The curse of the blue ink stain!

Somehow something blue got into the laundry the other day and made a bit of a mess, much to Mrs. SEB’s consternation, and she ended up having to rewash quite a few items to try and remove the resulting stains. We have no idea what it was or how it got in there, but for the most part she was successful in cleaning up the damage done.

Yesterday I pulled out my tan slacks and got dressed for work without really thinking about it because it was 6AM and I wasn’t awake. On the way into work I happened to notice that there was a bit of a blue stain on back of the cuff of the right pant leg. Not a big deal and hardly worth turning around to go home and change. I got to work and made it through most of the morning before I had to visit the men’s room to get rid of the coffee I had consumed earlier to try and wake up. Finishing up I turned around to walk to the sink and wash my hands. It was then that I noticed it.

A small dark spot in the lower right of my crotch that made it look like I didn’t “shake the dew off the lilly” suffeciently before stuffing said lilly back into my pants, always a danger when you’re wearing light colored pants. As most men are wont to do when confronted with the panic inducing possibility that they’ve slightly pissed themselves, I reached for my crotch to check for dampness and was surprised when my pants turned out to be quite dry. Closer examination of my crotch revealed that the dark spot was yet another of the mystery stains that was just light enough that it didn’t look so much “blue” as much as “wet tan-colored fabric” that was perfectly positioned for maximum bad impressions in others. Great.

When you really do slightly piss yourself you can at least count on it drying fairly quickly and nobody being the wiser, but when it’s really a light blue stain that suspiciously looks like wet fabric it ain’t gonna go away anytime soon. Needless to say I was very self-concious about how I walked around the building for most of the day. I think I made it through without anyone thinking I was in need of “Depends” or something similar, but it’s hard to say for sure.

15 thoughts on “The curse of the blue ink stain!

  1. You just know some fundie is going to go ape-shit because you used the word piss and talked about your ‘lily’.

  2. At the school I am at, it doesn’t matter how hard you try, the only guys bathroom on the upper floor has sinks that shoot the water out with great force, and can really spray your pants.  A couple times I wasn’t paying attention, and walked out with sprays all over my croch.  But in my case it looks more like a sink accident than a lily accident.

    For the weird blue ink, my guess is a pen or marker in a pants pocket that went unnoticed before getting washed.  Or it could’ve been the laundry detergent.  Which is why some people swear by the dye free stuff.  Weird none the less though.

  3. shake the dew off the lilly

    LOL
    Love that expression.
    When I was about 14 I had a fairly anti-social habit of too often straightening the old fella (he was the little fella then).
    I had to paint the roof with dark grey paint (oil-based in those days). I had a new pair of bone-coloured shorts and never wore the shorts outside the house again.  wink

  4. Just cover the stain with your hand as you walk around.  No one will notice the stain.

    Lol! Or just put a codpiece over it.  Or perhaps wear a sign around your neck saying “I did not pee in my pants”.

    I’ve experienced the painful embarrassment of sullied pants too, both bodily caused and not.  Who hasn’t?  It’s bad enough if anyone notices you have a penis, but if it appears that fluids issue from it uncontrollably, you might as well strip and paint yourself blue.

  5. you might as well strip and paint yourself blue.

    That would make me into one of the biggest and scariest looking Smurfs anyone has ever seen. *Shudder!*

  6. That would make me into one of the biggest and scariest looking Smurfs anyone has ever seen. *Shudder!*

    Personally I think that would make an awesome Halloween costume.  I say go for it.

  7. Or perhaps wear a sign around your neck saying “I did not pee in my pants”.

    Thanks a lot.  I actually laughed out loud in the comp lab at school cause of that.

    I feel your pain, Les.  At my uni, the sinks are exactly at crotch height, and morons always splash water on the counter, so when you lean over the counter to the sink, you inevitably get a great big piss stain looking thing right on your crotch.  Great way to announce yourself to the world.

  8. Whenever I have a spot in my lilly area, I just untuck my shirt to cover it up.  It may not totally cover up the spot but it at least camouflages any spots with shadows. Folks at work have gotten used to seeing me with my shirt untucked anyway.  Now, if I could just find a way to cover the after lunch grease stains on the front of my shirt.

  9. Webs;  The only time I take my shirt off in public is in certain bars—and in those types of bars it wouldn’t matter if I had pissed my pants.

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