The Virgin Mary: She melts in your mouth, not your hands.

Sweet Mother of Jesus, literally.

Seems God’s mistress/mother got bored with showing up in grilled cheese sandwiches and sewage stains on the walls of underpasses and decided to sculpt a small version of herself and her illegitimate son in chocolate drippings on the floor of Bodega Chocolates:

FOUNTAIN VALLEY, California (AP)—Workers at a chocolate company have discovered a 2-inch-tall (5-centimeter-tall) column of chocolate drippings that they believe bears a striking resemblance to traditional depictions of the Virgin Mary.

Naturally the employees were amazed by this discovery, but quickly got back to work after a few moments of idle chatter about it.

Ha! Ha! No, that would be the rational thing to do. Instead…

Since the discovery of the drippings under a vat on Monday, employees of Bodega Chocolates have spent much of their time hovering over the tiny figure, praying and placing rose petals and candles around it.

“I was raised to believe in the Virgin Mary, but this still gives me the chills,” company co-owner Martucci Angiano said as she balanced the dark brown figure in her hand during an interview Thursday. “Everyone should see this.”

Indeed so I’ve included the picture from the news item to the right. I’m sorry, but it looks like an overused butt-plug.

“When I come in, the first thing I do is look at the clock, but this time I didn’t look at the clock. My eyes went directly to the chocolate,” said Jacinto, wearing a hair net and apron as she paused from her work. “I thought, ‘Am I the only one who can see this? I picked it up and I felt emotion just come over me. For me, it was a sign.”

It’s a sign alright. A sign that the cleanliness standards at Bodega Chocolates could use some beefing up. Perhaps if they hired less credulous employees that aren’t inclined to worship random blobs of chocolate as divine messages at the drop of a hairnet there wouldn’t be any chocolate drippings coalescing on the floor.

For Jacinto, the discovery came just in time. The single mother said she has struggled with personal problems for months and says she was about to lose her faith.

“I have big problems right now, personally, and lately I’ve been saying that God doesn’t exist,” she said, pulling the dog-eared prayer card out of her pocket. “This has given me renewed faith.”

Wow, just… wow. All it takes is an amorphous blob of chocolate to restore her faith in God. Her head would probably explode if anything approaching a significant miracle were to happen. Good thing she doesn’t have to worry about that.

Thanks to Terry for the passing along the news item via email.

21 thoughts on “The Virgin Mary: She melts in your mouth, not your hands.

  1. Hi everyone, it’s my first time posting on the site. I found it a few months ago and have been coming here regularly ever since smile

    This is a little off topic but I thought it deserves to be posted on the site. I don’t believe it’s been posted here yet so here it is. Evangelicals in Kenya are pushing to have evidence of human evolution hidden.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml;jsessionid=XN5DXUHEFOID1QFIQMFSFFWAVCBQ0IV0?xml=/news/2006/08/12/wleakey12.xml

    Anyway, great site and keep up the good work 😀

  2. Welcome Legend.
    I just sent a short note to CITAM advising them wake up to themselves and get over their insecurities and be thankful they haven’t been threatened with suicide bombers over the non-issue.

    Back to the Chocolate Virgin – I wonder if anyone is going to partake of her, gobble her, eat her or just even lick her.
    Shit, I’m going straight to hell.  wink

    I’m sorry, but it looks like an overused butt-plug.

    Well that turned me off my prurient thoughts.  LOL

  3. Double dipping:

    If you are down in the dumps – pattern recognition: it’s better than chocolate!

  4. When I first glanced at the photo before reading the topic, I thought it was a turd.

    Now Mary and the Chocolate Factory is building a market for floor scrappings.

  5. Incidentally I just learned the other day there’s a technical term for our tendency to see human-ish features in random objects via our pattern recognition processes. It’s called pareidolia. Someone has probably mentioned it on SEB previously, but I never made the connection until a little while ago.

  6. At first glance the “Virgin Chocolate” looked more like an owl or falcon to me.

    Its a thin and meagre, and one suspects ephemiral, faith that comes from parlour tricks.  If someone had decided the chocalate looked like guru Sri Chinmoy does that mean the woman would have gone to worship him?

  7. Les: It’s called pareidolia.

    Interesting that you mentioned that word.
    I was in the process of going back thru the archives to find the post about the virgin’s face on a fence paling near Coogee Beach (coz I think pareidolia was mentioned there but I could be wrong) and my niece sent me an article about the $20 bill folded to show 4 or 5 ‘coincidences’.
    I’m wondering if this fits the pareidolia ‘phenomenon’. LOL
    Never having had a $US20 I can’t try this at home. wink
    Oh, I found Virgin Mary image appears on a fence post but after quickly scanning it the word didn’t jump out at me but being the 13th longest thread I may have missed it. smile

  8. Actually, if you see it as a robed figure, it more reminds me of the emperor from Star Wars than the Virgin Mary.

  9. Holy Chocolate Batman!!

    Quickly Robin!  The Bat Anti-Evangelical Shit Storm device in your utility belt!

    Right you are Batman!

    Reverse the polarity…quickly!

    I feel the ability to process logical thought returning Batman!

  10. LJ, I wrote about the twenty dollar bill folding in this old thread back in May of 2002, though the link in that entry is no longer valid. I think I’ll substitute the link you provided with the old on in that entry.

  11. Well if you just read your bibles….

    From the Gospel of St Les.

    13:2 An the Magi did gaze in wonder upon the blessed Virgin.  14:2 And the one who had made a fool of himself by bringing Myrr said 15:2 “I don’t know about you, but she makes me want to east something creamy and sugery 16:3 And the one who 2000 years late would always be refered to as ‘the black one’ said 17:3 “I know what you mean, something that despite that, leaves a bitter aftertaste”

  12. LuckyJohn19, pareidoila is indeed mentioned in the Virgin-Mary-on-a-stick thread (ahhh the joys of CTRL-F).
    Find the post from BCS made on 13th Oct ‘03.

    My only other comment is, mmm chocolate….*drools*

  13. Ta Tish.  wink
    My memory doesn’t work for important things like remembering about Ctrl F but insignificant stuff that’s rarely gonna be useful ?? I’m an information font.  LOL
    I especially liked the way you introduced Ctrl F. Very subtle – very lady-like …
    Being a fucking wanker I woulda rung bells and used fog-horns and and and … thankyou.

    May I mention here that the keys are starting to fade into each other – it may have something to do with the fact I haven’t yet eaten today and I’ve had, mmm, nearly enough alcohol   wink  – I’ve got a beautiful simmering combination of Celery, Onions, Capsicum {bell pepper} [the holy trinity in Cajun cooking], a diced Carrot, a little chopped Bacon, a can o’ diced Tomatoes, a tablespoon of crushed Garlic [I usually do fresh but I cheated] & a little {but not too much} of my very ‘easy to drink’ Merlot, simmering——in 20 minutes I’ll cook some rice and … bliss.

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