30 Second Movie Review: Snakes on a Plane.

My father-in-law took me to an early showing of Snakes on a Plane today. I had no intention of seeing it in the theater, but my father-in-law has never met a B movie he didn’t like and no one else in the family was willing to go and he hates going to movies alone so I valiantly decided to let him pay my way. I don’t get to see many movies in the theater as it is so I figured I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, because there might be a snake in there.

Which is pretty much the lesson this movie imparts upon you is that you should never take anything for granted such as the airplane bathroom being free of venomous snakes or even the barf bag they give you. If you’ve seen the trailer—hell if you’ve read the title—then you know everything you need to know about this movie even if you managed to avoid the ridiculous amount of hype it generated on the internet when people who hadn’t even seen it yet still managed to actually influence how the movie was developed. For those of you who need it spelled out the plot is basically thus: Samuel L Jackson plays an FBI agent escorting a witness from Hawaii to L.A. on a passenger flight that the bad guy has managed to arrange a shit load of highly dangerous snakes to be smuggled on board that will be released when the plane hits a certain altitude. To make sure all hell breaks loose appropriately the bad guy has also had souvenirs given to the passengers treated with snake pheromones that’ll make them “hyper-aggressive.” Snakes get out. Lots of people die from being bit in places you really, really would rather not be bitten if you had a choice in the matter. A few people die from non-snake related injuries brought about by people being stupid the way they are often wont to be in an emergency, just to keep things interesting, and Sam goes into Bad Ass Mode and starts kicking snake booty all over the plane.

Shakespeare it’s not. It’s pretty much exactly what you might expect it to be. The plot devices are ludicrous and as long as you can accept that going in you’ll probably have a good time. Unless you’re like my wife and have a snake phobia, then you should stay home just like she did. There’s even a couple of pretty good “gotcha” moments in the film that even made me jump and I’m pretty jaded. If it sounds like the sort of stupid B movie you’d enjoy then you probably will and if it doesn’t then there’s not much about the film that’s likely to change your mind. Your decision on whether to spend a few bucks should be made accordingly. It was actually better than I expected it to be, but then I didn’t have to spend any of my own money to see it so that may have raised my enjoyment factor just a bit.

15 thoughts on “30 Second Movie Review: Snakes on a Plane.

  1. My brother takes me to the movies at xmas every year – I’m pleased the Snakes movie is out now and we won’t be going.
    I am a wimp when it comes to Horror movies or books.
    My imagination is far too active.
    I don’t have a great fear of snakes – I’ve seen a few.
    When I was a kid we lived next to the airport; on the other side there was scrub – we call it ‘the bush’.
    One day (I was about 6 or 7) another boy and I were walking in the bush and I asked how big the snake was that he and a coupla others had seen the day before.
    He turned back to me and said: About as big as that one there.
    The way I remember it is that about 4’ away from me was a snake all curled up.
    I ran home.
    I’ve seen a few since and I find them mesmerically fascinating.
    But being in a plane (even tho it’s a movie) … I don’t think my heart would take it.
    I wonder how many people are gonna die due to seeing this movie and having a hearty.  LOL

  2. I wonder how many people are gonna die due to seeing this movie and having a hearty.

    Probably none. It couldn’t be any campier if everyone had been wearing lace tutus.  It is absolutely not scary because it is SO unrealistic.

  3. Aaahh. OK DoF, you’ve convinced me.
    I must say I did like your little take on Sam although I wasn’t quite convinced it was him for among other reasons that he didn’t say MoFo early enough in the piece.
    MoFo – it’s not an expression widely used in Oz.
    I remember before I went on that holiday to Viêt Nam at the end of the 60s as part of out training we did ‘jungle training’ at Canugra. I recall an indoctrination class (we had lots of these to programme us into believing we were doing the right thing and peace on earth was up to us – laugh if you want but most of us realised war was a serious business – now I’m getting morbid LOL ) we had and we were told that Seppos used the term ‘mutherfucker’ a lot and that we shouldn’t get offended and … our response should be that if you’d keep you fucking mother off the streets I wouldn’t be fucking her.
    That got a clap. smile

  4. That movie scared the living heck out of me, but then again, I’m not that fond of horror movies.

    On the other hand, any man who gets their dick bitten by a snake deserves a big “OWNED” on their forehead

  5. udx: On the other hand, any man who gets their dick bitten by a snake deserves a big “OWNED

  6. Snakes don’t bother me much. I’m more afraid of crashing into the ocean… because I’d miraculously survive… bleeding…

    I’d prefer this line:
    “I’m sick of these mothafuckin wand jockies in this mothafuckin airport.”

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