Man complains his daughter was traumatized by Barney’s penis.

A Mr. Brian Flynn wrote a letter to The Village Voice on August 18th complaining that his 6-year-old daughter has been traumatized by pranksters who rearranged the letters on a sign advertising a Barney the Dinosaur movie so the title read “Barney’s Penis.”  Here’s the letter in all it’s amusing glory:

On Tuesday, August 8, I took my family out to Daniel’s for groceries. I have a 6-year-old daughter who learned how to read from the Barney and Friends book series. As we stepped out of the family van, she was very excited to see a Barney movie being advertised on the Daniel’s Market lit sign. She said, “Look, Daddy, a Barney movie!” I couldn’t see it, so she guided my eyes to the vulgar obscenity arranged there on the sign. “Look! Up there! Barney’s p***s!” I was shocked when I saw the words arranged on the sign. I quickly averted her eyes and escorted her into the store.

Since then, she has not stopped mentioning Barney’s p***s. This has shaken the bedrock of our family. I made an emergency call to our church’s pastor about this bombshell in my daughter’s life and he is unsure how it will affect her future.

This sort of sick joke is typical of unlawful teenagers across the country, but I just didn’t think the little town of Fallbrook was home to such hoodlums. I am frightened for my daughter’s future; she won’t stop bringing up this horrible movie title! I would like Daniel’s Market to apologize for traumatizing my daughter, and I would like the pranksters to know just how vile their criminal act was.

I’m sure that poor little girl is going to need years of therapy someday, but it won’t be because of Barney’s penis.

Found via Boing Boing.

15 thoughts on “Man complains his daughter was traumatized by Barney’s penis.

  1. I’m wondering what the original movie title was?  Barney’s Spine?  Barney’s Snipe?  I’m bad with anagrams.

    Anyway, did this guy step out of a time warp from the 1950’s?  Hoodlums?  Unlawful teenagers?

  2. Is the Daniel’s Market responsible for some wag rearranging a sign, does the father expect armed guards to ensure that signage can’t be changed?

    Criminal Act, wonder if it really is and if so what actual law it would fall under and what the penile code it come under?

  3. I made an emergency call to our church’s pastor about this bombshell in my daughter’s life and he is unsure how it will affect her future.

    Maybe they should both consider not making an issue of it and that way the girl wont have to endure the catastrophic psychological implications that are caused by seeing the word “penis

  4. No doubt it’s illegal to deface private property.  At I thought the guy’s response was a bit on par with Ned Flanders seeing as there are so many worse things his daughter could have been exposed to than a word on a sign. God forbid she see a word, better go home and sit her in front of the tv so she can get a good healthy dose of violence!

    But maybe it was the wind or something?  We’ve all seen those cheap marquis signs that have the easily interchangeable letters, the ones that often have letters fall out?  Maybe it was that type of sign, and some of the letters fell out?  That’s why I was wondering what the sign was supposed to say.  Anybody know, I didn’t see a reference to it in the source.

  5. Just tell the little girl: “It was just someone playing a joke on the sign.  Barney doesn’t really have a penis because he’s a cartoon character.”  Say it as if it’s a little bit humorous but not really important and she’ll forget all about it in time.

    Until SHE becomes a teenager, when the stereotype hormones kick in and she starts rearranging signs.  Horrors!  So much for the liberal approach.

  6. I wonder if he knows how many six year olds see stuff like that and grow up just fine without therapy?

    Eh.. I left a comment to that effect, for what it’s worth. It’s a week old article.  Maybe the kids stopped saying “Barney’s penis” in shopping centers.  smile I don’t know.. if it were my kid, I’d think it was hilarious…  I have been told by my father (I have officially pleaded the 5th on this) that I once while he and I were out I pointed at a very ah.. gifted young woman and shouted out loud enough for everyone nearby to hear “Wow, those are much bigger than Mommy’s.”  wink  And no… that wasn’t last week.

    Course that’s why I’d probably make a bad father…  I’d be in trouble WITH the kid saying “That was awesome!! Too bad Mom found out.”  smile

  7. Geise: What a fucking vagina.

    Nah. In the past, I’ve found vaginas to be extremely useful. Does ‘dead vagina’ work? LOL

    Sword: “Wow, those are much bigger than Mommy’s.

  8. Oh, this is HILARIOUS!  For one thing, I wanna know this:  if she learned to read from the Barney books, how the hell did she recognize the word PENIS??  Did she see it before in his books, or what?  Do they have it written all over their house? 

    And I can just see her now, gleefully chanting “penis, penis, penis, penis!” all day long because it gets such a great reaction from him.  “Shut up, honey!  You’re going to hell!”

  9. And I thought that I had a problem when my oldest son, who was 6 years old at the time, decided that his favorite CD was by Jimmy Buffet—and he kept singing lines from “Let’s Get Drunk And Screw”.  I think that what his mother and I did was the best thing to do; we did nothing except “lose” the CD.  He decided that he liked Billy Joel and Eric Clapton better.

  10. John, I have a feeling that laughing too loudly in public would piss this wanker off (to use your colorful terminology).

    On the other hand, a shower courtesy of David sounds like it may have its advantages.

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