The amazing mystery of the pissing tree… has been solved!

I meant to write about the Amazing Mystery Pissing Tree when I first saw the news item about it a few days back, but my ADD kicked in and I got distracted by some shiny object and never got around to it.

According to the original story a 65 year-old woman named Lucille Pope in San Antonio is the owner of a red oak tree on her property that had been spouting a small stream of water for the last three months or so. Like it’d been holding its bladder for years until it couldn’t hold it any longer and now was suffering from the dreaded Slow Piss of Doom that sometimes happens when you hold it in for too long.

Of course Lucille and the people from the news didn’t describe it quite that way. No, to them it was a genuine mystery tree that might have miraculous healing powers!

“I got a mystery tree,” Pope said. “What kind of mystery do I have where water comes out of a tree?”

The odd occurrence started in early April when her son, Lloyd Pope, noticed bark smeared with sap when he went to fill his the water trough of his stepson’s dog Neno. After moving the Rottweiler’s tray, he saw a wide stain that ran from the root up toward the branches, with fluid dripping to the ground from above.

Days later, he saw water streaming onto the ground from the other side, and he showed his mother the sight.

Lloyd Pope, 47, said the water was cool, like it came from a faucet. The only damp spot around the tree trunk is where the water lands.

The peculiar incident has the Popes wondering if the water has properties not found on tap.

Pope said her insurance agent dabbed drops on a spider bite that went away after the application on the welt. Pope said she’s soaked her sore ankles in water from the tree and the pain has gone away.

Now she wonders, is it a tree that heals or water that blesses?

To his credit Lucille’s son doesn’t buy into the idea that the water is miraculous:

“I ain’t with that superstitious stuff,” Lloyd Pope said, sitting on the hood of the Cadillac, catching water spurting out of the tree in a plastic gallon jug. “There’s no crying Mary here.”

But that didn’t stop others from latching onto the suggestion and running with it like it was a bag of diamonds they found on the street. For their part the experts admitted that they were “baffled” by the phenomena and this only gave the overly credulous more fuel for the fire. Lucille herself seemed to be leaning towards a divine explanation near the end of the news item:

“I just want to know if it is a healing tree or blessed water,” she said. “That’s God’s water. Nobody knows but God.”

Well, only God and the folks at the San Antonio Water System as there’s been an update to the story:

Crews on Wednesday conducted some tests at an East Side home where water has been gurgling out of a tree for the past four months.

After SAWS shut off the water meter, the flow of water stopped coming out of the tree, which has attracted many visitors.

Apparently, the trees roots have tapped into an underground water pipe.

As a result of this discovery all the True Believers™ that had been showing up to the Amazing Mystery Pissing Tree had a good chuckle over how foolish they had been thinking God was making a tree piss all over the place and went home.

Ha! Ha! No, that’s not what actually happened. Instead, being the overly credulous people that they are, the True Believers™ insisted it was still a miracle:

“I stayed praying to the tree before I got the water and I put it on my back,” said Maria Martinez. “And on my neck and on my knees. I was so excited. And when I put it on my back, I felt the pain relief.”

KSAT 12 News had some of the tree water tested and the results indicated that the water had flouride and chlorine in it.

Sounds like Loony Toons Maria would benefit from showering a bit more often, assuming she has city water. Hey perhaps she should visit the town of Wadowice, Poland where she can get some more non-miracle water flowing from the base of a statue of the late Pope John Paul II that comes from a pipe town officials installed specifically for that purpose, but which the True Believers™ are lapping up as a bone fide miracle just the same.

The Rev. Jakub Gil, the parish priest at the Wadowice basilica, said the church has never declared the water holy, but that it provides a tangible reminder to many of the great personal power of the late pontiff.

“No one is telling the people that this is miraculous water,” Gil said. But, he added, “nothing is impossible for believers, and if this water evokes faith, then great things might happen.”

Yes, nothing is impossible for True Believers™ because they don’t let a pesky thing like reality get in the way of a comforting delusion.

4 thoughts on “The amazing mystery of the pissing tree… has been solved!

  1. Reminds me of a story I heard in Ireland. Apparently a woman had decided to nail a holy water thingy next to her front door, and after she put holy water in it and blessed it she felt a tingle. She had other people test it (including the Parish priest) and they felt it as well. Soon people from around the small village were coming to her house just to feel it thinking it was a “miracle”.

    Turns out after her husband examined it the woman had hit an electrical wire with the nail!

  2. Call me immature and childish but … I just can’t help it.
    That’s a shocking story, Bo$$.  LOLLOL😆

    Aaahh, I feel better now. wink

    About that tree, though.
    How did god arrange for the water to come through a root back up into, and then out of, the tree?
    It’s a miracle. LOL

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