE worth of respect, the great Ian Richardson has passed away. downer

  23. Nonsense? How much is your life worth? You are trying to say they are not as worthy because they did not achieve the accomplishments of Charles dickens or Edward Murrow?

  24. Last_Hussar: Plus he is an Aussie, which is basically Brit with no filters…

    And as everyone knows, Brits are Americans with extra filters.  Hey – maybe that’s what we like Aussies so much.  They remind us of us, and we LOVE us.

    Oh yeah, Anna’s dead.  Her new baby is probably better off.

  25. DaveM: Life is worth whatever someone puts to it, obviously the judger’s life is worth more.

    Yeah that’s a difficult thing to get past when trying to be fair and deep, people have some pull towards making their own life OK because they have to go through it. I don’t like the maintanance side of this, I would in some ways prefer to spectate and not have the responsibility of sustenance, in otherways I like the oppertunity to interact.

    Time is an interesting thing – the present is weighed against the future and it’s impossible to completely forego the present in extreme enough cases, and yet as the present fades into past it loses importance as it loses the ability to influence the future. If you were at the end of your span of existence facing inevitable oblivion that nothing could change, things matter a lot less.

    Also we put more value on people we’re connected to than people who others are equally connected to. I don’t know why we feel more love for people who we live with, but if it was a choice between your family member and someone else’s, most people choose their own. There is an element of selfishness in that, and people might know that their family member might deserve life and not know if the other person does, but again, people also feel more love for people they are more connected to, and that I can’t explain, it’s like asking why a force like gravity or magnetism decreases over distance, it does, but not for obvious reason

  26. Brits are Americans with extra filters

    You swine!!! That was uncalled for.

    Seriously- I feel more in tune with Aussies than Yanks.  I am still morally obliged to hunt you down and kill you, though Michael for insulting 1) the British, 2) the Aussies, 3) the rest of the English speaking world 4) Well everyone really.

    Ok, maybe not kill you, but definately correct you on use of language or etiquette or something.

  27. Dave: Nonsense? How much is your life worth?

    My life? It’s worth more than some, less than others. I have no problem with that idea, not sure why you do.

    You are trying to say they are not as worthy because they did not achieve the accomplishments of Charles dickens or Edward Murrow?

    That’s exactly what I’m saying.

  28. MP: Oh yeah, Anna’s dead.  Her new baby is probably better off.

    LOL

    KPG: Being dead, in and of itself, does not mean you’re worth of respect

    Exactly as I said

    DavidM: Nonsense? How much is your life worth? You are trying to say they are not as worthy because they did not achieve the accomplishments of Charles dickens or Edward Murrow?

    We’re worth more because you tend to need to be a pushy asshat to get noticed, we may have just been in the wrong situation or been born too late.

  29. It is true as we both said that ALL people value their lives regardless of circumstance. We all care more for loved ones then we do for strangers, me included. But at the same time I realize (as I realize now others do, though maybe in a different way obviously) we all recognize the value of life in others. But the fact is we are self-aware but so are others. So what exactly is life since I am self-aware of myself and others but care stops at me and mine while that same exact thing applies to others that are not related to me. It is a funny thing. It is the same thing as a player thinking god in football for a touchdown as if god could really care. Value is what the entity gives it and everyone is biased. I valued me and mine over you and yours but that is the same for everyone. It brings to question the value of everything.

    Sorry this is a wall of text but if I dont post it I have issues with the verification so until I figure it out it is all or nothing smile

  30. KPG: Is there anybody out there who isn’t more valuable to society than Paris?

    Hmm … not anymore.  Oh wait.  Maybe this dickhead.

    DavidM: Nonsense?

    Historically, there have always been “Persons of Quality” whose lives were seen as inherently more valuable than those of lesser birth.  One might argue that wealth and power still confers a level of such “quality” on a family.  You think the Bush twins are treated as equals to others in their peer group?

  31. Last_Hussar: Ok, maybe not kill you, but definately correct you on use of language or etiquette or something.

    Aw … thanks, Hussar!  That would be those extra filters I mentioned.

  32. But selective preferentialism is not a good reason to carry on with it. The Bush twins have their special status because they are the Presidents daughters. Granted that same curtsy should be extended to the Clinton’s but I have a hard time believing most jackasses will do that.

    My point is life is relative and you realize you exist. Realizeing “Others” exists who fell the SAME as you (maybe not. But they still exist. Everyone is biased towards their family. As others have said that is fair but not realizing others are to theirs is just stupid. When do you find “right” and “wrong” if everyone is one and the same?

  33. Value of life can also be negative, sometimes to an observer, sometimes to the owner. Not to all observers as value is redeemable. Value of existence follows the same rules but is a broader thing to include possible other modes of existence, which I don’t know enough about to decide on.

    DaveM: So what exactly is life

    Concious existence within the constraints of a physical body, whatever your beliefs.

    the same thing as a player thinking god in football for a touchdown as if god could really care

    Interesting you should say, I have to ask why a possible god would want us to care about living a good life, essentially a player in the ‘be nice’ game. Quarks only exist because an inversion of them was also created, the antiquark; a lot of things need a complete inversion to exist in order for them to, so if a good god did exist, then so would an equally bad one need to by symetry rules. Looking at it this way, if existence is positive for one person, it has to be equally negative for your inversion form (only with all the decision parameters also inverted), and existence overall is neutral, not good or bad.

    It’s possible the big bang happened only for the reason that it was possible and there were an infinite number of oppertunities, making it automatic

    Sorry this is a wall of text but if I dont post it I have issues with the verification so until I figure it out it is all or nothing

    No apologies, nothing unusual

  34. Then again you will not be said when people do not care when you die, so I guess that is fair.

    Dave. Mate. I won’t even care when I die – why the fuck should anyone else?
    Seriously though. I don’t do hypocracy as well as some others.
    By tomorrow, if not already, there’ll be so many gold-digger, old-fart, big-tit, what happens to the silicone, necrophilia and other recycled Munroe/Mansfield jokes, etc jokes going round you WILL crack a smile at some point.
    Mel Brooks: Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
    Were you fucking her?  LOL

  35. DaveM: When do you find “right” and “wrong” if everyone is one and the same?

    Only your concience makes something right or wrong. People don’t like certain feelings like pain or upset, and feel guilty for making others feel it, but there is no reason not to prefer pain over comfort, hunger over fullness, etc. For sure our body gets us to do the things that achieve the feelings we like, but there is nothing right or wrong with any feeling at base level. By symetry rules they are inversions so come from an overall neutral point, so it’s a mystery why people, including myself forget that and seek to feel nice. In this way the forgetting is needed to bias the decision, however the other direction of bias (preferring unpleasent) could still exist under evolution if they had the feelings associated invertly (I.e. eating making you hungry, staying up making you less tired but sleep making you more, etc.), so it’s a mystery to me how we have an apparent asymetry, my only guess is that an inverted universe might exist before the big bang to accomodate these, with time running the other way

  36. Well reading that I am wishing the next hot big-titted gold digger on you john! And when your gone…im cashing in! lol. I am sorry if I came across as overly serious :B

    I have a horrible tendency to get wrapped up in a conversation and not let it go until i’m dead. I admit it so I guess that is part of the solution.

  37. Aw … thanks, Hussar!  That would be those extra filters I mentioned.

    Actually, Yanks seems much more prudish than just about anyone else in the West. Not just sex, but the attitude to alcohol, or even tragedy. Also our TV seems darker (no contrast jokes please!)

  38. I told my kids to publish my exact cause of death in my obituary, no matter how stupid, pointless, or humiliating it is.  Information like that is valuable to the living, if only “don’t be that guy”.

    My guess would be silicone poisoning.  cool smirk

  39. My guess would be silicone poisoning.

    She drank everything else. I guess drinking silicone wouldn’t be so out of character for her.

    Oh, you mean her implants? Oh well, soon she’ll be nothing but breast and bones.

  40. DoF, if I remember that screed correctly, there was the possibility that people would go “Oh, so he even died in a boring way”.

    Count me in for that one.

    DC,

    Only your conscience makes something right or wrong.

    is a statement I don’t entirely agree with. First, because there’s not a lot of definition (and a whole lot of speculation) on what a conscience is supposed to be; at least not that I’m aware of. I’m in Alonzo‘s camp, if I’d have to hazard a guess at it. I figure that there is some distinct cultural pattern to what we consider moral or immoral that has a material, factual, external basis. I think that all human cultures and societies have reasons to discourage certain kinds of conduct.

    Besides, we use reward and punishment of various strains to control actions – your moral makeup is part of your trained behavior. Is this what you meant by conscience?

  41. Putting everyone on the same plane in this world is something a pussy ass liberal would try to get you to do.  We are not all equal and we never will be get over it.  Some people deserve more respect in life because they have earned it.

    Anna’s death leaves me saying, what else is on the boob tube.  Because just like Brock said, she did nothing for society.  She never once lifted a finger to give anything back to this world.

    There are so many more people I look up to in life.  Including some posters found here, that I think have made and continue to make a lasting impact in this world.  These are the people we should hold up as an example and give respect to.

  42. “Life sucks and then you die!” seems such a negative philosophy. How about: “Both joy and sorrow are a part of life. Learn to embrace both equally and sorrow or negative will have no sway over you.” When you can look forward to obscacles as an opportunity to bring forth the best within you to overcome that particular obscacle, and thus become stronger and wiser, you have started on the best path to success in this life. And, yes, big tits are wonderful. LOL

  43. Because just like Brock said, she did nothing for society.  She never once lifted a finger to give anything back to this world.

    Well, she did support animal rights, and just for that I have a modicum of respect for her.

    Has anyone else noticed that this thread has generated an inordinate amount of comments? Even us intellectuals (I use that word barring a certain someone whom we are all only too familiar) here at SEB can’t escape the cult of celebrity, it would seem.  downer

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