Demonstrating your confidence in your sexuality.

Every now and then we’re called upon to demonstrate our confidence in our own sexuality and often this occurs in situations you might not expect such as at your job. Just such a situation happened to me yesterday. Seems the company had agreed to let representatives of a local credit union hold what they called an ice cream social in the building. Fliers for the event were pasted on various walls and cabinets around the building for the past week and it turns out it was less a social than an excuse to get a free pen with the credit union’s logo and phone number on it, enter into a contest to win some cash, and get free bit of ice cream.

Now the company I’m working for is in the automotive engineering field both in terms of actually doing engineering work as well as producing software products that are used to do engineering work. What I’m trying to say is that the majority of people in the building are techy geeks much like myself (though smarter and better paid in many instances) and if there’s one thing geeks live for it’s food, particularly junk food, and offering free junk food is just asking for trouble.

Needless to say the vast majority of really good ice cream bars being offered during the social were gone within the first two minutes of the announcement that it was underway. I ended up being delayed by a phone call so by the time I made it to the galleria the only ice cream left were fudgesicles and a classic from my childhood that was popularly known as a Bomb Pop.  I’m no fan of fudgesicles and the sight of the Bomb Pop brought a wave of nostalgia over me such that it ended up being my immediate choice without really considering the consequences of this decision. Because, as it turns out, the frozen treat I had so quickly snatched up while reminiscing about countless misspent summers of my youth was not an authentic Bomb Pop, but rather a competitor’s variation of it: Popsicle’s The Bullet Firecracker Red / White / Blue. In addition to the rather ridiculously unwieldy name this take-off on a cherished childhood classic had another obvious problem:

That’s right. It looks like a big patriotic dildo.

I hadn’t considered the idea that my choice of ice cream would result in me sitting at my desk sucking on, what might appear to be from a distance, a colorful sex toy. Coworker Dave was less than helpful in pointing out that “the tip is even red” when I mentioned my sudden realization of the awkwardness trying to enjoy this frozen treat was about to bring upon me. His suggestions for poses I could use for the picture did nothing to diminish the slowly creeping sense of dread I was experiencing as I contemplated the practicality of trying to eat it from the side the way you might an ear of corn. Ultimately I just decided to have confidence in my own sense of sexuality and just go ahead and eat it in the traditional manner and to hell with the awkwardness of it all.

If nothing else the jokes Coworker Dave and I passed back and forth about it helped to break up the afternoon a bit. It was, as they say, a source of great amusement for a good 15 minutes or so.

10 thoughts on “Demonstrating your confidence in your sexuality.

  1. I don’t know—is a guy eating a giant patriotic dildo building up or tearing down the moral fibre of this great nation?  Does it make a difference if it’s really a frozen confection?  And what about the children?

    Oh, the deep philosophical subjects you raise on a Friday afternoon …

  2. I think to be really funny about it, the picture you should have taken was with the popsicle going into your mouth.  red face

  3. That was one of the suggested poses from Coworker Dave. I decided not to take the joke that far. I had a hard enough time (so to speak) just getting it all to fit inside the picture as it was.

  4. I had a hard enough time (so to speak) just getting it all to fit inside the picture as it was.

    Yea it looks like you grabbed a big one! LOL  Ok seriously I apologize, I will shut up now.

  5. Yea it looks like you grabbed a big one!

    Heh heh, yeah, I was thinking: Somebody’s a size queen!

    Sorry, Les, I couldn’t resist. Don’t beat me…oops, sorry again, really.

  6. Ultimately I just decided to have confidence in my own sense of sexuality …

    Good for you.  Most of my straight friends are the same way.  They also have no trouble saying things like “Now that’s an attractive looking guy.  Is he your type?” 

    I guess if found myself confronted with a boob (or other female part) shaped popsicle, I’d just go for it.  Might surprise a few of those same friends.

  7. I think ‘eating it from the side’ is called ‘harmonica style’.

    I kid you not, the CAPTCHA for this comment is ‘member16’.

  8. I suppose a real test of sexual security is if one of your straight friends can say to another of your straight friends “Now that’s an attractive looking guy

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.