Got my first email from a Flat Earther.

I’ve been running SEB for almost five years now and it amazes me that this is the first time I’ve ever gotten an email from someone who appears to be a Flat Earther. I suppose it’s entirely possible this person is pulling my leg, but… well, you decide for yourself:

Dear Les
 
After reading your website (stupidevilbastard.com), i found myself wanting to comment on your twisted worldview.

I have the greatest respect for you as a person, and i understand you been indoctrinated from childhood to believe in Evolution, Big Bang and we are alla Bananas, not to mention the world being “a sphere”, so i thought i would correct your understanding on one of the most important points in your physical life:

Our Holy Bible, which shows us the way of Christ, gives us a moral code to prevent us killing eachother (look at Communism), but it also explains the world. It explains in several passages that our world is flat, so how come people seriously, TODAY, believe its a sphere? Lets look a some fact about this:

If the world was round: We would fall off !

This is no Starwars, there is no magical “force” that keep us here, as told in Evolution. Our God made it right the first time, and made the world flat, so we would not fall off. Its terrible to hear this ignorant statements from Evolutionists/Communists/Humanists, and even from some Christians, that the “world is round”.

Dont you hear how silly it sounds?

Wow. I’m convinced. Hard to refute logic like that.

What the fuck are “alla Bananas”?

48 thoughts on “Got my first email from a Flat Earther.

  1. Wow. I just woke up and perused through this, and if it’s any indication, my day should be great! I don’t know what’s better, the faulty grammar, the tortured logic, the complete lack of scientific understanding, or the accusation that it is we “evolutionists” (and communists) who have been indoctrinated since childhood. Typical creationism, but it’s always entertaining to see one of its adherents display his true colors so pointedly.

  2. Well, I guess he hadn’t read very much in here if he thinks that you were raised to believe in evolution—he must have missed the whole part about your time studying the bible and coming to a rational conclusion for yourself.

    I’ve got to think this is a put-on. It just seems so over-the-top somehow. Don’t most of them at least try to appear rational?

  3. Flat Earther’s actually exist? Man, I thought they were like leprechauns…

  4. I’d like to say that he’s kidding, but I personally have met way too many people like this (and I live in NY, where I met said people, I’d really hate to see what it’s like in the south).  Given, the actual flat earth thing is not that common, but the rest is pretty popular among the fundy crowds that don’t want to think for themselves. 

    Actually, it was a statement in that vein that got me to start thinking rationally again when I was hanging with that crowd.  Somebody told me: “I prefer to let the Lord do my thinking for me.”  I laughed nervously at the time, but I think it’s pretty much the sentiment, even if those wiser than this person wouldn’t profess it openly.

  5. That is awesome! I am so jealous. Send this nutjob over to me at Atheist Revolution. I never get comments that good. Better yet, get this guy to Washington. He should be advising Bush if he isn’t already.

  6. Better yet, get this guy to Washington. He should be advising Bush if he isn’t already.

    Thanks vjack, that brightened up my morning!  LOL

  7. Hang on a minute…… I’m at a loss as to where to start.
    I’m going through the same thing, (beleifs) only at a much higher level of argument, with a university professor. (I think. I could be getting snowed there too!)
    But, rather than getting myself into an uncontrollable rant I will only make two points!
    First, if it’s a put on the guy is a genius and please send him to my site http://god-101.blogspot.com/ and:
    Two, if the guy is serious, tell him to go to the edge of his flat world and jump the fuck off!

  8. It is!
    You see you have a peanut butter (and bannana) sandwich, slip on the bannana peel and………  over the edge you go!!
    Allan

  9. Er…that was serious?  How does a flat earther explain images of the Earth taken from space?  Or is that some big heathen-y conspiracy?

  10. mac, how does a flat-Earther explain anything?  All you need is a pair of binoculars.  Stand in a harbor on a clear day and watch the ships sail out to sea.  There are lots of other ways to tell, but if someone believes, they believe and that’s the end of it (except for arguing until they’re blue in the face).

  11. Yeah, from what I’ve read of flat earth beliefs, everything that disproves their beliefs is a deception by the scientific community, similiar to the way the ID folks claim “evolutionists” have perpetrated a massive cover up of the “real truth” about evolution and the origins of life and all that.

    It just really breaks down to this.  Fundamentalists, be they christian, muslim or whatever, always need an enemy.  If one doesn’t exist, they either make one up or turn on each other.  In the case of the flat earthers and ID crowd, their chosen enemy is the scientific community.  The fact that pseudo-science and a general disregard, disdain for education seems to be on the rise in the US just means that these folks (more the ID and creationists than the almost non-existent flat earthers) will just continue to be able to fool the clueless into following them (and thus giving them money and pushing their shit on the rest of us through laws).

  12. The Flat Earth Society has it’s own website where one can find some amusing stuff.

    The space program is all just a colossal conspiracy perpetrated by Hitler and Elvis, neither of whom ever actually died.

    But we can address this problem with another campaign of terrorism aimed at rounding out all those who believe in a flat Earth.  Remember the immortal words of our imperious leader: “You are either with us or you are with the flat Earthers.”

  13. … alla Bananas …

    I think this is the clue that it was all a send-up although there’s absolutely no logic in my guess or anything to back it up in any other way.
    The Acromym BANANA stands for Build Absolutely Nothing Anywhere Near Anyone or similarly Build Absolutely Nothing Anywhere Near Anything.
    From Wiki: (person) a mildly pejorative slang term used to describe people who are “white” (Western) on the inside and “yellow” (of east Asia) on the outside.
    If the bloke’s for real, he’s a dick; if he’s taking the mickey outa Les, he’s amusing.

    Jack: Flat Earther’s actually exist? Man, I thought they were like leprechauns…

    I’m with you, Jack. LOL

  14. WoMD – Unfortunately, that Flat Earth Site is a total farce.  The small print legalese at the bottom gives it away:

    The Flat Earth Society is not in any way responsible for the failure of the French to repel the Germans at the Maginot Line during WWII. Nor is the Flat Earth Society responsible for the recent yeti sightings outside the Vatican, or for the unfortunate enslavement of the Nabisco Inc. factory employees by a rogue hamster insurrectionist group. Furthermore, we are not responsible for the loss of one or more of the following, which may possibly occur as the result of exposing one’s self to the dogmatic and dangerously subversive statements made within: life, limb, vision, Francois Mitterand, hearing, taste, smell, touch, thumb, Aunt Mildred, citizenship, spleen, bedrock, cloves, I Love Lucy reruns, toaster, pine derby racer, toy duck, antelope, horseradish, prosthetic ankle, double-cheeseburger, tin foil, limestone, watermelon-scented air freshner, sanity, paprika, German to Pig Latin dictionary, dish towel, pet Chihuahua, pogo stick, Golf Digest subscription, floor tile, upper torso or halibut.

  15. So if I ‘look at communism’ long enough I will manage to forget about all the killing of ‘eachother’ in the bible and committed by Christians (reformation, manifest destiny, etc.)!?

  16. Let’s take it easy on the guy, he’s fresh out of the obsessed christian think-tank and reality hasn’t set in to him yet.  Someone should simply link this guy to some sattelite (still cant spell that damn word) images of earth, and watch his face melt.

    Lets all take the ‘flat-earthus believerus’ species and push them from endangered to extinct.
    grin

  17. If he really is a Flat-Earther, I imagine he’d explain away images from space somehow.  If we could make vaccines that offered as much resistence to disease as fundamentalism does to truth, we could cure malaria and aids overnight.

  18. The space program is all just a colossal conspiracy perpetrated by Hitler and Elvis, neither of whom ever actually died.

    I suppose anyone who believes that the Earth is both flat and 6000 years old would have no trouble swallowing the idea that Hitler is now 117 years young. And speaking of Hitler, wasn’t he alleged to have been a flat-Earth believer himself?

  19. Flat Earther’s actually exist? Man, I thought they were like leprechauns…

    Well, you can’t see them because the are on the OTHER side.

    Oh, damn, they ARE like leprechauns!

    alla Bananas

    He’s talking about the blasphemous holy bananas our early evolution-whorshipping ape ancestors bowed down to.

    And speaking of Hitler, wasn’t he alleged to have been a flat-Earth believer himself?

    Not aware so. Unlikely in the strict sense. He was willing to at least indirectly fund research into some pretty fancy theories though, especially in the Hollow Earth and Shangri-La directions.

    The space program is all just a colossal conspiracy perpetrated by Hitler and Elvis, neither of whom ever actually died.

    So? And why do YOU think they ‘lost’ the Apollo ‘moon landing’ movies? Dunce!

  20. I just had a really bizarre thought! If this guy thinks the Earth is flat, he must also think that he – no wait – the earth, is the center of the universe. Next we will all go back to living in caves and eating nuts and berries so as not to piss off God!

  21. Moses – Yeah, I looked at some “legitimate” Flat Earth stuff awhile back, and it’s really bizarre.  Basically it takes a literal interpretation of Old Testament descriptions of the cosmos, so it ends up the earth is a flat disk, with the vault of the heavens over it and enclosing it at the edges like a big dome.  The stars are just lamps placed in the walls of the “vault” and the sun and moon move around the disc in a pattern that makes us see them as rising and setting (since the disc is so big, we get the effect of not seeing either of them when they are a sufficient distance away from us on their orbit).  The space between the dome and earth is filled with the atmosphere, they have an exact distance between the two, and the moon and sun are really small.  Above the dome is the water of the heavens, and the dome opens up to let rain through (ok, that last part they don’t claim (I didn’t see that), but I do believe that was ancient Hebrew cosmology).  Heaven is located above the water, and hell is located in the depths of the ground beneath the disc.  There is no solar system, galaxies, etc. so there is no chance of life outside of earth, according to them, it’s all just a contained system, kinda like god’s really big ant farm.

    Of course, this brings up tons of logical and physics quandries, especially considering they believe the disc is…flat. 

    I heard that the last guy pushing this stuff ended up moving out into the California desert and building a house to live off the grid.  This was back in the late 70’s early 80’s though, so I don’t know what happened to him.

  22. And sorry about the triple dipping (is that even physically possible?) but I found a Flat-Earth discussion forum here: Flat Earth Forum, but I confess I haven’t really looked at it yet.

  23. Has anyone read the membership form on the Flat Earther website?  Amoung other things they would like to know what your Favorite Radioactive Isotope is.  Not to mention a multiple choice question asking who your favorite historical figure is; Rasputin, Napoleon Bonaparte, Tony Blair, or Attila The Hun.

    Now, where’s me pot of gold!?

  24. All praise Wikipedia! Which has more than what you need to know about both Flat Earth belief and the Flat Earth Society, which is the last official organization to promote the belief seriously in the 20th Century. The last president of the society, Charles K. Johnson, died in 2001 and the current status of the group is unknown. The Wikipedia article also mentions the Flat Earth Forum, but is unsure on whether it’s serious or not.

  25. Heh, I haven’t yet needed the little blue pills, but I see what you mean. 

    As for the Flat Earth Forums Les, As I peruse them, I honestly can’t say I can tell if it’s a gag site that some people are falling for, or if it’s a real site.  There appears to be some true believers falling for it big time if it is a gag (which is absolutely no suprise).

    They do link to some really crazy scientific experiments that supposedly prove their theory (by proving the earth’s surface is not curved over a short, 5 mile distance…the diagrams of the experiments are hilarious).

  26. I heard that the last guy pushing this stuff ended up moving out into the California desert and building a house to live off the grid.  This was back in the late 70’s early 80’s though, so I don’t know what happened to him.

    Aliens got him! What else?

  27. Charles K. Johnson was interviewed a few years before his death, and he was the nastiest sort of fundementalist Christian.  The sad thing was he and his wife lived in absolute poverty after their house burned down.  Think I linked through TalkOrigins about a year back. 

    If Les’s little freind is serious then there is no way to convince him- anything he is shown will be CGI/fake etc.

    The Bananas thing is a evolution thing- common ancestry etc- those nasty evilutionists say we all came from Bananas- the monket thing one step further.  Terry Pratchett spoofed this at one point with Ponder Stibbons telling the Archchancellor ‘I’ve proved that banans are a kind of fish, and the bunches are just shoals’

    (PTerry- if you read this and say ‘No I didn’t’ Sorry!- may have been knocking around at the back of your mind though)

  28. Oh my god, I can’t beleive I forgot about the absolute best Flat Earth Model Ever – Discworld!

  29. And sorry about the triple dipping (is that even physically possible?) but I found a Flat-Earth discussion forum here: Flat Earth Forum, but I confess I haven’t really looked at it yet.

    I think FES is a form of FSM. I don’t think they believe.

  30. What are you saying?!?!  The FSM isn’t real!  But He Touched Me With His Noodly Appendage!  I myself recieved candy from a Pirate as a child!  I have seen the midget and the trees and the mountain!  It must be true!

  31. I saw a CNN report on the Flat Earth Society about 20 years ago.  At the time, they bosted 8000 members worldwide and attempted to prove that the Earth was flat by using surveying equipment on a dry lake bed.

    And I’d swear that Hitler and Elvis were lurking in the background somewhere.

  32. I think he means à la, like à la mode, or in the manner of “akin to” or “like.”

  33. It’s called gravity dumb ass the world spins while we rotate around the sun

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