Dumbest comment from a defense lawyer today.

A Michigan man by the name of Stephen Humphrey managed to rip his wife’s arm off with his pickup truck over the weekend and the news has been all over the story since. Seems this guy and his wife were having a fight when he pulled over in a huff and told her to get the hell out of his truck. She did so and then reached back in through the window to retrieve her cellphone at which point her husband stomped on the gas to take off and her arm got tangled up in the passenger seatbelt. She was dragged for a distance until her feet got caught underneath the rear tire and her arm was ripped off between the shoulder and the elbow. Not being a complete dumbass, Humphrey turned around and collected his wife and rushed her to the hospital for treatment and tried to tell police that it wasn’t his fault. His story was that he stopped to let her relieve herself while he drove down the road for no apparent reason and turned around only to find her lying in the ditch minus her arm when he came back. He said another car had hit her and took off.

So that’s pretty stupid and all, but not as stupid as what his defense lawyer is claiming:

“I’m saying he’s a hero,” John Gonta, Humphrey’s lawyer, said Thursday. “He made sure his wife survived. Whatever happened before that, I don’t know, but I’m glad he took her to the hospital.”

While I agree that it’s a good thing he didn’t just leave her in the ditch to bleed to death, I find describing him as a hero as being a gross misuse of the word and a rather stunningly transparent attempt to paint his client in the best possible light. Humphrey at least has the (rather poor) excuse of being drunk and angry for his stupidity, but his lawyer looks like an even bigger idiot for making such a ridiculous claim about his client.

Oddly enough the police have been unable to locate the poor woman’s arm or, for that matter, precisely where the incident took place. Meanwhile Humphrey has been charged with third-offense drunken driving causing serious injury and operating a vehicle with a suspended license also causing serious injury and could face up to five years in prison as a result.

Hero my ass.

14 thoughts on “Dumbest comment from a defense lawyer today.

  1. If appearances are any means to get a first impression by, the soon to be imprisoned husband looks like a real winner.

  2. Is that all I have do to be a hero? Give me the guys address… I feel a little heroism coming on…

  3. Les: Hero my ass.

    It’s usually sportsmen who’re referred to as ‘heroes’. LOL

  4. LuckyJohn, who are all the good-looking guys in your series of avatars?  Is that you?  Hubba, hubba!

  5. Holy shit.

    Ripped her arm OFF!! Fuck!

    I can’t even make an intelligible comment here. I just keep thinking about how it must feel to have you arm ripped off. Fuck!

    I need a whole bottle of whiskey, right now…..

  6. GM: Is that you?

    Thankyou and yes *blush*.
    In only about the last year I’ve tried to form the habit of smiling much more after noticing how
    a) people’s smiling faces lit up their whole persona and
    b) noticing that my own smile lights, and lightens, me up inside.
    Al Capone said: You can go a long way with a smile.
    Followed by: You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
    I don’t have a gun … the smile will have to do.  smile LOL

  7. John, you have a lovely smile. Your current avatar reminds me a bit of John Noble, the actor who portrayed Denethor in Peter Jackson’s “Lord of the Rings” films.

    Jeffercine: That dumbass comment runs along the lines of “You’re doing a great job, Brownie.

  8. You’d think that if the seat belt story were “true” the arm would have remained inside the car still tangled in the belt. Arm ripped off?! What about feet run over by rear wheel?!! AND arm ripped off! Pray for these poor dumb bastards in purgatory! I’ll need about a week to read the “Comment Guidelines”. -Cactus

  9. Thankyou Sexy Sadie. If I comment too much more it’ll go to my head.

    Cactus: the arm would have remained inside the car

    That was my first thought. We were both wrong. Amazing. LOL

  10. You have to try to get inside his thought process, if you can call it that.  First, he saw the arm and thought “Holy shit!!!” and tossed it out the window.  Then he though “Holy more-shit!!! If her arm was in the truck and she wasn’t connected to it, that means she’s back there somewhere bleeding!  I’ll be charged with murder!!!”  Thence the heroic quest to save his beloved’s life.

    His memory of the arm’s location may have been somewhat occluded by alcohol.

  11. Imagine the look you would have on your face when you walk outside to get the paper and find an arm on your lawn!

  12. In defense of his defense lawyer, I imagine that he’s hard pressed to come up with anything as a real defense so he’s forced to go with what he’s got – which isn’t much. And, no matter how idiotic anything he says to portray his client in the best possible light may be – that’s his job.

    Personally I think that defense lawyer is a hero, because he’s got to have known it was going to sound really stupid, and that’s all he had going for him and his client, but he was willing to sacrifice his personal dignity for the sake of performing his constitutional duty to attempting to give his client a fair trial. So the guy isn’t OJ’s defense team, or Michael Jackson’s merry band of lawyers…the guy who ripped his wife’s arm off probably can’t afford criminal justice superstars.

  13. Most attorney’s don’t need a lot of help to step in it when they have to defend some poor dumb bastard like this, their client has done all the work for them. It might have gone over better if the attorney sought his own second opinion before throwing that one at the judge. I think he sealed his clients casket with that “Classic”. I’d sentence him to life with his wife when she recovers and has a hook installed on her arm. What sweeter revenge could there be?!!!

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